Worst Things to Say to Someone Who’s Depressed

Image: Night by Edward Robert Hughes
Night by Edward Robert Hughes

Some people trivialize depression (often unintentionally) by dropping a platitude on a depressed person as if that is the one thing they needed to hear. While some of these thoughts have been helpful to some people (for example, some find that praying is very helpful), the context in which they are often said mitigates any intended benefit to the hearer. Platitudes don’t cure depression.

Here is the list from contributors to a.s.d. (alt.support.depression):

0. “What’s *your* problem?”

1. “Will you stop that constant whining? What makes you think that anyone cares?”

2. “Have you gotten tired yet of all this me-me-me stuff?”

3. “You just need to give yourself a kick in the rear.”

4. “But it’s all in your mind.”

5. “I thought you were stronger than that.”

6. “No one ever said life was fair.”

7. “As you get stronger you won’t have to wallow in it as much.”

8. “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.”

9. “Do you feel better now?”(Usually said following a five minute conversation in which the speaker has asked me “what’s wrong?” and “would you like to talk about it?” with the best of intentions, but absolutely no under-standing of depression as anything but an irrational sadness.)

10. “Why don’t you just grow up?”

11. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”

12. “There are a lot of people worse off than you?”

13. “You have it so good, why aren’t you happy?”

14. “It’s a beautiful day!”

15. “You have so many things to be thankful for, why are you depressed!”

16. “What do you have to be depressed about”.

17. “Happiness is a choice”

18. “You think *you’ve* got problems…”

19. “Well at least it’s not that bad.”

20. “Maybe you should take vitamins for your stress.”

21. “There is always somebody worse off than you are.”

22. “Lighten up!”

23. “You should get off all those pills.”

24. “You are what you think.”

25. “Cheer up!”

26. “You’re always feeling sorry for yourself.”

27. “Why can’t you just be normal?”

28. “Things aren’t *that* bad, are they?”

29. “Have you been praying/reading the Bible?”

30. “You need to get out more.”

31. “We have to get together some time.” [Yeah, right!]

32. “Get a grip!”

33. “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

34. “Take a hot bath. That’s what I always do when I’m upset.”

35. “Well, everyone gets depressed sometimes!”

36. “Get a job!”

37. “Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone.”

38. “You don’t *look* depressed!”

39. “You’re so selfish!”

40. “You never think of anyone but yourself.”

41. “You’re just looking for attention.”

42. “Have you got PMS?”

43. “You’ll be a better person because of it!”

44. “Everybody has a bad day now and then.”

45. “You should buy nicer clothes to wear.”

46. “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.”

47. “Why don’t you smile more?”

48. “A person your age should be having the time of your life.”

49. “The only one you’re hurting is yourself.”

50. “You can do anything you want if you just set your mind to it.”

51. “This is a place of BUSINESS, not a HOSPITAL”; after confiding to supervisor about my depression

52. “Depression is a symptom of your sin against God.”

53. “You brought it on yourself”

54. “You can make the choice for depression and its effects, or against depression, it’s all in YOUR hands.”

55. “Get off your rear and do something.” -or- “Just do it!”

56. “Why should I care?”

57. “Snap out of it, will you?”

58. “You *want* to feel this way.”

59. “You have no reason to feel this way.”

60. “Its your own fault.”

61. “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”

62. “You’re always worried about *your* problems.”

63. “Your problems aren’t that big.”

64. “What are you worried about? You should be fine.”

65. “Just don’t think about it.”

66. “Go Away.”

67. “You don’t have the ability to do it.”

68. “Just wait a few weeks, it’ll be over soon.”

69. “Go out and have some fun!”

70. “You’re making me depressed as well…”

71. “I just want to help you.”

72. “The world out there is not that bad…”

73. “Just try a little harder!”

74. “Believe me, I know how you feel. I was depressed once for several days.”

75. “You need a boy/girl-friend.”

76. “You need a hobby.”

77. “Just pull yourself together”

78. “You’d feel better if you went to church”

79. “I think your depression is a way of punishing us.” —My mother

80. “Sh*t or get off the pot.”

81. “So, you’re depressed. Aren’t you always?”

82. “What you need is some real tragedy in your life to give you perspective.”

83. “You’re a writer, aren’t you? Just think of all the good material you’re getting out of this.”

84. This one is best executed with an evangelical-style handshake, i.e. one of my hands is imprisoned by two belonging to a beefy person who thinks he has a lot more charisma than I do: “Our thoughts and prayers are with you.” This has actually happened to me. Bitten-back response: “Who are ‘our’? And don’t do me any favors, schmuck.”

85. “Have you tried camomile tea?”

86. “So, you’re depressed. Aren’t you always?”

87. “You will be ok, just hang in there, it will pass.” “This too shall pass.” – Ann Landers

88. “Oh, perk up!”

89. “Try not being so depressed.”

90. “Quit whining. Go out and help people and you won’t have time to brood…”

91. “Go out and get some fresh air… that always makes me feel better.”

92. “You have to take up your bed and carry on.”

93. “Why don’t you give up going to these quacks (ie doctors) and throw out those pills, then you’ll feel better.”

94. “Well, we all have our cross to bear.”

95. “You should join band or chorus or something. That way you won’t be thinking about yourself so much.”

96. “You change your mind.”

97. “You’re useless.”

98. “Nobody is responsible for your depression.”

99. “You don’t like feeling that way? So, change it.”

Version 1.7 April 29, 1995

Best Things to Say to Someone Who is Depressed

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342 Comments

  1. With a forced pained look on his face and a contrived broken voice “can we talk about my illness?” To imitate me and show me how I was coming across so I would talk about my second episode of depression less. My father

  2. My partner don’t know what I am going through just says am a cunt am suicidal and thinking of killing other people who has hurt me and my family in past I got 2 sons a love to bits a stepson who is taking piss out of me and my partner never gets on to him always making excuses for him I have had 3 operations removed my intestines and rectum and got colostomy bag my job on the line on my final warning which was not my fault and got it down in writing and signed off the person who done wat I got misconduct for my job gave me hope of been normal I suffered severe depression before and tossed myself infront of bus out of a car slashed up and survived now its worse and am so angry but no one listening at all my thorts are uncontrollable and I will most probably do them as I have no feelings anymore its happening and its Xmas I cant just turn this shit off I am ill big time and worsed thing is I ain’t bothered about dying or death its inevitable and indont believe in no god or nothing else I tried so hard for help non out there nhs shit Av got insurance for £200000 my kids be ok happiness is all I ever wanted in life ain’t been for months am just a cunt lazy do fuck all but I do everything in house and for kids but I must not be a must be fucked up in head sorry about swearing but its me

  3. One of my brothers has no time for the fact I suffer from depression. Al I get is:
    “It’s always me me me with you, isn’t it?”
    “You only think of yourself.”
    “Act like an adult.”
    And he thinks that saying “Think positive.” really helps.
    Some people have no time for those who suffer from depression, but you wouldn’t think it would be someone who is supposed to be a close family member.

  4. There should be a column here for comments on what TO say; what could be said to not make you feel worse, as being on the other end of it and not knowing what to say, it doesn’t make me feel good at all. And some of these things I have said, as I don’t even know WHAT to say anymore. People often respond with (stupid) things, because they don’t know what is the (right) thing to say.

  5. Found this after googling whilst feeling like utter c**p after my fiancee told me to stop complaining. I have depression (diagnosed) and am going through a particularly rough patch. So unhappy.

  6. “Here’s some holy water – I want you to drink this every time you’ll feel depressed.” – My mother

    “You just need to find your purpose in life.”

    “I don’t think you should go to a doctor, because you’re not depressed. You’re just overwhelmed with all the stress you’re dealing with.” -My father

  7. So the point is, what should we say to a person that is depressed? Is it really better for that person to take pity on him and make him think he has reasons to be depressed?

  8. My mom: it’s all in your mind if you let it overpower you you’ll keep feeling this way.you’re beign dramatic and want attention.everyone gets depressed you just decide to stay like that.

    Others:you’re so young what are you depressed about?you haven’t lived life long enough for you to know what suffering is.

    Just because I’m young or I dinterrupt tell you what I have been through does not mean I haven’t been through shit. It really annoys me when people think you have control of when to feel depressed or how long if I knew how to cure it is wouldn’t have to talk about it and it wouldn’t be affecting people.

  9. “I was depressed in college! I had it way worse than you! You aren’t depressed, you are using it as an excuse to be lazy! You wouldn’t be laughing at what your sister said a moment ago! You leave the house sometimes, get over it!!” -mom
    Well mom, the thing is, if I DON’T leave the house, then you will YELL at me, saying I’m being LAZY and the reason to why I don’t/can’t keep friends, this making me feel more like shit. Everytime I leave the damn house to go to work I always cry on the way, crying on how I just want to go back home, I just want to be in bed and be alone, to feel safe by myself. My anxiety can only take so much to the point of having panic attacks in social situations, especially work. Yes, sometimes I DO laugh, sometimes I find things FUNNY, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay. I’m just having a good moment, a RARE moment, maybe even a FAKE moment. Just like that, the switch turns on and I’m back to being depressed or anxious.

  10. i have to strongly disagree with points 17, 30, 33, 50, 54, 71, 73, 76, 87 and 99.
    my partner has seen a doctor and he wants him to try and get better firsrly without medication. a few of the things he has suggested is going out more,exercising, practising his favourite hobby (music, he’s a musician), and trying to change his thoughts by thinking about one positive thing daily. it also helps when you give hope to the depressed that it is temporary, it WILL pass – the most important is not to push or pressure the depressed, they need to do all this in their own time – it’s important to stress to your loved one that you will stand by them no matter what, offer you support and unconditional love.

  11. “Stop pretending, it isn’t funny!”;you think I find it funny…?
    I was grounded and had my phone taken because I was ‘acting crazy’ and my parents think that ‘depression’ is a thing that only rich people say they have as an excuse to waste money on psychologists…
    I’ve cut myself. My parents said that if i want to cut, i shouldnt use the sissors, might aswell use a knife. They literally put a knif e in front of me…thinking that im such as faker…

  12. So many of these comments I can relate to. Being hurt by my father the most when I’ve always been there for him and I did what was right and protected my family, now I’m told “I’m on my own” “all I do is cause trouble for everyone around me”. I wonder why I feel like giving up on everything.

  13. My wife a few months ago saying “You need to start thinking happy thoughts.” My reply, “I hear voices telling me to kill myself and I have been hearing them for more than 30 years. Happy thoughts are not going to fix that.”

    #41: Your just looking for attention. Yes, yes I am looking for attention because I need help! It’s exactly the same as a drowning person at the beach yelling to get the lifeguard’s attention.

  14. “Get a job and you would’t be depressed”
    ” Fall in love”
    ” Stop acting as a child you are adult now”
    ” You are ruining my life”
    ” You are always grumpy, i will start calling you Grumpy cat”
    ” You are just lazy”
    ” Get out more. Enjoy your youth” ( yeah right; i can barely go to the grocery)
    ” Think positive and positive things will happen”
    and this is my favorite: “People are generally unhappy but they are fighting unlike you”

  15. One of comments was removed about “choices you make” Depression is not a choice. So, since the comment was removed, should have well email me a gun with a bullet coupon.

  16. “Everything you do is based on the choices you make. It’s not your parents, your past relationships, your job, the economy, the weather, an argument or your age that is to blame. You and ONLY you are responsible for every decision and choice you make. Period”

    This quote really bites me, makes me very angry who ever thought of this, made this up. Psychiatrists are known to throw this at people who suffer with depression. Been suffering with depression for over 20 years. And this quotes contributes to the blaming, a crutch for excuses. My depression was not brought on me by my own. And it is not a one day thing. Watched a sitcom today, and they were mocking depression.

  17. “Stop being so grouchy. Chill out.” -my husband

    I’ve been struggling with severe depression for months now and have finally seen a new psychiatrist and am trying different meds. My husband is fully aware that I live, eat, and breathe suicidal thoughts – constantly. Ugh.

