What does depression feel like?

Image: Dolce Far Niente by John William Godward

Dolce Far Niente by John William Godward

“It was not really alarming at first, since the change was subtle, but I did notice that my surroundings took on a different tone at certain times: the shadows of nightfall seemed more somber, my mornings were less buoyant, walks in the woods became less zestful, and there was a moment during my working hours in the late afternoon when a kind of panic and anxiety overtook me…” – William Styron, Darkness Visible

Sometimes the Depression Self-Screening Tests are just too clinical, and the symptoms don’t really “click” with you. Some of the criteria are general, and if you’re suffering from depression, specifics are easier to understand.

I know that I might not have diagnosed myself with depression just on the basis of those symptoms. I had no change in appetite, and no sleep problems (getting out of bed was what was difficult). Below are some un-clinical symptoms.

    • Things just seem “off” or “wrong.”
    • You don’t feel hopeful or happy about anything in your life.
    • You’re crying a lot for no apparent reason, either at nothing, or something that normally would be insignificant.
    • You feel like you’re moving (and thinking) in slow motion.
    • Getting up in the morning requires a lot of effort.
    • Carrying on a normal conversation is a struggle. You can’t seem to express yourself.

  • You’re having trouble making simple decisions.
  • Your friends and family really irritate you.
  • You’re not sure if you still love your spouse/significant other.
  • Smiling feels stiff and awkward. It’s like your smiling muscles are frozen.
  • It seems like there’s a glass wall between you and the rest of the world.
  • You’re forgetful, and it’s very difficult to concentrate on anything.
  • You’re anxious and worried a lot.
  • Everything seems hopeless.
  • You feel like you can’t do anything right.
  • You have recurring thoughts of death and/or suicidal impulses. Suicide seems like a welcome relief.
  • You have a feeling of impending doom – you think something bad is going to happen, although you may not be sure what, and/or…
  • …You have a very specific fear that torments you constantly.
  • In your perception of the world around you, it’s always cloudy. Even on sunny days, it seems cloudy and gray.
  • You feel as though you’re drowning or suffocating.
  • You’re agitated, jumpy and and anxious much of the time.
  • Your senses seem dulled; food tastes bland and uninteresting, music doesn’t seem to affect you, you don’t bother smelling flowers anymore.
  • Incessantly and uncontrollably into your mind comes the memory of every failure, every bad or uncomfortable experience, interview or date, like a torrent of negativity.

You may also be interested in:

How Depression May Affect Your Life
What is Depression (and What is it Not)?
Reflections on Depression
You Can’t Fight Depression on Your Own
My Experience with Depression

Please feel free to post your comment about what depression feels like. Please do not post:

  • Questions about depression and how to handle it. Go here for that.
  • Comments on how you think it should be managed, including finding God.
  • Requests for other people to email you.

Also, please do not include “triggers” in your comment. In other words, do not include specifics of self-harm or suicidal plans, as this might trigger someone reading your comment.

Please note that comments are moderated – if you post a comment, it will not show up until it is approved, and this can take a few days. Also, please note that I reserve the right to edit comments, in terms of removing anything that I feel is inappropriate. Don’t bother to give me grief about freedom of speech – this is a privately funded and managed website.

Archived comments in response to this article can be found here.

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2,139 thoughts on “What does depression feel like?

  1. I have had depression for 8 months now, so bad that I dont reconise myself in the mirror and look terrible

    • Its in and out for me. But it always seems to come back to a very blank, very confused feeling that I don’t know what I’m doing it why.But I try to keep an optimistic outlook. I think all the time about suicide. But I am the keeper of 2 dogs. One I’ve had for over 5 years and he is the best thing this world has gifted me aside from life
      And he keeps me from doing anything permanent because who would care for him the way I do? And my family. I know it would hurt them, and I don’t want anybody to blame themselves.

      Sometimes you have to think about more than yourself. That’s what keeps my depression at bay. Some days I can’t laugh, can’t lighten up, everyone gets on more nerves, and sometimes I turn to drugs to dull themy feelings.

