What does depression feel like?

Image: Dolce Far Niente by John William Godward

Dolce Far Niente by John William Godward

“It was not really alarming at first, since the change was subtle, but I did notice that my surroundings took on a different tone at certain times: the shadows of nightfall seemed more somber, my mornings were less buoyant, walks in the woods became less zestful, and there was a moment during my working hours in the late afternoon when a kind of panic and anxiety overtook me…” – William Styron, Darkness Visible

Sometimes the Depression Self-Screening Tests are just too clinical, and the symptoms don’t really “click” with you. Some of the criteria are general, and if you’re suffering from depression, specifics are easier to understand.

I know that I might not have diagnosed myself with depression just on the basis of those symptoms. I had no change in appetite, and no sleep problems (getting out of bed was what was difficult). Below are some un-clinical symptoms.

    • Things just seem “off” or “wrong.”
    • You don’t feel hopeful or happy about anything in your life.
    • You’re crying a lot for no apparent reason, either at nothing, or something that normally would be insignificant.
    • You feel like you’re moving (and thinking) in slow motion.
    • Getting up in the morning requires a lot of effort.
    • Carrying on a normal conversation is a struggle. You can’t seem to express yourself.

  • You’re having trouble making simple decisions.
  • Your friends and family really irritate you.
  • You’re not sure if you still love your spouse/significant other.
  • Smiling feels stiff and awkward. It’s like your smiling muscles are frozen.
  • It seems like there’s a glass wall between you and the rest of the world.
  • You’re forgetful, and it’s very difficult to concentrate on anything.
  • You’re anxious and worried a lot.
  • Everything seems hopeless.
  • You feel like you can’t do anything right.
  • You have recurring thoughts of death and/or suicidal impulses. Suicide seems like a welcome relief.
  • You have a feeling of impending doom – you think something bad is going to happen, although you may not be sure what, and/or…
  • …You have a very specific fear that torments you constantly.
  • In your perception of the world around you, it’s always cloudy. Even on sunny days, it seems cloudy and gray.
  • You feel as though you’re drowning or suffocating.
  • You’re agitated, jumpy and and anxious much of the time.
  • Your senses seem dulled; food tastes bland and uninteresting, music doesn’t seem to affect you, you don’t bother smelling flowers anymore.
  • Incessantly and uncontrollably into your mind comes the memory of every failure, every bad or uncomfortable experience, interview or date, like a torrent of negativity.

You may also be interested in:

How Depression May Affect Your Life
What is Depression (and What is it Not)?
Reflections on Depression
You Can’t Fight Depression on Your Own
My Experience with Depression

Please feel free to post your comment about what depression feels like. Please do not post:

  • Questions about depression and how to handle it. Go here for that.
  • Comments on how you think it should be managed, including finding God.
  • Requests for other people to email you.

Also, please do not include “triggers” in your comment. In other words, do not include specifics of self-harm or suicidal plans, as this might trigger someone reading your comment.

Please note that comments are moderated – if you post a comment, it will not show up until it is approved, and this can take a few days. Also, please note that I reserve the right to edit comments, in terms of removing anything that I feel is inappropriate. Don’t bother to give me grief about freedom of speech – this is a privately funded and managed website.

Archived comments in response to this article can be found here.

2,072 thoughts on “What does depression feel like?

  1. Its been three years now. I didn\‘t realize that until I stopped
    smoking pot/other drugs and drinking an obscene amount of alcohol on the
    weekends. Even though that sounds out of control it wasn\‘t really to
    me at the time. I was simply not allowing myself to feel what was really
    going on inside. My depression feels like I am being suffocated. Like
    there is an anvil on my chest that won\‘t go away. Nothing has a point
    or meaning anymore. Such a feeling of insignificence, dirtiniess, like I
    am not even a person anymore. All I want to do is cry, but I don\‘t
    feel as though there are any more tears left to cry. Anxiety is an

    • My problem is that I can’t cry and should. I have a boyfriend who is never there for me. He works too much when he should be thinking of retirement. I’m alone a lot and I ask him to be with me and he doesn’t. He says he has to work to pay the bills. I have savings and he doesn’t. I don’t want to spend all my money on fun things to do and he doesn’t have money so what should I do? I thought of letting him go and finding a more financially worthy man but I’m so messed up from our Rocky relationship I have to get help to heal.

