What does depression feel like?

Image: Dolce Far Niente by John William Godward

Dolce Far Niente by John William Godward

“It was not really alarming at first, since the change was subtle, but I did notice that my surroundings took on a different tone at certain times: the shadows of nightfall seemed more somber, my mornings were less buoyant, walks in the woods became less zestful, and there was a moment during my working hours in the late afternoon when a kind of panic and anxiety overtook me…” – William Styron, Darkness Visible

Sometimes the Depression Self-Screening Tests are just too clinical, and the symptoms don’t really “click” with you. Some of the criteria are general, and if you’re suffering from depression, specifics are easier to understand.

I know that I might not have diagnosed myself with depression just on the basis of those symptoms. I had no change in appetite, and no sleep problems (getting out of bed was what was difficult). Below are some un-clinical symptoms.

    • Things just seem “off” or “wrong.”
    • You don’t feel hopeful or happy about anything in your life.
    • You’re crying a lot for no apparent reason, either at nothing, or something that normally would be insignificant.
    • You feel like you’re moving (and thinking) in slow motion.
    • Getting up in the morning requires a lot of effort.
    • Carrying on a normal conversation is a struggle. You can’t seem to express yourself.

  • You’re having trouble making simple decisions.
  • Your friends and family really irritate you.
  • You’re not sure if you still love your spouse/significant other.
  • Smiling feels stiff and awkward. It’s like your smiling muscles are frozen.
  • It seems like there’s a glass wall between you and the rest of the world.
  • You’re forgetful, and it’s very difficult to concentrate on anything.
  • You’re anxious and worried a lot.
  • Everything seems hopeless.
  • You feel like you can’t do anything right.
  • You have recurring thoughts of death and/or suicidal impulses. Suicide seems like a welcome relief.
  • You have a feeling of impending doom – you think something bad is going to happen, although you may not be sure what, and/or…
  • …You have a very specific fear that torments you constantly.
  • In your perception of the world around you, it’s always cloudy. Even on sunny days, it seems cloudy and gray.
  • You feel as though you’re drowning or suffocating.
  • You’re agitated, jumpy and and anxious much of the time.
  • Your senses seem dulled; food tastes bland and uninteresting, music doesn’t seem to affect you, you don’t bother smelling flowers anymore.
  • Incessantly and uncontrollably into your mind comes the memory of every failure, every bad or uncomfortable experience, interview or date, like a torrent of negativity.

You may also be interested in:

How Depression May Affect Your Life
What is Depression (and What is it Not)?
Reflections on Depression
You Can’t Fight Depression on Your Own
My Experience with Depression

Please feel free to post your comment about what depression feels like. Please do not post:

  • Questions about depression and how to handle it. Go here for that.
  • Comments on how you think it should be managed, including finding God.
  • Requests for other people to email you. Your email will be edited out of the post.

Also, please do not include “triggers” in your comment. In other words, do not include specifics of self-harm or suicidal plans, as this might trigger someone reading your comment.

Please note that comments are moderated – if you post a comment, it will not show up until it is approved, and this can take a few days. Comments asking for responses will be edited accordingly.

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1,673 thoughts on “What does depression feel like?

  1. I have had depression for well over 5 years now and it’s all work related, I no longer have the drive when I wake up, can’t eat properly, always tired, so I know what most of you are going through.
    the feelings are just chronic, negative thoughts, feeling helpless to the rest of the world that I call “happy people”, I sit on my own most of the time thinking too much of negative things, nothing feels bright anymore, it’s like I’m on a desert island overlooking the rest of the world being happy, people’s conversations don’t interest me in the slightest and I can see it shows on people’s faces when the look at me, I’m looking into counselling to see if that helps because the meds are not working, keep going people because the light at the end of the tunnel will maybe be visible one day.