      • I know how you feel all too well, I have suffered from depression for a good part of my 42 year alive. I am no unemployed and stuck in a rut, where I have not left my room in three months. I no longer talk to friends or hang out, I spend my days sleeping and taking any drugs I can get a hold of just to feel normal. I am certain this will be my last year on earth, and have moments of exhiliration when I focus on my suicide, but my family brings me back. I love my mom and sister and adore my two nephews so much its hard to think what my death would do to them, but pretending all is fine only gets harder the more time roll on. I have never taken pleasure in life, life to me has always been painful and remarkabley absurd, I have never understood why so much emphasis is placed on it. I would love to not exist , to not feel, to not think or be. I have many fantasies of disappearing and never being found, so my family would not have to deal with my actions. I am a horrible son and brother, I bring nothing to the table, I never have, all I do is take, I am a parasite. I welcome and pray for death ever night. I just don’t think I was ever cut out to be alive to be a human.

    • I’ve had depression for 3 years ongoing. My parents think I cry because I want I don’t want but it’s the only way to express the emotion of frustration with them. They think it’ll pass. I don’t think it will.

  2. Does anyone look in the mirror and dont reconise yourself and feel so Tired all the time, and could sleep for 100 hours, yet still feel the same

    • Why do I feel like I’m so small.. like everything is so big around me and I’m just a small little nothing…but I am 17 and i live with my boyfriend and i do the same with my animals… sometimes I feel like giving up only I would never do that because I fear to much of what would happen.. I’m so confused…

    • Yes all the time! I’m never refreshed and just feel like I’m existing rather than living. It’s very unnerving

  3. I feel like an existence inside my body. I feel like my existence is in my head. Everything that say or see is from my head. from my head i can see everything that my body is doing. the body appears to be working right. My consciousness makes the decisions for the body, but the body just seems to do what i expect it to do. The body does not communicate back with me but i am in control of what does. I don’t feel like i need people I’m my life, i get nothing but feeling like they will cause me to have to do something that they could do very well on their own. I don’t feel that i love my Man but i wouldn’t want to be without him. Sometimes i wonder why i love my puppy and i catch myself in a seconds time acting like he’s just an animal, then he kisses me and he grounds me and makes me feel like a whole human instead of parts of a human that do tasks together. Very little gives me great joy. I am going through the motions of my life with very little happy moments. I don’t understand what the great meaning of life is. I see people around me doing the things that i used to love, and i just don’t care to engage in the activity. I have little patience in repeating my self and even less with others repeating theirself.

    • Thank you for sharing ..I am very confused and embarassed at how I feel. you helped me understand Im not alone,I related to u on so levels which in fact allows me to get the help I need..this sucks, feeling so helpless, but I can’t live like this anymore…bless u! xo

  4. I feel like there is a hole in me, I am always depressed. Sometimes I think I should kill myself but then I know I would never do sutch a thing to myself. I am always sad and crying for no reason, or I just get a lump in my throat and don’t shed a tear. I have a fear of spiders and spmetimes when I go to bed I feel like they are all over me. I always want to spend time with my family but it seems like they never have time for me. I know I am very young, I am 12. I know it’s weird for someone my age to get depresion. But my parents are getting divorced and my sister Brooke just moved to Kansas because she graduated collage. I just sent this comment in because I have no one else to talk to but god. (I know u probably won’t put this comment out for people to look at, but that’s ok)

  5. I’m lost and I can’t find myself. Every interaction i have is complex at this point.I lost love and the success I once enjoyed. I used to feel as though I was funny,handsome,and productive.I feel like I’m far removed from that person. I enjoy nothing as I once did. Music, movies, art, TV. I laugh at things, however afterwards I feel worse because those few seconds I forget about the loneliness and despair of the rest of the day. I know I need help but I’m too lazy to do something about it. Everything I had to offer is gone.

      • I feel this way too. I’m 58, broke, can’t find a job w/a salary I can support myself, nearly homelessness, alone far from home, my family won’t take it seriously & I feel like they think I’m just complaining. They would never lend me money. I stopped trying to talk to them bec of the things they say. I’m terrified. The only reason to live are my 2 innocent pets. I wish I would have never moved here, now I’m stuck with no way home. I have no idea what to do & no money to do anything. I feel nothing for my life anymore. Don’t recognize myself in the mirror, I look ghastly. I want to sleep & dream forever.

