How Depression May Affect Your Life

Image: Flaming June by Frederic Lord Leighton
Flaming June by Frederic Lord Leighton
    • Your place is a mess; laundry and dishes are piled up, mail is unopened, etc. (Assuming you usually stay on top of these things).
    • You’ve been making excuses to friends why you can’t get together with them, or you’re telling them you’re “just too tired.”
    • You’ve really let yourself go – you’re wearing clothes that make you look dumpy, you’ve stopped exercising, you’re not shaving unless it’s absolutely necessary.

  • You’re wearing mostly dark colors.
  • You’re putting off things that need to be done: your car registration, taking that book back to the library, buying a birthday present for someone.
  • You can’t remember the last time you laughed a real laugh.
  • You don’t feel like you can handle your job anymore, even though nothing has changed so far as increased workload or responsibility.
  • You’re drinking or using drugs to escape the pain.
  • You’ve been to the doctor a lot recently, for things like headaches, stomach aches, fatigue, but the doctor can’t find anything wrong. Or you have convinced yourself you have a life-threatening illness – AIDS or cancer or a tumor.
  • You wake up in the middle of the night, and can’t go back to sleep. During the day you sleep a lot to escape from your life.
  • It takes you a whole weekend to do chores that used to only occupy a morning.
  • Since you’ve lost interest in things you used to enjoy doing, you try a lot of different activities in the hopes that you can find something to occupy your time.
  • You have no ability to imagine or conceive of your life even a few days ahead – no plans, no hopes. You can’t even be sure you’ll still be here.
  • You wear the same clothes a few days in a row – choosing new ones is too much effort.
  • You lose things, you lose track of things and can’t always remember what day it is.
  • You’ve pretty much stopped eating, or caring what you eat and whether it tastes good.
  • On the flip side, you may be eating all the time because you’re bored and hope that food will somehow satisfy the vacant feeling you have.
  • You’ve lost interest in sex or even physical affection. Hugging someone doesn’t feel any different from leaning against a wall.
  • You’re reading escapist books (fantasy, sci-fi, romance, mystery) with little effort, but anything more demanding mentally (the classics, reading for school) is too much effort.
  • You’re avoiding talking to anyone to whom you have an obligation (your boss, friends who you’re ignoring).
  • You’re watching TV constantly – lying on the couch or on/in your bed flicking the remote seems to be the most effort you can deal with.
  • You hope you don’t run into anyone you know while you’re out. Not only is maintaining a normal conversation difficult, but you are sure they’ll notice something is wrong with you.

I hope these examples help to clarify things. Also see Reflections on Depression.

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259 Comments

  1. I recognise and remember so many of these miserable experiences. Depression is just such a cruel place to be. You want to feel better but trying new things just seems to take so much effort. But you know, it is possible. I struggled the way you are now for 21 years until I finally realised that I had to eliminate the main cause of stress in my life, and learn to cope better with others. Recovery from depression is a kind of skills based learning. There is hope!

  2. I feel almost all these things i just cant bring myself to ask for help. If I dont do it soon i think im going to lose it one day and call it quits. Im on a losing streak

  3. Pardon me if I am out of place, but, going to the doctor frequently for headaches and believing that you have a terminal illness due to a set of symptoms that are hardly a sign of a common cold, if anything at all, is an entirely different mental illness than depression. Being convinced that you must have a terminal illness despite symptoms only amounting to those of a small head cold and a doctor finding nothing wrong is called Hypochondriasis, more commonly known as Hypochondria or Health Anxiety. Also,wearing dark colored clothes is not a sign of depression.

  4. i show all the symptoms mentioned above.i have been felling this way since months but now it has worsened.i dont have much friends left to hangout with.i dont hnik i can handle this anymore.and whenever i share my problems with my close frnds they also cant seem to really understand me completly. i feel like worthless.living like this is worst than dying

  5. iknow this may be irritating to people who have depression but didnt do it, but i did a lot of self harm. i felt satisfaction in hurting myself, like i know this is what i deserve. i feel as if all the things i put a lot of effort are useless, no matter how hard i try, i know that those stuffs are crap. i’ve been thinking about suicide this past 2 years. but i’m only twelve. im scared, why am i so unhappy about life? why can’t i feel at ease? my sister notice my scars one day, but told me to keep it from my parents. should i tell the school counselor or? i just want to be normal.

  6. I feel absolutely nothing, there’s nothing, I don’t feel sad or mad or happy I feel empty, and the thought of coming out of my room to see my family makes me want to cry for some reason. The only time I “smile” is when someone’s talking to me but I don’t want to and it’s so hard. I relate to almost all of those and I don’t think my family will do anything if I tell them because they don’t know how I feel and I can’t tell them without fighting. I don’t know what to do. I’m only 13, what do I know, other than I have like freaking freak out sessions every night about how I’m gonna die when I’m older. I should have done that, and I can never sleep. Except for in the morning and during the day. I HATE therapy, it doesn’t make me feel any better about myself cause I can never get myself to talk and they always try to make me smile AND I DONT WANT TO xd my friend has depression and she was the only one that could make me smile. But we became distant over like 3 days, making up excuses as to why we needed to go. Why is my life like this, idk what to do anymore. Sometimes I feel like there’s only one solution…

  7. Life is precious… These are testing times these too shall pass… Have faith in God.. Pray.. Nothing is permanent. Just like night and day.
    Don’t lose heart.. God bless every1

    1. Remember that you have been an inspiration to many people.. Rember ur past ssucces.. Remember it was only u who did it previously… U will do it..
      I know no1 will understand it till the time they face it.. I was like this 1 year ago wen I failed to understand why people feel this way but I got the answer.. Mayb sometimes there can be no reason.. Like my case.. Depression is not your fault by any chance.. It can happen to any1 anytime .. So let’s all stay positive evn in these toughest times..

  8. How can we snap out of this? I know I’m going through depression becausee there is no joy in life. I’m craving excitement and happiness and conversation and a partner who has an energy and drive in life. Depression is horrible. The more you try to fight it the more you become trapped. I know the low mood, sensitivity and sadness has been there since I was a child. I can’t get close to anyone in relationships because I don’t know how to maintain it or bring them into my life on a daily basis. I get very frustrated, angry, moody and controlling and can be abusive and boring and extremely negative. I live in a negative world. I have ruined my relationship which I held onto for 10 years because of fear of my illness that I think if people really see my true self they will run away and my partner is still here despite my illness. He dosent help me recover he is just there for the sake of it. There is no relationship there. With him I don’t have to fake it but I know will have to fake it to find someone.

  9. i’m suffering from hopeless & intrest less to any work. this is directly affected to my education so i’m can’t be study in exam time i’m badfeeling in study time. i’m can’t study concentratly so please help me

  10. I used to be beautiful. Now I can’t even shower. I don’t go outside. So desperate to have me back. But I think she’s gone. My daughter is 30 yrs old. She’s a drug addict. That’s only one of my problems. I’m trying!

    1. You are still beautiful… Every creature created by God is the most beautiful .. Just that ur perception of seeing u has changed.. Tell everyday that you r beautiful.. Beauty is not what we se e outside.. Its our inner beauty ..

  11. I’m not sure what I feel anymore. I’m always sitting on my room watching netflix, or youtube, anything to keep me occupied. I feel lazy, lazier than I’ve ever felt. I put off chores my mom asks me to do, I’m always making excuses when my friends ask me to hang out. I cry at the littlest things, and sometimes at nothing at all. I keep telling myself that if I want help, I need to tell someone first, but the utter thought of talking to someone about it makes my anxiety levels shoot up. I just wish I could tell my parents that I’m not mad at them because they did something wrong, tell my friends that I’m not avoiding them, it’s just I’m just too lazy to leave the house. I just feel like everyone’s mad at me. I can’t remember what it was like when I didn’t feel like this.

  12. depression for me comes in waves. ill be doing fine then i start feeling numb and i feel myself fading. at this point the numbness intensifies and i don’t wanna move or talk to anyone at all. everything is moving so slow and i really dont want to move. simple things become struggles.

  13. I don’t know what to do, I’ve just really been struggling lately. I don’t want to do anything and everything stresses me out to the point of breaking down. I feel so out of it and social interaction exhausts me. I just want to go home

  14. im maria well im feel im depress its very hard to overcome it .ever since im feel about to my self until i want to do suicide ..thats a crazy mind think.not until i got a child my life was incredible i want to live and work hard more for her future ..i change i work hard to become good mom..and i do good thing so one day she will be proud me…but not until she died in young age 4 the sad she died im not in her side .coz im working overseas. im got hatred to god why she must died.but still still blessing o got lot people a round me so very supportive and i try to be look strong out side they said im strong and got easyly overcome well im just smilling they dont know behind those smile…the deppression its a very scary feeling .you got mood swing,and you dont know what in your mind and just in quick you will do such a wrong decision like .suicide,and all stuff can affect to your friend,and especially family..
    right now im scared coz i know i got depression i got those symtom thats i got here.my heart full of hatered,i dont want to feel anything,love,care i just want to be alone..and i dont want to tell these to my family i dont want be to worried.and im really scared until when i can be control it…

  15. Depression has the shape of a circle. I started drinking to kill the pain, but it only makes things worse;I feel more depressed since I started, I mean, really started. I know exactly how it feels not to want to get up in the morning, although I do get up to go to work. Why do I work? The money I earn allows me to not get out of bed at the weekend. Of course, I could be a bum, but that would only make me feel even more wretched: the grime, the cold, the hunger, the loneliness. Not that I’m not lonely. I stopped talking to people because they’re only there to hurt or harm you, steal, kill, what not. They’re all awfully selfish and greedy. Family too. They’re people just the same. You can go on forever in utter pain and nobody even notices, let alone cares. I’m all dried up inside. I look at people, and I know, I feel it, I know I scare them. There’s something blank in the way I look at them, as if I saw through them, which most of the time I do. They more me to death, the whole lot of them. I really wish I could help you, guys, but it’s beyond me. I can’t help myself. And I know the day will come. Will come. Will.

  16. Im still a young teen, im feeling like absolute shit, lost a good job, no money dress like a tramp, dont like or trust anyone, ive realy lost my old self. Not being big headed but i was funny and always the guy to get a laugh with. I was always sexualy active trying to get in emoungst everything. But now im not myself. Realy realy want to spend all my time with family but i just cant seem to strike a conversation. I dont know what will happen from now on.

  17. This is describing my life at the moment, I’m doing most of this, it started when I finished sixth form for the summer which is over 2 months. I also got rejected for a job and have just failed my AS levels, I’ve had to move to another part of my college, away from my friends and I feel like such a failure. I’m constantly been compared to my cousin who always passes with A*s. I just feel like I have nothing to live for, I don’t even know what I won’t to do in the future and I’m nearly 18, I’ve got to make all these decisions on what I want to do and I can’t think of anything, I just come up blank, I barely eat, stay in bed all day, read loads of fanfiction and watch endless TV. I also hate the fact that I’ve grown up, why couldn’t I have stayed a kid and not have to worry about life- this started when I watched Peter Pan again and realised that my childhoods over. I can’t talk to anyone I know about it all, cause I know they just won’t understand, they’ll say I’m been silly and it’s all because I’m lazy. I honestly don’t want to live anymore, my life isn’t set up for success and I can’t stand dissapointing everyone anymore, I’ve started starving myself, so that I’ll lose weight and try make myself feel better about myself.