  2. My whole life I worked hard and give it my all. I feel like all I worked so hard for has been taking from me. I’m at the bottom of the hill with no desire to go up to the top where everyone else is, I see them looking down and seeing me, and it hurts that no one what’s to come help me up. I feel like I’m just a problem to everyone I go around, like theirs no value in my well being. I could seat in one spot for weeks and not get one call to see how I em, no one well come check on me, I’m no one’s priority. When people do come around, it’s only to use or ask something of me. When I’m asked “how u doing” or “how’s it going” it gets so hard to speak I can’t say nothing for some seconds or mins, then when I finally could,I have a plain face and say “good” but really in side me, I just want to break down, cry my heart out, not because a complete stranger has asked but because someone close doesn’t care to ask me. I’m finding myself being sad and just wanting to sleep it all away more and more as the days go by. I’m missing the love.

  3. I am so depressed right now…. I’m so mad that I have anxiety and depression. It didn’t used to be this bad. I was once almost anxiety free… I remember those days. I would get anxiety about normal things, but I could handle it.. Like talking to people or doing presentations… I loved getting attention and was so confident. Now years later I gained almost 80 pounds… I am a wreck and I have no confidence what so ever. i can’t even get a job because as soon as I get an interview, I dont show up because I have so much anxiety and over think things. I do go to college, but I only like classes where I know I wont be pushed out of mt comfort zone. I tried taking a CNA program & I hd so much anxiety I had to stop taking it & i’m thinking about switching careers now because I dont like to be around people.. It causes anxiety. I have no friends. I used ti have many friends and had fun and was myself… Now whenever i’m with someone I have no idea what to say & I freeze and can’t be myself. When I talk to peoole I picutre myself as them and if they were looking at ne and listening to me and thinking I sound stupid then I forget what imm sayinf. Im slowly starting to lose myself. I have several job interviews, but I don’t think I can push myself to go to them then I feelike complete shit after I don’t reply back for a date to meet. People around me dont understand. I would love to go out and have a fun night or go to peoples houses, but I literally do not have the energy to do anything.. I’m tired all of the time. I feel like i’m not myself and why am I even living? I would never hurt myself, but mt feelings do get bad &. i have no idea what to do. I dont want to die, but these feelings are so much to handle. I hate this so much. I have been on two different medications and they so not help as much as they should. I smoke to keep my mind from wandering.. Which is something I never used to do. The thing that sucks is by me writing this it’s not gonna change things. It just helps in the moment & then i’ll probably go to sleep and convinxe myself to overcome my anxiety & then when I get pushed out of my comfort zone this will happen again. I feel like no one thinks like I do. I know i’m not the only one because I have read the other posts. I’m sorry this is a mess right now lol.

  4. -You feel as though everyone is playing your least favorite song. There is no hope your favorite song will ever play, and you don’t want to listen to the radio anymore for extreme fear that your least favorite song will play. Whenever you hear a song you tolerate, it slowly melts into your least favorite song. Every single time. Everyone is trying to play your favorite song for you so you cheer up, but you’ve decided to give up listening to music ever again.