      • It’s nice to see that people are still posting here, somehow I ended up on this site and reading all this I’v realised I’m suffering quite a lot with depression

    • I think i feel the same way i have a cyst on my left ovary and im just overly depressed because it has come between my life as to i cant work and have to have surgery and its like no one understands u but u….

    • I don’t feel really anymore horrible ferry feelings. Bad thoughts that feel like people nt anymore people look strange to but I no who they totally gone from the world is there anyway back it’s a living hell

    • Omg I feel like you get everything I’m going through right now. I’m 15 and all I could wish for is some sort help like if I had drugs/alcohol to ease the pain. I realise you wrote this a long time ago and please tell me you are no longer feel this way to give me hope because I don’t feel I can go on this way for much longer.

      • I have learned by accomplish something I makes you feel like someone I pick up the guitar.and learned a few cords and know I sing on how I feel and the words are really wonderful.

      • Charlotte I totally understand, I find myself sometimes sitting and wondering if there was SOMETHING that could help me. I would open drugs and alcohol into my life if I could.I’m only 10 yes old but depression runs in my family.

        • Find something that you really believe picture it and improve it in someway
          Be someone that like itself .its a struggle.b utyou can do it.

        • Drugs and alcohol will just make things worse.

          Editor: While this is true, it’s also true that dealing with depression this way is a common and understandable response. Try to channel your depression into pursuits like exercise instead.

          • I exercise, workout,walk, eat healthy but I’m still alone so all the time
            Spent taking care of me isn’t helping because I don’t trust people because they gossip and lie and only look out for themselves. I hate going to work because people don’t work they see what they can do to get out of work.

      • Hey bro. at your age dont look for the easy fixes that others have. I can promise it will only exasperate your negative feelings and take you to the Dark Side of the Force.
        Little bro, Meditation of some sort, deep breathing exercises, walking amongst nature anywhere, try not to be alone to much (but be with the right people if you need company)
        Keep it simple bro.
        Im 43 now and helped many kids and adults along my way though this.
        Go down this path and you will succeed.
        3ps. Patients, Perseverance and Purpose.
        Thats my very long story in short.
        The world is yours, step up mate and take it.All the best wishes for you. Heart out.

        • Thank you mark for your words of hope, and I like the 3ps I’v just realised I’m suffering from depression after a nervous breakdown and patience is something I’m finding hard

      • hi charlotte i have had depression and still do but what you need is to tell your family how you feel and go see a depression therapist that can either listen to you and make you feel some hope in life or put you on something that will lift you up day by day 🙂 dont give up and hope u feel better

        • Ihave experienced severe depression and anxiety disorder for the past 13 years. They are the most desvastating crippling illness there is. I feel extremely fearful with successful people, like I am just a piece of shit that can’t even handle his own emotions. Life is not fair to us! John, hope you do well!

      • I too felt this way for months – alcohol doesn’t work — it only drowns the feelings temporarily and you wake up feeling worse. With help and support I got a “team” together and thanks to a 12-step program, a psychotherapist and psychiatrist who prescribed the proper medication, I got through to the other side. Seek professional help and hang in there; there is H.O.P.E. (Hold On Pain Ends.) prayers coming your way.

    • Wow I wish I could talk to u cause at the moment that is how I feel to the dot on weekends I get wasted till I lose my self the next day idk remember anything and I feel hopeless like nothing matters any more

      • I feel exactly the same with you except that I have been depressed for 13 years, and it has completely ruined my career, my marriage, my investment, I have nothing left, nowadays I can’t even get out of bed, they are not going to hire someone that doesn’t the functionality.

  2. I have been having depression all my life. Only intill 7 months
    ago,I tried to kill myself. I have been on and off prozac and currently
    not working But this has better understand depression I have.