  18. Makes me sad to hear all of these young people that are struggling mostly from low self-esteem and parent problems…I feel as if I shouldn’t complain ! I am older and my reason for coming here was my main concern for my life,which affects my 2 daughters and my husband because I have lost 50lbs in the past year without even thinking about it,I wasn’t too heavy just big boned and physically in shape. I’ve had a lot going in my life for the past 5 yrs with my daughters addiction and her being in and out of the judicial system has been a great stress and strain on all of us and our finances.I guess I thought I had a grip on everything until I took care of my elderly mother and lost her ,my best friend in the world…That’s when I just lost a small interest in eating,and then a year later my father passed from pneumonia and now my desire has all but gone away.I have lost all desire for food. I eat just because I know I have to,I take a couple of bites and I feel as if I am going to throw up so naturally I stop eating.i have lost so much weight I look unhealthy

  19. I’m 21 years old and I can definitely say that this list pretty much defines who I am right now and back in days. I never smoke or done drugs in my entire life, but I’m still depressed as fuck. Few months ago, I’ve been researching about myself that why I keep losing my memories pretty quickly and it mostly turns out that I had ADHD. I asked about this to my mom and she said I was right and that I had it since I was a little kid(which explains why I’m so fucking retarded). Also, during back in high school, I made some decent friends who weren’t even close to me that much and extremely few close friends as well but I was still depressed as fuck. It was probably because I never had any girlfriend in my entire life and the fact that I always met assholes all around me and they usually bothers the fuck out of me most of the time. I guess they were sort of like bullies in a way and yes, this happened even in elementary and middle schools as well. Also, I feel like a total fucking garbage because I had shit tons of runny noses and constant sneezing back in high school and sometimes these days as well(seriously thou, fuck allergy). Back in US, even thou I was depressed and negative as fuck, I still had a pretty good decent time. After I finished my HS, me and my family decided to move back to my home country. I told them I never wanted to go back, but my family forced me because they assume that I will not survive in US by myself. One day, right after we moved there, I was more depressed than ever. It’s been over a year now since I’m back to my home country, and all I can say is that I missed my friends and the beautiful sky in US. Ironic thing is, I didn’t even care about my friends that much(I’m sure this feeling applies almost to everyone who just move to foreign country). In here, the weather is so humid as hell that I sweat so much outside unlike any other people like a fucking worrying pig hanging upside down right about to get throat sliced up in a meat factory. I don’t know when but one day I felt like I lost interest in everything except watching movies at home and listening to music. LOTS of music. I’ll admit I been crushed with a LOT of girls back in US but almost half of them I don’t even know their personality and other half didn’t give a shit about me when I talk to them. Also, I’m still fucking preparing to go to college by learning foreign language while others especially all of my friends are already in college studying and working harder than ever…. I also never had a job experience before but I wanted to have one so that I can be independent in my life and stop relying on others but my family believes that I should keep myself busy at studying and fucking stay with them “for now”. I’m sick of who I am the fact that I’m being controlled by my family like I’m sort of their fucking pet. One day, I got so sick of myself that I took out a box cutter and almost attempted suicide by almost slitting my throat. But of course I didn’t. I knew it was not going to be worth it, and if I did there is no going back… I don’t even know who I am anymore, maybe it’s just because I’m just a lonely, lazy, retarded and useless shit now(My self esteem is pretty damn low as you can see). Hell, even my family thinks that I’m not studying hard enough that I will have no future what so ever. They’re probably right at this point since I feel like I’m a useless piece of shit that never deserve to have life in a first place. I feel like a emotionless robot whenever I’m outside in public…. It just feels so fucking weird that this sort of feeling feels like it makes no difference to lobotomy….(Lobotomy is so much worst, I know) I tried to gain some hope of humanity by trying to make some new friends at a place where I learn my foreign language, but unfortunately it turns out that no one wants to be my buddy after all. In fact, it was so much fucking harder to make friends unlike in US since most of them were Chinese people speaking their native language at each other. I’m pretty antisocial when it comes to making new friends, but I decided to start a conversation with this French chick who was literally the only one that spoke English in my class…. We were cool for like 2 to 3 days and one day after that something in her emotion tells me that she got annoyed by me and doesn’t want to talk to me anymore probably cause she got bored of me and the fact that I’m a depressed fuck after all… then one day she shut me off completely by ditching me alone. So I decided to move on by ignoring her completely(Ignoring was my main survival tool that I’ve used frequently to avoid people that I’m not comfortable with back in HS, and I knew and felt that she didn’t want to be with me anyway so…. Yeah, I’m an ass I know). I mean let’s face it, no one wants to be with depressing and boring people like us….. Ever since that day, I’ve been in my phone nonstop whenever I was outside, searching up mostly about suicide and depression…. stuffs like that. It’s really hard to contact my old friends since we have completely different timezone, which fucking sucks. My family loves it here, but I fucking don’t. I even kept telling my family that I need a serious help with my depression, but no one gives a shit because we simply do not have enough money for that… and the fact that I need to keep studying for the college that I need to apply in future…. its stressful to think about it. Seriously thou, like how can I fucking do that when I’m fucking depressed and wanting to commit suicide, huh?!?!???!!!! I mean, who fucking doesn’t want a great future…. everyone does of course. In fact, I wanted to fight back my depression…. I’m so sick of being a pushover and being fucking suicidal most of the time. I’m so sick of being fucking lonely and negative all the time. Most importantly of all, I’m sick of being weak mentally and physically and the fact that I lost my passion and interest which are the key for my decent future. I want to overcome all of these personal issues one day, but I don’t have enough urge to do so. If anyone had experienced similar stuffs that I mentioned, feel free to share and don’t give up who you really are. You know what, fuck that… get some help immediately. I know that is how some people overcome most of their personal issues and stuffs, so yeah. Oh, for those who are still reading my pointless long-ass comment, I’m actually Korean who just moved back to South Korea. Also, I’m currently learning at Korean Language Center. I don’t know about you guys, but my personal experience fucking sucks ever since I’m back to my home country. Ever since I moved back to Seoul, everything feels so different and numb around me. I even hate my Asian culture and the fact that I’m Asian. Because of this, some people made fun of me back in US assuming that I’m Chinese by calling me a “fucking chink”. Also, I hate my appearance as well. I’m actually even afraid of myself that I will lose all the humanity in my fragile mind one day and become a cold blooded criminal or a psychopathic killer(As you can see, I definitely need help). I’m also afraid of the fact that I’ll lose my fluent English speaking skill one day if I mastered Korean language completely since I have ADHD and a terrible fucking memory. So here I am, sitting my depressing lazy ass in a desktop ranting about most of my personal issues to the website I randomly bump into. Thank you for reading my sickeningly negative rant about my life.

  20. thing is……i wish i could help you all….but i can’t even help myself right now….i have everything i need and wanted….but i still feel like I’m dead inside i can’t cope with this much longer and can see utterly no point in my life. yet strangely enough i see a point in yours.

  21. I’m reading all of these bullets and thinking, some of these are basically my life. I feel like im at a place where I can’t even tell if im depressed, I just know it seem like im a different person. I force myself to be around people so that I don’t feel the depression, but then I find myself not really knowing what to say, so I usually speak about life or things happening. Its really hard because im in/around people in the fashion/music world and it seems like they’re feeling the same way. I just really hope mental illness becomes a bigger subject than it already is because everyone is effected by it, you just never know. I have social anxiety but I still model…you can never fully know a person’s struggles just by looking at them.

  22. I am 17 years old and I suffer depression every now and then. It normally happens to me after I experience a dissapointing day after going out and not finding what I expected in the way the people I hang out with disappoint me by either not showing up, being boring, or just don’t caring about me. I am a soccer player and normally during the periods of times I feel like this after a dissapointment my performance goes down and that sometimes affects me and my team as well in the way that I play bad knowing I can play better when I feel good. I need help, because I am a good person that is just shy and needs to talk to someone in order to feel good, but that is very hard for me sometimes, mainly when I’m depressed. Also as a foreign student, it is even worst by the fact that I live in a foreign country and I don’t have many friends or familiars living here. I’m Peruvian and I moved here when I was 13, and I had to learn a lot in order to become mature and learn not to expect people to do or act as you wish or expect they should, because it ends up in dissapointment and afterwards depression. I am an athlete and I need to control these feelings because soccer for me is the most important thing in my life, and I wanna be at my best all the time. Please if there is someone that can help me out to control myself from feeling like shit, it would be a lot appreciated because for me soccer is a priority in my life that I take very seriously. Also, I never had a girlfriend and sometimes I feel big dissapointment when a girl that I like turns out not to be what I expected, which is also a problem that I have to deal with.

  23. To everybody commenting here, I want to let you know that depression is a dark place, but you can come out of it. You can emerge from the other side and live a happy life. How you get from A to B is your own story, I can’t help you with the specific details. Only you can journey out. But please believe me…you are intelligent, thoughtful, sensitive and kind. You will get through this and your good heart will shine. Just hold on and you will get through it.

  24. I hope caretakers are reading here too. There are so much cries for help and they need to be answered!

    Hang in there people, please do.

    May beautiful days meet you all soon!!!

    (from the bottom of my heart, I love you ALL, yes)

  25. Feel pretty much like the walking dead , everyday is a struggle I hate myself , hate my family , hate my llife , and just wanna die , I don’t bath or even brush my hair or teeth , one of these days I’m going to do something about my sorry life , and its not going to be positive , my mental state has worsen and no one deserves to feel like this every single God damn day!!!!

    1. I feel the same way. There are days where i wear the same clothes (pjs) and/lr sont shower i meab its pointless its just me and my hubby we cant afford to do stuff like we used to. Cant have kids so its just me and him and our furkids. So its like whats thr point of showering, cleaning ( piles of dishes, laundry etc) if noone comes over, its just going to get dirty again. So i agree w ya

      1. I get all the above.I’m 32 with four kids.I have one sister four brothers they all r smart out going ready for anything.me I have been living with this all my life.I was picked on cause I can’t read so well and as u can read I’m am only using small words to post on here cause all of y’all big words I can’t read r spell right.math well another problem you can pretty much say school wasn’t good at all.I had to get get tired of being picked on and more before I fought back in middle school by high school noone would mess with me and I hated that because in order to keep myself safe I had to be someone I’m not.I have fought with my sight also.and as a kid not wanted by her family they sure had no problem showing it.I though I found my someone tho.thought he understood me ,I lost my dad in August right before my birthday.he wasn’t around when I was a kid but he was one of the few who would talk to me like I was normal and on the same level. When everyone told me I could never be a mom I can’t do it that I will never make it because I can’t learn like other but by looking at me and talking to me u wouldn’t know.I hate the way I feel.when I was younger I tried to lling myself a few times.I wanted all the pain all the tears and all the thoughts,dreams, hate,cold and shaking to stop and go away.couldn’t Waite to be grown to show them they r wrong I’m stronger I’m not weak I can do.but even tho I repeat that to my self and fix my makeup cause I make my self r dress up raise four alsome kids clean cook,pay bill,work,I still feel the pain and everything that comes with it.tho I tell them I can inside I can’t and I hate my self because no I can’t help my kids with homework.I can’t teach them to read I can’t practice that play for school with them.and what hurts the most is when they get old enough to know that mom can’t help them nomore it really hurts nomatter what I try r I do.it doesn’t get better I wish I could say it does .the answer isn’t what mess do I need what doctors say but am I strong enough to push the day to the end every time I wake up r u strong enough and I say it I’m still here then u r also.

  26. I’ve read through most of these comments and like many others, my experiences are similar. Or were. A lot of those feelings I’ve felt before when I realized exactly how sure I was that I am depressed. That was in November. It’s now June. Back then, I felt all of that. The best way to describe it is being a pitcher in a baseball game and everything you throw is smacked over the fence… And your manager won’t take you out. You just have to sit there, keep throwing knowing failure is eminent and constant. I’ve been very politically active in my life and have pulled back from that considerably. Partly due to avoid talking to people and part due to no interest. I’ve drugged my feet professionally. Fears of inadequacy and worthlessness which has taken its toll. Slowly and increasingly many aspects of life are becoming a burden to do. I’m afraid to tell anyone because, I am COMPLETELY ashamed. I know I’m disappointed in myself. my family must be disappointed as well. Even if i felt they understood or could have any sort of compassion for what my life has been like for the last 10 months and i dont think they do. Maybe they do but that runs the risk of being monitored and hovered over when i dont want anyone to pay attemtion to me now. I hate living. The worse part is, I remember what life was like before I felt this way. It was a struggle, but at least I didn’t have this madness sapping every single bit of energy I have to do anything about it. At this point, living day in, day out feels like I’m in prison. And what’s the one thing anyone in prison wants to do?

    Escape.

    I’m just not sure how much longer I can do this.