  5. I feel like I am guilty for everything, and like I don’t deserve anything because all this was my fault to begin with. I’m never happy. I’m always trying to put myself in situations that I think will make me feel happy. Even when I do, I become disinterested. I used to love learning but now I could really care less. I feel so lonely. No one to talk to, no one I want to talk to. I feel like my life’s going nowhere, I don’t have any hobbies or interests. I’m not ‘great’ at anything. It feels as if the weight of the world is on me. So much pressure on everything I must do right. I feel as if life is passing me by and sometimes I feel like I want to rewind time and go back to better happier days. When I see others happy and enjoying things in life it makes me feel sad sometimes. I become distant and uninterested in things that I may have once enjoyed. I don’t want to be around others very much. I have no energy to do the thing I once loved and go after the things I want in life. I am not good enough to get them anyway. I just want to be left alone. I can’t talk about my feelings, even when I want to. I feel completely uninteresting and boring most of the time, which probably contributes to why I have a strong urge to avoid being around people or avoid talking to them. Everything seems unfair and it feels like everyone I know doesn’t care about me at all. The negativity is endless and automatic. It’s like the default in my mind, I can’t control it. When I’m having all of these intense emotions it’s like the world is closing in on me – all of my problems, everything wrong with me and my life, is suffocating me. It’s so overwhelming and tiring. It makes everything seem so unmanageable and completely makes me feel like I have no motivation. Because it’s too hard. I can stare at a list of things I need to do and end up doing nothing. How can I be so lazy? How can I be so pathetic and useless? It is confusing and angering how I can do nothing all day long and can’t seem to will myself into doing what I should be doing. I’ve never really felt suicidal, not directly anyway. I do things that I know I shouldn’t that are destructive. Or I do things to temporarily distract me from how I feel. Because I don’t care, or because I’m desperate to not feel like complete shit for a little while. I subconsciously sabotage relationships. Maybe to justify how shitty I feel about myself and my life. I don’t know. It’s like in a sick twisted way, I’m trying to make my world around me suck just as bad as the world inside me does.

  6. I’m 18 and today I am supposed to graduate, but I don’t want to do anything. I just want to lay in bed and disappear. I once looked forward to escaping school, but now I just want to escape life. I often feel alone because no one understands why I can’t just snap out of it, or no one suspects I’m depressed. I don’t see what I can do to make myself happy again and I don’t see a future without depression. I’m scared that one day I will really kill myself.

  7. I am only a teenager (15), so most people don’t take me seriously. I started hysterically crying after reading the first symptom, and it was for no apparent reason. I’m always on the verge of tears and my tongue’s always bleeding from biting it to keep the tears from slipping out. I cry myself to sleep every night just to get everything out, but it feels like I’m a glass case filled with nothing but tears, because after I cry at night, I just feel completely empty. I have homicidal and suicidal idealization a lot out of nowhere, but once again, no one takes me seriously. They all think it’s adolescent anger. My mom and psychiatrist blame my severe ADD and ADHD for depression and anxiety and anger because “I don’t know how to process my feelings”. But that’s not it. Because of the ADHD I can’t get the words out to tell them my feelings, so that’s why they don’t get it. I’m physically unable to tell stories or recall memories out loud, and most of the time in my head, so how am I supposed to tell people how I truly feel? That’s the thing. I can’t. I feel like I shall forever live unheard and unnoticed.

  8. Ive been depressed for months now on and off for years… i don’t want to go into my symptoms or how i feel, i just wanted to tell you guys and gals that may be reading this not to give up hope , keep fighting to the next day… i know that doesn’t seem possible ive told myself a thousand times ” how much longer until the fight is kicked out of me” but im in this game called life and im going to finish it, ive thought about suicide alot… and in the end i tell it too F**k off i wont go that way i will finish the game . dont give up , find something to live for , help those get past what you are going through. ill carry this cross i bear on my back and ill help anyone along the way who feels the same way . dont give up dont let depression win and take your life. finish the game , for you , for your family , for your children, and for your future self. you were made to be happy and you deserve happiness.

  9. I am older than most here, 59. Dread my 60th, as I feel I have gotten nowhere and done nothing with my life, despite considerable effort and therapy on and off since I was a teenager. Never married, no kids, unemployed. Don’t want to live the rest of my life like this but hopeless it will get better. In the past, I’ve staved off this feeling by having “a plan” — different job, different city, back to school, etc. Today I feel like I’ve tried it all and have no plan.

    If you say you are suicidal, you can get immediate help, often for free. But if you say you feel absolutely terrible about yourself and have no hope for the future, you’re told “Sorry, I’m not taking new clients” or “That will be $180 an hour.” The only comfort is that on some level, I know it’s a disease, and as such, is treatable.

  10. I feel bad commenting on here, but most people don’t understand. I hope I don’t discourage all these younger people on here from trying for help.