  6. It’s been going on for years. I never wanted to admit it to myself when I was younger; I thought everybody had days where nothing was joyful, everything was just a grey haze. Ever since I joined the military, it’s just gotten worse. I want help but I’m so afraid to find it. I don’t trust anyone to help me. They’ll all shout “Suicidal!” “Mentally Deficient!”. Suicide would be a relief… to simply sink into the nothingness and never worry again… to BE nothing would be heaven to me. I can’t stop being scared, anxious, sad, negative, hopeless, and empty. Sleep is the only relief. Only then am I closer to being nothing than ever before. I can just shut the door for a little while… then when the sun comes all I want is a pistol again. I’m too scared to ask for help. When they ask if I’m okay I’ll say yes and smile, but it’s just a mask. Why can’t they see past it? Why can’t they look into my eyes and see the pain that burns there? Why can’t they see…
    I just want it to end. I want the pain to go away. I just want it to end…

  7. I completely understand what every person is saying on here. I was always a really happy person but after my Nan died of cancer at 63 it has driven me over the edge. Every where I go I feel that darkness is engulfing me and whatever I do I don’t seem to do right. I hate myself and I hate everyone. I’m not happy and just question myself: what is the point in living? I’m sick of life and the people that are part of it. Nobody seems genuine or kind or anything. I always try and be a good person and do the right thing but I can’t be bothered anymore. If people don’t do it for me then why should I do it for them? I don’t know, I’m just so tired of everything.

  8. It drains you of all your life. IT took me two weeks off of medication to lose faith in life and all of the things that I claimed love for. I would lay there in my bed for hours staring vacantly at the hatespeech i scrawled on my wall with crayons playing the same angry song over and over. Most of all you hate yourself so much you are more than willing to murder yourself, and to hurt those around you by doing so…and it does seem that you are in a black hole from which no light can be retrieved…but it does come to an end. And it isn’t an easy journey, it takes a little help from doctors, a little love from your family and a lot of love from yourself. You must learn to love and value yourself, because you have a lifetime ahead of you inside that head of yours. Mose well make it a pleasant time.

    Never forget, there is someone out there whose life would be lesser without you ..

  9. I feel like I’ve lost my self, everything I once was, everything I stood for, gone… I wish I knew how to get back but it feels with each day as a ship that has already sailed, slips farther and father away. I want to go back in time to that person i once was, someone who never gave up, and had everything. Now, I’m losing everything, and I’ve given up more then ever… I use to use what little time I had to accomplish things, but now I sit back and watch the pile of pain and misery grow to an outstanding amount… And it crushes me.. Honestly, like a 1 ton rock it lies on my chest making me immobile. I feel over whelmed, enclothed in a blind darkness with no way out. I need help… I. Need. Help. I finally said it, but to say it out loud is a whole different story

  10. I have definately felt 75% of those symptoms in one occurance. There is one thing i am unsure about: this past month and a half has been good. I have been far more smiley and happy than normal and instead of locking myself in my usual cacoon im the one who insists on goin places with my loved ones. But heres the recurring snag. Sometimes, whether its triggered or not, in my time of solitude or on days that feel lazy my persistent desire for my own death aches. I want it so bad but i cant do it. There is so much that stops me from doin it but when the need arises it shows me just how stuck I am. How i cannot live my life another 50 odd years with this intruder stuck on me. I just need to be gone -poof- but i am stuck.