  18. Iam 46 years old and decided to get married last year to what I thought was the love of my life six mths after the wedding he decided he didnt want to be married any more moved away met someone else and constantly rubbed my face in it being regretful and sorry one min and vile and evil the next I was left devastated and financially broke and completely in shock the shame telling my family and friends have left me suicidal

  19. “It’s all in your head” or “ignore it” or “shut up!”. The words that have been said one to many times by my own mother. I’ve even told her about my suicidal tendencies and she doesn’t believe me she says “why don’t you think before you speak?!”. I need help.

  20. I’m honestly at a loss because about 75% of these comments sound abusive. So yes, identify if you are surrounded by assholes and remove yourself from them, and then be honest with the people you bring into your life about your depression and how it affects you. Verbal abuse can absolutely trigger depression. Verbal abuse by my husband’s boss is what triggered his most recent episode.

    Anyone that encourages someone to kill themselves, or attacks a person who is depressed, deserves a special place in hell in my opinion. The number of comments made on here by abusive spouses and parents is unbelievable to me. I am struggling to find the right way to support my husband, who still doesn’t know how to treat his own depression – I can’t imagine willfully attacking him.

  21. “It’s in the past, if I throw a pen against the wall it’s in the past by the time it hits the floor” my mother about my the abuse I suffered as a child, the abuse that left me with depression, social anxiety, and difficulty trusting people.

  22. I hate it when people say “well other people have terrible lives so you should be happy” So I’m supposed to feel better because I know that other people are suffering? It’s like seeing a homeless person and thinking “That person is homeless, good thing I’m not” That isn’t what happens, what happens is you feel bad for them and you feel sad for them.

  23. I know we shouldn’t say these things to a depressed spouse. But what can I say to be encouraging? She is already under professional care and medicated – for years – but is nearly always withdrawn and isolated. What hope is there for the spouse who hopes for a partner in marriage?

  24. This was so eye-opening. In 2010 I dropped out of college because my aunt suddenly passed away. She had lymphoma and it was such a shock. I’ve not been back in school and I’ve not been able to keep a job even more than a year or two and I have tried to reapply for school because I want to so bad but then I feel so low about myself and I do not follow up. Last night I told my friends (whom I thought, hey I can tell them this, they are my friends – but I’ve told them I’ve applied to school and jobs before with no results and they are frankly sick and tired)

    One friend said this:

    “Every day for years when I open this chat, it is YOU COMPLAINING about your situaton without doing jack to improve it for yourself. Enough is enough. We’re here for you as your family of course, but everyone is sick of your whining and trying to be here for you when it’s the same shit taht only YOU can change. Start coming in here and being positive, damn. Like it’s not our fault don’t make us listen to it every single day. Care about us and listen to our problems, join in our fun, stop being so selfish and using us as your therapy. Don’t like something? Fix it. Don’t whine incessantly to your only support or you’ll lose it.”

    I was completely floored. I know she cares but like why did she have to be so rough. If someone is depressed, you don’t say the above. And my mother, she doesn’t even know what to do with me. And she herself she’s very depressed and she drinks heavily at times. A really good friend who’s been sick (but she’s finally getting better) sent me hypnosis recordings she made about self worth and confidence building and they really help.

    I’m just glad I’m not alone in the way I feel.

  25. I have lost my drive, I’m great at pretending and putting on an act, but inside I’m dying I cry everyday over nothing, I find it so hard to get outer bed, I could lay on the couch watching movie after movie, and when I do try and let someone in its always:
    Why do you persume things why not ask,
    You fucked use your head next time,
    You should be a blonde, you think you got problems try living mh life,
    Why are you so selfish its always gotta be about you,
    Oh you weren’t invited maybe ask next time,
    You treat us differently.
    I’ve heard it all seen a Physc and been on medications but yet I keep falling back. I’m great at pretending to car, but it takes so much for me to leave the house or make a decision on my own.
    I keep pushing people away unintentionally and realised once its too late,
    It’s always my fault what can I do??

  26. Your fucked!!
    You only ever think of yourself now we’re missing out because your selfish,
    Well you could have invited yourself or asked! Don’t presume things next time.

  27. “You always want to die. Either just kill yourself or shut up!”

    “Good luck with that driving your car into a tree stuff. Hope it works out for ya!”

    “Whatever, drama queen.”

    All said by my loving husband… I’m certain he’she’s the biggest cause of my depression,and yet my depression keeps me from running away.

  28. I, too suffer from depression, and this world can be a pretty cold place. I, too am getting better. I am going back to school right now and I’m working. I’m constantly trying to better myself. I’ve lost three people in my family a few years back. I’ve been told that this depression thing that is full of shit and that I’m looking for sympathy votes. I would have empathy for a depressed person because I know how it feels and I’ve been there. I understand their pain. If the shoe was on the other foot I wouldn’t have treated no one that way. People who are in emotional pain or it could be some brain disorder, we do not know. It is not in our place to judge anyone. I’ve turned to the Almighty God and He has helped with tremendously, and He is a God of Mercy. Without Him, I would be dead or on the street. Some people turn to suicide because they feel that no one really cares and they feel that everyone has abandoned them. I felt that way myself. I’ve had very little support and I felt so alone and judged. The Bible says “Speak consolingly to the depressed souls.” I would tell a depressed person that everything may seem black right now. Even though you feel alone you can rely on the Almighty God and his son Jesus Christ and please talk to a therapist.

  29. I don’t know what to do anymore… I thought I had this under control but really I don’t. I can’t talk to my parents about this cause they claim I’m using this as a way to get attention, my doctor highly recommended to my mom that I go to therapy alone. My mom says “god will heal me of sadness” when really we both know I don’t believe in God. I’m really trying to not be alone, I’ve asked 4 people I know weekly if they want to hang out and all of them apparently have plans…

  30. I’ve actually heard some of these from my last therapist!

    A bad CBT therapist won’t even believe bad stuff happens to you; they just think it’s the way you assume or interpret stuff. Fortunately, I had a friend who believed my crap … because she did the same thing to others when she was young and not very nice.

  31. From my Mom, as I tried to explain what I was feeling – “You just need to get out around people more and move around – you’ll feel better then.”

    1. Well it is true. I’m also struggling with depression and when i’m with my friends, i feel better. It will not heal you, but it helps.

  32. So I counted and I’ve had 19 of this shitty things said to me. This is why I don’t talk to people anymore!

  33. My parents think video games are ruining my life. I don’t live with them, so they don’t know shit. I play games for maybe an hour or two a day. My mom thinks that her problems were worse than mine so I shouldn’t be whining. My gfs can never deal with my depression. The last one basically said that her presence should cure my depression then left me. No one knows how to deal with it.

  34. “You get everything you want, you have no reason to be depressed”
    -Mom

    “I can’t deal with you anymore, I’m going to sleep, talk to someone else”
    -Best friend

    I am so sick and tired of insensitive toxic people.

  35. “She is wasting time by creating that grief world and still didn’t find any job, so I started ignoring her for her good.” – wrote 1 of my best friends to our mutual friend after silently blocking me after week or two of not replying to any my msg…

  36. Some people have told me some of this sh*t before, I’ve told me some of this sh*t before. reading this made me feel like if I worth even less… this kind of comments really hurt or make you feel anxious and insecure, sometimes I ask myself if I would ever be able to get out of this sh*t

  37. “FUCK!!! Sometimes I wish u would go to sleep and NEVER wake up!!!!”

    “Go fucking drive ur truck off a fucking bridge!!!”

    these were the loving words spoken to me (…ok, YELLED at me) by my guy of 3 1/2 years and father of my 2 beautiful children…he said this’d stuff to me less than 24 hours apart. I’d never kill myself..I’m too big of a chicken shit, but the strangling, suffocating thoughts of ending it all have plagued my mind many different times–especially in the last year and a half. all u need sometimes is a little encouragement…thank u, j—–, for the bitter attempt to “save me”…. ugh

  38. When I just *cannot* focus on something I actually want to achieve because I lack motivation, energy and the will to live: “If you really wanted to do X you would have done it already. People always ultimately do what they want.”
    No, I almost never feel like I choose my actions. I feel like my will is disabled. Telling me this condition is what I really want does not help me.

  39. I loved when people would tell me what is wrong with me is I am a negative person and I just had to think Positive thoughts. (as though I can pick and choose what thought go on in my brain.)

    In one swoop I would be told that they find me a “downer” then tell me it’s my fault because of the way I choose to think.

    I usually am beating myself up over all the things Ive done wrong or ways I feel I hurt others. I am apparently supposed to also be ashamed of thinking about those things.

    It’s ok to not have a response. Why do so many people insist they need to be able to fix someone in one sentence. When it doesn’t work they hold it against the one they are trying to fix. I must enjoy my misery or else I would change it.

    And it’s such a Beautiful Day!

  40. “Is your depression better?.. I just want to hear you say “yes” even if it’s not true” – my mom

    “Try to get out more” – my sister’s neurologist advised her

    “You need more exercise” – my sister

    1. I hear this one all the time. If I wanted attention, I’d just ask. I wouldn’t be pondering suicide every other night.

  41. I have heard “you don’t deserve to be depressed” or “you need to change your way of thinking” too many times from too many people

  42. I think I might have heard at least half of these from my mom. Add these too:

    1. “If you went to a therapist, they’d just say the same thing.” (So I’ve never been, though I know I need to.)

    2. (This one is because I have trouble holding a job/passing interviews… social anxiety, I think) “I think you’re just sabotaging yourself so you don’t have to work.”

  43. It’s frustrating to sit here and read all these responses that I receive anytime I talk to someone about my problems. It’s not your fault you don’t know what to say, hell, If I knew what to say then I wouldn’t be depressed. Please understand that we don’t shoot this down because we’re stuck in our shit, we shoot it down because we’ve said it to ourselves before, we’ve had it said to us before, we’ve even tried to do the things we were told and not one of them worked. We’re frustrated. We’re tired. We wish there was a magic phrase to make it all go away, but there’s not. I have to admit, that yes I am much better than I was 6 years ago, but I’m still hurting. It’s frustrating when people get tired of hearing about the issue. “That was forever ago! Just get over it!” We are. We’re trying. But it’s very hard when everyone else gets tired of our healing before it is over. I used to cut everyday, deeper and deeper. I learned how to stitch myself up and not die when I overdosed on impulse. I learned what to say to not end up in a Psychiatric Ward. It takes time, though. It took me six years to get from cutting everyday, multiple times a day to get to where I cut every few months…so far it’s been 5. I still think about it, though. I still have nights where I lay in agony as old pain takes over. I don’t want to hear “Get over it” I want to hear “I’m here for you.” I want someone who understands how much time this takes. I want someone I can lean on and bawl my eyes out for 4 hours and then go get my mind off of it. I hate how everyone immediately wants to distract you, they don’t wait and let you process it.
    I’ll be brutally honest for a moment.
    I’ve gotten to the point in my relationships where they all fail. I learn to stay silent every time I hurt because everyone is tired of hearing about it. The more I talk about it, though, the less is hurts. Now, I suffer in silence again. I will be asked what my problem is repeatedly, but I’ll say “Nothing” because it’s what they want to hear, no one wants to hear a sad story. I will stay silent until the strings that hold us together unravel, and you hate the distant shell I have become. Then, I sink into what I do best- self destruction. That is, until someone else comes along, pretends to understands, tries to save me, gets me attached to them, then starts to beat me down every time I bring up the past, then they leave. I’ve tried therapists. They are trained to stick it out through the years. Every time I want to go to one, however, all I hear is “I think you’re fine.” “You don’t need that.” “You handle things fine on your own” But how do they know that? They don’t see me falling apart, and if they did they would shit on me for it. I can’t ask for help, because well, “I’m fine.” I guess my issues are all “in my head”. “Every has bad days”, right? “I have nothing to be depressed about, so I choose to be happy”.
    The best part? When I finally crack, the room will fill with the words, “ I had no idea!”

    1. I know all the above, could tell U a startling tale of collective denial/incompetence and even passive aggression, from therapist’s ‘non friend friends’ and users who only pay attention to you if they can gain info to gossip about you, (psychopathic).
      most people are sick and this is the lie the majority force on the minority that have the emotional intelligence to realise that 80% of the world is self corrupting and wilfully ignorant, The few that pick this up are then classed as being mentally ill(depressed) as this is not the norm, the norm(majority) are unintelligent insensitive and terminally hedonistic.
      so sanity or ‘wellness’ is a function of numbers not an actual state of being, makes it an in valid concept as a base line for diagnosing depression as a mental illness when it is no such thing re true illness.
      you are just more intelligent than the other naked apes who find heaven in throwing feacies at each other and call
      it humanity ? or is it just me?