  27. I honestly feel like this is me just reading through it and though the comments makes me realise i am not alone, there are other people out there feeling the same. I haven’t told my family Appart from my cousin because she is the only one i can talk to about this kind of thing. Suffering from depression can be really hard but you need to stick with it. Suicide is not the answer. *they say suicide is a permanent fixture to a temperary problem* Now you may say i dont know anything about depression but I have been suffering from it since I was 10 and I am now 16 i have never had medication for it and refuse to do so because they CAN (not necessarily) make you more suicidal. I have attempted i dont know how many times and if it wasn’t for my girlfriend i probably wouldn’t be here.
    I have been bullied since I started school. I have always been overweight and really ugly. I have never been good at sport (except for lacrosse) and the sporting teachers tend to pick on me too. I have been picked on for being bisexual since I was 12. Most people say I’m confused but I’m really not. I am a girl and yes, i do have a girlfriend.
    I also suffer from bi-polar, anxiety, i starve myself everyday but at night i sometimes binge.
    I hate myself because I’m fat, I’m fat because i eat, i eat because I’m depressed and I’m depressed because I hate myself. It’s just a never ending circle of hate.
    Not too recently my boyfriend committed suicide. And there was no way i could stop that.
    One of my cousins has depression but I cant talk to her due to family arguments and all that. I could really do with someone just to talk to about this but my old therapist was rubbish and never really helped a waste of £1’000 in my opinion…

  28. See I don’t know if I have depression or not.
    However I always find myself out of no where getting sad and feeling like nothing in my life will go right. The other day I knocked over a glass and started crying because in my head all I could think about was how I can’t even put a glass down right. I often find myself just sitting on the couch, not doing anything and finding it hard to think of a reason to move.
    I’m always thinking about things in my life I’ve done wrong and how much I always seem to screw things up.
    but the thing is I don’t always feel like this. Some days it’s almost like k don’t even remember ever being sad.
    I don’t understand?

  29. please read and help me ..how depressed can someone be?? relli !!…i am so depressed that dont feel anyhting now.i feel numb..i avoid talking to my friends..i have lost my diet completely..i dont go out..i get mood swings..i think that nobody likes me anymore.. i feel guilty about everything..i get irritated very easily..more importantly i have lost my self confidence totally ..i cannot even talk properly to someone without fummbling..n this is a reason i have started speding more time alone..and i love to sleep now cos i dont want to wake up..and the most depressing part is when i look up to my past..i mean was very good in evrything…i mean i was a great athlete..good in studies.friendly nature.everything.i think i am losing it.. i am getting slow and old..i behave wierd with my friends..i also failed in my exams last year.and yes i dont stay with my family and friends as i am doing engineering from another place…please help me..i still have hope that things will get better..

    1. Hi u r just having symptoms like me .i m a housewife now but five years ago I was a brilliant student position holder who gave up and failed medical exam I tried to commit suicide twice but was saved now I m married to a 45 years old man becoz my parents thought who wil accept me now I m on many anti depressants depression ruined my life

  30. I just turned 18 last December. I don’t know what to do anymore with my life. Honestly I didn’t expect to see me alive on my 18th birthday because I was already planning my suicide. Luckily I still have a little sanity left in me not to leave my first boyfriend ever. He is the only new thing in my life. It was October 23rd when I said yes. It made me feel like I could start fresh.. It turns out I can’t handle any kind of relationships. I don’t even know how I talked to him in the first place because I don’t have any friends at ALL. I’m in my room, locked away in my room all the time. So far I survived 3 months already after m 18th birthday.. I don’t wanna go on any longer. My Grandmother who basically raised me is in the US for 4 years now and doesn’t listen to anybody but herself and her own pain, she who brought me to the school that ruined my life. The school that accused me horrible things about the wife of the owner of the school who by the way I couldn’t give a shit about because I didn’t like the school anyway and I just don’t give a fuck about anyone and I’m only going to school for the sake that it’ll be over already (I DON”T EVEN HAVE FRIENDS). My uncle, also in US, who supports us 2 siblings financially and clear as day told me his favorite was my older sister. My older sister who brought home his boyfriend here at home without my grandmother knowing, she spends a lot of money and she doesn’t even have a job. Her boyfriend doesn’t have a job. They basically do whatever the want as they please and don’t give a fuck about anyone but themselves. My Older sister that goes out at night every fucking night till 4 or 5 am me alone in the house all night scared shitless not only because I’m alone and a girl but scared of my MOM, GRANDMOTHER and UNCLE calling me anytime to check up on her. What would I fucking say? They left the obligation/responsibility of eldest child to the youngest one?! From house budgeting, house maintenance, my FUCKING SISTER who wouldn’t grow up and take care of me like a fucking sister would especially she knows I have a history of depression because of being left by my family and being falsely accused of things that I would never o and everybody knows it but they just wanted someone to get it pinned on. I went through psychiatry, the school got personal with me and fucked up my records so I won’t graduate (the teacher got on it too and even the students because of bribe), I went through court trials (I defended myself and went to the police to charge them with harassment because I was only 15 at the time) I won the case but it is still painful. My MOM who is in Dubai now looking for work. Its basically me and my older sister here left all alone. My MOM who I recently found out that she tried to abort me twice because of my drug addict, wife-beating father who I never met until 14 years old asking for help. I’m already 18 and still haven’t graduated high school. In my country you’re supposed to graduate high school at 15. I am an EMBARRASSMENT in my country. The saddest part about it is I am one of those brightest and top of my class type of student. I’m even the class president for godsakes. I’m always in Church because I’m the pianist. I am the one who teenagers like me come to for advise and comfort, but everyone failed me even our pastors. THEY ALL TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME. I LOST ALL HOPE. I NEED HELP.
    Going back to my boyfriend, I thought everything will be fine from now on since he’s there. Him being there hugging me or kissing me all the time will make my insecure, sad me feel all better. But whenever I get cranky because he turns me away from me kissing him or hugging him in front of my sister’s boyfriend inside my room, he gets angry at me and explains how he doesn’t have the courage to show that much of affection in front of them. That he wants to show that he loves me in the right way in front of them. I get that he’s a gentleman and all and I appreciate that, but he’s gotta understand that he is the reason why I didn’t commit suicide because it made me felt bad because he threw a surprise birthday party for me which no one has ever done in my life. On my birthdays its always me sleeping the day away or my family showcasing me/ showing off to other people because of what they so call “BRAINS” and “TALENT’ for their own glory. I actually was beaten up when I was a child all the time to just study or play the piano and then after I’m done I get to be locked up in my room. The only upside was they gave me a PC,a Gameboy, a PSP, and some books at that time. Physical appearance? I don’t have any and I know that already. My sister on the other hand she really is beautiful and no doubt about that that’s why everyone loves her. Other than that, she has nothing but bad mouth.
    My boyfriend has to understand that he is the one I look up to now. That I NEED, not WANT, constant hugs and kisses because it will help me feel safe and assured. It HELPS me. It saves me from all the nagging all they give me from making it work with the house budget, the money, the people and the relatives of ours that wanna take money from our uncle by saying bad things about us, from our relatives that wants to take over the house because it’s just us two here, from my sister, from my uncle, from my mom, from my grandmother. All the nagging. All the things that will be my fault if I didn’t listen or make it work. I don’t know anymore. My boyfriend calls it drama, me being quiet/bad mood because he didn’t kiss me or hug me. That drama? Well it’s not drama for me..

    1. Wow reading it right now, it sounds like I’m only bitching. I can’t explain how. I don’t know how you can understand what I’m trying to say, I don’t how can I send the message that I’m in deep deep pain. I sound like I’m only bitching about things. I’m not. Believe me. If I could just put my memories in your mind you would understand… probably.
      Still I wanna say thank you for reading me bitching about life.

    2. Rica@
      I read your post and i feel each and every word of yours. Life is a play and we will have to play our parts in it and fight with all challenges. I am also suffering from depression from past 1 year now , so i understand.

    3. Dear Rica,

      Reading each word of what you mentioned made me feel deeply. In the above list I too relate to the checklist but after reading your post, it is sadly intense .
      Though I’m an overseas trained health professional, gaining validity is the loop hole to pass through. My husband left me two days after I bought home a lovely baby home. He is gorgeous and I’m living for him.
      Like yourself to hold onto your boyfriend as you feel indebted to his commitment and presence in your life I understand.
      You’re a young adult but you are smart and what they call me applies to you: a determinalist: someone who has sufficient but probably over critical knowledge of each word, thought and action of theirs : in short you know yourself inside out.

      I’m like this we know it all but others just want to be discrete and value their pride above a true emotional connection.
      I always thought that was antagonistic to the point of a relationship.
      I can see your dilemma is just as I view personal relationships .

      Yes you’re intelligent I can say and very forthright.
      You would make a great counsellor/ psychiatrist or author of such intensity.

      It’s like your sense of order and for the most part everyone here too have their values and beliefs about family , relationships and work etiquette questioned by the way the world plays by different standards.
      I would collectively say all of you are passionate blazing souls who can make this impediment work miracles for respectively you and everyone here.

      They say you have to be consumed by a burning intensity whether it be love, envy, pain/ anguish or hatred of hypocrisy TO BE ABLE TO MAKE YOURSELF STANDOUT. It can be negative or positive.

      It can make or it can break someone.

      I too wish to keep a journal and I think you could too.
      Each diary entry becomes an idea for a fiction based upon a true story that can help both yourself or others.
      Might be worthy of a blockbuster or booker prize.

      Authors and psychologists are the ideal professions to vocalize emotions and concepts or philosophies

  31. most of the things here are things am experiencing myself and it hurts.I barely know what i want for myself these days.I don’t know why am feeling this way but i think it started when i heard what my friends have been saying behind my back to other people but yet they come to me and pretend like they love and would bring up topics that they want me to deliberate on just so they will go around twist what i said. my heart beats so fast and hard when i remember those things. i hate going outside and i love watching tv all day even when i have lectures to attend at college. i don’t now what to do.i also think about death a lot, i feel like it’s the only solution to this. i need help

  32. Hey guys this is Nick here!
    I can relate to almost everything here on this page!

    I have been depressed for the past 2-3 years and I love to play videos games and that’s part of the depression. but I usually were the same cloths. I have like at least 50 shirts but I only wear like 5-6 and I just wear every clothing day after day. I guys I just gave up one day. I don’t know how or why I became depressed! I am 16 just turned any ways so about 2013 I was just starting the stage of depression. I don’t know how I got depressed but I did and I stoped hanging out with friends as much. I would usally be at my friends every day now only on the weekends or sometimes not at all. like I said I love to play video game and I don’t know how I got into a depression stage but I did. I would play my videos games to escape reality and live a character i was not. to a point that’s what video games are for to live another life. I had thoughts of suicide and just thinking how to do it and all of that. I never really told any one and my parents or at least my mom knows that I am depressed. I want to go on meds to help me but I don’t know. it does not help that I hate school for a fact I love to learn get to learn something new like how computers work or how to draw but I hate school hate getting graded on and my mom knows I hate school but not as much as she thinks I need help! I want to try to do good in school but I just cant pick up for EX art I used to draw allot I wanted to work for a gaming company when I was like 11. now I cant even pick up a pencil and draw something easy for marks for school. I want to try to be able to graduate school but I just don’t do well in school. I feel like I just don’t care any more. it does not help that I am a teenager and my hormones are ALL over the place! but it depends on my mood some days I really really want to try in life and in school and try in school but I just cant get started. and there is some days where I am like don’t talk to me. just let me be. tonight I felt like I just have no intentions of living like I don’t do well in school. I know without grade 12 I cant get full time job and make a living. I want to do so much I always wanted to graduate highschool and save money and take a friend or a girlfriend if I have one at the time and backpack across Europe and have a cell phone and that’s about it for electronics. I mostly stay in my room all day listen to music or go on youtube or play video games. it does not help that I have not bipolar but when the seasons change I get really grumpy in the winter and the summer there is no school and ill be outside more but not as much as like when I was 12. i barly eat. i don’t each breakfast much on school days and on the weekends i don’t eat breakfast and lunch at the right time. i need help but i don’t want to like ask my mom to put me on meds just because i am depressed but i basically gave up hope along!! time ago i need help. if any one has any questions or any information for help with depression plz message me at Reventhus@gmail.com i need help i gave up hope i have had thoughs of suicide and i just don’t know i want to try in life but i just don’t think i can. i am sorry to any one who reads this and thinks that i am stupid and i should just go talk to my mom. i just well have lost hope in my self and for my future self i want to learn but i hate getting graded on for school.i want to ask people who have gone through maybe taking meds or getting help before i go talk to my mom.