    I’m 50 years old this year, and have felt depressed for as long as I can remember. I’ve taken med after med, and they all stop working. I’m functional for the most part, but I don’t know how. I wish I could just get so bad that I can’t get out of bed, but my responsibilities force me out the door in the morning.

    I feel like a fake at work; people tell me I’m good at it, but I always feel stupid, and am waiting to get outed as such. I’m overweight, and I’m starving all the time, and I totally “get” that it’s not food I’m hungry for, but that’s what’s there. I’m so terribly lonely, but I don’t do anything about it. When I do go out with people, I feel so uncomfortable inside myself that I’m sure I turn people off. People say nice things about me, but I can’t internalize any of that.

    I live with a partner that I don’t love anymore, but I can’t leave him because he’s all I have. He’s the only “family” I have. I can’t find anyone else because I’m still here, and I don’t deserve better anyway. I can’t watch many TV shows and movies because I can’t stand to see them feeling passion, and I know that I never will.

    I feel completely hopeless and that I can’t be “fixed”. I feel that things will never get better. I feel like I’m going crazy. I keep saying that I can’t live like this anymore, but I’m more afraid of the truth, which is that I could very well go on and on like this for the rest of my life.

  11. I feel bad commenting on here, but most people don’t understand. I hope I don’t discourage all these younger people on here from trying for help.

    I’m 50 years old this year, and have felt depressed for as long as I can remember. I’ve taken med after med, and they all stop working. I’m functional for the most part, but I don’t know how. I wish I could just get so bad that I can’t get out of bed, but my responsibilities force me out the door in the morning.

    I feel like a fake at work; people tell me I’m good at it, but I always feel stupid, and am waiting to get outed as such. I’m overweight, and I’m starving all the time, and I totally “get” that it’s not food I’m hungry for, but that’s what’s there. I’m so terribly lonely, but I don’t do anything about it. When I do go out with people, I feel so uncomfortable inside myself that I’m sure I turn people off.

    I live with a partner that I don’t love anymore, but I can’t leave him because he’s all I have. He’s the only “family” I have. I can’t find anyone else because I’m still here, and I don’t deserve better anyway. I can’t watch many TV shows and movies because I can’t stand to see them feeling passion, and I know that I never will.

    I feel completely hopeless and that I can’t be “fixed”. I feel that things will never get better. I feel like I’m going crazy. I keep saying that I can’t live like this anymore, but I’m more afraid of the truth, which is that I could very well go on and on like this for the rest of my life.

  12. I just graduated from high school and am extremely depressed. I’ve felt this way for about 3 or 4 years. High school sucks in general but depression makes it even worse.
    In the eighth grade I was the happiest kid. I was dating the hottest girl in my school, star basketball player and a likable kid. My freshman year I got benched in basketball and became minutely depressed. I still interacted with my friends and was “normal”.. I moved after my freshman year to a small school and became even more depressed. About a year after I moved my brother died of a drug overdose. This was the event that sent me into a clinical depression. The thing about depression is people try to understand why you act the way you do. It’s a frustrating process for me. It’s like I’ve been robbed of the awesome and likable person I was. The school I graduated from, nobody liked me. I had no close friends and I was miserable. Even my old friends I could trust with my life don’t feel close anymore. When I’m with my friends, I mostly wander in my mind which messes up my social skills. People who only know the depressed version of me believe I’m an awkward or cocky person. I rarely feel like talking or interacting with people. Friends come over and I feel like not talking but I start to talk because I feel uncomfortable and it makes things awkward. Nobody ever reaches out to me to hang out like they used to. No matter what made me depressed, I don’t care. Nobody should have to feel this way.

  13. I feel so depressed right now after high school, I just wish there was somebody saving me from this prison state I am having in the school I am studying now.