  44. Just do X, Y and Z (in other words, everything I say)and you will no longer be depressed. If you dont do X,Y and Z then you are just being stubborn and dont want to get well. In my case the advice/order was to “Move to another part of the State, start another band, get a job and or start hustling to make money”. Is that all!? Sure! I’ll get on that tomorrow as soon as I can manage to get out of my sweatpants and open the front door!

  45. “you’re not the only one this affects, you know” – about my depression
    “where did i go wrong?”
    basic guilttripping, thanks mum

  46. “You just want someone to blame ”
    “Get over it”, “deal with it”
    “Stop being so dramatic”
    “Youre being ridiculous”
    Had someone say dealing with me was tedious. They yell at me when i’m upset and bring up how i’m making THEM depressed too and i hate myself. Which they tell me just not to do. Would if i could thank u

  47. “All u do is cry or bitch. Put your big girl panties on and come outta that dark dungeon every once in a while”…says my Fiancé of 3 years and father of my 2 beautiful children. He finds some of the BEST ways to express his love. Oh wait…this is the same guy who stayed out all night (AGAIN) last night and failed to answer a single call nor did he reply to any texts. At. All. Then strolls in all nonchalantly about 10 a.m today, kisses the kids and then goes and starts messing around in his ” man cave”. I didn’t exist to him for a complete HOUR after he showed–which I spent sobbing in my bed–and then I receive a text from him (as he is 20 feet away MAX) stating “what!? I fell asleep in my truck waiting for Trey!” Hmm, what a coincidence…”Trey” stopped by TWICE looking for him. So I don’t have my big girl panties on today. I’m a wreck. One day tho, maybe I’ll find courage enough to slip em on…Bless his heart when I do. Because that’s what I need to leave his ass in the dust. I pray for strength everyday, not only for myself–but for all of my fellow sufferers of this suffocating disease. God bless u all.

  48. Ok im hanging up now cause your bringing my mood down . said my sister nadz.
    Have you ever thought wat it be like if you werent part of our family. Lil sis jobi.
    Get a job. If you turned up to my party dressed lile that id throw u out. Sis laurz

  49. I don’t really care what people say, at least for very long anyway.

    I’ve always covered up my depression with with lots of alcohol and sometimes other drugs. Ive been a marijuana user for a long time also but I think it actually helps with my anxiety

    I’ve always been a drinker and people think I’m happy because I’m always out partying. I’ve been trying to quit drinking lately for health reasons but then my depression comes out and makes me feel.

    I’d rather keep on using my alcohol and drug abuse excuse for my failures than to tell everyone I’m depressed. Plus people are more sympathetic to recovering alcoholics.

    Just realized this might be posted in the wrong section. Can’t even remember what I clicked on to get here, fuck it

  50. “Why do you have to be so emo?” says my “friends”
    “Go kill your self already”
    “Nobody likes you”
    “go die in a ditch”

    Prep: your songs you write suck, you singing sucks, everything about you sucks! why are you even sill alive?

    Me: Well maybe i can be FUCKING ALIVE IF I WANT TO, and if my singing sucks why do people want to make me the lead singer of band where going to make? Bitch… -_-

  51. Your becoming f*cked up, just get off your ass and do something for once instead of feeling sorry for yourself all the time(dad)

    Dad: Your friends suck, everyone that i’v meet are idiots, you don’t have any real friends, who is one person that has helped you and how did they help?

    Me: I-I don’t know…but

    Dad: no wonder why your so F*ck up! your mom has you on these pills, your hanging out with losers, you dress like your homeless and you talk about the stupidest shit ever!! if you dont stop this act your going to end in a crazy house.

    Dad: you go around telling people you cut, your suicidal and your on anti-depressants.

    Me: No i dont!! and i tell my friends i’m depressed because i need help and letting them know to not to make me upset in anyway.

    Dad: Bullsh*t, you wanted attention, well guess what you got it and do you know what you screwed yourself up, Congrats!!!

    This is my life 🙁

  52. -Just eat than You feel happy
    -You just have to Be confident
    -You re crazy/not normal
    -It s better that nobody talks to her, she only gives You a headache
    -You aren t tired all the Time
    -Just make your homework
    -Where is your ambition (I used to het high grades, now i don t study and get reasonable grades but my teachers dont know about my depression and/or fatigue they think it s a phase)
    -I want The person back who You were a year ago (i was depressed then too but it s getting the best of me now it s difficult to go to school everyday because i can t function normal at home at school everywhere owh yeah now i feel guilty about my reasonable grades and my so called laziness phase)
    -So You can just actually stop school (it doen t matter anymore) or You can t get to school You wont get a job it doesnt matter anymore
    -How Will You Life your live Your too young to always be tired
    -You ve gotten dumb (Sorry I am busy getting through the day and after that day I am busy with getting through the night with tears rolling over my cheeks I am sorry that I bother you yes I am dumb another reason to hate myself)

  53. my mom constantly says this one to me:

    “why are you so depressed all the fucking time? i ma the one who has to deal with all of your bullshit. Quit feeling sorry for your self, get off of your ass and do something about it!!!”

  54. My “boyfriend on pause” said to me after I sat him down to talk about why he’d put our relationship “on pause”:

    “You use depression as a mask, and I get that, but…”. This is coming from a man who’s been suicidal and supposedly depressed before. I don’t understand why he’s not more understanding if he has been in the same situation before. It just doesn’t make any sense to me.

  55. You need to stop this just because you are making yourself depressed, says my mom who THINKS she knows how I feel

  56. I’ve been depressed for so long. I’ve been told these things so many times and when someone starts telling me how to live my life, to grow up and be responsible, work more, or do things there way or someone telling me i’m too young to be on all the pills I am… it hurts. And then people get frustrated with me, and yell, and they hurt me even more. I’m very sensitive now, and I can’t stand it. I’ve actually taken to changing my lifestyle and moving out just to get away from the hurt.

  57. “Try *insert alternative treatment method here* it should help.” What they don’t know is that for it to work I would always have to be doing it.
    “It doesn’t make sense that one moment you can be fine and the next you are like this.”
    “I think you are making this more difficult than it needs to be.”
    “How come nothing we say makes any difference?”-to this person NO ONE TOLD YOU TO SAY ANYTHING. Maybe it would just be better for oth of us if you shut up.

  58. Im your boyfriend not your psychologist
    don’t be stupid
    People have life harder than you so you should be fine
    Your selfish and childish and controlling for telling me this
    i don’t need to message you and text you when you are upset
    – from my wonderfully spoilt, childish ex-fiance

  59. “Suck it up”
    “Get over it”
    “Get a grip.”
    “You’re ## years old, etc. etc.”
    “This is ridiculous, I dont’ want to hear it.”
    “Oh don’t start. You’re not a child.”

  60. “Get over it. You need to fix your way of thinking”

    How about you get over the fact that you no longer have a daughter, as I no longer want any of you in my life.

  61. My brother would see me wave my arms in anger or hit myself. He would wrap his arms around me to keep me from moving, as if I was a rabid dog.

    “I hope you have a son like yourself just to see how difficult it is.” (mom)

  62. I’ve heard some of these comments before. To the point now where they make me laugh because of the stupidity of them. Typical attempts to oversimplify and categorize depression into a box of acceptable explanation and instant cure, like the common cold or something. I feel more sorry for these people than those of us with depression – for their ignorance.

  63. “You’re an intelligent girl, well, woman – use your intelligence to get better.”

    On saying I struggle to leave the house and therefore make it to therapy sessions at an NHS specialist psychotherapy service:

    “We don’t do home visits, that’s just not what therapy is.”
    “Maybe you’re not ready for therapy. Maybe we should refer you to……”(a service that involved getting to yet another venue, only this time several times a week rather than once a week – logic?!”

    From the same person:
    “Maybe you need something more intensive” (well which is it: I’m not ready for once a week therapy and so need something less; or I need something more? Both of which involve being able to leave the house, as well as one being at a hospital where I used to work/refer patients to that service?!?)

    “We’ve spent all session just talking about your issues with getting here, rather than your actual issues.” (Well I’d say getting here is an important issue that needs to be sorted out, as I can’t even have therapy without it)

    “If you are tired because have a cold or a stomach bug, that is an OK reason to miss a session. But if you are tired because of depression then you still have to come” (ie. the latter doesn’t count/isn’t real because it’s all in your mind, so just pull your socks up etc)
    When I questioned this line of reasoning: “Because the tiredness from depression is what we’re trying to treat here where as it’s not with a cold etc” NO – the tiredness is a SYMPTOM of something else, JUST LIKE in cancer, flu etc. You need to treat the underlying cause. You’d never use this argument to someone with cancer treatment.

    After struggling to several initial therapy sessions and deciding whether or not to continue with them long-term:
    “So are you ready to grit your teeth and try your best to get here and fully commit?”
    (Me: this assumes that that’s not what I’ve already been doing, ie you’re not trying hard enough)

    Labelling my behaviour/reasoning whilst claiming to be non-judgemental, eg “Got excessively upset”; “became childishly angry”.
    (If you actually put yourself in my shoes you would realise that it’s understandable to be upset/angry. Stop pathologising behaviour that is in fact normal.)
    I feel trapped: it seems that anything I do is interpreted in an abnormal way because I am a ‘patient/client/service user’. No emotion is just ‘normal’ any more. E.g. We are encouraged to set boundaries/be assertive/set limits/ don’t bottle things up/you have a right to express your anger/feelings/views; yet when we do we are labelled as ‘demanding/difficult/expecting special treatment’ because we don’t agree with the professionals’ views. It reminds me of when inpatients said they were being raped and they were dismissed as delusional when in fact they were being abused.

    “Do you not realise that other people struggle too?”
    = another form of the “don’t you realise there are people starving/much worse off than you and they just get on with it” point of view

  64. “Why are you so depressed, kids in third world countries have it way worse then you” from a friend that said she knows what I’m going through and is here for me with friends like these….

  65. My boyfriend told me to stop feeling sorry for myself after I basically told him I felt like a burden after my mom basically threatened to hit me and fight me when she started yelling at me Because of college and my plans or lack there of.

  66. Mom: I’m depressed too and you don’t see me complaining.
    Dad: (after I told him that therapy would help me.) You don’t need therapy, just get off you ass and actually be productive for once.

    My family is in the camp of: ignore it and it will go away….

  67. Dear People wrestling with depression, wouldn’t it be nice if (so called) friends would shut the f* up and simply listen for a change. But don’t hold your breath – way too many people think they know your situation better than you. People are annoying. And the worst thing about these busy-body ashwipes is, their self-centered actions have driven many to apostasy.

  68. “No wonder you want to kill yourself. How can you treasure the beauty of life if you don’t believe in God?” Said to me by a hospital nurse the night i had taken an attempt on my life.

  69. …”I THINK YOU LIKE CRYING!!!”

    …”YOU F*÷$@#! MAKE YOURSELF MISERABLE!!”

    …”I HAVE NEVER EVER KNOWN ANYBODY WITH MORE PROBLEMS!! GET OVER IT!”

    …”WHY DO YOU INSIST ON BEING A F*÷$@#! CRYBABY EVERYDAY!!??”

    •says my fiancée & father of my 2 children on a regular basis…

  70. “You drag everyone down with you when you’re depressed. You get mad and cry and make everyone else feel bad.
    You repeat things all the time. (I do when things bother me and I don’t get an apology or I don’t get the answer I believe is truthful. I am a stickler for being honest.)

    You obsess over my ex wife, and all you have to do is hear her name once. She hears your name and doesn’t say anything.
    Why do we have to go through this every day? Take vitamins. Get a job.” All my boyfriend.

  71. There are times when a friend is anxious/angry and depressed where sometimes you have to let them know that they need to do certain things.
    re: check to make sure meds are working or if certain meds havenegative affects.
    Also even friends who are kind can start to feel dumped on if the only conversation is always about them and the friend is always in an angry/sad or depressed state

  72. ” don’t feel that way. I’m always here for you. Talk to me. Dont harm yourself. Please change for me and (my other 2 friends)”

    My friend says this all the time. And when I try to approach her when I feel really down, takes her days to reply to me. Now I don’t trust anyone.