  11. Hello,I’m about to be in the 11th grade & I think I am suffering from depression. Please don’t judge & think I’m obsessed but I was with a guy for almost two years, we broke up about a year & 10 months along the way but we still kissed hugged and acre as if we were a couple. On the day that would have been two years I got a message from him saying we couldn’t be friends because he had a Gf. I played it cool and thought I was fine. Yet I find myself really quiet and it’s been about Two months already. I love to sing and dance and work out. Yet now I find that none of that makes me happy. Nothing does. Ice cream was my thing and always made me smile no matter what(yes I’m serious). I sit in my room with music on an lay down in my bed or just sit on the floor with the door locked. I sit there and just think then I cry a lot. I was such a talkative and happy person and always cheery and smiling but now I find it incredibly hard to keep a Convo going. I sort of just stand there and say “yea” without any expression whatsoever. Then there’s the days I’m super hyper and loud but once I’m alone I cry so badly. I don’t tell anyone because it seems as if nobody can understand. It seems as if everyone will say just get over it. But not just the break up other than that Im pretty much over him. I see him and feel almost nothing. Then out of nowhere I feel the urge to cry and apologize for things I didn’t even do, I push my mom away and we used to be so close, I can’t stand my siblings not even my baby brother, and I hate when anyone comes into my room. I can’t stand bein with anyone other than 2 of my friends. I hate being with a lot
    Of people now I love to be outside walking around and just blasting music from
    My
    Earphones. But I feel so alone no matter where I am. And sometimes I just want to cut , even though I would never do it I feel the urge to do it. Then I cry even more because I wonder how could I even date think about cutting 🙁 I like to lay down with my eyes open staring at the wall and just let tears roll down my face down my neck onto
    My chest downy cheeks, on my lips. I just lay there motionless sometimes up to two hours awake just there. In my own world. An I keep having a dream I’m in the hospital with my ex and he won’t leave me alone and he comes back to be me and tells me he loves me. Which hurts so bad !! And I’ve been waking up at night sweating my faced all sticky and just wanting to jump into a pool or pour ice cold water on me which I’ve actually done. And it still feels like I’m trapped like I’m stuck. And then I feel like I have to just talk to
    Him (my ex) but I can’t! And for
    Some reason that frustrates me and it’s insane 🙁 this is the most horrible
    Sensation I’ve ever experienced…

  12. I am just beginning highschool and I know depression. Every day I wake up, and it just seems like I have no reason to get up and live my life. I used to love soccer, hiking, and other activities but now they are just bothersome to me.

    I hide my feelings inside all the time and at random times I break down crying and unable to get up and talk. My father calls me a drama queen when I break down since it seems I get mad at little things. I sometimes just go to my room and cry myself to sleep, but usually I go downstairs and go on my computer to try to disconnect from the world, but after awhile it catches up to me. I struggle most of the time and nobody knows what I go through. I fear telling my parents how I truly feel and I keep thinking for ways to escape my pain

  13. i read what depression means to you and everything seem to fit me.i think i have been cursed since my childhood up bringing and somehow it is affecting my life today.everything seems to fit what i’m feeling except for the eating.i like to eat and thats probably the time when i’m not thinking about the worries of my life.waking up seems hard when u know u have to face another day feeling this way.yes they’re days when i wish that i wasn’t alive but then i think of my children and how much they would suffer.when i get up in the morning my whole body hurts and even throughout the day.i trust no one.thats the truth about me and my husband cant help because he has his own depression.oh and i hate talking to friends or family.i rather just not talk.just think all day.thank u for excepting my post.

    • I have read some of the comments about depression and some resonate with me, regarding sleep, feeling hopeless most of the time, tiredness and crying too. I have to say that I eat excessively when I am bored and because I have no trust in my family I have no one I can really air my sh.t to. This drives me up the wall as talking helps me to understand a lot about myself. My upbringing has a lot to do with feelings of depression and although I am not depressed all the time I find that it comes after I help people. It feels like I take on their sh.t! I hate this! I get angry and say to myself that I will never help them again. But I end up back their helping them and getting hurt all over again. What the F..k! I am now drained to the point where my studies are suffering, naturally I am not a lazy person, however at this moment in time I am feeling lazy and worthless! I have an appointment to see a counselor so I am hoping that is going to revive me somehow.
      Thanks for this web site as I want to heal and gain positive outcomes in my life. Till next time. Mother of two.

  14. All of that sounds right with me.. I fear I could be on the high verge of depression. I don’t want to admit it because I don’t want to be depressed. But.. I don’t know what to do anymore.

    A lot of the times I feel as if I’m drowning or like I have a huge lump in my throat. Like I’m screaming for someone to just hold out their hand to me and be willing to help me or just WANT to be there for ME, not for anyone else, but for me.To want to be there for me and try to understand me.

    But no ones there.. though I like to believe that one day there will be someone there. I’m on my own until that day comes.

  15. Alright well I want to share something that really got me sad, I don’t know why, but afterwards I feel like a complete sissy and just want to die.