  3. While I was going through my depression, I felt like I was living in
    a dream. Nothing felt real and it scared me. Everything I looked at
    looked fake and it seemed like I couldn’t touch it. It was a horrible
    feeling. My dad described his depression as “ black and white”. He felt
    like he was living in a world that was dull and boring. To anyone that
    feels this way I just want to let you know that what you’re going
    through is very scary and uncomfortable but it will pass. You will be
    happy and be able to live life normally. It all takes time and patience.
    Try not to get frustrated because the way you’re feeling will
    eventually subside. I wish you all the best!

    • Wow… Thats kind of similar to my depression.
      Everyhing was uninteresting, the whole world felt grey to me. And thanks for your words it did cheer me up a bit 🙂

    • I so wish this would end I am the only supporter of my family so I have to work but I long to enjoy life again and not be tired and scared all the time. The only relief I find is while I’m sleeping and then I don’t sleep well.

      • I feel the same way,, Its like I don’t have time to be depressed because I have to earn a living,,, yet, I am so unhappy with the stresses my life demands,,,It seems to becoming harder to cope

    • Candra, thanks for your encouragement, but it sounds like the depression you had was triggered by something and once you were able to work through it, you were ok.
      It isn’t the case with many depressed people. Many of us are born with it, or at least have had it for as long as we can remember.
      The feeling will not pass. It is part of us. The only thing we can do is deal with it the best way we can.
      For some that means taking medication every day. For others, it means going to therapy, for many it is both, and for many more, it is nothing, just suffering, and going through the motions of life.
      Thanks again Candra, I’m happy for you, but don’t assume that with “time and patience” everyone’s depression will just magically float away.

      • You took the words right out of my mouth, for some of us its a never ending battle. I also have bipolar disease.

        One of the biggest things that helped me, was to accept the fact that yes I was born with this. Acceptance is a really big factor in feeling better. I have learned to kinda screen my thoughts. I ask myself is that my depression or bipolar making me think these things, and learn to separate thoughts that my depression, and bipolar issues cause from my true thoughts and feelings. Of course my daily regiment of medication helps to.

        I hope you are doing well.

      • Hi Becky,
        It was so good to read your comment. I do feel like I was born with this. And yes, I have had to say to myself this is part of me. I’ve been on different medications for many years now. They help to an extent, but as someone said I do feel like there is such a heavy weight (literally) on my chest. Sometimes it’s heavier, sometimes a little lighter. I just wanted to say thank you. Your thoughts made me feel better. Xoxo

      • You are right, I’ve been depressed all my life! I have no desire to do absolutely nothing and i feel so bad because is affecting my life with my children. I feel my life is meaningless and that the world would go on just fine without me in it. I’m tire of my life, every single day is a struggle and I’m always asking myself why can’t I be like my husband who lives his life to the fullest.

      • I don’t know what’s wrong I cry and cry I fell so sad I get this rush like I am doing good then all a sudden it’d gone and I start felling down just that fast and I cry and cry

        • I started off that way crying crying raging then crying more I apparently have depression and anxiety I try to do things that increase my heart rate like yoga or exercise which helps a bit I don’t sleep well which makes the next day harder – I sometimes feel like I’m an actor in a boring play that has no meaning and that no one understands and I can’t explain it – I believe accepting you have a problem helps but everyone has to find what works for them I hope you find your ‘happy place’

        • Me too Cristal. I’ve had depression my whole adukt life. On been on a variety of medications that helped a little till they didn’t. I wish ‘normal’people can understand the pain we feel all the time. I feel like wasted space, a mistake, something that shpukd be eradicated. My life has been a waste. I have no family and really no friends. But I dont blame anyone. I think its hard to like or love a depressed person.

        • Mine is the same way. I will be having an amazing day and then put of no where I crash. It feels like I’m being punished for being happy. Things seem to be great for a couple days and then the rug gets snatched from under you. People ask what’s wrong and you can’t answer because you don’t really know what’s wrong. You just know you don’t want to feel like this anymore. You don’t want to be you again.