    “don’t be too upset. You need to understand that they don’t understand your situation ”

    This is really frustrating. Til when do I have to understand people and when will someone just understand me?

  73. “Well how do you think I feel having to live with you? I am sick and tired of this messy house and you just moping all the time.” – husband

  74. And further to my comment directly below – I’m not a teenager, I’m 45, so this isn’t the usual teen angst “thing” going on here.

  75. “I just wish I could take it off you” said by well-meaning mother who doesn’t have a clue and who, incidentially, would slash her wrists if she had to spend even 5 minutes of her life the way I have spent mine for too long to remember – she’s one of life’s perpetually happy people.

    Oh and on that note, another one from her:
    “You got it from your father’s side ” – with whom she broke up 3 months after I was born and barely knew anything about him, and neither did I for that matter.

  76. “You need a boyfriend” – Mom
    “You need to get out more” – Mom
    “You brought it on yourself” – Mom
    “It’s your own fault” – Mom, Uncles, Aunties, Granny, Cousins, ex-friends, society.

  77. My mother kept asking me, “What’s wrong with you! You have no reason to be depressed. You have everything so good.” Et cetera.

  78. I’ve heard most of these myself. I normally don’t even notice or care…
    Now, mostly people just ask “what’s wrong?” because I have what some jokingly call ‘resting bitch face’. I look bitchy because I’m sad, and empty and hollow and *don’t care* what I look like. My face is just attached to my body that I have to lug around…I don’t care what expression I have on my face, I just know it isn’t going to be “happy” or whatever people expect to see…

  79. ” there has to be a reason for u being upset and sad and crying” my husband to me n wen i tell him i dont know the reason he thinks i am lying.

  80. ‘You seem a little crazy, this is why I am avoiding you’ my brother

    ‘you are oversensitive, you overreact’ my mother

    ‘you have your own agenda’ school

    ‘you’re going to talk about what upsets you, and I don’t want to know’ a ‘friend’

  81. “Why don’t you make yourself useful for once?”
    “I wish you were normal. Every time someone asks me how you’re doing, I feel embarassed of saying what’s what.”
    “Why aren’t you more like your brother?”
    “Why don’t you get a boyfriend? Why won’t you make some friends?”
    “Stop feeling sorry for yourself. There’s people out there who have it way worse.”
    “Why are you saying these things? Do you WANT to be depressed?” (During a depressive fit, after trying to explain that I feel useless/negative and I should just be left alone for a while.)
    “The only one who’s making you depressed is you. Stop feeling so sorry for yourself and make something of your life.”
    “Sometimes I wish I could’ve done something when you were a child, maybe you would’ve been a proper, successful adult by now.”

  82. “What are you crying about now?”

    “Why can’t you/we be more like my sister and her boyfriend – they’re always going outside and doing fun stuff and day trips etc.”

    “Don’t cry.”

    “People your age should be out enjoying life and having fun.”

  83. All of the following my mother and brothers said in the context of my depression:

    “I think you’re using your depression as an excuse not to do work.” I’m not using depression; depression is using me, and it’s using so much of me, in fact, that I don’t have the energy to work.
    “You want me to stop being angry? Then don’t be in the same room with me when you’re depressed.” Do you want me to stop being depressed? Then don’t be in the same room with me when you’re angry.
    “From the time I get up and go to work in the morning to the time I come home, you’re sitting in the same spot on the sofa!” Yeah, it’s really fun sitting here for 8+ hours. Hah, I can’t imagine doing anything else, really, haha… I can’t.
    “Get a job!” Wait. You mean that’ll cure depression, the international epidemic? …Ladies and gentleman, the destined winner of the Nobel prize!
    “Well, I’m a fighter. Instead of getting depressed, I push through things.” Well, I’m currently pushing through my depression, but sometimes adversity is less like water and more like cold molasses.
    “Frankly, I’m sick and tired of your depression.” Me too.
    “I think you’re becoming addicted to being depressed.” You’re right; my brain can’t seem to let go of it.
    “Your depression is taking up all of Mom’s energy and leaving none for me!” I’d give her some energy… if I had some.
    “You’re in your head too much.” Where else should I go when I can hardly move? The next sofa?
    “You used to be so ambitious; now you don’t give a **** about anything.” I’m still ambitious; I’m fighting depression.
    “You’ve become a different person [on medication]. You’re too content.” Yeah, I was a lot cooler when I was sad and suicidal, wasn’t I?”
    “I bust my *** out working and the most you can do are chores?” I’d bust my *** too if circumstance didn’t super-glue it to this seat.
    “You would never survive in the real world.” Depression makes the real world wet its panties at night.
    “Where did my sweet daughter go?” …I’m speechless.
    “That’s life; you gotta learn to handle it.” Depression, 2014 Teacher of the Year.
    “You’re not mentally ill.” Oh, don’t worry, I am.
    “It’s not a serious mental illness.” Judging by the severity of your frustration with me, I would think it was pretty serious.
    “I will not be held captive by you!” A captor who can’t leave the sofa?
    “Do you know why I don’t come home at night? Because you’re here.” I love you too.
    “Pill-popper!” …Pill!

  84. From all those worst things to say to a depressed person, only half of them are actually THE worst. the rest can’t be seriously taken as bad. It won’t cure you, that’s true, but it will at least mitigate the pain and the “i dont feel anything” stuff.
    P.S: Depressed since 10 years, slowly getting worse.

  85. Well, you want attenion.
    You are just playing a scenario in front of everyone.
    You read those sites, and you’re trying to act depressed.

    said by my damn mother

  86. “Its all in your head”

    “Dont think about it”

    “We all get sad every now and again”

    “Just get over it”

    “Quit thinking about it”

    “All you wanna do is sleep”

    “Its life, deal with it”

    Old friends and family members

  87. To Jane Briggs,

    What you should be saying to someone with depression is “I’m here for you” and be prepared to listen, cry, and share their pain, even if it seems completely irrational to you. Don’t give advice or one-liner pick-me-uppers. A depressed person just wants to know that another soul is willing to just sit there and hold their hand through it all. That’s all you can do really. And it might be all they need to start getting better.

  88. You can add “BE A MAN” to the list, this is what one of my best friends told me when i tried to discuss my problems with her.

  89. “When was the last time you went to church? Temple, Mass, etc..
    Oh Mom, please pull your head out of your . . . I thought to myself.

  90. “If you would just eat better and exercise.”
    -enthusiastic comment from my Mom.
    “I don’t believe in Depression.”
    -uttered under his breath by my Dad.
    “You’re the only one who feels bad about yourself. Other people don’t see you that way.”
    -text from my Sister.
    – – – on a brighter note – – –
    “I’m sorry you are sad grandpa. I love you.”
    -offered with a hug from my granddaughter. 🙂
    …and a little child shall lead them.

  91. Mother:

    “Go distract yourself, do some laundry”
    “Cut it out, narcissistic behaviour will not help.”
    “You’re better than this, fight it!”
    “You are going to be SO sorry for treating my like this one day.” (after politely asking her to stop sending me messages like the above)
    “Your feelings are twisted”
    “I’m not going to try and convince you that I care, you should know better”
    “You break my heart.”
    “For heavens sake, stop it! You have so much to be grateful for.”
    “Get over yourself, you’re not the only person in the world that has pain.”
    “Oh woe is me. The fucking drama.”
    “Now I feel shit too.”

    Boyfriend:
    “Stop with the fucking wallowing dramatic attitude, it’s not you and it’s pissing me off.”
    “Do you even want to be in a relationship?”
    “Don’t be so bloody defeatist, it’s like you want to blame the depression for not doing anything”
    “People with depression can help themselves.”
    “Stop wallowing in your own self pity…please”
    “Stop being a total dick.” – One of my favourites.
    “Make some friends.”
    “Get out”
    “Stop it”

  92. “You don’t understand what depression is like. Look at my arm. Aren’t my scratches cute!” *Shows entire class* “I’m not doing this for attention, obviously you’re the one who’s pretending with those cuts.

  93. The best one I’ve had is after I’ve said I don’t like feeling like this, is well don’t “! The second is don’t dip that’s an order in a,well meaning manner as if one can switch off the feeling just like that !

  94. “You just like being depressed. You like the attention.”

    – More times than i can count in my near-lifetime-long struggle with dysthymia and major double-depression episodes.

    As far as attention, I tend to self-isolate when i am going into a very severe low cycle so no one else gets hurt. They have NO idea what i’m dealing with: thinking i’m just being a bitch and shutting them out for no reason; even though they simply don’t listen to me seriously.

  95. “Everyone feels like that sometimes – it’s quite normal”,

    “I wish I could help you, but I don’t know how”

    “Do you want me to come over and help you have a clearout?”

    Both from my mum – she means well, but it doesn’t help.

  96. For those of us trying to support someone dear who suffers with depression , what are the RIGHT things to say, and do, please? Have searched so many websites and really need some advice. Thank you.

  97. – “Your depression is contagious!” said by my best friend.
    – “I’m sick and tired of her depression!” said by a friend to another friend.
    – “You’re making other people depressed as well!” said by my best friend.
    – “Can’t you just be happy for once?” said by my best friend.

    Words hurt…

  98. I talked to my husband about maybe seeing a therapist or mental health doctor because I’ve been feeling depressed and just… Off for the past few months. His replies? 1) Do you know why? And 2) Is it something to do with me?

  99. “I never want to see you again, don’t ever call me your mom.”

    “Stop acting like your stupid!”

    “what do you have to be upset about?”

    “You just gotta do it.”

  100. when you are honest with your friends. you tell them your numbness and desperate feelings, how there is nothing, and they say things like ‘keep going’ when im saying ‘I need a year to sort my head out. I cant study anymore, im overwhelmed, it’s too hard to cope!’ (after going from 57 kilos to 50kilos without change of diet.)

    I know people who don’t feel these things find it hard to understand. they cant fix it. but people just need to support you, and realise, maybe its that serious that you need time out to get on the right track. just believe what we are saying is REAL, please.

  101. “You want attention.”

    The things people say in conversation when they don’t know that at least one person present lives with depression… too many cruelties to mention.

    (Your) “unhappiness,” when said by a doctor.

    I learned as a child never to talk to anyone other than doc (and for a long time not to anyone at all) about the horrors, but I did once try to talk to a priest… “Suicide is a mortal sin. God will NEVER forgive you.”

    [I have talked to the Samaritans a few times, though, in extremis. Never judgemental, always calm, know how to say nothing rather than say the wrong thing, etc. I may still be alive because of them (even if I’m not always sure if that’s grounds for gratitude…)]

  102. “You clearly have a masturbation complex.” My GP after my first suicidal horror, out of the blue, 1964, when I was 14. Nothing AT ALL had been said in the prior conversation remotely linked to sex, masturbation, etc. I effused to go near any doctor for 25 years after that, despite *****.

    On my first subsequent visit to a doc (1987). “You know, there’s no such thing as depression ‘as such'”.

    On my next attempt to ask a doc for help (1989): “Pull yourself together.” Fortunately my next effort to seek help was successful, and I’ve had supportive GP since.

    But: (c1995): “If you think right and behave as if you’re well, you will get better.” Stuff CBT.

    (C1998), again out of the blue, by an idiot counselor: “Issues with your father…” He hadn’t even established that my father had died when I was too young even to remember him.

    [I’m writing in England, so I hope this means something to you:]

    Atos, 2012: “There is no reason why depression should have any effect on how you function.”

    HCP report from Atos, 2013: “Mr X’s long-term depression arises from childhood abuse.” Again this came out of the blue. I had said nothing WHATSOEVER that could lead to this assertion.

    Not quite what this thread is about, perhaps… Just a rant… Over now.

  103. I wouldn’t say all of these are the worst to say to a depressed person. Some of these were just the thing to keep me going.

    i.e. “go do something fun” “get out of the house and do something” “we’re thinking of you”

    My mom being a nurse also helps. She’s very understanding and currently my only friend.

  104. First thing my partner said upon realising the extent of my depression:
    “I had years of growing up with my mother [in an institution] i’m not having this again.”