    So my dad went out to buy some batteries at Radioshack and while he was at it he bought this keyboard attachment for an iPad, probably because he thought it would be easier to type that way.

    He brought it home and well I don’t know if he even set it up right, but he was testing it out and it wasn’t working. The feeling of disappointment that my dad must’ve felt was what triggered me to get upset…like he spent his money on something, hoping to make his life easier, and it just didn’t work for him…like I’m actually in tears writing this out…

    and I just HATE seeing people disappointed like that…I could’ve probably helped him out, but we had this argument a few hours ago about how I wasn’t trying hard enough in school…for the record, I am, but with no outlook and I couldn’t tell him how much I wish I were dead (free from everything!), so I guess I gave him a rude tone or something, but hey it’s better than letting him know how I actually feel about life.

    He has seen so many disappointments in his life, like my older brother was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy as a kid and now at age 26, he’s still alive but dependent on everything…what’s interesting is that my brother, living with a disease that could potentially end him soon has more will to live than I do…he’s pursuing a Ph.D in mathematics…but when I think about how much struggle he had to face as a kid and the things he never got to do that I could, I just lose it and want to die EVEN MORE. I’m probably insane or something, I don’t know, but I don’t want to take medication or be diagnosed as depressed or whatever…no, I REFUSE. But I need some sort of help.

  16. This is my third bout of feeling so depressed & down, although medication has been ongoing but non effective again. I feel numb, unhappy, no energy, no enjoyment or zest for life. I’m constantly drained & tired, my body aches. I feel guilty because I can’t be bothered & I don’t care, I can’t make decisions & only through guilt & expectation do I do anything. I want to run away and hide, escape from people. I don’t speak to my friends, I don’t socialise, I don’t feel confident & feel I’m not seen or heard. I criticise myself & dislike my appearance, I feel ugly & worthless, like a burdon that doesn’t have anything to offer. Everything seems a struggle or hassle, even showering or washing my hair, I put off until it’s so late I feel guilty for not doing anything, then rush around to look presentable. I’m out of work, I have no confidence or passion anymore. I get up late, I sleep for hours during the day & then sleep again at night, constantly exhausted but never feel refreshed or look forward to the day ahead. I want to do & change so much but my body & mind feel like lead weights.

  17. I cried for my parents for the first time in a long time. But my father has brain cancer and his tumor was removed a month ago. He is not the same person. He’s not my father. And my mother is worn to the bone that she can barely do what she needs to do for herself. My brother is away. Canada or LA. My girlfriend is confusing me. I know I love her…but when I get sad I question it and that in turn makes me more sad. I realize I don’t have many friends that I trust with my deeper feelings. Only one or two and they’re going to be gone for the next few months. England to study abroad. An opportunity I regret not doing. More negativity. I’ve been pacing around my room waiting for my therapist to get back to me. I haven’t spoken to them in several months. I’m worried I don’t have the right e-mail or phone number anymore. All I do is pace, shake, cry and think about all the things that are crashing in my life. I want it to stop. That’s all I keep saying. I want it to stop. Please, please, just stop and get over it. But it’s not that easy.

    • You have suffored major losses. It is normal to be sad overwhelmed and to grieve. Look up the stages of grieving. Then start cleaning. Inventory everything you own. Throw out what you no longer need.see what you can do to help your mom. Even if you are a guy scrub and wax something. Rub on rub off. My mother taught me this trick and it works when I do it. Ask whatever you believe in for the strength and courage to be of use. Much love to you. This too shall pass.

  18. Its amazing how I can be happy…I can be sooo happy that it would even scare me and the people around me, but this kinda happy is not the sunny rainbow pink kind of happy…its the type of happy that hurts so badly that I cry. I’m not going to jump into conclusions and say I might be depressed. I simply don’t knw. But all I know is that this is the worst and most cruel feeling that anyone should go through. It takes years off ones life…it breaks you down, emotionally…physically…psychologically and spiritually. I can relate to what has been said, especially the part “I don’t know what’s wrong with me”

  19. Yes, I have all of those symptoms and I have no idea how to fix myself. It’s gotten to a point where I feel nothing. Nothing at all and then people try to ask me “why do you look so sad all the time?” and I just tell them “oh, i don’t mean to. i’m not sad.” I really used to be happy and stuff, but now I don’t even feel like i’m alive.