  4. I\‘m writing this because I know first hand how BAD
    depression feels. It made everything around me feel dark. It was like a
    nightmare. I felt locked inside my head. Like when my arm falls asleep.
    My consciousness felt dead. I felt like I was battling for my sanity. I
    had hyper-somnia. I could sleep 12+ hours everyday. All of it filled
    with horrendous sudo nightmares. I felt the worst in the mornings. I
    would spend my mornings beside my heater wondering if this would be the
    day that my wife had to commit me. I would worry about how my wife would
    get a long when I was in the loony bin. I thought about how she would
    serve me the divorce papers after several years of unproductive electro
    shock therapies. I kept going to the doctor thinking that I was sick and
    as soon as my physical body was healed my mental symptoms would be
    cured. All the while I never complained of a single mental symptom
    worried about the stigma associated with it. I couldn\‘t leave the
    couch. When I first had an onset of symptoms I drove around frantically
    looking for someone because I didn\‘t want to be alone. I felt like I
    had been dosed with an hallucinogenic substance. I felt hopelessly
    messed up and knew I\‘d be there the rest of my life. Things got better SLOWLY. I finally told the doc about the mental
    symptoms. I got the anti-d\‘s. I started sitting on my porch swing 10
    minutes at a time. Six months later I had a job. Two years later I\‘m a
    teacher. Yep, it still scares me but it hasn\‘t came back full on yet.
    Hopefully it won\‘t with the right treatment and lifestyle.

    • i feel the same exact way you felt but worse and its harder to deal with it when you have overbearing parents who are standing over and yelling at you to just get out of bed eat and do your homework, but i keep telling them i cant concentrate or remember how to do but they dont believe me and they say its all just an excuse to get out of bed and do your homework. So i try arguing with them when i can eventually think of what to say, but still it is no use.

      • Yeah i know that feeling when your paeents can’t see you’re really fucked. My mother kept trying to make me go to school every morning while i couldn’t get up and just kept crying. Took me going completely aphatic and not responding to her at all no matter what she did to realize i wasn’t ok.

    • Good luck to you I wish you peace. I suffer from anxiety & depression as well it is tough and a struggle your family loves you no matter how you feel I am.

    • Thank you you’ve just give me hope.sat here crying thinking things will never get better.seeing how things changed for you have give me hope .thank you

  5. It\‘s a struggle to do anything. Each part of my body feels like it
    weighs a thousand pounds. I ache all over and it\‘s so hard to feel
    happy about anything. My worst days, I can hardly wake up and I go
    through the day in a complete fog. I\‘m trying acupuncture now as I\‘ve
    tried meds before and I didn\‘t like the effects. Hope this works! Good
    luck to all of you out there suffering like me.

      • Depression is failure.. I’ve gone effectively hero to zero.. Major bread winner running everyone life except mine! A doctor 20 years ago would not believe Id had a stroke and for 6 weeks o was effectively ridiculed til I went to a better hospital.. Where I was told invasion lucky to be alive…as it was in the brain stem.. That has never left me so to counteract my doubt in myself I went a million times over the top.. Now I’m hero to zero.. Running a successful house kids.. And in the workplace..now after a couple of bad decisions n the constant struggle to get out of bed n carry this huge animal that is sitting on my chest barely letting me breathe.. Now 18 months out if full time work.. Now on benefits.. Something I never saw fir myself.. Even the ability to blink and breathe is n effort 100 job applications 20 interviews.. Feed back on all was ideas too experienced… I know they look at my left foot in an airboot.. Result of 14 surgeries in 7 years..they don’t want the hassle.. All I want is something to make me feel I’m doing something except ripping my family apart n more so me! Failure.. Nthe inability to succeed or to achieve ones own needs… Failure… Depression.. Dark dark days…the only thing not tipping me over is the hurt n guilt I felt when I lost my father..yet I may as well b dead as my boys have lost their mum.. All because of failure..all because of depression

        • I know exactly how you feel. The fact that you came to this website to speak your pain and to tell people how you feel shows that your worth something, so be good to yourself and hold that head up.

      • I feel like nothing I do matters to any one no matter how hard I try I fill like I am a failure I look my husband out and he a good man

      • At last – an up-to-date message.
        I’m a life-long depressive, Venlafaxine helps
        but not always. Being old makes it worse.
        I’d like to join a support group in central London.
        Best wishes to all of you.