  105. My last therapist (I saw her about 5 times) had the one about “you are only as happy as you make up your mind to be” posted on her wall. It made me feel guilty. I see now that it is as true as “you are only as healthy as you make up your mind to be.” True is some circumstances, and maybe to some extent in others. But if you get the flu or have a heart problem or get snake bit, then that kind of mind over matter thinking would be called crazy, right?

  106. “Push the gas peddle ALL the way down and aim your car towards that light pole. I would love to see that!” Then “what? Still a little saneness in your head?” when I cried. My boyfriend when I was having a break down.

  107. “You’re just making excuses to be lazy”
    “You said that no matter what, this would be the year you made me proud”

  108. “All you do is cry cry cry, that’s why I don’t want to tell you anything!” ~Dad

    “You just can’t do anything right.” ~Dad

    “Get out of my sight.” ~Dad

    “You’re never going to get a good job.” ~Dad

    “You’ll never survive out in the real world.” ~Dad

  109. “I’m tired of hearing you talk about it – just do it already, pussy!” – husband

    “(Laughing) So, your friends think you hate them? (Laughs some more)” – bastard drug dealing “doctor” after I described not being able to leave the house and the effect it had on my relationships

    “You just don’t WANT to work!” – roommate (says it often)

    “Anyone who tries to kill themselves and doesn’t succeed is just trying to get attention!” – other roommate

    “I can’t handle your problems and mine! You can talk to me about the weather if you want, but that’s it!” – boyfriend

    “Those pills will only make you worse” – multiple people

    “You just need to get laid/get a boyfriend” – multiple people

  110. I’m sick of everybody, including my other half feeling sorry for themselves. When they don’t have food to eat, clean water to drink and a safe place to sleep THEN start complaining. All this whining is not fair on other people around you.
    If you keep on trying to kill youself and always fail, you don’t want to die, you want attention.

  111. My first suicide attempt, which didn’t work, my mother heard me crying after taking an overdose, and when I told her what I had done, she said “only cowards kill themselves,” and left. Great, not only was I unwanted, unloved, and hated, but now I was a coward too. Thanks, mom. Oh yeah, she did not take me to a doctor, to a therapist, to anyone, or even speak of it again. Neither did my father. I guess I wasn’t worth the time.

  112. “What do you have to be upset about?” -my mother

    “What’s wrong with you?” -Friend

    “Why are you upset over nothing?” -friend

    “Acting like that won’t solve anything…” -teacher

  113. The worst thing I have been told is: just accept the fact that you f**k up everything you do. I’m surprised you haven’t killed yourself yet. If I were you… I would have! In fact..why don’t you do us all a favour and go kill yourself now (if you can)… but keep quiet, Im going to try and get some sleep. — from my loving and caring husband!:(

  114. I wanted to thank everybody here, I have come off Cymbalta and have been taking 20mg Lovan (prozac) for 5 days. I feel like **** and it’s so good to hear from people who understand.

  115. My mum picked me up from the hospital after I tried to ‘claim my own life’, after I explained why I was there she just looked at me and called me pathetic. Cheers you right up that does.

  116. “stop feeling sorry for yourself”

    God thats the worst. What exactly do you think depression is?

    You try being depressed. Then see how difficult it is to get out of a wallowing state.

    Go try it. Then maybe you’d shut your face and stop belittling people who deal with this disease. The nerve…

  117. “You stupid little girl” (While making threatening gestures) – my father
    “Well, you did provoke him” – my mother, in response.

  118. “You managed to go to a lesson today. You can’t be that depressed then.”

    “You’ve not tried killing yourself, you can’t be depressed.”

  119. My cousin said this after beating me at street fighter (video game). “man, u suck. U should kill yourself. No really, u should kill yourself.”

  120. “Perhaps your depression is genetic” (father)

    “It’s just exam stress” (everyone who I know)

    ”oh every teenager has depression” (brother)

    ”Just stop watching depressing and dark movies” (mother)

  121. How about

    “Maybe you should avoid watching or take a break from the news since if the news doesn’t get you down nothing will???????????????”

  122. You’re always so negative. Why are you so hard on yourself? Cheer up. Things will get better. Have you prayed about it? You need to relax. Stop worrying so much. Get a grip. You’ve improved so much!

    Fuck off.

  123. some days I think this will be the last one. I cant take any of this anymore. But I was told once if that is really how you feel than wait until tomorrow. But how I feel changes by the next day. I dont know how to stop this vicious cycle of up and down. I cry so hard and then I feel better and then something happens so minor and off I go again. Its just been to many years of problems with no end…..

  124. “We don’t have a problem here, right?” Thank you dad, for those amazing words.

    My favorite line came from my mom, “This is because of that movie was watched last week, isn’t it?” Yes mom. Yes.

  125. Hearing these things makes everything worse, I hate when I hear these comments, everyday is a constant struggle, people think my problems are little ones that shouldn’t bother me, I don’t understand why, I feel gloomy dark and low, I don’t understand how to pick myself up anymore.

  126. “You know, I’ve been feeling pretty depressed recently too….” [long one-sided conversation about how she feels that is nothing like depression]

  127. Thank you SO much for this. Another favourite of mine is, “just go outside, you’ll feel better for getting some sun”. Yeah, right. Sunlight can magically cure over a decade of depression, apparently.

    I’ve tried it. It doesn’t work.

    I wrote a similar article on my blog (www.halfwaybetweenthegutter.wordpress.com), and I’m glad others are speaking out against useless platitudes.

  128. Some gems from my mother, “Take the dog for a long walk, even if you don’t feel like it. Exercise will make you feel better,” and “You need to get a handle on this, because it’s getting ridiculous,” and “I don’t know how you’re ever going to hold down a job.”

  129. Oh, the list is long but so familiar and all the comments, too.

    ‘You would be such a pretty girl if you’d only smile more!’ or ‘Smiling makes people like you!’ These said, mostly by strangers.

    ‘Why do you look so ill?’ I’ve always had very pale skin and prone to dark under eye circles so yes, I know I don’t look that well even with make-up on and trying to look normal, so thank you.

    ‘Just sleep enough and you won’t be so tired anymore’ I feel tired after sleeping 10hours or more, doesn’t help.

    ‘Get some exercise!’ if I had the energy, I would. This is allso the line I get when talking about my weight issues.

    ‘Stop sighing!’ I sigh a lot and it seems to bother many people. I know it makes them feel uncomfortable as speaking with them would be the problem.

  130. I know it’s illegal to say this but, “so what?! who cares?! shoot your brains out already so the rest of us can enjoy our lives”

  131. Crazy bitch! I think it’s medication time. Misery loves company. Quit drowning everyone else in your misery.

  132. Wow…my friend has said nearly all of these to me.

    So much for being there for me, when she tells me my life is ‘perfect’ and I have ‘nothing to complain about’. Sorry I forgot that you have ‘real problems’!

  133. the worst is when random people see you on the street or in a store and just get this big sneering grin on their face or start whistling a song to themselves but directing it at you. they see you coming and they want to let you know extra early that they think you suck

    i have come to realize that not everyone does this, just certain types of shallow people who like to prey on the weak. this behavior increases whenever i am feeling really down, without fail. unfortunately i can not control when i am down or up and this is frustrating because i still have to go out in society and do things to survive

    i invented a quote which i hope will someday become famous after i’m dead. it goes:

    ‘it is far easier and more convenient to extend ones foot to someone who is down, than to extend ones hand’

  134. I love this one-“I thought we were friends, but if you’re not going to talk to me, I guess I was wrong.” My friend says this to me while I’m going thru withdrawl symptoms and wasn’t in condition to talk.
    or,”I don’t like when you talk about death and dying.”
    “what are you depressed about/don’t be so depressed/why are you depressed
    “why don’t you sing anymore? you know what they say, if you don’t use it, you lose it; you need to help out.” (at church)
    “smile!”–ppl have been saying this to me all my life; I want to punch them in the face when I hear this.

  135. I’ve dealt with depression all of my life, i was even placed on Ritalin when i was 10. You guys wouldn’t believe the stuff i had deal with, attempts at suicide to go along with it. But you know that’s the kind of crap our beloved SOCIETY likes to put on innocent people, all this Rocky Balboa tough guy bullshit, i gotta tell ya it’s really getting old not mention really pissing me off to my boiling point. But i’ll just name some of the utter tripe that Society has said to me over the years and i know you guys have had it said to you, i’ve seen it on every single website known to man but i’ll just be quick and painless here, i’ve gotta get to something more positive like the book im about to read which is Phantoms by Dean Koontz. Good book but i’ve never seen the movie but anyway here goes:
    You have a good life knock it off (finished off with a asinine death glare, like that’s supposed to fucking scare me.)
    Screw you and your problems
    Think of the starving children in Africa
    Yeah that’s society for ya, real inspirational eh?
    Well i’ve got a little inspiration of my own for society since they’re so quick and fuckin stupid to put down anyone or anything that doesn’t fit into their own little mold: take your head out of the goddamn Rocky Balboa bullshit because it’s tired not to mention pathetic actually sit down with a depressed person for once in your God Complex control freak existance and actually get to KNOW the person BEFORE YOU JUDGE THEM!!! You know why: BECAUSE THAT PERSON COULD ACTUALLY BE YOU ONE DAY SO SOCIETY TRY AND NOT TO ACTUALLY BE MORONS FOR ONCE IN YOUR MEDDLESOME LITTLE LIVES AND THINK ABOUT THAT!!!

  136. These are awful of course, and we’ve all heard them (or variations thereof) but some of them made me laugh out loud. No, I have not tried chamomile tea. Have you tried throwing yourself out a window?

  137. Reading this list made me feel horrible because so many people really do say these hurtful things. The most hurtful comment I have found is “just do it”. I try to tell people I can’t make myself wake up early or I can’t concentrate, and they respond with “just do it! in a frustrated tone. Don’t they realize that when I say “I can’t”, I mean “I CAN’T”?! It makes me so angry.

  138. Sorry if this overlaps with sexual assault. It’s one of the causes of my depression.

    My mother-
    “You need to dress better/sleep on a better schedule/do more/ help me out more/ go to the barn more/go out more/etc.”
    “You have an excuse for everything.”
    “(yelling tone)I’m not going to lie to you. Life sucks.”

    Ex friend on my depression and sexual assault. One of his friends that assaulted me-
    “You’ve wasted the last 6 months of my life”
    “It’s been 6 months get over it”
    “If you can’t be friends with him (the guy who hurt me), then we (group of friends) can’t be friends with you.
    “what about those poor girls in Africa that are raped AND starving?”

    Another “friend” who was also a friend of the guy.-
    “Stop being a liar and a little bitch. Grow up and get over it. You wanted it.”

    And my ex-best friend, who ended up sleeping with the guy who hurt me.
    “I’ve been up with you till 4 am on a night when I have a chem exam. What else do you want?”
    Nights like these were filled with “Get over it” and “It couldn’t have been that bad” and “What’s the big deal, I’ve had sex with guys, and now you have too!”
    “I’m jealous. I’m going to sleep with him too.”

    My (drunk) father
    “Never let a guy in your pants again.”
    “You need to get off those pills”

    Therapist about my loving and understanding, and my first ever, boyfriend- “You will eventually break up with your boyfriend because everyone needs to go through heart break.”

    My sister- “I’m done. I tried. Come back when you WANT help”

  139. How about:
    “I hate your depression, it’s taking a toll on me. You should be grateful I am still with you. I could have any woman I want. Please take your birth control, the last thing we need is a deformed baby. I can never have a kid with you, you’re crazy. I don’t want to talk about your depression or how it feels, it stresses me out.” etc…

  140. “You’re crazy enough to kill yourself? Wow.” — some jerk after I said I tried to OD on sleep aids
    Apparently it never occurred to this idiot that I was being driven crazy by my constant physical, mental, and emotional pain and that all of that pain made my life barely worth living. I hope he never gets that depressed because I’d hate to think what he would go thru if those are his beliefs on mental illness.

    “Did you take your medicines today?” –mom
    This is just insulting in so many ways, including how it can take awhile to actually find a med that works for you. But my mom always asked me this when I was in REMISSION whenever I was in a bad mood… as though there was something wrong for me to be a bit down on occansion. She stopped asking me that after she went thru depression; now she understands that there is a difference! Thank God. I’m not sure how I’d handle it now that I relapsed… esp. after my depression became treatment-resistant.