  33. i am 15 and everything above was true and yesterday i had a fight with my parents about my grades and you know the typical things they say to make your existence feel worthless if i’m so worthless why bother takin care of me -oh wait if they don’t they’d probably go to jail two years ago i decided i’d keep my mouth shut to stay away from troubles away from emotional pain before 2 years ago you wouldn’t even expect me to be like this.i was one of those happy go lucky getting along with everyone and always having fun type person ..but iv’e always felt empty and one day i got tired of having that fake smile tired of arguing tired of trying to express how i really feel and so i came to the conclusion that i won’t talk or get involved with anyone and live alone,the less painful way .i knew this would cause me change and suprisingly all my friends reacted how i didn’t think they would with my little experiment,they were calm they only cared for a few months n they got used to it and act like i was never their closet forever best friend or that important friend they used to have so anyway the fight with my parents ..because of that i haven’t eaten for days .almost a week now i m so hungry and my tests are starting tomorrow ..everytime i think about all this i feel so frustrated so hopeless that it hurts my head i just don’t want to breathe i wan’t to runaway but i’m scared the streets are dangerous as it is and i won’t have a place to stay i just don’t know it’s hurting too much the only thing i can do is secretly cry and hit myself

    1. Hi. I’ve lived with depression for probably 28 years, it doesn’t get easier but here’s a coping method: ignorance. Just start getting into computer games or watching lots of horror, sci-fi, fantasy movies. Get really into something so you can pretty much ignore everything else. Don’t watch/read the news or FB stuff.

    1. Yes and my parents blame it on my age. My grades have dropped and when I try to get the grades up I get a worse grade. I get mad at myself and my friends. Someone died in my family. I spend most of my afternoon in my room crying . People say I have no friends. I’ve lost all hope in myself. And somehow according to my parents, I’m fine!!! And I’m not:(

  34. I feel that no one understands how im feeling , but how do they when I dont understand myself , im so low & dont no which way to turn , ive been on meds for yrs & when ive up’d them in the past they just make me feel worse ……

  35. when I am feeling a slight bit of hope, I find it useful to write a short list and include things to do such as: call doctor and ask for new medication 2. go for short walk around block 3. look at recipe book- prepare food for myself and others 4. Pat a dog or cat 5.do 10 minutes of deep breathing 6. stretch 7.make a list of 1 or more things I am thankful for 8. Be kind to myself and others
    If I manage to do a few of these things – it has been a good day!

  36. I relate to all of this, or most of it – although I don’t dress poorly if I’m going out – I have a lot of issues with my self esteem and something of a dysmorphia about the way I look. I get very pre-occupied about not looking ugly, and feeling ugly. Slightly pathetic, but some people are lucky, they are naturally attractive. It just seems cruel that I’m depressed and yet I have to make an effort to look nice when I go out, otherwise I’d literally look like a troll.

    I get really overwhelmed with the outside world. Sometimes I start to just “zone out” when I’m in public and feel a huge urge to just leave and go home to bed. I have to mentally prepare before any social event, and it’s quite often anxiety provoking and therefore unenjoyable.

    I feel inadequate and ashamed most of the time. It just makes me hate myself, how weak I feel.

    I also feel like people simply don’t understand. When people ask me is there a reason for being depressed, I can’t think of one, because yeah, my life hasn’t been great, but it could have been worse. I was badly bullied, had/have a disjointed family, there’s been emotional abuse.. But it could have been worse. I am grateful for what I have, but I still feel depressed all the time. It’s like my base mood state is melancholia. I find it hard to feel genuinely happy about something for a long time. I don’t think there is really a reason, it’s a feeling. That makes it worse, because then I don’t know how to change it.

    I also feel suicidal a lot but I never mention it anymore and try to push it out my mind. Doctors are no use, they just see what they want to see and it’s easy to fool them. The help on offer is rubbish.. Being forced to talk to a rushed and disinterested profesional just makes me feel even weaker and more pathetic.

    I just cope as best I can. I keep wishing that I will fall ill before I get too old and die so I don’t have to live with this forever.

  37. I have wrote on here before, nearly a year ago now. But tbh I have been depressed/anxious for years. Even when I was little, I got extremely anxious over little things, if I had a stomach bug I would think I was gonna die litterly. Now, I’m 17 I have zero motivation to do anything, was bullied at school extremely bad which has left me an anxious/depressed mess. I mostly spend all day either watching TV or on Facebook where no one talks to me, my best friend deleted her account and said she might make another one, she hasn’t but I have her number but my phone broke.I can’t go outside, unless I feel like it, I have panic attacks where I feel like being sick and my heart races if I go further than the shops that are a 2-3 minute walk behind my house. I can’t be bothered to have a bath half the time, and will only just about clean my teeth because teeth are more important. I can’t eat atm either because if I force myself I feel sick. I went to the doctors like a year ago, but they thought I just had anxiety but I know its both. I haven’t had a good life to top it off, we cant even afford to go anywhere, also no one has a car, so we’d have to catch a bus, costs more. I was bullied since I was 8 years old until 2-3 months ago, in the street and around town by this boy (around my age) who apparently has ADHD and he got little kids on me as well as his cousin. Got bullied by his mates from school in town, or by the supermarket. Basically I’ve been picked on by people who already have some kind of mental condition or are on drugs. I was ganged up on at primary and secondary school loads and even pushed down steps and was threatened to be put in hospital by this girl, who used to be my friend all because she took sides with the rest of them. I have done nothing wrong, I only used to mess around at school but ii stopped and that’s when everything started. As you can see I still can’t get over it, even though my ex friend apologised , only because my sister got involved-otherwise she would have probably killed me. I have no life and can’t stop thinking of the past all the time, I can’t stop.

  38. For about 10 years now I have been struggling to live day to day life. There have been plenty of times depression didn’t even seem like a part of me, but often and consistently it’s all I feel in me. I am always confused and stressed. I am always tired, sometimes I feel like the whole day is just me passing time til I can get back in bed, and try to forget about all the painful things I know and feel. The worst is by far guilt. I am always sorry for the way I am. I feel sorry for everything. Mostly and most painfully for being a shitty partner for my wife. Depression is horrible when you’re alone, but at least before her I was only hurting myself. I am very sensitive to almost everything. I am very negative and pessimistic. I’m told I care too much, and that I don’t give a shit, by the same people, in the same day. I have no interest in pop culture, politics, things like that. I don’t see anyone as “above” me, or the other way around. I wish I was a healthy, energetic person because all I do is think, mostly about people living in much worse places and through horrible troubles. I am not suicidal, I’ve lived through that already when I was younger, it isn’t part of me to hurt my wife and family like that. But if nasa said a comet was gonna kill us all next week, I’d likely crack a smile. Nothing feels good, even the things I used to like. I can’t find a way to let myself go, to express myself. The worse I feel, the worse I make things for the people around me. Vicious cycle was always thrown around and I never personally understood the term until I saw it like this. If you are hopeless, suicidal, lonely, desperate, angry, tired, aggravated, stressed, maybe a little crazy, all day everyday, and still trying to get through the days, I know and feel for you too. It is the hardest thing I’ve come up against in my young life. No one I know is anything like me. The only thing I feel I can hold on to is the hope that someday I’ll find the strength and drive I’ve always been wanting. There is something deep in my mind and heart that I want to get out, I want to put some good into this world before my life is over. I have a strong faith in my religion, but I can’t stand people blindly shoving it down everyone’s throats. I don’t even go to church because how can I learn to be selfless and be as good as I can while the priest tells me how wrong certain things are, just because he says so, or because a book says so? that’s a little peek at the confusion I was talking about. Try to help others, anyone whenever you have a chance. Even scumbags, that’s that above or below me thing. Might help you feel a little better. If depression is lasting in some of our lives, I guess the only way to conquer it is to put up a lasting fight. I haven’t figured it out yet, but that’s the way my days go, a constant struggle inside myself. I hope you all find peace someday, it’s what I’m always looking for. I hope we all find fulfillment in some way. At the end of everyday all the shit I feel and think and fear might stick around, but one feeling that never leaves me is something I haven’t realized yet. I don’t know what it is, just something there always, something I want, or want to do. I just stare all day, waiting to understand it.

    1. I don’t understand why I was born.I have children and grandchildren. I do what I have to do but, that’s it. I believe life is a waste of time. Why are we here. What’s the big deal.

    2. Why can’t life be so simply n fare I’ve got no one I want even got friends I feel weird compared to anyone else I tell my mum why give birth to a happy thing like me I never had a job I fell pregnant at 16. I was in a violent relationship where he constantly use me as a punch bag so when I had my daughter Lois I was a mess I looked after her for 4years n I wasn’t coping so my dad had her and then he put her into care how could ur owe father do that. N 3yrs later I had another little girl that was going really great but that’s gone tips up to cause he’s constantly jelous n my daughter is in his care so I had to leave n that’s broken my heart I just don’t know what to do anymore

  39. I jst lukd into dis site nd found dat m prety familiar wid ol da abov stated flngs . M nt able to speak mah hrt out ,i hav no1 whom I cn share mah evrythng wid .i dnt lyk being oudoors anymor ,no gatherings wid frnds ,i jst lyk being quite and realy dnt knw wat I fl lyk . I realy dnt knw wedr m actualy geting into it or nt bt yeah I do try escape frm evrythng . I dnt evn fl lyk doing suicide or anythng bt yeah I do fl lyk biting myself ,hurting myself .now its realy geting hard to deal

  40. jesus everyone one of these except for the over eatting applys to me. hate talking about it to anyone if when their trying to help i cant handle looking weak most people cant tell ive gotten that good at faking

  41. OMG i this article completely resonated with me… i mean literally everything yo said is happening with me… ive been going to conselling, not working so far, hopefully it dose soon… anyways this is the first time ive seen a good symptoms diagnostic

  42. This has helped alot i thought i was diffrent from everyone else i felt like everyone was moving on with there life eccept me i was going nowhere i stayed in the house days on end didnt want to see anyone i still feel like this but im goung to make an effort to change i cant live like this amymore good luck people ❤️

  43. Yep, this list is pretty accurate. I would say about 85% of it applies to myself. This is especially true for the parts in regards to keeping a conversation. It’s funny actually that I could easily write a whole book about anything and everything on the internet to complete strangers, but can barely hold an interesting conversation with an acquaintance and even with what few friends I’ve been able to keep. It’s really a huge fear of failure, or a worry that what you say is considered boring and you’re not really worth their time. You catch yourself thinking about how the person you’re talking to gets so easily engaged in a conversation with other people and yet it’s so hard for the two of you to even say more than a few sentences to each other.

    Meeting up with people, making plans with them, and getting nervous about having to keep the evening interesting is a whole lot of effort when you’re depressed. So you put off hanging out with them and before long weeks pass by or even months and it gets even harder to rebuild that connection. :/

    1. It applies not completely but 75% on me…I don’t feel lyk doing anything…I read the messages and leave them unreplied…I feel sad all the time…I feel angry if anyone says anything to me even if it is normal…I don’t want to eat…I don’t have any plan or dreams for my future…I feel like nothing is left…I often cry without reason…I forget everything… I’m not happy…help me

  44. It really sucks when your feeling these symptoms at a young age, it sickens me knowing I want to drink my grandpas hard liquor when I’m only 14. It hurts too knowing you can’t stop these things, and your parents won’t get you help..

    1. I am also 14, just yesterday my aunt pointed out that for years she has been wondering if i was depressed. I feel pretty much the same way, but at least now i know why i have struggled with everything and have never felt happy. I still haven’t told my mom about it but i’m going to soon, I hope you do the same if you haven’t. I feel as though we both deserve to happy after being so miserable.

  45. Depression is horrible. Everything is an effort, even taking a shower . Nothing seems to make me happy and I’ve lost interest in everything . I don’t feel like eating much or socialising . I’ve just started on a new medication and I’m hoping that eventually the zest for life comes back .

  46. I know its a late comment but starting to feel like I don’t even want to live anymore and also I am nothing like how I used to be and I am constantly on anti depressants and anxiety tablets which are not doing a thing feel like I’m drowning in my own hell

  47. I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety in 1996 (in my early 30’s). Every several years the medication I’m taking stops working effectively. This is where I am now. I’m trying Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) along with med adjustment but I’m still miserable after 6 weeks. That list above is my life now plus add side effects from new meds. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to feel good and positive again.

    1. I feel like that to i have had depression what i turned 21 and now am 35 i have been on antydepression on and off but i dont not feel there work

      1. Hey claire i have every symptom on that list as well. Its soul destroying add to how bad i was feeling my wife left me and went with another guy who now stays with her and my 3 kids 2weeks after breaking up. Sun is shining n om just sitting their no ontrest in anything. I get my kids at the weekend bit now im even struggling to have FUN with them i honestly dnt know the last time i laughed. Ive tried all those nasty anti sepressants and they do not work.