  14. is remarkable that reading all these comments and knowing that I’m not alone still doesn’t make me feel better. Actually I am alone. Never been married. Relationships seem so irrational an impossible. People do all these horrible things to one another and yet they go on so arrogantly. All you here out of people to day is that its never their fault. I don’t care so much I agree even if I don’t believe them. Now I’m a liar because I’ll lie to get people to leave me alone. I’m so sad I have this beautiful friend on four legs and he’s getting old. I pet him and act joyous though I don’t feel it anymore but I’m thankful that is what he believes. I love my friend. I pretend to be happy around people not just because I don’t want them to think there is something wrong with me but because I really don’t want to afflict them with me. I attend my hobby’s discipline but I don’t feel joy doing them anymore I might gettuh kick from adrenaline but the best thing about them is they divert my attention and the greatest thing is how some people are so happy just to watch me fly my planes and helicopters. My boss is a narcissist with a histrionic complex and OCD. Sometimes we think he takes aderall for an edge. I don’t know why he hangs on to me I would have fired me a long time ago. Of course it would probably be the best thing or quit but I have no skills. And why would I want to work for another guy it may be another rotten banana but they all taste the same. I often wonder why it seems I’m the only one that notices that in america the currency is not the dollar but other peoples self esteem. That’s why our country is so full of bullies and braggarts. I’m not jealous at one time I may have wanted that kind of stuff but that was before I noticed what a trap it is. And just why is it people have bought into this idea of the American Dream. Its nothing but a turd painted gold and dangled in front of people. Then all they have to do is convince you aren’t a whole person unless you have one. And people are buying all these lies. It is sad the american dream isn’t being at least content and having the empathy to hope the same for everyone. And the bigotry! Hate may be slowly being bled out of race but its moved on to junk like iphones or what car you drive or music you listen to. Everyone has lost the ability to think like the following; “That guy is listening to music and singing to it. I HATE that music. But he is enjoying it and for that I’m happy.”. Oh could I go on and I even wonder after having given up on praying because little by little you ask God can’t you just tell me you love me? And he doesn’t. Then you tell others about how you feel and they give you all this bs about how you must have done something wrong. Or you don’t want to hear the words. Or you’ve asked for something you don’t deserve where why who cares I think anyone could tolerate anything if they just heard God saying I love you. And then it gets worse because your not jealous, but you wonder how this jerk is giving you pious answers is God seriously telling him that he loves him but not me. And they get so mad because it doesn’t work you something is wrong. HAH no. I just was waiting for an answer from a God that I believe can stand on his own to feet and not have his words conveyed to me by bigot. J don’t know why but this helped a little.

  15. Im a twenty two year old female. I have always had issues with anxiety which triggers my depression. Im very spiritual and also into science. Or so I thought. This summer i started delving into learning and usually i love learning. Until may of this year i should say. I have become terrified. Completely terrified of learning and i find myself worrying so much about the world, whats going on, and how i have no control. i dont live anymore I worry. I dont feel anymore i worry. My emotions are numb, my extremities are numb, i have an extreme battle going on in my head, ever since i looked into religion. I wasnt raised with it and have always just followed a good code of morals On my own, nobodys perfect but generally, im a good person. It wasnt until i thought it was time to start learning about spiritualy that i started to doubt myself. Now i cant stop thinking about all this crazy shi* about afterlife, doomsday, what we are doing to the planet, prophecies,death, despair, god, jesus, right, wrong, heaven, hell, universe. It sucks. I have so much anxiety that i dont even feel human anymore. I dont even feel like i exist. i have no interest in whats going on right in front of me Anymore. Im constantly worried. I dont feel suicidal, just horrible. I dont enjoy tv, learning, taking walks, cooking, reading, sex, conversations, shopping, cleaning, my art, my friends, im distant from everyone, all things i know i love. It seems like love has left the building. Stretching in the morning doesnt feel good. I cant sleep well, my brain feels weird, fuzzy and distant. Ive lost most faith. And i find myself missing enjoyment, in the slightest. is it time to seek help? Im aftaid medication will have negative affects. I feel alone. i want my life back.