    “You’re a slave to your medicines and the drug companies.”
    What a great way to discourage people from getting help or from considering a treatment option that could help them. Let’s get one thing straight: I don’t like having to be on antidepressants. But having debilatating depression is ten times worse! I chose the lesser of two evils. When I was on Prozac, I went into remission and stayed that way; I was normal. When I was taken off it (and put on other antidepressants), I slowly relapsed.

    The meds aren’t happy pills, and in people like me they don’t work that way. They work by letting us have some control over our emotions again… in that we really can choose to be happy when before we couldn’t.

    This stupid comment is sometimes followed up by this one:
    “You’re too drugged up to really know how you should feel.”
    This one also implies that our opinions are invalid because we take these meds. Don’t listen to crazy people… even when they’ve been treated or are being treated. Because the treatment makes them worse… or something along those lines. Their feelings are fake. Honestly I don’t know how these sorts of people think. 😉 Regardless I think it’s safe to say the vast majority of them have NEVER had a mental illness, so they have absolutely no perspective on the matter.

    “Grow up.” — yet another jerk
    I sometimes get very irritable when I have depression, and when I’m irritable enough I yell and cry over the dumbest things and sometimes say illogical, irrational, or hurtful things. I HATE when that happens because it makes me feel like a two-year-old having a temper tatrum and I don’t like hurting other people. It makes me feel pathetic and just all-around awful. Yet I can’t help it either right now. I don’t need some idiot reminding me of how babyish I’m being; it only reconfirms how I already feel about myself.

    This one is also related to the #1 thing you should never say to someone with any mental illness:

    “Snap out of it.”

    If only it were that easy… The simple truth is that we can’t, and that’s part of the problem. It’s like we stuck in a rut. We try so hard to ‘snap out of it,’ but nothing seems to work.

    At least all that’s true until we get professional help– then we start to recover. 🙂 In other words we can’t really do it on our own at first the way other people can.

  141. You’re just not normal so you try to be different- mom

    It’s you’re own fault for not getting help- sister

    I don’t think you’re shy I think you’re just rude- #@$#$ of a mental health worker in school aka the reason I avoid therapy,do not trust doctors and one of the reasons I after years of verbal abuse from her don’t think I am worth saving

  142. Suicide is the most selfish thing you can do

    You’re a hypochondriac too by thinking something is wrong with you

    But you don’t have highs and you were never happy even when you were a kid

  143. -They give out antidepressants like candy

    -Oh you’re just a teenager you’ll grow out of it (I’m 20 now what now?)

    -You just need to pull yourself out of it I was depressed once but I got over it now I get up and go for a walk and I feel better

    -You just like attention

    -You just need to exercise it helps I learned that in psychology it help everyone (sister)

    -You have just developed unhealthy ways of dealing with your problems but you’re just a teenager (my doctor referring to my self injury)

    -The suicide rate is higher for minors on antidepressants than off (doctor-what if you include the number of people they told this to and never reported as depressed? I bet they killed themselves)

  144. “You’re not living up to your full potential”
    “You’re lazy.”
    “You have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps.”
    “You’ve got to see the glass as half full”
    “That’s very selfish of you to think that way” (after saying that I sometimes had thoughts of suicide.)
    “You should lighten up on yourself and enjoy life because you only have one.” “I don’t get what your deal is” (obviously) “You’re almost never happy” (gee…) “I don’t really care for excuses and I think that everyone is exactly as happy as they want/choose to be. So if you’re unhappy I’m not going to blame your parents because you don’t have to care what they say and you don’t have to let them get to you. You choose to let them get to you.” (Funny enough, despite how much I try and don’t want these words to get to me, they still do. It’s been quite some time.) “Just make up your mind that you’re fine…” I feel tears beginning to well up when I encounter these words again.

  145. “Why are you always sad. You should be happy because our salary will be increased”-someone at work. SO PATHETIC!!! They always think that money can by happiness.

    Read all the list, but tried hard to finish it. Even a non-depressed person will become depress of this words.

  146. After I tried to tell my BFF about it:
    “Saying things to make me feel bad isn’t nice!”

    The ones about “helping yourself” and “you have the power to change it” are the ABSOLUTE WORST especially for children and teens or people with a history of addiction

  147. All this is exactly why I don’t speak to people about my depression. I mean what’s the chance of someone actually careing?

    I can pin point a large number of these that have been said by my family (mostly my mother and brother) and even a professional phsycologist, who I spoke to at the phsyco ward in the hospital. I have no respect for those people…

  148. When people say “I never want to hear you say that word (suicide) again”. Like I have a choice or can just flip a switch and make the thoughts go away.

  149. ‘Get over yourself’ -a friend

    ‘Why can’t you be normal’ -people

    ‘Why can’t you be more like *insert name of ex best friend*?’ -mother

    ‘You’re being selfish! Other people don’t even have the chance to live!’ – a friend after talking about how pointless life is and how the government forces a certian lifestyle upon society.

    ‘You’re an emo f*cktard’ -a person

  150. ” Is it really that bad?”-mother
    “you need to cheer up”-mother
    “quit being so mopey”- a friend
    ” these feelings are just Satan holding you back-a friend
    “you just need to get laid”-father
    “you have no reason to be sad, you don’t know what real pain is”-father
    “don’t diagnose yourself, it may not be it could be something else”- mother
    “why do you feel this way”- mother

  151. “When you ran track in college, you were so strong….” and ” But you are so smart….” and WORST and most offensive and showing of lack of understanding of the DISEASE….”But you made it through law school, you obviously can’t have a real problem.”

  152. Several of them little jewels I’ve heard from my husband, who believes he’s supportive when that fog takes me in. I want more than anything to seek professional help, but we’re without insurance now. I wait for it to pass and try not to let it show, to avoid confrontation. When I told him I’d attempted suicide many years ago, he looked at me as if someone had mistakenly unlocked the door to the farm and he grabbed the wrong girl. He’s since claimed to understand, but I’ll never forget it, which is why I still don’t believe his “support”.

  153. I have a 13 month old son and have suffered the worst depression since shortly after he was born. I love it when my mother says
    ” you can’t do this, you have to talk to yourself and tell yourself it’ll be ok cause you have a son who needs you”
    Really…and that makes me feel sooo much better when I know my son needs me and my hubby has to take care of him

  154. I have found that people who have never been touched by depression
    in any way cannot understand the concept of it. As such they say the
    most ridiculous things. My father is a prime example with the “sort
    yerself out”/ “pull yer socks up” kind of comments.

    Even friends who do empathize with you, soon tire of the condition
    and especially of hearing about it.

    I tried keeping it to myself but became introverted and didnt see
    anyone unless they explicitly organised to see me or came to my house. I
    was still ok in their company – it was more the organising I couldnt do
    – but they soon fell away thinking I wasnt interested in friendship.

  155. “Are you feeling any better?”
    And then when I tell them “No,” I get, “You’re really starting to piss
    me off.”
    I’ve also gotten, “If you’re going to clog the limelight with
    self-pity…” followed by passive-aggressive reasons why I should feel
    better and let them help me.
    -From one of my “best friends”.

    “I’m going to force you to eat/volunteer/see a psychiatrist.”
    “Don’t lay in bed all day, it’s depressing.”
    -From my mother, who has suffered from depression for as long as I can
    remember.

  156. …long involved story about someone she knows who has kidney disease
    and still manages to be upbeat, followed by:
    “so at least you’re not dying!” — my mother

    Important note: This cheery comment came six weeks after I’d
    actually gone into respiratory failure after an overdose. So instead of
    being uplifting, it was just a reminder of how I’d failed.

  157. “Shut the fuck up and quite being a damn baby, you fucking pussy.
    God, no wonder no one likes being around you” -everyone

    “Who cares, ive got bigger shit” -friends

    “Get a grip, and stop whining”-mom

    Worst of them all

    “If you would stop being a bitch and stop hosting a pity party,
    you’d be better” -asshats

  158. How about this from my only sister when I expressed suicidal
    feelings, “Don’t leave messages for me like that..I can’t deal with you
    so don’t call me when you feel like that.”

  159. I sure nodded my head all through that list of platitudes and “worst
    things to say”. I have noticed that people tend to drop those lines in
    response not only to those who are depressed, but also to folks facing
    almost any difficulty— social anxiety, serious interpersonal or family
    conflict, trauma, harassment, you name it! people drop these
    blame-the-victim (survivor!) platitudes— and I DONT
    KNOW WHY!!!!??!!

    It has got to be especially hard on those struggling with trauma
    and/or depression.

  160. People who don’t know what it’s like can be insensitive.

    I have dealt with depression since I was a teenager, and most people
    don’t know what to say. But if you think about it… really, what could
    they say?

    I’ve been told “snap out of it” um “get a hobby” to pray, etc… if
    there were something I could do to make it go away, I would
    have done it. But they don’t know that. So what could they say?

  161. “ you must be hiding something, there’s something your not telling
    me… Are you gay?” – dad

    “man up, only women are depressed” – dad

    Or when friends try to hook me up with somebody, as if I wasn’t
    depressed with my ex’s

  162. My mother has suffered from depression all of her life. After
    reading all the comments, please help me to understand what would be the
    right thing to say to someone who suffers from that disease? It is
    damm hard on anyone to see a loved one suffer.
    What is the right thing to say? What is it?
    Depression ruins lives, also the lives of the ones who have to live and
    care for people with depression. This is not a one way street!

  163. “I had a worse childhood and adolescence than you and I don’t
    complain”; I hear this and the whole drama of my mother’s life often, as
    well as “If you’re going to cry do it away from me”. It really hurts.

  164. i only call my family when i think i’m gonna go mad from loneliness.
    but then after talking to them i’m seriously convinced that suicide is
    the only solution. my beloved DOG is the only
    thing that keeps me alive.

    “Think about what you are doing to me!”
    “Don’t you see are hurting us with this?!”
    “Hey, why don’t you go to that football-watching party right now, k?
    Bye!” (soccer for u americans ;))
    “Go eat something!”
    “It’s because you don’t eat enough meat.”
    “It’ll go away once you have kids to care for!”
    “Stop being like that!”
    ….

  165. “ Look at how the years are just flying by and time is just passing
    us up”(my fed up boyfriend) Or,“You know if you kill yourself you’ll
    just end up in hell.” And my personal favorite,“Our relationship is
    going nowhere. When I met you so and so weren’t even dating back then
    and now look at them. They’re married, have a house, and careers.”

  166. my dad always tells me “SNAP OUT OF IT” LIKE REALLY I CANT JUST SNAP OUT OF IT WTF AHHH WTF I HATE IT WHEN PPL TELL ME THAT FUCKEN CRAP

  167. Got long term depression and it got out of control. Used to be
    reliable for work and had a very good relationship with my exboss. But
    couldn’t woke or care anymore when the depression worsen.
    “if I am not your friend, I would have writen you up and fire you. I
    cannot depend on you for any thing” even after I told him I have severe
    depression and broken down at work.
    “Its not that bad” when I complain about the job, but he himself quit
    because he has been kick and yelling for how bad he job was.
    “drink some boose and smoke you will feel better”. — after I toldi can’t
    becoz of drug interaction and I hate smoking and drinking.

  168. ‘‘you are just coward and lazy’‘

    from someone claimed to be my most sensitive friend. the words still
    rings sometimes in my ears.

  169. my mom—“you did this to yourself”
    “You don’t have depression it’s just anxiety”
    “eat something, you look horrible”
    “Everybody feels this way”
    “Your such a joy to be around” (sarcastically)

  170. I’ve gotten
    “Grow up!” and “Snap out of it!” countless times.

    “You need to get out and live your life.”
    You know, I would do that if I could…

    “Why don’t you go out and get some exercise for a change?”

    “Oh my god!” followed by an eyeroll and slammed door after
    explaining that being around lots of people is too stressful to deal
    with.

  171. “You think you have it bad, you haven’t got a clue what I’m going
    through…”
    and then they usually say something rather trivial.
    Or even:
    “Stop being so selfish, think of other people who aren’t as well off as
    you are, so suck it up”.
    Are those on here?

  172. “Are you sure you not making this out to be more than it is, after
    all, with the way you’ve been acting the past couple of months it’s like
    you want to make people think you’re suffering.”