  48. I was depressed from last 3 years.ths pain has now become unbearable.this when i searched on google and reached this site.this symptoms are the exact things goin in my life.now my mind has started making thnking of suicide.when i cme 2 knw dat there is a solution for this prblm i made my mind to tell my mother.when i told her she started blaming me for excuses.nw m feelin dat i hve made d bigest mistake of my life..nw it got a step close for suicide..

    1. I’m 13 and I’ve got the hell of my life. Depression for the past 8 months wat to do? All fate

      Cure..
      Be carefree yolo…

      1. Please talk to somebody. People are here to listen, my baby brother was 25 and took his life last week please know help is everywhere

    2. I have depression and I need help my medication is not working and I’m fatigue all the time I can’t even do routine and its too hard to help my kids help

  49. I think I have always had depression. It only just got worse and worse. I have been on wellbutrin for depression and adderall for ADD since 2009. But the doc won’t up the dosage. I have kids at home so I try to be happy around them. All the things above apply to me. In the 90’s and early 2000’s I was able to keep the house ok. Now it is a complete mess. It is all I can do to do the needed laundry with 4 boys at home and work the night shift as a nurse. I hate to cook because I don’t want to eat but I force myself to for the kids, I cry all the time at everything, a commercial, a story someone tells me about someone, the news. My son is a senior and needs to do all this stuff to get into a university, in the US it costs a lot and is a lot to do and it’s overwhelming. My husband doesn’t understand me, he thinks I’m just lazy. Like it says above I try to do different things to help myself but nothing helps. I can barely sleep and I worry about everything. I never have enough money for anything. I feel so guilty for not walking the dogs even though they go out to play in the yard I should walk them, other people do. I am just so tired. It takes so much effort to take a shower, to even put on clothes. I try so hard to be a good mom. I don’t think the kids know I have any problem. Well my 17 year old must, he acts like he hates me. He never wants to be home, I work nights so must try to sleep during the days and he resents me for that. He hates how the house is always a mess. He asks me why the house can’t be like it was when he was little, and he is embarrassed to have friends over. My oldest son lives with my parents because he is an adult and drug addict and cannot be around his siblings because he is drunk or high etc. I feel like such a failure with him, doc says he had depression to, that’s why he self medicated, I was taking him to a counselor but nothing helped and then he got addicted to drugs and alcohol and he is always trying to be in recovery. this makes me very depressed too. I don’t see a way out. Meds don’t work, the doc won’t up my dosage or change the meds. They gave me trazedone for sleep but I’m afraid to take it because I know as a nurse that wellbutrin, adderall and trazedone are not good to take all together, they increase the risk of seizures. No one understands, I don’t want to talk to any of my friends, or anyone beyond my children and who I have to talk to at work. It’s just to much effort. What can i do? I feel like there is no hope.

  50. I would prefer being dead,life with depression is like no life,you feel all the time tired and usless,everything is meaningless and you know you cant be with anyone in relationship as u dont want to ruin someone else life.I regret i was born to be honest.

  51. Most of the time I feel like I’m the only one who feels what I feel. And I feel terrible for being like this. I have a nearly 2 year old son and I sleep as much as I can until I have to do something for him. Everything is too much of an effort. If someone is around they can snap me out of it and I’m super mum . I love him more than anything. But I feel like shit because he’s dad gets up in the mornings while I sleep in. While I’m asleep I’m unaware that I’m being like this.. he tries to get me up and I get angry and tell him to leave me alone. Once I’m up I say sorry I help with things and we relax on the couch I fall back asleep. I don’t know why I’m so tired all the time! Then at night when I should be sleeping I’m either awake or just woke up and cant get back to sleep. There is no effort in my day to day life, i want to be happy and enjoy my life with my family. I love them more than anything in this world. I cant bring them down with me 🙁 i cant even go shopping anymore unless someone is with me and i dont even want to go still. Rent snd bills dont get paid because i cant leave the house like a normal person. This made me cry too, this explains me. I have put on more weight than i ever have in my whole entire life snd it makes it even worse for me. I feel for all of you, i really need help. Just dont know how to go about it and where to begin. Im so ashamed of myself!

  52. I hate being an intelligent person.. because that was one of the things that made me depressed since about 13 years ago.. the worst thing to me is the fact that I only found out about depression a year ago.. and only recently I realized I might be really suffering from a depression. I’ve been ignoring my work lately and all I wanna do is laying hoping there will be a miraculuous thing happens to me.. I do think it’s better if I just go to hell, but the people who I love is what holding myself from commiting suicide. And up until now, I still believe in God and I’ve learnt to appreciate life.. and I appreciate it. But hell why am I facing all these circumstances.. what have I said or done wrong in the past that now I’m struggling with this damn stupid depression?!

  53. I didn’t understand what this feeling was. I’ve been listless a LOT. I think too much all of the time and when I talk to people I used to call my close friends I feel like I’ve become too harsh a person. Like I’ve changed dramatically since I’ve last talked to them. I get mad and sad at the drop of a hat and I pretty despise the world. I don’t know what to do really. I don’t like the idea of having to be on a type of medication to change this mentality. I don’t believe people when they talk about how good a person they think I am, but there has to be a way, right? A way to change how I think and act. Is there a way? Maybe the solutions we’re all looking for are similar in theme yet different in the execution. Maybe. Just a thought.

  54. Even writing on this comment box seems so hard enough for me. I feel like lazy. Empty. My hopes for changing this kind of irresistible routine had been on its peaks then just by the time I’m doing it, I don’t know why, I just feel not continuing with it again. I’ve taken a huge bunches of personality and depression tests online every time I feel this way and still I don’t know why if it is between helping me to get through or even not, rather wasting my time. I’m tired of this episodes, it keeps repeating again and again.

  55. I am so tired. I constantly feel suicidal. I have not been able to have children of my own as nobody wanted me when I was younger and my wife left me for someone who had better prospects.
    I’d like to die in my sleep.
    I can’t concentrate and am losing my job. At work I have been treated like a leper by my previous colleagues, who don’t talk to me any more. I feel hated and isolated. I have been off work in the past with depression but am now working full time.
    I spend most of my spare time on the couch watching TV.

  56. I dont even knw dat how i am if it is a curse or a punishment 4rom God or what bcos i hav no feeling 4 anything on dis earth again absolutely natin not even money,no relationship desire again, it pains a lot wen a friend say i want b a big bussiness man i look as if am abandoned i feel more sadness in me i pull myself in tins i use to cherish in life like watching a football match ,a movie,playing music,looks like a foolish thing to me

  57. While I was reading this, I was checking off the mental checklist. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes to damn near everything. I can’t talk to anyone but maybe my Mom, and a friend that knows my problem. I’ve gone through two relationships cause he always says that he understands, but when I attempt to talk to him, he either cuts me off, changes the subject, or he’ll just sit there and do nothing, even when I attempt to get my emotions out. I’ve thought of suicide many times, but lately I’ve not have the energy to think of that. I attempt to do my homework, but it’s all boring to me, even if I know it. All I do is sit at my computer or lay in bed. On occasion I will ride my bike or talk to a friend or two. I’ve given up on most of my life.

  58. I feel the same way described, evreyword. Ive taken so many anti-depressents with no help. ive lost all friends, no social life and the lonliness is unbearable. The only time I feel good is by self medicating with pain pills. I feel llike a loser, I have no job, nothing in life and no one understands why I cant just get past it. I want to give up.

  59. I have a daughter that’s 16 doing drugs my oldest daughter hates me. I wish this loneliness I feel would go away I call my mom she says she’s there for me. But, when I call she sounds like she don’t want to hear me. Depression pills I’m on there not helping. I am full of anxiety and fear all the time why dont it go away

  60. I am 54 years old and I have suffered with depression & anxiety since my early teens. I was raised in a very dysfuctional home and both my parents were addicts – drinking and prescription drug abuse – I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 29 and had to be hospitalized. I remember it being such a relief when my illness was given a name – I didn’t cause this – it is a biological issue – our brains are wired differently – I still am under a doctors treatment and probably will be until the day I die but that’s ok – that’s what doctors are for – I am very blessed that my doctor is so open-minded and he actually lets me talk and he welcomes my suggestions for recovery – in the family department is a whole different story – I have a very very loving and supporting family but I still get the rolled eyes and the looks of “ok mom’s doing her “depression” thing – I know that i’m sometimes not pleasant to be around but I just wish I was allowed to feel the way I feel and not be so worried about what other people think. I find this and other websites so comforting because I know i’m not alone. I am a Christian and I love the Lord with all my heart & soul and I have seen Him take me from wanting to die to laying it at His feet and carrying on because He put me on this earth and it needs to be His decision when He takes me. Prayer is a wonderful thing and I also keep a journal – it helps me say what I need to and no one sees it but me- it has helped tremendously – I wish fellow mental illness warriors the best – hang in there – it does get better – do not be ashamed of getting treatment and you need to be sure you choose one that is going to work with you. peace & blessings to all <3

  61. I know this is an old thread but i have all the symptoms..i feel down all the time, cant eat, i just sit in my house all day every day when im supposed to be at school, cant be bothered to wash for at least a few days at a time. No one understands and my family say im going to become agrophobic..i got forced to go out today and because i havent eaten properly in two days i felt really faint..i have tried to eat but i have no desire to eat normally and im starting to get headaches..i have no friends to speak of cos i dont bother to go to school anymore ans plus when i do i get bullied. I’m meant to be doing my yr 11 exams and wont do them because i get an intense fear of stepping into that hell hole..everyones always dissapointed in me and no one would virtually care if i died tommorow..

  62. how about no body is around you nobody seem to know you and no one wants, how about ur friends that never ask about u they always wait for u to ask about them how about most of the time u find ur self alone

  63. I am a cured patient of depression and proud to be. I still have my relapses but I am strong. A lot of those things listed did apply to me, but I have a support system better then any counseling sessions I could ask for. I have my boyfriend, my sister who loves me like I’m her mother, my parents, friends. I’m much happier now that I have a support group. I suffered with depression for over 2 years and never told anyone. That was the worst mistake I have ever done in my life. Not telling someone results in making your life even more miserable then it seems. I self-harmed, drank until I passed out, snorted crushed pills to get any kind of high, starved myself from 2 meals a day or maybe didn’t eat for an entire day.
    The first step to being happy and filing that hole of emptiness is to talk to someone. Take it from someone who has suffered from depression and has SURVIVED it and is STILL surviving it (from time to time. Not every day). -Rosey

  64. Hi,

    So I’m a 16 year old girl in high school and I have every single one of these symptoms. I guess it’s been happening for a long time now but I never really talked to anyone about it, I just kind of stick to myself(probably part of the depression). I wake up every morning and just ask myself “what good am I”, “what’s the point of my existence”. It’s gotten to the point where I just don’t go to school for days on end and no one seems to be suspicious about my behavior. I’ve just accepted my depression recently(recently as in a week ago). And still see no need to seek help. I have no motivation or confidence to continue my days, I usually spend them in bed when I should be in school. I’ve started to become self conscious about my appearance, and hate myself even more. I’ve stopped eating… I feel no desire to feed a body that doesn’t want to be here. I see no light on this side and often think about leaving it. I hate feeling this way. I don’t like spending time with my family very much so I try to make it look like I’m not hiding by going in the living room just to watch tv and talk to NO ONE. Almost everything irritates me. The sound of my little brother blowing his nose, the sound of my mom asking questions all the time. I just can’t cope. And school! My school is filled with soooo many ignorant and dirty people it make my depression worse because I’m forced to go there everyday and deal with those people. How do you expect a person with this problem to deal with such ignorance?. Exactly why I stopped going. Maybe I should seek some help. I don’t feel the confidence. There’s no point to me…

  65. I’ve been battling depression off & on for the past few years too. Don’t really know exactly what brings it about, but when it comes it seems to last longer than other times each time. Could be from past failures,unaccomplished goals & expectations in life, & not just really knowing where to go from the now to get to the better. ;-/ … I read a post from Amanda, & I read when you stated about taking your life if it doesn’t get better. Amanda, I want to encourage you to give it to God. He is our maker, & the only one who can see us through any and everything. There were times I felt the same way, but in my quiet times I talk to God, & trust that things will eventually get better and be okay. The devil wants to make us all give up on life by looking at where we are now, but because we can’t see where we’re going or can go we just want to give up..but DON’T!!! You will make it & things will get better for you. Just have a talk with God, give it time and you’ll see. Be blessed everyone, and know that if you feel NOone loves you… GOD does, and He cares. :-).. <3.