        • Yes,Ithink this is something I too could benefit from.
          I am incredibly lonely,& isolated…I don’t talk to my children,because I don’t want to share the depths of my unhappiness.I don’t have a partner & have been single for 4 yrs.I have no extended family who care about me,they never have.I know I need to see a therapist, there’s a waiting list!Meanwhile everyone around me who does want to talk to me bore me, using me as a sounding board to talk about whatever they’re doing.or using me to support them with good advic…& off they go! So now I don’t pick up the phone.I’ve been prescribed Citalapram, & been told by my Doctor I am extremely Depressed & Sad…
          What is there to look forward to? I’ve failed at everything, as soon as things appear to be going OK, A Demon snatches away,unfaithfulness, & never knowing what it feels like to have someone to myself.Ive been told I am very attractive,& incredibly interesting,if I am why do people keep hurting me? Why do people,’friends’ Family ALWAYS BETRAY ME? I’ve given up on all relationships,its all hopeless, I’ve always tried my best, but now I can say I give Up…No Family, No REALLY Friends, never been Married, never likely to be,always approached by people with minimal prospects to offer,& if that’s not the case,they’re boring & non conversant. I don’t believe in God anymore, because he clearly doesn’t care about me.My lovely children so want me to get better, but how can they possibly understand this? I can’t share This! It would devastate them. They have their lives to lead, I don’t want to vomit all over it I so want to Die, but who would they have without me, I am the only Family they have
          I’m TRAPPED

          • Joh, I can so relate to all of your comments, I hope you are doing well, I’ve been in a major depression for a month now but have I’ve dealt with it most of my life .. I’ve had a lot of losses in my life loosing a daughter at age 15 to brain cancer and then her father 6 years ago in a vehicle accident, I recently lost my father which was very difficult for me .. I’ve been struggling for the last 6 years to move on without a partner, I thought I was doing pretty well, but day to day struggles keep me down to the point I have given up and don’t care about anything .. My friends have seen me in my depression many times and are somewhat immuned to it, they suck, so I have alienated myself from them as I feel they really don’t care .. I need to get back to work but each morning is the most difficult, especially when I don’t get any sleep the night before, when I do sleep it’s during the day and my dreams are much better than reality, I hate it when I wake up … The only thing that saves me from doing anything stupid is, my dogs & cats, second I don’t think I’d have the nerve to do anything .. I need to try really hard and get back to work before I loose my job, I’m working on that, but tht won’t make me happy, I’m not sure what will, other than meeting someone who can accept mefor who I am, understand me, love me and share a life with me ..feeling all alone is the worst, I was married for 27 years, becoming a single woman hasn’t been the greatest experience, my friends tell me I’m an attractive, witty, smart and a caring person and I’ll meet someone when I least expect it, well time is running out and this my worst fear is that I won’t find thT person …

  6. While there are many resources on depression, one that impacted me
    the most is the book, \“Blessings In The Mire\” where the author talks
    about her son\‘s suicide. Having myself lived with the effects of
    depression on an innate level, and seeing the detrimental outcome of the
    illness, I relate to this book. I hope some of you out there get a
    chance to read it. It might shed some light on what you or your loved
    ones are going through.

  7. I can more or less pinpoint the exact day that i knew things stopped
    feeling real it was 7 months ago even writing this now seems pointless.
    Its like im going through the motions, nothing bothers me, exites me,
    appeals to me even a walk in the mall doesnt get me going like it used

  8. When does it end? I ask myself the question every day when i go off
    to work and put on a happy face and come home and want to die the minute
    my real life hits me! Most people would probably laugh and get on with
    it, cancer, depression and feelings of suicide should not come into a
    normal life, this is why i do not feel that mine is normal and i need

  9. I can relate to all of you here. When I‘m not depressed I do not
    think of myself as a depressed person and do not like to admit that I
    will go through depressions where thoughts of suicide enter my mind.
    When this all first started I felt as if I was suffocating everything
    seemed much worse thn it really was because when my depression subsided
    and I thought back to the moments I felt helpless I remember thinking
    wow that wasn‘t that bad. It is not just an emotional feeling it is
    physical as well. My head felt like it was a thousand pounds and I‘d
    frequently get bad stomach pains. I‘d thik I was the most horrible
    person in the world and my therapist would ask me what have I ever done
    that would make me think that..I sat there blank..I had no idea but the
    feelings were real and very scary. After coming out I realized my whole
    family suffers from this. I thought no ..nobody feels the way I do..but
    after reading everyones comments I realize I am not alone and these
    feelings are very real but remember they are irrational! ALl I can say
    is that this will end ..you will feel happy again so don‘t do anything
    like kill yourself because it will end it will and you will look back at
    that moment and think “I am so glad I am here.” My depression typically
    lasts about 5 months where everyday I feel as you do. AFter taking
    medicine I know my thoughts are irrational and I try not to pay
    attention to them and continue to do the things I like to do because
    depression will not win!