  16. I’m 20 & have been denying that I’ve been in depression for months.
    Happiness does not exist. There is no hope. I don’t eat enough. Very few things get me through the days but the urge to commit grows stronger day by day.
    I have no tolerance anymore. Crying is just a normal reaction to everything now. Escaping in any form helps.
    The depression is weighing me down. I feel extremely awkward trying to give a polite smile to anyone as it takes even more effort to do that.
    I don’t know what to do anymore.

  17. Well reading all these comments made me feel worse. I have been struggling with anxiety and fear for 6 months and I guess I’m also depressed. I can completely identify with feelings of hopelessness and not wanna to go on.the only thing that gives me a little hope is my relationship with Jesus christ. I pray everyday for him to free me from this and in my heart I believe he will. I always felt since I’m Christian I shouldn’t be feeling. Like there is no hope. God allows everything for a reason and hope soon I will find that reason. God bless you all

  18. I have had depression since I was twelve, and honestly it’s like I am unimportant and meaningless to society, and my death would mean nothing. I have attempted suicide once, but I never will again- no matter how hard it gets. I just wish I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I’m slipping down the hole depression is more and more everyday.

  19. I’m 33 and my first real serious girlfriend left me in february after we moved in together a couple of months before. I never imagined this would happen, we were not fighting… I had my vices that I should have stopped but I thought she would complain upfront if it was becoming a problem.

    I’ve also been dealing with chronic pain for a long while that seemed to go away when I take anti-depressants, but I never saw myself as dealing with depression per say. But now since the breakup, I don’t function anymore. My mind is blank, I lost all hope. I don’t know what to do with myself, I don’t smile, I can’t sleep, I don’t really want to eat most times. Lost 35 pounds since february. I think about suicide everyday I feel it’s the only solution because I don’t see at all how I’ll ever be able to be somewhat me again, be able to work and maybe possibly meet someone again because right now I just look like a nutcase.

    I never read about depression before and I always thought it was just being sad for a little while. Boy was I wrong, it’s the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. The hopelessness, the anxiety. Yesterday I was with good friends and I just could not bare being around them, I had to leave. I feel bad no matter where I am. Days lasts forever, nights even longer because unless I take meds I can’t sleep.

    What a nightmare of a disease. I’m still unsure I’ll make it through. I’m on work leave and I feel like I’m just spending my days slowly building the willpower to off myself because the pain is just too much.

    That’s what depression feels like for me.

  20. I feel like no one loves me. I feel like tears is d only option to communication. I just wanna be alone. I just feel life isn’t treating me right! it makes me more sad when I see people happy. I have dreams and aspirations Buh my depression is killing it little by little till I am l left with nothing.

  21. I’ve had depression and anxiety since I was a teenager; I’m 45. I made bad decisions by resorting to drugs and alcohol for relief. I managed to become outwardly successful with a professional career and financial security. The fact that I was so unhappy despite all of that baffled my family and friends. I felt like I faked my way to any accomplishment. I envied every person I saw at a store or any place, because I felt that they were happier than me; I still do. In these comments, there is a theme of loss, because that’s all depression will allow me to see…loss. I feel it viscerally. Dull ache in my head, tightness in my chest, a fullness in my throat, and a dull pain in my stomach; none so bad to indicate a real ailment, but enough to make me aware that I don’t feel “right.” I used substances, even those I didn’t enjoy, because I wanted to feel anything else than depressed. Of course that just put me on an endless cycle of more grief, guilt, and shame. In 3 years, I’ve lost my job,marriage,home, and most of my financial security. Truth be told, depression clouds my thoughts at recovering some of those losses, because I feel that all that awaits me is more depression. I’m on meds and they help to an extent, but I certainly feel no joy and excitement. I’m clean and sober for 2 years and today, have no desire to go back. No matter how much I change the outside, my insides feel sad and empty much of the time. If I didn’t have 2 great kids, I would have already jumped off the nearest tall bridge
    I relate to some if not all the feelings expressed here, no matter the differences in age and circumstance. I just go on minute to minute, day to day, hoping things my mood improves. Thanks for reading and I hope for better things for you…and myself.