  66. I know I might look like an atention seeker but that’s the last thing I want to achieve by posting all of my stuff for everyone to read(there’s a reason that I don’t use my name). I really just need a place or person that I can share EVERYTHING with, without the judgement that comes with it. I hope everyone gets help or finds what they are looking for wether it is more info or answers on tough questions! I wish you all the best of luck and, God bless!!!

  67. I don’t think I’m depressed or at least I don’t hope so. I’m 15 and my dad past away in 2012 and afterwards everyone told me that it’s not that bad because we weren’t that close because my parents were divorced and I haven’t seen him in 6 months prior to his death. My mom even told me her first thought when she heard the news was “thank goodness”. After that our family began to have problems which ended up in a fight which led to a break up of 2 years where no one talked to or visited anyone, it was pretty bad knowing my mom was the cause of it all. Now that everything is beter my aunt organised this family reunion thing that falls on my birthday, but when I asked my. Mom wether we would go she said she didn’t want to because it will be awkward and my brother couldn’t so if I wanted to go I must go with my grandparents, so my mom would rather not be with me on my birthday than to swallow her pride and just come with. My mom suffers from major depression so maybe I can’t blame her for all the stuff I’ve gone through(she has been divorced twice, we moved 13 times in the last 11 years and we’ve gone through a financial dip 3 times but we survived everytime) we are strugeling again but this time its worse than before because it’s as if my mom just doesn’t care, she even spent the money that was intended to pay my schoolfees, I had to pay this months fees with money out of my allowance which I’m saving to pay for college. Sometimes I get these dips where I disapear into books, movies or studying and just don’t talk to anyone. Ussualy I just feel like crying all the time for no aparent reason at all so I end up crying in the shower or crying myself to sleep, and when my mom sees or hears me crying shell start to because she feels guilty ’cause of the mistakes she made and she feels like a failure so I end up comforting her instead of the other way around. Sometimes I feel like an adult all ready when I’m supposed to still be a child. I don’t have a lot of friends and the people I thought were my “best friends” have been ignoring me for an entire week now and I have no idea what I did to deserve it, nowadays I’ll just wonder around school thinking why nobody cares. I’m turning 16 in a week I’m not even having a party cause I don’t know who to invite or who’d actualy show up! I don’t think I’m depressed yet but I’m headed that way and damn fast too, but I won’t tell anyone because I’ll get sent to a shrink again and I have seen three difrent people for 4 years running after my mom’s divorces and all they always want to know is how I feel and they still never tell me what to do to get rid of this numb feeling inside.

    Wheww!! I feel so much beter, even though nobody might read this I just had to get everything of my chest and tell someone who listens, thank you so much for creating sites like these where people like me can just blow off steam…

  68. All of these things are extremely scary. I’m 16 years old and don’t know if I have depression or not but I have some of these simptoms and other things that scares me for example. I gnash my teeth till my gums bleed, I get terrible headaches and stomach cramps and I want to be alone all the time I’m extremely iritable when people are around me and I cry all of the time! But among people I laugh a lot and wear this mask that shelters me from all the judgement and protects me from even more pain!!! I’m not glad that I’m not the only one that feels like this because no one deserves this 🙁

  69. I am 54 and have been affected by depression & anxiety since my early teens. I have been on several antidepressants, been hospitalized, and even tried ECT treatments. I always come out of it eventually and I have a wonderful Dr whom I trust. My frustruation comes from telling my friends and family when i’m sick. They don’t seem to take me seriously and I think they think i’m doing this for attention – I know they are worried about me and I know i’m not pleasant to be around – but what I need most right now is a shoulder to cry on – someone to talk to about how i’m feeling and some encouragement – instead they stay away and ignore me. It really hurts and makes my depression worse. Depression is a very lonely illness and I just pray that scientists can get it figured out and come up with a treatment ! I give the glory & honor to Jesus and am so thankful my Saviour watches over me..

  70. As I’m writing this I’m in a dark room tears ate streaming down my face, I don’t even see a reason to live, all of the above mentioned r just me my hir is a mess I don’t even have the desire to do anything besides just sit for the hole day. I need help please

  71. To tell you the truth I don’t really know all about depression but I know I have it I am only 11 and I show every one of those symtoms but the one about dressing badly I can’t seem to stop getting upset about everything then nobody even listens to me I’m in counseling and have been sense I was 7 and nothing ever seems to change I don’t know what to do my mom doesn’t care or doesn’t think it’s a big deal I don’t know if this is my falt I have a twostory house and a window next to my bed and I keep thinking I wouldn’t have to feel this anymore if I just jumped out and I don’t want to feel this for the rest of my life my mom says I get “babied” and I’m more fortunate than most but I have OCD ADHD and ODD I don’t want people to keep trying to fix my life when they don’t even know or care about how I feel and know I am crying the whole time I’m on this page

  72. I went through all of these things and doctors gave me many types of antidepressants. One day while watching TV I saw this professor give a speech on depression and other kinds of mental issues and he talked about endorphins which is something in your brain that makes you happy. He talked about how when they leave your brain, this is what makes you sad and when you have negative thoughts, more leave your brain. He also talked about laughter, which puts endorphins into your brain. He said that laughter is medicine going into the brain. When I got to thinking about it and did not feel like I wanted to feel depressed anymore. I called a couple of friends and made plans to go to the Comedy club which took everything I got to even make the calls and plan it. I went and it a few of the comedians jokes and stories but finally cracked a laugh…..and laughed again. I found that the professor was right and it worked!!!!!! I am not on meds anymore, no numbness and most of all….no more depression. I’m enjoying life now to its fullest and thought I would kill myself before I ever enjoyed anything EVER again! My life has changed so much and I actually found a craft…etching glass and mirrors and I make money from it to go places and enjoy getting out. It was the greatest thing in the world and I thank that professor at that moment for coming on the TV at a time when I needed it the most. I wanted to share this with each and everyone of you because I know the pain of having nobody there or being told to snap out of it or quit making excuses or get off the pity pot because unless you have walked a mile in our shoes….you will never know or understand that it is none of these!

  73. I feel sad every second of the day but I dont have suicidal thoughts. I have made mistakes and made decisions in my short life and just wish I could go back just a few months and do it over. Whenever someone I love tries to hug me or even say that they love me, I just can not do the same for them. I have never felt depression because I didnt know what it was till now. My family is having a lot of trouble at the moment and I feel loke this is why im feeling so sad. I have moved countries just because I thought it would be a good change, new school, new people… No this was not what I thought it would be like. I hate it here I wish I could go back, I miss everything and everyone. I know teenagers like me have gone through the same thing but may have taken it a lot better than I have. I play games just so I can think of something else. Like right now I have to get up in 4 hours for school but I dont even know if I want to leave my room let alone going to school. This new school is hard for me qnd changing my lifestyle for it is killing me by its self. Im sorry to go on and on about this btw but I needed to say it somewhere I didnt know where else to do so. To all the people who are suffering from depression, stay strong, keep your family close and let them help you even if they feel like they are annoying the heck out of you just let them help because they are feeling bad because they feel like they cant do anything. Love is a big thing you need during depression and I hope one day I will be able to go home and live the rest of my life happy. Thank you reading this and sorry if it makes no sense and I wasted your time

  74. It feel great to know im not alone.. its hard to explain. The need to be alone and not talk to anyone and you say to yourself im going to go places and be this happy, fun person.. but nothing. people think “oh just get out there and do things”.. do you have any idea how hard that is while feeling this way? omg its so hard.

  75. I’m only 18, & over the past 2 years, my life has been a nightmare. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety & depression. & have been to counseling several times. Why? Counseling only hurts me worse. I cry constantly. My stomach is constantly turning. I started my first job for a month & had to quit because my anxiety is so bad. I just don’t care anymore. I have good grades, but I haven’t been to school in 3 weeks. I can’t go. My stomach is so bad. I can’t go out to eat with family at my favorite restaurant. I can’t even take my dog, who means the world to me, out for a walk. I let myself go. I’m now 185 when I was 145 in 2013. I’m embarrassed. No one understands. Suicide feels like my last resort. But I can’t leave my dog. I can’t leave my family. I can’t put them through the pain of thinking it’s their fault. Sometimes I just wish the world would end & my pain would end with it. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

  76. Half of these symptoms are me. I used to enjoy a lot of things, now every time I try them I just feel like giving up. I feel so tired all the time. Staying positive doesn’t really help me. It’s a new year and I’m afraid I’m just gonna waste it like these past few years.

  77. I really relate to most of those things listed. Depression and anxiety really take you without you realising. The most important thing is to have awesome people around you to chat to and to pull you out of that black hole.

    I have friends who nag me to hang out with them. And if it weren’t for them, I would probably be crying in my room in my black hole.

    So even if you don’t have friends around you who understand, make friends online, or make friends where ever you are because you need those people in your life to pull you out.

    And another thing, who cares if you don’t feel like doing the daily things you normally do, do them later!! Most important thing is you get pulled out of your room, out of your house! You gotta see the beauty of the world!

  78. I just want to sleep literally all the time and force myself to be asleep. I don’t shower, brush my teeth. I’m in bed so much my body aches. I don’t pay my bills or leave the house. I don’t eat so I’m weak and shaky. I just want to be left alone. Everyone else seems normal, living life having friends. I have health issues, but can’t make the appointments much less show up. I’m on disability so I haven’t much money. I think about suicide a lot. I’m the worst depressed person ever. I feel like no one is as bad off as me.

    1. I have been feeling so ill.unable to shower for 3 weeks and hair wash nearly two weeks. Could not get out of bed feel so suicidal. Simply cant cope at all.

  79. I can relate to at least 70% of the depression indicaters. I’ve had depression for most of my life, I’m 53 now and depression has had a huge affect on me, lost jobs and careers, so many interests fallen by the wayside. Many mornings I feel like what’s the point of getting out of bed it’s just another day of pain and unhappiness. I take antidepressants and they help somewhat but I know from my history of alcohol and drugs I’ve been self medicating too. I don’t tell people because I’ve learned the hard way depression and mental illness are stigmatized in our society. I’m sure there are a lot people who can relate to me.

  80. I am 37 and single and my 3 kids are nearly all grown up now. I started renting a new house and have been trying to build the next stages of my life but Its so hard and I just cant work out why. All i feel is sick with nerves all the time. I cant motivate myself. I dread any kind of daily simple things like family dinners or shopping. Anything important I postpone as long as I can and it builds up to a point Where i cant sleep and feel paranoid then racked with fear. Why? What made me happy is not fun anymore. I constantly fear for my children, always feeling they are in danger and i feel guilty for all of this. Hiding What i have become is killing me inside and eating me up. I feel like Im dirt and bringing everyone down. Im tired of how scared I am. Im so alone.

    1. I am also 37 with 3 almost grown children. I feel alot of the way you feel only i have a bf that lives with me that wont help with anything and makes it worse. My job is horrible too! I will pray for you bc i know your pain

  81. I am every one of these. I’m 15 years old, and my Lyme disease relapsed so sports, working out, and horseback riding, the only things that actually make me feel good about myself, are all out of the question, at least until I am well again. I dread every day at school; my friends hate me now because I didn’t contact them once all summer and I just didn’t have the energy to keep up with them when school started again. My ex-bff who I was friends with for 10 years totally replaced me, and honestly I couldn’t care less but it hurts me because I know she told my other friends not to talk to me anymore. Only when she’s not at school do they acknowledge me. I feel so lost and out of place at school, I kinda have friends but I usually eat lunch alone and stuff because I’m too afraid to ask anyone to hang out. I wish I was invisible so that I didn’t have to talk to people. I have absolutely no desire to eat but my parents just force it down basically and the more they push it on me, the more I resent it. Even worse my dad says he’s disappointed in me because I’ve always been a smart kid and now I’m just thinking foolishly but I can’t help it.

  82. I have no friends, despite years, years, & years of trying. Being skinny didn’t make me happy, neither did having sex, making stuff, walking, exercising, spending time with parents, or watching movies.
    Haven’t had sex in years, and why bother? Been there, done that. Tried churches, clubs, groups—everyone’s busy outside that one hour, and an hour a week is not a friendship. I’m sick of everyone telling me all their shit within five minutes of meeting me. I’m sick of having to put in all the work with people. I’m sick of people telling me to just “keep putting myself out there”, yet those same people won’t have a fucking cip of coffee with me.
    I’m sick of being surrounded by aquaintences, none of whom want to be friends.
    I’m 36 & wish I were never born.