  10. All i can say is this is the worse thing i have ever went through in
    all my life. Nothing feels real unless I am taking my neurontin, I am
    not sure WHAT that has to do with depression,
    b/c i am being treated for nerve damage. W/O this medicine I dont want
    to do NOTHING!!! I have never been a stay at
    home type person. I will do anything to stay in bed. I hate myself and I
    am not even sure If i want to stay married at this point…hell I dont
    even know if i want to live.

  11. I’ve been depressed and suicidal most of my life—I am just so tired,
    I could sleep all day and night if I could—but I am mentally and
    emotionally exhausted too. My head and stomach hurt almost every day.
    My hands shake, I move like a turtle, I think and talk like one too. I
    feel like I don’t “live,” I only “exist.” I don’t want to die, but I
    hate the existance. If I can’t
    live, then what’s the choice? I am so tired.

    • It could seriously be thyroid disease. Do yourself a favor and have your doctor check your thyroid. Shakiness, depression, exhaustion are all symptoms of thyroid disease. Your thyroid can really effect how your mindset is.

    • Hi Sally,

      My name is Rebecca. I feel the same way you do,(existing, not living.) I don’t know the right words to make you feel better, but please know that you are not alone, never alone. Can you think of one person that you could call when you are feeling very bad to help you center yourself and get back to a level of happiness that you would be comfortable with like a warm blanket.

  12. I have been suicidal and depressed for as long as I can remember. I
    have had suicidal thoughts for all of my life and even tried to kill
    myself once. I hate myself and just can’t seem to function on a normal
    level like everyone else. I am always angry with myself and have
    horrible thoughts like killing everybody and then killing myself. I can
    relate to you all here, and let me just say one thing. Keep fighting,
    and never give up…

    • Spencer, you are different than me. While I often have thoughts that my family would be better off without me, and that it would be a relief to not have to live this life anymore, I NEVER think of killing others then myself. Whoa buddy. Sounds like you are extremely selfish and do not see the worth of other people. The people around you do not exist just for you, you know.

  13. Depression feels like being a tiny gray dot in the corner. Nothing
    matters, everything hurts, especially the weariness, especially the
    darkness. Head full of lukewarm lint, so there are no clear thoughts. No
    energy, so it is exhausting to lift a hand to comb my hair, so I don’t
    comb my hair: it is too exhausting. Everything makes you weary.

    Depression feels BOOOORING.

    • Depression in the mist of despair you don,t even believe in god or prayer,the past dwells in the back your mind, endless nights of crying and no hope in your eyes, no one cares and people that you love hurt you over and over again, like a needle in your heart and you keep on giving in to them just feel accepted and loved. The sunshine shines, but it is always raining your life and nothing ever goes right

  14. Not much to add – you nailed it The one thing you missed was
    Sally’s quote “I am so tired”. I can’t figure out why I can sleep for
    14 hours and still be exhausted.

  15. Every single one of the above i am the same , i dont feel my life
    worth living , i hate life , i hate everyone aound me , everyone i see i
    could shout to high heaven at , i need help i no i do , i sleep for 12
    hours and then get up and go back sleep , i dont no what to do , now
    writing this ive started to cry , how pathetic , over me just writing my
    feelings to the world

  16. It feels like being in a dark hole, and not being able to get out.
    You can see the light far away, with no way of getting to it. I am not
    worth anything nor worthy of anyone, at least that’s how I feel,
    although my mind tells me otherwise. It is a confusing state, no
    happiness, no enjoyment, no fun, why am I here, only for my family I

  17. I feel like i am just totally numb to everything. I can’t do
    anything right and it is very frustrating. I find myself staring off
    into space and my mind is blank. I feel like I am nothing. I have
    dreams but I can’t function normally to achieve them. When I get through
    the day, I try and tell myself that I did good, but i just focus on
    what I didn’t do. I can’t remember ANYTHING
    except, that I can’t remember anything. Everybody is out to get me so I
    had better get them first. My mind tells me to go do something but my
    body just won’t pull it off.