    “It’s just a phase, get over it.”

    “Oh, cool. Hey, guess who I talked to last night! My boyfriend! God,
    it’s such a shame you don’t have one… Hey, that’d probably make you
    snap out of this melodramatic sh*t!” (Just after I confessed to my best
    friend that the couple of months I spent without venturing out of my
    house except to go to school were because I couldn’t face life)

  173. “your fine its just teenage problems itll go soon” my mum after
    tellin her id been self harming for 2 and a half years, that i was
    getting to suicidal for it to be teenage stuff i need help
    i took three months and an overdose to get to the doctors
    “im worried sick about you i cant sleep”
    “i dont know if i even shout at you if you do something ur not supposed
    to”
    treat me like a normal person
    “shut the fuck up i dont care”
    “do i care?”

  174. “You’re not even trying.” – Boyfriend

    Yeah, okay. I only see the therapist every week and take my pills
    everyday, read stupid amounts of self-help books and try to talk about
    my feelings. Seems like I do everything I’m told is supposed to work.
    At least he apologized after he realized it was a completely idiotic
    thing to say.

    This is a great thread.

  175. Ummm, so what the heck SHOULD you say?
    Knowing someone who is depressed is extremely draining when that person
    complains and whines contantly, yet, does nothing to help herself.

  176. ‘What you need is a good nights sleep’

    ‘Tomorrow’s another day’

    ‘You have nothing to be depressed about and DONT
    TAKE THOSE PILLS

    The top one is the phrase I cant abide the most. Hell if sleep was
    the cure why am I getting up and going to work!?

  177. Those are all not helpful – and at the same time some are true. My
    son has depression and from all the stories I see about ppl who have
    survived, they all say you have to want to change and they all say that
    it is important to say that it will get better, it will not be so bad
    forever. So what do I say to my son?

  178. The Worst thing that was ever said to me, and hurt the most, was by
    my bf. “ NORMAL people don’t act like this! I
    have to think about this relationship. I don’t need this!”

  179. “stop trying to tell me your problems, i don’t care!”- sister.

    “just shut up, and quit pretending..”-sister again.

    “stop acting like this everyone knows depressed people cut
    themselves, you have to be emo to act like this!”- My best friend..

    “stop making this out as more than it is..your just going through a
    phase.”- mom

  180. alot of what ive read here, ive heard… but the worst ive ever heard
    someone say to me was “here, have fun and dont come back” said to me by
    my ex-gf while she handed me a knife…

  181. but then how do u expect people to respond ??

    I have a friend who’s depressed, and i have to admit, i might have
    said a couple of those things on that list, its just that we do not know
    how to react or what we should be saying…

  182. i think if we had a righteous partner in life, things would feel
    better. when things arent righteous-it feels like shit

  183. Things will get better. Yea right 34 years latter no change. This
    statement, “things will get better” is the worst I know and I have heard
    lots.

  184. “You’re a handsome guy…you could get any girl you want…how can you
    be depressed?” – Said to me, straight male with depression.

    Another favorite of mine is when they tell me something like “I
    started out with ten dollars in the bank, and now I have $$$$. I’m
    proof that it can be done!” (as if depression comes from lack of
    possessions)

  185. Years ago I got from my mom a nice “I’d be depressed too with the
    stuff that happens to me, but I can’t afford to be depressed” I still
    wonder…can I? She said it like it was a luxury to afford being
    depressed…living depressed…if you can call it a living, that is.
    Still haunts me…years and years after, now that I’m very depressed
    again…I can only hear her and it makes me feel so lonely!

  186. I probably said a half of those things to my sister. I hate myself
    for that now. Of course my cousins aren’t helping at all. Sometimes I
    want to scream “Who the hell are you to judge when you won’t even move
    your fat-ass!”.

  187. I get fed up with the expectations. All the shoulds tht everyone
    has. “You should workout more” or “you should try eating better” how
    about the famous “why aren’t you doing better, you’re so smart and
    creative, you should be better than this” “you shouldn’t isolate
    yourself”

    I know what I should and should not do. Kowing isn’t the problem.
    Knowing how is sometimes a differen story. Don’t tell me what to do,
    just tell me you love me, be there when I want to talk and don’t judge
    me if I don’t want to.

    Don’t try t solve it, it’s something that I have to do for me, and
    don’t act like I’m crazy becsaue this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had
    to deal with in my life and if you can’t uderstand that then what right
    do you really have in telling me what I should or should nt do?

  188. “The world doesn’t revolve around you.” My mum said this. I said the
    same thing back to her and she said “actually it does!”

  189. “Its all in your head, I went through the same thing, you’ll just
    get out of it” etc
    “I know you, you wouldn’t hurt yourself so stop talking about it”
    “Your spoiled.”

  190. “Oh, for once I was actually in a good mood and you had to go and
    spoil it for me! Thank you, now I feel like shit, too! “

    “Okay, so you’re unhappy. Did you even TRY
    to do something about it, instead of staying there, pitying yourself? “

    “You have this destructive tendency to make others feel bad”

    “I don’t dislike you, I just hate the way you think! “

    “If you don’t manifest all of your deep and profound feelings
    they’re useless anyway; so why bother with them when you’re ice-cold in
    the first place? “

    “You are missing a crucial element in your life and there’s no nicer
    way of putting it. You need LOVE

    “I know this isn’t helping you at all, but … “

    Then why the Hell are you saying it ?!

    “Okay, now you just blocked me. Why would you say something like
    that? What are you implying with that remark? “ – after I started
    getting pissed at the reactions I was receiving.

  191. “but you were doing so well…”
    said after obtaining a goal in life and then later falling depressed.
    also said in a ‘why do you have to mess everything up’ way.

    “don’t say that!” (I’m feeling depressed)
    (from a healthcare professional)

    have a good nights sleep (pointless, but extra frustrating when you
    also have insommnia)

  192. Wow, I heard alot of these, and alot of these are pretty messed up.
    But you know, when you have someone you can open up to. . It’s the best
    thing in the world.
    But when you loose that person and those chances. . It completely sucks,
    cause then you feel alone. And you don’t want to burden anyone with
    your problems. .

  193. I know, totally. I just read through the list and I realized that
    over half the list of stuff on that has been said to me. >_<
    Of course, they only made me feel worse.

  194. “how do you expect to get better if you dont even TRY?“ – “friend”
    “I hate life too and I don’t wanna wake up in the morning or go to work
    either” – mother
    “It’s your fault” – father
    “I don’t know what to say” – many people
    “lazy!” – “friend”
    “do you go to church?” – physician psychotherapist
    “go to school and get your education”
    “stop complaining”
    “you’re so negative”
    “there’s nothing even going on in your life!!!”
    “go home and think about what can make you happy and come back in 2
    weeks and tell me” – psychotherapist again..
    “you need to eat better and exercise and you won’t be so tired”
    -“friend”
    eww you sleep so much” -“friend”
    “I know how you feel…explains ther problems to make me think
    their life is worse so I should be happy

    “you dont even have it THAT
    bad I don’t see why you’re depressed”
    “pray and things will get better!!”- “friend”

  195. “well if you’re going to kill yourself, your going to kill yourself,
    nobody can stop you.” – best friend on hearing that I had been
    struggling with suicidal thoughts

    “you should get a different doctor” “why haven’t you gone to a
    therapist?” “you shouldn’t be on medication” “you’ve been seeing that
    therapist for months, it’s clearly not working” “you shouldn’t be taking
    antidepressants” “have you talked to your doctor about increasing your
    dosage” “this is really hard on us, we never sleep at night because
    we’re sick with worry” “it’s because you’re not eating properly” “it’s
    because you’re not organized” “it’s because you don’t spend your money
    properly” “can’t you go on stress leave?”

    “we’re not surprised. We’ve been observing patterns” a CBC boss.

    “we had to pay for you to go see a psychiatrist for an appraisal. We
    had to pay for it” same boss.

    “you’re selfish and a coward” – parents after reading in my journal
    that I was feeling suicidal.

  196. I agree, with all of you. and i feel for you. i hate being
    depressed… others think that we can just pull ourselves right out of it
    but, its just not that simple and no one understands that. i have only
    told two of my friends about my depression because i wouldnt be able to
    stand what any one else would say. my one friend who i have known for
    ever told me to “get over it, its all in ur head!” then rolled her eyes.
    my second friend is trying but i dont see her much, she says if i ever
    get that upset i can talk to her. but, what if i get so upset i attemp
    to kill myself? i wouldn’t go to anyone to stop me if i wanted to die. i
    am afraid of people’s reaction, so i have chosen to suffer in silence…

  197. My brother’s friend, in response to his negative thinking and
    suicide attempt, suggested to him, “Have you ever considered that maybe
    it’s just your time?”

  198. Are all of us depressed. Watsup with this depression thing?? Is
    there no definite cure or is there not something we can do collectively
    as people who’ve been through it so we can help each other out.

  199. my personal favorite has to be ‘next time you want to kill yourself
    let me know and i’ll help’from my ‘lovely’ ex boyfriend that i’d dumped
    my actually lovely husband for

  200. These are little tidbits from people who know I’ve been suffering
    from depression for years…

    `“Tell me what I can do to cheer you up”
    `“We all love you”
    `“I am just going to stop inviting you because you never come”
    `“Where did I go wrong with you” – Mother
    `“All you do is stay in your room. You need to go out more”
    `“You’re not getting any younger… you need to start living your life”

  201. 75. Who gives a fuck?! my life is harder than yours so quit
    complianing and go do your chores. – dad

    Go tell someone else cause i dont have time. -mom

    look, you’ve been dealing with this for how ling now? so just go
    take your pills and do what you always do to make yourself NORMAL again. – self proclaimed “best friend”

  202. Said to me by mother
    -Build a bridge and get over it – Just snap out of it you silly little
    girl
    -Act your age, not your mentality.
    -You’re not the only one wit problems.
    -Take some panadol

    Said to me by friends – This is the Devil’s doing. You stopped
    believing in God
    -Go back to Church
    -It is never as bas as you think it is, we don’t think its that bad. You
    are just pretending.

  203. 20 Nov 2009

    I’ve heard or thought most of the things posted… it’s been three
    years now…. no sign of respite.

    From previous post:

  204. “Don’t make excuses for yourself.” (Accompanied by an eye-roll.)

    Said to me by my sibling when I was explaining why it’s hard to take
    care of myself when depressed.

  205. “You are attracting negative energy, and the more you spend your
    time feeling bad, the more negative energy you’re going to get.”

  206. “Isn’t socializing more fun than just sitting around feeling sorry
    for yourself?” – said to me by a psychiatrist I was seeking help from.
    The main reason why I decided to fake that I’m better and not visit her
    again, although as a student I get free “treatment” there.
    “Just snap out of it already, will you?”, “You obviously want to be this
    way. I give up.” – my sister.

  207. WOW, I CAN RELATE TO EVERY SINGLE THING SAID ON HERE, HEARD IT ALL…YEA PEOPLE ARE THERE..TILL THEY GET FED UP WITH YOU.

  208. “How long is this going to last?”
    “Why are you depressed”

    If I knew the answers…do you think I’d have this fuzzy smothering
    blanket of depression on me?

    I’ve come to consider it a Zen type state of being…I don’t care, no
    one cares, just me and the big Guy in the Sky trudging through day by
    day…

  209. Arrin: OMG, my dad says that all the time.
    It always worked to make me feel guilty…

    Most of these are from him:

    (angrily) “Do you have ANY JOY in your life?”

    “I can’t even look at your face when you’re like this.”

    “You’re using these pills as a crutch.” (WTF
    is wrong with crutches?! Also, even though most people use them for
    short periods to heal, others use them their whole lives, AND IT’S OKAY.)

    Anything that is a “tough love” “scare you straight” type of thing.

    “You aren’t contributing enough to this household. You just take and
    take.”

    “I don’t buy this ‘depression’ idea. You’ve ALWAYS
    been like this.” (Yes! I have been depressed most of my life!)

    “You don’t have any excuse for not coming
    out/visiting/calling/emailing!”

    “But first, can’t you admit that part of you secretly wants to be
    this way?”

  210. -Why don’t you try smiling occasionally?

    -Usually, you just kinda zombie through your day. It’s weird.

    -You’re a very negative person.

