What does depression feel like?

Image: Dolce Far Niente by John William Godward

Dolce Far Niente by John William Godward

“It was not really alarming at first, since the change was subtle, but I did notice that my surroundings took on a different tone at certain times: the shadows of nightfall seemed more somber, my mornings were less buoyant, walks in the woods became less zestful, and there was a moment during my working hours in the late afternoon when a kind of panic and anxiety overtook me…” – William Styron, Darkness Visible

Sometimes the Depression Self-Screening Tests are just too clinical, and the symptoms don’t really “click” with you. Some of the criteria are general, and if you’re suffering from depression, specifics are easier to understand.

I know that I might not have diagnosed myself with depression just on the basis of those symptoms. I had no change in appetite, and no sleep problems (getting out of bed was what was difficult). Below are some un-clinical symptoms.

    • Things just seem “off” or “wrong.”
    • You don’t feel hopeful or happy about anything in your life.
    • You’re crying a lot for no apparent reason, either at nothing, or something that normally would be insignificant.
    • You feel like you’re moving (and thinking) in slow motion.
    • Getting up in the morning requires a lot of effort.
    • Carrying on a normal conversation is a struggle. You can’t seem to express yourself.

  • You’re having trouble making simple decisions.
  • Your friends and family really irritate you.
  • You’re not sure if you still love your spouse/significant other.
  • Smiling feels stiff and awkward. It’s like your smiling muscles are frozen.
  • It seems like there’s a glass wall between you and the rest of the world.
  • You’re forgetful, and it’s very difficult to concentrate on anything.
  • You’re anxious and worried a lot.
  • Everything seems hopeless.
  • You feel like you can’t do anything right.
  • You have recurring thoughts of death and/or suicidal impulses. Suicide seems like a welcome relief.
  • You have a feeling of impending doom – you think something bad is going to happen, although you may not be sure what, and/or…
  • …You have a very specific fear that torments you constantly.
  • In your perception of the world around you, it’s always cloudy. Even on sunny days, it seems cloudy and gray.
  • You feel as though you’re drowning or suffocating.
  • You’re agitated, jumpy and and anxious much of the time.
  • Your senses seem dulled; food tastes bland and uninteresting, music doesn’t seem to affect you, you don’t bother smelling flowers anymore.
  • Incessantly and uncontrollably into your mind comes the memory of every failure, every bad or uncomfortable experience, interview or date, like a torrent of negativity.

You may also be interested in:

How Depression May Affect Your Life
What is Depression (and What is it Not)?
Reflections on Depression
You Can’t Fight Depression on Your Own
My Experience with Depression

Please feel free to post your comment about what depression feels like. Please do not post:

  • Questions about depression and how to handle it. Go here for that.
  • Comments on how you think it should be managed, including finding God.
  • Requests for other people to email you.

Also, please do not include “triggers” in your comment. In other words, do not include specifics of self-harm or suicidal plans, as this might trigger someone reading your comment.

Please note that comments are moderated – if you post a comment, it will not show up until it is approved, and this can take a few days. Also, please note that I reserve the right to edit comments, in terms of removing anything that I feel is inappropriate. Don’t bother to give me grief about freedom of speech – this is a privately funded and managed website.

Archived comments in response to this article can be found here.

Share

2,139 thoughts on “What does depression feel like?

  1. I’ve been dealing with these feelings for years now. I am not diagnosed with depression although I have been experiencing these symptoms for a while now. Some days I have absolutely no motivation to get out of my bed, I feel sad, irritated with just about everyone, I have this constant worry that no one actually likes me and that none of my friends ever want to hang out with me, not to mention that I just get so mad at myself that I start to hate myself. Some days it’s just too hard for me to get out of bed, I usually will just lay there, feeling empty. I just feel like I have nothing good to offer in this world sometimes and I just don’t know what to do.

  2. To me it feels like constant drowning into nothing and I always feel to drained of energy to live life and have any emotions whatsoever.At the end of the day its always easier for me to not feel anything than feeling all the pain inside me.I have felt so numb for months now.I feel isolated from the world and completely lonely even if I´m with people…I have nobody to talk to about this, which ,at this point, is all I ask for.All I want is one real friend who I can trust and talk to without them screwing me over and judging me. But I don’t have that friend that I so desperately need and my anxiety of talking to anyone surely doesn’t help me make friends. There is no-one I can talk to about my problems and I don’t see another way out unless…well…death…but I couldn’t go that far, even if I want to.Its not like I haven’t tried cutting but I don’t want anyone to see my scars and ask me about it, because I simply can’t talk about it.

  3. This has helped me realise I AM depressed. I had a bad episode of dep last year- profound sadness especially Sunday afternoons,frequent anxiety attacks that left me sweating, and a world covered in shimmering grey… I did not want to see anyone. Mixing with people was painful- I felt like an outsider all the time. Then I was better,( with help of Ginsormin),but now I just feel helpless, nothing to hope for, bouts of low grade anxiety… that’s depression, too of another kind… Been reading a bit about reliefs.. going to try cod liver oil. I do not want to stay in this state for the rest of my life