  22. Hi,
    I am in love with a guy who is my collage friend. He is very nice,caring and loving person. I recently told my parenta about my love. They told me that he is a very nice guy but they will not agree for our wedding as he belongs to a different caste.my father also told me that I will have to choose between my parents or my love as he cannot face the society if I marry a person from a different caste person. I am in love from past four years and cannot leave him and also cannot leave my parents as I like them very much and also they are old. I cannot even imagine a different person as my husband. I feel do depressed and lost interst in life. Started crying for all small things. Please help me.

  23. It’s like being really numb. I’ve been in and out of self diagnosed depression for about 5 years now, with some stable years in the middle, which now when I think about weren’t necessarily “stable” but just better tHan a depressive state which is making me wonder if maybe it’s manic depression.

    But then.. ive been on a downward spiral since about 10months. I was holding on by a last thread, but when I lost that relationship, it became a lot harder to hold on and I hit sudden crash. It feels like nothing is right. Nothing can become right because there are no options left. I feel numb to everything. I wake up too early but can’t leave bed because. .. what then? Everything hurts. All the time. There is either too mcuh fear in life or no fear at all, neither of which feels okay but then nothing has felt okay. It’s only felt less and less okay with time.
    I don’t feel as hopeless this time because I was saved last time, by love. And I rembr that. And I hope I never forget. That this is just temporary. And we must wait it out.

  24. I connect most strongly with what Chelle said, and borrowed some of her words.
    I have felt depressed for as long as I can remember – it’s the norm. I’m functional for the most part, its more routine than anything. I have a good job, and have had promotions over the years, I make a good living (double the median income for my city) and have my own house but beyond that my life is empty. I accomplish those things primarily because otherwise I would live on the street – never married, no kids, nowhere else to land but what I provide for myself. That’s all that gets me out of bed and out the door in the morning. On weekends sometimes I can’t even get myself to leave the house.
    I’m very good at what I do but I have hit a glass ceiling because I sabotage myself. People tell me how good I am but I always feel like they are saying that just so I will continue to take care of things for them and go beyond. I’m a workhorse. I’m overweight, and I’m starving all the time, and I totally “get” that it’s not food I’m hungry for, but hormonally I can’t resist. Now my weight has become part of my shield to keep me invisible and “safe” from scary attention. I haven’t dated in over 20 years. I’m sometimes terribly lonely, but I don’t do anything about it and most of the time I tell myself I don’t want others around because I need “down time” but I’ve had 30 years of down time. When I do go out with others, I feel so uncomfortable and like a 3rd wheel. I have no stories to tell about good things going on in my life. People say nice things about me, but I can’t internalize any of that, I shrug it off. Most of the time I just don’t show up to things I’m invited to because I can’t get myself to go or I get so sad or teary about going or how awful I look and that I have nothing to contribute.
    I have no goals and no drive to change things, and I am scared that things will never get better. I keep saying that I can’t live like this anymore, but I’m more afraid of the truth, which is that I could very well go on and on like this for the rest of my life. I frequently think of the expression “keep on doing what you always do and you’ll keep on getting what you always get” but I don’t know how to break the cycle. Even writing this, there were a couple of times I got teary-eyed but mostly I feel nothing.

  25. hi their its` very deprested with nothing to do dureing the day time as liverpool is not avery good council at all and does c`ater at all for people who have asberges syn drome as people and their are 95 oooo people in the uk with out any support at all just l left at home to do \all day and does not help\you at all \and not good if you do nt meet the critria for servces and under the white paper evauling peoople 21st century at all \as they have cut all the day care servces down and its niot good with nothing to do all day at all and when you have hjad acommnity care asement off your jneeds dione you dont qualify fior acommnitry care assement off your needs at all as well iot does causze you to have deprestion and very un well from dave 5 walton breck road walton l40rb

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