    • Wow that comment just convinced me I that I am depressed. I wasn’t sure if I was truely depressed, I was just concerned because I noticed that I don’t talk at all anymore and my old friends would always say why do u look so sad or why do u always look like u wanna kill somebody, without me meaning to

  20. I feel so much that I don’t belong, I love helping people but I always get hurt, nothing goes right, I can’t understand badness, I can’t understand anyone, I think if I go I won’t hurt anymore , but I can’t leave my children , they are the reason I have to stay strong and carry on with a false smile everyday and I love them so much it hurts

    • I love watching people smile and being at school. But when I come home, it’s like this huge crashing weight comes down. I’m never happy and hate my family. Whenever I have a different opinion, they just take it as the kid who has problems’ ranting about how unfair life is. People talk about suicide as a way of leaving the pain behind,but my number one fear is death. The irony. The one thing that I think about doing and I’m too much of a coward to go any farther. To help myself forget my situation, I often daydream when listening to music or theological bable. I’ve noticed that all of my hopes and dreams rely on someone to come and save me. Someone who cares and actually takes me seriously. Who understands why I always cry and breakdown. That I hate myself but am the only one I have to confide in. Therapists don’t help. After talking, I’ll feel good for a couple hours, then I’ll fall into the rut again. I have high hopes for my future, but I’m afraid I’ll never make it. I think the worst torture is mental, not physical. A place Where no one cares, believes you, listens, or understands. This is true hell.

  21. Incessantly and uncontrollably into your mind comes the memory of every failure, every bad or uncomfortable experience, interview or date, like a torrent of negativity.

    That one hit hard. I feel like a strong person at times, but when I receive a set back through a negative experience I feel like it affects me more than it would have in the past. I can’t get the negative thoughts out of my head. I feel like everyone hates me.

    • If you’re reffering to a panic like feeling where your constantly thinking of ur mistake over and over, than that Is more likly to be anxiety friend

  22. GUYS AND GIRLS COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOOK. I am depressed right now. Hell. I am as depressed or even more than all of you or likewise. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE ANSWER IS. BUT FOR FUCKS SAKE. LET US STAND UP. LET’s UNITE. Just tell ALL THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW THIS DAY TO NOT BOTHER YOU WITH THEMSELVES, SO U CAN GET ON YOUR FEET AND RUN AND THEN JUMP TEN TIMES. SLAP YOURSELVES IN THE FACE AND SPLASH IT WITH WATER. GOD. I am tired, hell I don’t know if I can do half of what I say. BUT MAN THE FUCK UP. Just get up and do something. ANything. I reached the conclusion it does not matter what you do, as long as you do Something. Just do it. Go out sing dance calculate Doing what you think is right is Contributing to a better world. THis world is a mess left in unproctected souls and anxiety. Only we can change it. Please, just don’t give up. Never give up. Aren’t you tired of giving up? I am.

    • THIS!! This just inspired me omg im going on a run in the morning and shaking this off!! Thank you for commnting on here!!

  23. I don’t want to burden anyone with my presence, I don’t feel as though anyone really cares about me anyway. I want to cry a lot, just to feel the release but I just can’t do it. I feel as though I could be set off into a crying fit from time to time but never quite have the energy to do even that. I used to tell myself that things would turn out okay, there would be something good for me in the future and I just had to wait everything out, but when I try to imagine what the ‘something good’ is my mind comes up blank. There is nothing good as far as I can tell, and a lot of work is required to feel anything close to content. I just feel hollow, it’s horrible and I hope no one else has to feel like this but my emotions are just gone.