  18. I don’t really want to “LEAVE”. It just
    seems as though my presence in this world doesn’t matter. I try to help
    people,but then they make me feel worse. I have lost hope in everything.
    I keeping waking up every morning and don’t know why. I’m sad and can’t
    laugh. Everything is boring and useless. I’m told to stop having “pity
    parties”. It’s not a party,I just hurt.My heart,my head, my body,
    everything hurts.

  19. I have only once before felt this terrible. I feel like a fake in
    my own life. I am despeite to be back to who I was before. I love my
    life and I am feeling like I an losing it. Nothing that I was excited
    about even as little as a month ago makes me happy- I got a great new
    job that starts in the fall and I am getting married this summer. I feel
    so terrible and fearful and sad right now that I cannot believe any of
    these things will happen and that it will be all my fault. With medicine
    and time and love I made it out of this before without destroying my
    life. I hope I can again.

  20. i wake up every day and i just want to die. nothing gives me
    pleasure anymore. my family get on my nerves and i just want to curl up
    and sleep and never wake up. i’m so tired. yet no amount of sleep can
    take the tiredness and lethargy away. i think about my death all the
    time. i feel such a failure and useless. what is the point in living?

  21. Up & down, wave after wave.
    The feelings surge with relentless power.
    Death must surely offer the respite from the anti social behaviour I’ve
    fallen victim to.
    I never viewed myself as a victim.
    Yet depression has claimed me for it’s victim.
    My will to live is lost…
    Trust me when I say this illness is real.

  22. All I can think is that I honestly don’t know. I don’t know. I
    should be studying for tests and working and focusing but nothing seems
    important. My brain tries to analyze everything but it just can’t handle
    it. I feel like I can’t even explain what’s wrong with me.

    • omg this is basically my life in a nutshell like i don’t feel like doing homework or anything anymore. granted homework can be tenuous and boring but even the fun subjects and classes i used to look forward to..now its like “whats the point”. i try focusing i really do but it all just soo ughhhh and boring and plain.

      • Hi Sarah, I feel the same way 🙂 jst like I lose interest at everything. Hope we’ll be all right soon (whichin my case idk if possible) haha

        • i have lost interest in almost anything that i can think of, i cant even stand watching happy and awesome movies anymore. And don’t even get me started about homework.

          • Im feeling the same thing…i get so angry when i see people happy n i don’t care about anything anymore

          • Same here.

            This morning I had the worst episode ever, where I so desperately wanted to die I would have endured terrible pain if it could only happen. It was a desperate want, as much as I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. I’m on Lexapro (just started 3 weeks ago) and wondering if it’s causing weird side effects. Just last night I was quite happy.

            This is a pretty brutal way to live.

  23. Everything is a catastrophe, even more so every bad thing that might
    happen. Nothing has any significant meaning, only suppressing my
    thoughts. I can’t be honest to anyone as to my real problems, I can’t
    hurt them (and myself in the process) with simply confessing I feel
    depressed, I keep up appearances and sort of die inside.

    I can’t cry, but I want to die. As I can’t hurt people close to me
    mentally by killing myself or others physically by choosing the only
    ways to commit suicide available to me (jumping from high up or jumping
    in front of a bus etc.), the feeling just boils over inside: I want to
    die but can’t kill myself. At the same time I just kill my emotions and
    keep a happy face on the outside: I’m locked-up. And drinking heavily as
    a cure doesn’t help the symptoms, just takes pain away a little while.