  83. Almost all of these are true about me and I didn’t even really know until I was doing a project for school and was looking this stuff up and then I started to cry because I noticed that I have depression so I got to looking farther into it and I found some tests to take so I took them and they said I have high or major depression and I don’t want to tell anybody because my dad already threatened to disown me when he found out that I cut and that scared me so bad that now I try not to show it to anybody and my now ex-best friend couldn’t even tell I was depressed or that I was self harming and that really hurt and then I noticed that she was one of the reasons so I told her I cant be her friend anymore because she could lead me to do much worse but now I have been 24 days clean and im so happy about that and I went to my cousin and he talked some sense into me and now im helping other people stop and that feels good to do.

  84. I just bawled my eyes out. I’m 17 yrs old and I’m depressed. And I have no idea why. I’m afraid. So afraid. I just want to be happy. God help me I want to be happy.

  85. Everything in my life has come to a head this week. All I have been hiding at work has come out, and now my husband and his entire family hate me for nearly ruining their business. I hated the job. I did it because I loved my husband, and I thought that was enough. For some reason, I just avoided most of my duties, just cruising by. Any major things that came across my desk made my heart palpatate, and I would jam them away – out of sight, out of mind. I lied, saying everthing with me and with the business was fine. It’s not. I don’t understand why I keep doing this crazy “ostrich” routine when work becomes difficult. The only thing that I can seem to do well is my children. I can get up with them, feed them, pack their lunches, and make sure they look good going out the door. After that, I have no energy or interest in anything. My husband is furious with me. His parents are convinced that I am just a lazy eff-up. I’m not. I want to succeed. I just hate the responsiblity that was put given to me with this job. I hate it. Every time I pull up to the building, I want to cry. Then I sit at my desk, avoiding anything that looks confusing or I know I would make some sort of mistake with. I want to be happy not just at home, but out there in the world too. I don’t know why I sabotaged the business, I don’t think it was intentional. Maybe I thought it would all just go away. My husband asked me tonight how I could live with myself. All I could tell him was I really don’t know how to.

  86. Yeah.. I am fully depressed. My moods are extreme. I act out in front of my 13 year old son and its starting to effect him. His grades are slipping and hes withdrawn. But going to call my doctor today because the ifs too much to bear.

  87. Hey I’ve been suffering depression for many months now, I’m 22 but when I was 16 I had it very bad. Crying everyday, feeling everyone would b better off without me etc. I intended to give my life away but when I left the house crying to my parents that I was sorry n that i loved them, they knew what was gonna happen so rang my friend n only for him i wouldnt b hee today. I used to lookat my life n say y me. Today even though I’m sufring the illness again I’ve realised one thing. Life is like a puzzled autobiography, the first chapter might seem perfect but as chapters go on u realise thers pieces missing, but as u approach new chapters u always find them missing pieces n u realise that life is the way its ment to be. U should have faith in god as our lord has our life’s planned out, see it through the end and u will find that laugh u thought u lost:, i hope the best for u all :), god bless

  88. The days seem so long to me I don’t cook I don’t clean and all I do is lie in bed now I can’t sleep at night’s because I do nothing in the day time I’ve been wearing the same clothes for two weeks now I can’t be bothered to change life is so boring and lonely

  89. Mostly all of these are true for me, except a couple. Only Im manic depressive, the kind where I am up and down in energy rapidly. I stay depressed for a few days usually 2-5 but will get a burst of energy & clean everything spotless. I have a line drawn where when my teeth are too fuzzy it’s time to brush them, my hair’s too greasy it’s time for a shower. Sometimes I cant leave the house cause I will not go out with greasy hair & it gets abnormally greasy very fast. Even if I want to go to the place I’m trying to leave the house for, getting out of bed into the shower is hard. I don’t even like going to get the mail sometimes, even though I do a lot of online shopping & there’s almost always a package in there. The mail man brought me my mail to my door today & they really didn’t have to, it’s just I hadn’t checked it for 4 days already & the box was full. The only things I manage to do are go to Church 3-4 times a weeks & things that are mandatory, as in appointments & I’m proud of that, even though it’s still hard. On the days I go to Church I’m all dressed up & I’m able to do things I want to. I’ve gotten better & it helps so so much that I have a dish washer now & also a crock pot. Sometimes its even hard to load the dish washer. I think I haven’t showered for 2 days now & I don’t stink yet but like I said my hair gets greasy fast & I want to go down the street to get dinner & do my laundry, but I need to clean my hair to go to the laundry room & I would just go do the laundry but I’m embarrassed of my greasy hair. I’m sure I’ll get an energy burst here soon, just waiting for it, but I don’t think today & Church is tomarrow, so I will definately get a shower before then. I got a new shirt in the mail I bought to match a skirt, so maybe the laundry doesn’t even have to be done today & I have plenty of food in the house. So maybe today is lay in bed & sulk day. Also I have a dillema lately where everything I wear isn’t good enough, or I wore this already this week I can’t wear it again. This just started happening, I didn’t care what I wore & had the same clothes for the last 2 years & now everything isn’t good enough & I have low self esteem & I get embarrassed cause I don’t like what I wear most days & some days I’m happy with what Im wearing cause I like that dress that matches those shoes or if I have to wear these shoes with this outfit Im self concious. Like I said my enery goes up & down, along with my happiness or approval of myself with my moods. Im trying to find new clothes, but its hard to find what I want & how I want it to fit. I also keep baking supplies on hand & when in an angry mood I will bake, but that’s a different story & has to do with my angry moods & baking soothes me. Right now I’m going to find an out fit for Church, get back into bed & have a shower early in the morning. When I go to Church I am less depressed & moody on those days, much less moody, I can come home in a good mood & clean. Or atleast come home in a good mood & get back into bed. Atleast I left the demons outside the church for 30 mins to 1 hour & that helps my entire day, Im a much nicer person.

  90. It feels like everyday is the same, I go to work come home cook dinner for my family, do housework, go to bed. My husband and I used to do so much together, now we have money worries and we hardly do anything. I am just existing. I miss my family, who are miles away. I want to go back to them. It just feels like everything is dark right now and I can’t see any light.

  91. Being made to feel worthless all the time by everyone in my life has conditioned me to believe that I’m an oddity, there’s something wrong with me because I can’t just lighten up or take a joke. Fact is these people are cruel, and I’m not alone.

    When I feel particularly hopeless, I’m glad I can find places like this for solidarity. We are not alone, and we are not invalid.

    Try to steal some contentment for yourself today, and I hope you can truly enjoy it.

  92. I feel totally alone I am overwhelmed by clutter and housework. My family are all dead I live with my cat. I have one good friend who has a boyfriend and I don’t see often. I’m 38 and don’t care what I look like. I spend all day lying in bed I feel suicidal

  93. Some things on the list are true, I’m trying to fight it, so some things on the list i fight every day, but’s it’s hard work.

  94. I’m 28 and I honestly don’t know what I am. Do I have anxiety, depression, both? It could be that I just simply don’t like anything, anybody. I could be just an asshole, which would be fine with me. I have no desire to get a house, no desire to get married or have kids. I can go forever without talking with my family, I kind of resent and pity them. My parents have some mental issues, my brother is in jail and my sister is keeping up with the kardashians. My girlfriend doesn’t get me and I’m not even sure if I like her or her ideals, I might have no ideals. I don’t know. I haven’t felt sadness since I can remember. I feel some level of grief and annoyance all the time though. I think people are generally self-serving and silly, quick to make decisions (perhaps I think to much, my mind is constantly at work without accomplishing much). I actually feel like the human race is destroying this planet. I feel like these are negative or depressing thoughts until I realize that they are fact. Most people just want to work hard, raise a family, have fun occasionally, and not really care about anything else outside of that realm. I haven’t really felt anything for awhile now. I have a great sense of humor and I’m a pretty good writer but I don’t care and I’m too afraid to enhance or focus on those qualities. Sometimes I feel like there is nothing wrong with me and that what I think (although different) is the right way for me but sometimes I feel like I have a problem because I don’t really feel things and I don’t care to get a job or have kids. I’m in school but I’m not focusing on anything, i’m just going just to do something. I enjoy learning but my memory can be poor at times. I’m not suicidal but I do picture myself killing myself a little or I think of meteors striking the earth randomly when I look at the stars (I have an interest in astronomy but even that I lose care for). I’m definitely not a violent person, I hate violence actually because I grew up in a violent and aggressive home but sometimes I think that I will just freak out one day (not like kill people freak out but like hit someone or maybe just become brain dead from possibly keeping my emotions down). Again, I think you can be the “craziest” person in the world but if you don’t think you’re crazy then there isn’t a problem, which is what I wished I thought but I don’t. I’m uncomfortable around most people. I have a big group of friends but I feel like i’m different from all of them. I don’t know…maybe I’m just a selfish lazy asshole but I want to be comfortable being that. Those are only negative qualities from an outside perspective or subjective in ways but if I’m that then I want to be happy being that. I don’t take meds or anything for depression nor do I want to because a lot of my thoughts and ideas are right for me and make me feel unique and good, I don’t want to alter those thoughts. Those thoughts can be unusual and mean but they’re creative and funny, I’d rather be creative and funny over usual and nice. My problem is my lack of care for people, for myself and my future. I’m confused and lazy, with no desire to fix anything and no idea where to start. I’m also afraid of failure. The last two sentences are my problem that I want to fix. Perhaps I don’t want to do anything nor do I care to do anything workwise. I’m not even sure what love really feels like but enough of my bitching. This is the first time I’ve ever really wrote about it. I guess posting it is a sign of some sort of care so there is my paragraph of confusion and gripes.

  95. I relate to all these, second day on meds now starting to see clearly now, don’t feel so paranoid about what other people are thinking. Honestly can’t believe how and when it started. Feels like it’s my first time being happy.

  96. Its strange that all of these symptoms are relevant to my everyday actions and feelings. I thought I was the only one feelng these symptoms but there are actually other people as well, but no one ever understands people like us unless we’re enduring the same thing. I can’t turn to anyone for help because they hate me or do not understand how I feel. I wish I could meet each one of you and let you know that I understand your pain. The world is a cruel place, there are so many people like us after reading the comments, it goes to show how awful people can become that they can make others feel so upset and negative. Its so hard to explain and show my feelings nowadays, I always end up crying for no reason or for characters in t.v shows who got bullied or feel worthless or are suicidal. I try to be happy but when those bad days come which is everyday now, you feel like all the achievements and happy moments in your life are just a lie because theres more bad moments and screw ups then of the good ones, I feel like theres nothing to look forward to because nobody loves me and I’m talentless and worthless, I can never do anything right. Almost everyday my mother tells me she wish she had aborted me or killed me when she was pregnant and I was baby. Why should I exist if no one wants me to or will care or notice? I lost hope in God because everytime I pray things just get worse 🙁