      • I myself am struggling with life… With carrying on. My health has deteriorated these last 7months , I’m in pain day n night n my life revolves around these 4walls I live in. I’m scared the days n nights are long. It’s made me terribly depressed. I’ve a 12 year old daughter to look after n I feel my partner dosnt love me anymore. I really don’t know what to do I’ve thought about ending my life but stopped with me having a daughter at home I think she would be better off without me in her life as I’m a failure so very sad

    • I read your comment as if it were coming straight from me. I feel this way all the time. I thought at times before that maybe talking to someone may help, but it never does. Now I’m at the point that I don’t not only want to burden anyone with my presence but I don’t want to burden anyone with telling them how I feel.
      So right now I’m at a point that I’d rather be gone and just disappear but I don’t know where.
      Ever since I broke off my marriage because of things that I knew weren’t right, I haven’t been right. I can’t seem to get out of this funk that I’m in. I know I was depressed before but after breaking my marriage it seems to have taken a dive.
      I miss my husband so badly. He’s said this is what I wanted. But it ISN’T what I wanted. Someone had to put a stop to the mental and physical fights. It just couldn’t go on like that.
      I just don’t know what to do. I went back on meds this past week. I’m hoping they will help. But I don’t feel hopeful.
      I want to end my life but it scares me to death to think of it, how I would and then whom I’d hurt.
      So do I continue this life and hurt them with my depression or end my life and hurt them that way?

      • Feeling xactly d sm…..m nt married m 22 yr grl….n my bf alwys blms me like dis….tht i dont lv him…this is wht i wnt…brk up…n mny mr..n i feel xctly sm like u…i tried tlk to him.. Trie to shr my wd my frnd… My mother…bt all of them jst sd tht i m too ngtv n alwys do sad tlks thts y they jst avoid tlkng to me nymr….m all aalone…no one wnts to tlk to me abt me….they jst like jokes….n fr mny dys..in frnt of thm i m prtndng like jst they wnt…bt inside m dying dy b dy….

    • Hi, this is very late but it’s quite strange! Im ten years of age and I could relate to everything you said, like wanting to break out into a crying fit, but for some reason I don’t know what about!I have trouble sleeping and spend most of my nights awake in my phone on the Internet about anxiety because I not sure if I really have it or just lying awake in the darkness can you relate at all?

      • Please talk to your mom or dad or aunt or uncle or brother or sister or cousin or teacher or nurse or principle.

        Please talk….don’t post.

  24. I found this website looking for a place to talk with someone about feeling “not on purpose” I feel when we feel we are doing something worthwhile like helping less fortunate …….or even the depressed, it give us a reason we’re here…..something to live for…..
    Everything I have been reading from all of you, I have also felt….. it’s so sad to feel life is miserable or totally uninvolved…..
    I have felt the same many many times in my life, same thoughts, same words, went through a divorce, had to move, give my 12 year old son to his father because life was just too hard……and guess what, I started feeling alive again……
    I found out the house I had been living in had a really bad mold, well, I knew that it had mold, but I didn’t’t realize that it was making me feel totally fatigued, and depressed and making my brain feel like “mush” giving me migraines, and sinusitis……feeling like there was nothing to live for, everyday was the same old same old week after week….what was life supposed to be anyway? What is this joy I hear we are supposed to feel? Well, it was the mold, but then, I got severely lonely, because, I was divorced and the only reason for living (my son) was living 6 hours away……I had found a jib I enjoyed (assistant manager of a really nice apartment complex) but I am not the type to live for work…….so, my life had no purpose again……..LIFE IS TUFF, it really really helps to know God and be able to pray, but then here I am AGAIN, I have a husband with the beginning I’d Alzheimer’s who needs me, a friend who had a brain tumor now her life is totally screwed and she has agramegaley. The tumor in her pituitary has made her body deformed and enlarged like pres. Lincoln and that giant who just died……so sad and she is brilliant too…only 34 yrs. Old, she totally needs me …..so life is more than having people need you and you helping them……SOMEHOW,WE NEED TO GIVE OURSELVES SOMETHING NEW….to LOOK. FORWARD TO……I KNOW THAT CHANGES THINGS !! Even, not feeling like it, step out into the world, go to a botanical garden,
    Walk on the beach, take a class that takes no talent like learning to slipcover, or use a professional sewing machine……something no one knows how to do til they take a class, get with other people who are looking for an answerto getting better, like a WO ENS resource center, it helps…….let me hear from you…….I am doing g these things just to add something new to kick start me change things up…….I DEEPLY CARE ABOUT EACH ONE OF YOU …….

  25. Pingback: Depression: Being candid in the face of stigmatization | ArtLion