    -You just want to be one of those ‘things’. (My Dad, referring to
    anyone who suffers depression)

  211. You’re a very smiley girl. I was always see you laughing and joking
    around with your friends. How can you say you’re depressed?
    [They’re not my friends and it’s called faking it you dumbass.]

  212. After he told me he cares about me and lets talk about it, he told
    me to shut up.
    From my loving boyfriend

    My dad says things like “it’s always got to be about you doesn’t it”
    and “You need to get your priorities straight”

    Nice things to say considering I just watched my mom die of cancer.

  213. my personal favourite worst thing ever said was from a roommate in
    university.

    “you know what you should do? go for a run. you’d feel so much
    better.”

    i hadn’t been able to get out of bed (except to pee) for 3 days. she
    did apologise later for being insensitive.

  214. I have a friend, who, when I talked to her about being depressed and
    suicidal, responded by telling me a list of the problems she was having
    with her boyfriend and how sad she was about it.

    She didn’t seem too interested in what was going on with me…almost
    like one-upmanship.

    The worst thing though is to say nothing, and not be available to
    someone at all, to not call back, to be absent as a friend if I try to
    reach out. That’s the worst rejection, and at the worst time.

  215. “Just do your homework. I know you can do it. Do it for me.” – The
    reason I’m not doing it is because I CAN’T.
    Got it?
    “You need to sleep more, okay?”
    “You need to eat.”
    “How was your day?” – Honestly, pretty much everyday is the same, a
    struggle. But I have to lie and say that my day was ok.

    And even though my bf says that he’s “always there for me to cheer
    me up” he always gets really upset when I try to talk to him about my
    depression and he just doesn’t get it. I feel so guilty for not being
    able to put myself 100% into our relationship, especially when he says
    things along the lines of what I said above.

    Also my friend likes to continually ask me
    “Why don’t you love me anymore?”
    “What’s wrong with you?”
    “Why are you always so tired?”
    I don’t hate her, I’m just always too depressed to deal with her.

  216. “You just need to get off your @$$ and do something already!” – my
    boyfriend. I’ve been with him for over a year, and have struggled with
    depression for years, but managed to overcome it for a while, until a
    miscarriage six months ago triggered it. I haven’t been able to go out
    and socialize or work or be anything less than a burden to him since
    then.

    “We’d like you better if you were less of a buzz-kill.” – some
    friends who ‘care’ about me. We were drinking, and he asked me why I was
    always so miserable. I told him it was because I felt worthless and
    insignificant. He took it to mean that I thought that THEY
    made me feel like that.

  217. after i explained the symptoms of depression: “that just sounds like
    laziness” and “of course you’re gonna feel that way if you always think
    about unhappy things” also, upon learning that i have had extended
    periods of depression in the past: “well, you’ve had it before so you
    should be able to deal with it by now” -my roommate

  218. I hate it when people say ‘you should be out socilising!’ or ‘you
    need to grow up and take responiability, you’re not a child anymore, you
    need to help out with the family!’ – I was fourteen at the time and
    have yet to forgive my dad. Mostly likly never will.

  219. “You do it to yourself. You put yourself in the position to be hurt
    so it’s your fault. No one can feel bad for you because you ask for
    it. That pisses me off because you do it to yourself and then complain
    about it.” HELLO no SHIT,
    I need help, not your whinning…way to go “best-friend.”

  220. “You’re an emo kid, quit whinging”
    “Go slit your wrists already”
    “Go and exercise, you’ll feel better!” I hate that one, I can barely get
    out of bed, what makes you think I can walk a mile???
    “You don’t really have depression, it’s your astrological sign” WTF? From my stupid ex.
    “It’s because you’re a Criminal Justice major. You should have gone into
    Biotech.” What?

  221. I know you’re depressed, but what am I supposed to do about it?
    I’m just tired of hearing about it. Tell it to the doctor.

    -Ano

  222. “I’m sick of looking at your sour face, pull your sock’s up would
    you”
    “you need to get out more, it’s not healthy”
    “your not making this easy for us”
    “your making a real mess of yourself” when i get anxious i tend to pick
    at my skin
    “have you got a job yet”
    “you need to try harder, that’s your problem”
    “try going for a walk”
    “you look ill”
    “if you struggle through this and others are managing maybe your just
    not good enough” struggling through my degree…
    “you’ll get over it”
    “be grateful for what you have”
    “don’t lose anymore weight” I’ve dropped 15 kilo’s since christmas and i
    can’t help it, its sad no one can approach me and try to help they
    ignore anything is wrong with me it makes me so angry and i just take it
    out on myself, I just wanna scream! It helps by venting though.
    All quotes spoken by my dad and step mum

  223. “You’re a basket case!”
    and
    “If it wasn’t for me they would have locked you in a padded cell.”

    from my (now former) partner {:-(
    who said I was bringing him down…
    I’m better off alone than trying to please someone else

  224. “I’m here for you”. That’s what my family and friend always say.
    When I want to talk I can’t find the words to express myself and
    everyone either gets real quiet or they immediately change the subject.
    Been to psychiatrist, counselers and clergy for the past 30 years. I
    have come to the conclusion that no one really cares. I go to bed and I
    pray that I won’t wake up and in the morning I realize that I am not
    even good enough for death, heaven or hell.

  225. “It’s all in your head”
    “you’re exaggerating, it’s not that bad. You’re wrong, I don’t want to
    listen to this anymore, I’m leaving. You’re psychotic”
    “I knew what it was like to be in love before – I don’t know why you
    can’t be more like her. I actually liked being with her.”
    “Do you know how much you look like your mother? She’s like 30 years
    older than you! Ugh!”

  226. My sister is a licensed neuropsychologist. During a depressive
    episode, she said to me to “Be Happy.” I know she was meaning to relay
    kind words, but I felt like clocking her. If she said “get well,” I
    would have appreciated it. “Be Happy?” From a licensed
    neuropsychologist? I love her, but I felt like calling for the
    revocation of her license!

  227. “You’ve turned into a complete LOON!”
    “You’re a train-wreck”
    “All you do is complain, cry, and sleep, you don’t even have a life
    anymore!”
    -these by a “supportive” boyfriend

    “Do you know how guilty you are trying to make me feel?”
    “All you need is exercise to get back to your ‘normal’ weight and you’ll
    be happy”
    -Mom

  228. No one wants to be around that! – friend

    You bring everyone else down.- friend

    She got DEPRESSED because she lost her
    rabbit? (a “friend” laughing about another person’s depression)

    I can’t tell anyone about my depression and I thought church would
    be the first place I could go. Sad.

    1. This may come as a surprise to a worthless sack of shit like them, but animals are someONE not someTHING. If they aren’t smart enough to know that, they’re the one who doesn’t deserve to be here and they sure as hell don’t deserve to be called anyone’s “friend.” All these things on the list have been said to or about me, I have never said these nor will I, and this gets under my skin to no other end.

  229. whats your problem?….your phsycho ,you need help , im not
    responsible for your depressions, why your crying ,grow up ,stop being
    selfish ,im leaving you ….if you do this again!and there is more
    ….saying by boyfriend

  230. “You know I’m here for you but I’m going to give up if you don’t
    snap out of it.” – friend

    “You need chocolate” – friend

    “You don’t need medicine, you just don’t have enough to do. Why
    don’t you get a job?” from my own mother who has bipolar disorder. Oh
    well…

  231. Try getting out and working in the yard, you’ll feel better (my
    mother).— I hated working in the yard before the depression.

    Get up and get busy and you won’t have time to think about it (my
    mother).

    Look at all the things you have to be happy about (my minister).

    Just try thinking about other things (my mother).

    This is all Satan’s doing (a friend).

    You should get back in church and use the beautiful voice God gave
    you (same friend).

    When I’m down, I just deal with it myself (my mother).

  232. I had thought mu husband went into my daughters room to tell her
    something but i was mistaken and when i asked him about it he asked me
    if i was a skitzo as well. wow is all i could say. —jenn

  233. Sometimes people just need to do some of the more motivational
    things on this list. Sitting around doing nothing makes you more
    depressed in my personal experience. There is happiness and fun out
    there. Depressed people (sometimes myself) are just worse at finding it
    than others. Think of the positive and good things will happen. Think of
    how depressed you are and you only compound the problem.

    To all the people who think “I should just kill myself” or the like
    after hearing some person say these things…..quit being so melodramatic.
    Other people are way worse off than you are!

  234. Once my father wanted me to help him fill out a medical history form
    for his insurance at work.. I told him I was going to put a check next
    to Depression (mine) and he said, “No.” I said, “But I have Depression.
    I’ve taken medication for it.” (He knows this) He simply said, “No
    you haven’t.” It was like he was embarrassed so he had to deny it.
    I’ve never felt worse about myself.

  235. “I understand you’re depressed, but do you have any idea how hard
    you’re making this on me and our child?” My wife

  236. “God never gives you more than you can handle”

    we are just dealt cards in life…I would hope God doesn’t playout
    that I deserve the LOT in this life….

  237. There’s a LOT of backstory behind this
    one, but suffice it to say I’m a former Christian, and deconverted in
    the last two years, but have suffered from undiagnosed (but disturbingly
    depressive) symptoms for far longer:

    “If being an atheist is so great, why are you so depressed/want to
    kill yourself?”

  238. “I know that you’re depressed. But it drags me down and makes me not
    want to be around you when you get like this.” Told to me by my bf,
    after trying to explain to him that I don’t choose to
    be depressed. Another thing he says to me, after crying about nothing
    (to him anyway), “Do you have something you need to tell me?” which is
    his code for ‘Have you been cheating on me’

    1. Omg!!! I had the same thing happened to me too!! I know the feeling… And then you have my ex getting depressed because he thought I was cheating in him. Then his depression went away, and mine is still there. His last words were, “maybe if you had more friends, you wouldn’t be like this……”

  239. “why dont you smile” someone that doesnt even know me.

    “why dont you talk much” the only words i heard this girl say in 2
    hours

    “little emo kid”

    “i wish she’d drop dead” a friend to a friend about me

    thnxx rhi sum friend u r

  240. It’s all in your mind.
    You just like having the excuse to be lazy. (after I was signed off work
    as had panic attack in front of a class)
    You don’t know what is you and what is the medication.
    Really you should just smile more.
    I’m sick of your stupid moping get out there and do something.
    All my mum! lol helpful woman she is!!

    1. No shit.

      I think we just want someone to understand us and lsn to us (w/o judgement) and love us (unconditionally).

      I hope you find that person, Calvin, or whatever you’re seeking.

      <3

  241. My mum’s favorite thing to do is rip out the magazine inserts for
    new anti-depressants and bring them to me. “Look, Cymbalta! This sounds
    just like you!”

  242. “what’s wrong with YOU?” – Often, from
    randomw strangers in the supermarket etc, in response to my anxiety.

  243. 11. “I’m tired of your b*llsh*t”, said by my ex before leaving me.
    All the others on the list, btw, I’ve heard from a ‘friend’, who wonders
    why I’m avoiding her. So go F-off yourself, to both of you, or go F
    each other, as I know you do now.

  244. “what do you want me to do? Slash my wrists?!” from my bf when we
    were arguing after I told him that I didn’t believe him about something
    and he wanted to know how he could “prove” to me he was serious.

    and “I don’t need this!!” I think he was referring
    to my depression.

  245. “You’re looking too deep into this, stop putting yourself down even
    more. There are other ways to deal with depression then sit there and
    sulk. You’re not the girl that used to be my best friend. It’s like I
    don’t know you anymore.”

  246. It is not my duty to be bothered by your illness. Do not poison me
    with your misery. (Last words from my ex-friend)

  247. snap out of it man there are other people who are depressed to you
    know you just need to get a hobby or some thing and evry thing will be
    okay.
    i wanted to punch him then after he said that

  248. You’re more like your mother that way; your sister and I were always
    able to get over things and move on with life. Just don’t dwell on it.
    (spoken by my father)

  249. “well I don’t have that problem” – a “friend” who claims to “care
    very deeply and will always be there”

  250. “I’m the one that has to listen to all of this, all the time. What
    do you have to be upset about?” – a “friend” who prides herself on
    “being there” for me.

  251. “it cant be as bad as you think it is” is that on here? my mom just
    said this to me. i am too depressed to read the whole thing

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