    • I hope your okay now, it has beem 4 years since you posted but I felt the same way! I even lied to therapists I talked to. But when I found the right one who I was able to actually talk too, as much as I was so scared too, leaving that day was amazing, I felt so good, and I was almost crying saying that stuff. But it just felt so good To have told someone who understood. And I encourage anyone to look for help

  24. i know the feeling of depression already,
    and i’m in 7th grade.

    i’ve been having addiction with self abuse,
    and even tried to suicide TWO times.

    i cry for no apparent reason, and always cry myself to sleep.

    i would rest my head against the windowsill,
    and blast the music in my ears, blocking everything from me.
    i would put on fake smiles, and
    laugh to be a two-faced.

    • I know how u feel Jenny i have to put on a fake smile to and I blast Music in my ears and I feel like I’m not good enough the guy I like told me he liked someone else and that really hurt me I feel like nobody will ever love me and that’s really hard.I have never tried self harm but it has crossed my mind so many times but every time I take out the razer I just can’t do.just know that ur not alone and stay strong

      • I can feel what you feel like because as a grade schooler, I also had problems with depression. I’m so sorry you are feeling these problems so young, but talking about it to caring people will help you.

  25. I am Extreemly sensitive and tear up every time I see an animal,
    (even fish), shut up in cages, (or bowls with dirty water). My heart
    goes out to them with such intense sympathy that I have to force myself
    to look away. It’s gotten much worse lately. I love animals but that’s
    not it, I don’t think.
    When I see them, I see myself. I also am in a “cage”, alone, with no
    one to undrestand.
    I am So tired of Faking life and conversation when I am with people.
    Every Single Day it’s the Same Thing Over and Over Again… God, Please
    make it STOP!

    • well i have all the normal depressed stuff then i dont smile i dont cry unless it is an extreme pain like a huge gash or something my other emotions have been dulled extremely my pain tolerance is insane i have become paranoid and anti sociole also anger is one of the only emotions i feel have not had a gf in 5 years and suicide is for pussies so yea i am fucked up.

    • You just described me EXACTLY. Down to feeling like I’m the one in the cage. It’s like I take on those feelings. And it’s very intense. I feel like I’m almost having a panic attack. I feel their pain and misery like it’s my own. And I feel that way about humans but not nearly so strong. It’s so awful. It torments me. I love animals but it’s too much. I can’t watch movies with animals in them. Not if something happens to them. People act like I’m crazy.

      • The cage analogy is right on. I’ve felt like I’m in a cage for most of my life. No escape from my own brain. Sometimes I get in my car and just drive…..thinking that I just need to get out. But you know that phrase “wherever you go, there you are?” Yep, that’s it. I’m always trying to escape, until I realize that what I”m trying to escape from is ME. And this feeling makes relationships damn near impossible. I always have this need for freedome and space. But what man is going to want a woman who wants to be left alone 90% of the time? And he gets the little scraps of me that are leftover from a prolonged depressive state. It makes my life impossible. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to feel stable enough to just enjoy things. All I want to do is lay around and sleep/watch Netflix. But I don’t. I work full time, take very good care of my 14 year old son. And I do it with a painted on happy face. People at work say I”m so much fun and they love working with me. If only they knew. And right now I can feel myself cycling down. So tomorrow, I’m gonna seem like a completely different person to my co-workers. I sux. I hate it so much.

        • Sounds like you have a lot to be grateful for. Your work mates enjoy your company you have a child. I was really unhappy, walking depressive, didn’t enjoy my work, got more down, negative and reacted badly to my situation at work. So coworkers, boss etc won’t rate me highly. To lift yourself up you should try exercis more, eat healthy foods, spend time with friends because although you are down it sounds like you are able to climb back up. Unlike myself I think I have done proper damage to my
          reputation at work and as a person for not reacting in an appropriate manner. If you recognise this I know it is easier said than done, but try your best to change your attitude watch positive affirmations instead of Netflixs. Believe me when I say you need to look after your mental health as mine has affected my whole life because thoughts/feelings negative can change your reactions and really would love to change mine to positive reactions instead of negative.

    • It sounds like you are very sensitive and care about animals. It sounnds like it is painful to feel that way, but Maybe you have those feelings because you are meant to help animals.maybe you know what they feel like and have a special gift. Maybe others who dont notice that are not as caring as you.

      Maybe ask the animals how you could help them and maybe in helping them, you will help you too.

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