  97. I’m 13 years old. I didn’t know depression until I was already experiencing it. I came from a religious family, so whenever I would cry without any reason they would say I should pray. I can’t sleep. It never comes to me. Suicide is something that crosses my mind always, but I’m too much of a coward to actually do it. I read books a lot; even at school, although the fantasy kinds. I used to be socially active few months back, when depression was only coming to me whenever I would remember how I was raped by my uncle, thrown to the highway by my own maid with street children multiple of times, of how my parents only argue with me whenever I tell them that something is wrong with me. It started last month, I didn’t attend parties anymore, I don’t attend social gatherings. My parents hosted a party last night, and I locked myself in my room, pretending to be asleep rather than facing all the older and young people outside my door that I used to talk, chat, and become close. I started to love being isolated. I used to go outside and stay outside a lot, either at my friend’s house or stay longer at school because being at home felt wrong. My parents thought it was a good idea to put me into multiple classes like photography, art, piano, swimming, everything music related. I loved each and everyone of them until I started to feel useless and loneliness that I can’t even put into words. My parents spoiled me, but they were never there. I got everything, from an xbox, to a 73″ Flat screen HD 3D tv, iMac, Macbook pro, Everything to my expense. But they never gave me what I needed. I needed them to listen and understand. I told them that I knew there was something wrong with me 3 years ago, they just shrugged and argued with me. Now, I don’t tell them anything because I’m scared they might scold me again for thinking that they know how I feel because they’re my parents. As a foreigner living in Saudi Arabia, everything here is available to my expense. But they don’t listen when I tell them I need to talk to someone who understands. I never knew what I wanted the other people to understand. I guess I wanted them to understand how I feel, I wanted to feel normal. I’m as pure as a 13 year old can be, not a taste of Beer or wine or vodka, not a single cigarette placed on my lips, not a single drug sniffed up my nose. I had been harassed and hurt by the people closest to me. I push everyone away. I push the people who try to help me, because I have this fear that they might hurt me in the end as well. I try to find hope, since my father is a nerd and a geek and has taught me in his ways. He taught me that when there is hope, there is will. As long as Your will strives, hope will find it’s way. My father is the only one nearest to who understands. But I make myself distant. I didn’t commit suicide because I thought of all the people around me who tried to help me and talk to me. My friends, my teachers. What would happen to them if I passed away? Would they simply go on to doing what they normally do? It didn’t affect me how they would act since I saw myself as the lowest of beings. So like reading a book, I tried to imagine myself in their place if i did commit suicide. I imagined that someone would call me and tell me that this person was dead and she wanted to tell me how much of a great person I am and how much help I did. I would feel like a failure and so depression would also conquer me. And I didn’t want anyone to suffer like how we are suffering now. I didn’t want anyone to know how much depression can cause even the brightest of minds and the bravest of hearts crumble to ashes in the simple blow of depression’s wrath. I lost hope a few months ago, but I refill myself with books and movies. Music makes it worse, food is useless, and talking to anyone makes me feel sad and useless and I think of how much I could tell them and if they would understand me. I started to act like my father, to make myself look normal. I became ‘lazy’, I triggered my gamer side, my bookworm side. I started to act like I wasn’t a snobby rich kid who has boys wrapped around her fingers. I wanted to become normal that I started to change my attitude, appearance, and likes depending on who I’m with. I felt as if it was my job for the people around me not to feel what I feel. I would smile, laugh, play, say witty comments and act like a lady outside my room; But when I’m inside it, I would cry anytime. I would stare into the corner, deciding what i should do, then my mind would start to linger elsewhere, The books started to make me feel numb, but the moment I put it down, the pain comes back. The light of day looks the same as the blackest of night. I started to commit myself to games like assassin’s creed which was full of adventure and amazing skills and battles, Pokemon which showed me that sometimes you just have to find the right Pokemon to use the only Masterball you have. I’ve confined myself to my room, not eating one bite of food, My parents started to worry. They thought I was straying away from the Lord. Which was kind of true, I started to think of the worst thing I could, something just as bad as suicide- selling my soul to the devil to change my life for the better. Praying made me choke my words. I start to sleep at usually late in the morning then wake up in the night forcing myself to sleep, but can’t bring myself to do so. My friends has given up on me, that whenever I would even talk to them about my depression, they would say “I’ve got to go” or they would change the topic, or they would say think of happy thoughts. I can’t even remember my happy thoughts, I easily forget where I’ve put my USB or controller or remote. Everything seems faint. If I read a book, I could easily forget the whole story as soon as i finish reading it. I’m trying to stand strong, but everyone is trying to hard to get through my thick layer of pain that they just start to topple me over and get me buried in it. I write stories to express myself, But now-a-days, I’ve lost the will to even write a great story. I never realized I really got depression until I started to relate to every page about what depression is and how it feels like. But now, I find hope that one day, I would get over this, or that I can prevent someone from experiencing this kind of pain by living with them and trying to make their life something worth remembering. I want to die being remembered as ‘The one who made it through rough and smooth.’ How do you want to be remembered?

  98. i’ve been suffering depression for about 5 years but never felt it the way i feel it now, suicide is now wandering my mind more than ever and no one around me seems to care. I feel so lost, like i’m never going to get out of this dark place

  99. I relate to all the things enlisted above. My life has become so miserable & I find no solution of the messen up things. Just want kill myself. I reallly hate the way I am.

  100. ahhh! Well i am 24 and typing this from my ps3.You can imagine the rest.
    i never had clear ideas about what i wanted from life.i had a beautiful childhood and my parents loved me a lot but today without a job i feel completely useless and now that its my turn to take care of them…i just dont find a job .i feel like i didnt deserve all that love. i am the only child and i am very worried. i cant even take care of myself.I am a looser in this world of winner.i hv always been since i was born.My mind has become week and i have lost intrest in life.I cant believe what the hell i have become.

  101. I was searching for answers when I found this. I have found what I was looking for. My dr. Tried to tell me months ago I have depression, but I thought she was crazy. I blew her off and didn’t take the meds she prescribed. But now it makes sense. I started self medicating with alcohol and surrounding myself with friends who also drink. I found an emotionally absent boyfriend to distract myself with and I’ve been neglecting my life, my job, my children, household chores, even getting my car tags renewed. I lose things constantly and forget important dates, my kids resent me and so do my parents and i feel I am not capable of caring or loving anyone. All of this has led me to a dark place where I’ve pushed everyone away and feel empty inside. Now that its all starting to make a little sense I have no insurance and no money so suicide has crossed my mind since I can’t run away from myself.

  102. I can feel all of your pain, I too have been living with depression for over 15 years, been on medication but it don’t work for me only makes me num. Everyday I think about taking my life I don’t know how much longer I can hold-out, if I know where am going or will happend to me at my last breath i would do it right now, there is nothing here for met o live for.

  103. I feel so low everyday is the same for me I live alone I don’t work my family are all dead I used to take drugs but I don’t anymore I’ve been wearing the same clothes for months I feel like crap and my life is over

  104. Yeah so am i, everyone is out celebraiting their firstive seosen and me busy feeling sory, thinking bad about how am i going to be able to take care of myself, my family and my little boy i have to raise. I dont really know what has happend to me, i used to be the most fun to be around now all i do is make people feel unconfortable because i can’t find anything to say to them. So i turned to lock myself up in my room and never allow anyone to be friend with me. Please help me, even now i can’t put up words that i mean, i can’t think straight, please i really need your help.

  105. I’ve been feeling 75% of those things but I don’t Feel depressed. As it’s said, I sleep to escape my life. I stay up all night and sleep during the day. I have 8 video games I haven’t played and 3 books I’ve bought and I just can’t take the time to read them. What’s worse, they’re fantasy books, ones that I REally like, but I can’t bother with them. I’d rather sleep. I feel happy half the time though, just also really tired. Am I really depressed subconsciously? I can’t get a job, I can’t go to college this semester (and i was Really looking forward to it), and my life feels like it’s standing still and I have no motivation to do the online jobs I have. I make waaaaaaaaaaaay less than minimum wage, but it’s something. I just cant focus though.

  106. lately I’ve been depressed. Greatly.
    im only 12 yrs old,so its hard dealing with it.
    my life so far has been HELL but until i turned about 7 everything was fine:) my mom kept getting married and moving from house to house so i could never develop a stable social life i lost connections to my friends and family and couldn’t get myself together. since my parents split up I’ve been feeling broken. At school i feel my self getting light headed and tired then i feel like im shaking and about to faint, but the thing is…No one else seems to be affected by it. i hav never had so many nightmares in my life until this period of time came around. My parents r strict so i could never talk 2 them about how i was feeling so i write to get my anger and hurt out of my sytem, and i no they always say change is coming and it will get better…but…when??
    how come my change didn’t come yet?

  107. Hey, I’m Alaina- I’m 14 in a half. Everything on here describes me basically…. I think I have depression problems because of my problems at home, stress, anxiety, and the fact I was bullied all throughout middle school. I missed over 60 days because I was to scared to go to school. Although I do have depression issues I have not cried for a few years now, I have to force them, I’ve given up on that though. My mom says she won’t get me help because she doesn’t want it on my permanent record for school. I just absolutley hate my life right now and wish I had no school to go to and just want to get away from everyone I know except for 2 friends. Been faking smiles for 4 years now….
    That’s it I guess….sorry… just felt like I had to post this comment…
    bye.

  108. Oh and I also wanted to say I never sleep at all with out medication, I have no idea why, I am scared of something and can’t shut the thinking down ever my mind goes 100miles an hour and I hear the same thoughts over and over

  109. I am like so many of you that hide away under the covers for days on end. I forget to eat, don’t wash or change my clothes, and sadly sometimes I will even hold off going to the bathroom that I will have an accident on the way. This episode I have been put of work for a month to heal after a termination and being abandoned by the father. Not for everybody but I would have surly killed myself if the pregancy was to continue. I could beer do it alone. A for drugs I need them an currently have been put on benzodaisapans for the first time and am already worried about stopping them as I feel calm and as I’d u can get stuff done. I cry all the time, I have tried being a witch talking to god and even ghosts when I am so alone and scared. I am over not knowing who I really am, what is my personality? What is normal ?
    When will I feel happy, safe and be loved as I am

  110. I am 16 year old guy.. I have like 90% of all the symptoms shown above.. Depression is a bitch then you die .. I had attempted suicided but I was saved somehow .. The only best thing I can advice you to do is .. Just hang in there .. Keep fighting it .. Don’t give up on life .. You will find a rainbow in the rain .. Life is just pain if someone says something different about it he’s definitely selling something .. People will fuck you hurt u .. Not care .. Leave u to rot .. But u should remember life is just about creating yourself.. I have learned and faced just a lot .. I am 16 and I have already faced all the grown up problems .. Life has just made me grown too fast .. All I can say don’t underestimate yourself .. Keep fighting .. Never give up :’) “If anyone wants to talk to me feel free to email me at “kshsrn2@gmail.com”

  111. I’m very tired. Everything makes me sick. My family, my friends, my life. I don’t enjoy the things i used to love. I had so many doubts about the love for the man i was planning to marry. We went on and off at least 5 or 6 times. Now I know the reason for that was not him but me. I am very pathetic.
    I am a 24 year old woman who drinks till she feels nothing, punches her face and bites her arms until she has dark dark bruises, is up all night long wishing to be different. I have lost to my depression, and I am very tired. Very tired of fighting.

  112. I have planned out my death. I am married to a wonderful women who, in my opinion, deserves better than me. I have sought help for my sadness and anxiety and depression and fear…all I wanted was someone to talk to, someone who can help me claw my way back to happiness. I DONT want my 4 children and my wife to live with my death, but I feel pathetic. I retired from the military (22 years), I’m in Graduate school but the sadness is overwhelming. I can’t talk to any of my friends about this – men don’t talk about killing themselves. I CANNOT burden my wonderful wife with this information. I’ve been to therapy a few times…but didn’t get much from it; she refered me to some “talk therapy” group – I DONT want to discuss my dire circumstances with strangers, I just want someone to listen and understand…and help. As I type this I feel my chest tighten and I want to frigging cry; I’ve never typed something like this for strangers to read. Goodbye for now.

  113. I hate feeling like this all I want is to be happy. I feel like I have no purpose or significance in life. I really want to end my life however I don’t want people to think that I done it for attention nor do I want anyone to find out.

  114. Everyone, you must read this: Depression runs in my family, and I had my bout with it a couple of decades ago when in my late 20s. Everything described in these pages is what I felt. What I’ve never seen quite explained clearly is that depression DISTORTS REALITY. What you are feeling is NOT your real world; this disease makes your world seem bleak, hopeless and therefore makes you believe it is beyond your control and cannot change. THIS IS FALSE. Put simply, this disease zaps the chemicals in your brain that provide balance and allow you to see reality as it really is. I know this is hard to believe when you are going through it, but this is 100% the case. YOUR LIFE SITUATION IS NOT WHAT’S WRONG, and this is good news.

    I beat my condition by understanding the above and finally visiting our family medical doctor (yes, medical doctor, NOT a shrink). he prescribed some medication that ended the vicious cycle and got me out of it. I am now a successful, happy man with a family. I now have a full understanding of this disease, and trust me, self-knowledge of what depression REALLY is is a powerful weapon in controlling it and BEATING it.

    What I have read on these pages has both touched and disturbed me. Suicide? Please, please, please: if you are experiencing this destructive disease I urge you to see a medical doctor right now. Do not be embarassed, for they regularly deal with this and fully understand that it’s not you, it’s the disease.

    You do NOT have to suffer with this any longer, and you will be amazed at how your world changes back to normal.

    1. I don’t think that depression is always a case of “distorted reality”. We depressives do seem to have a similar reality, but is it really distorted? Modern life is not easy, there’s a lot of pressure, a lot of competition, money worries, insecurities – it’s easy to get sick.

      In this society, weakness is looked down on. If you don’t cope with life, people denigrate you. As communities, we are unsupportive to those who have the intelligence to recognise the futility of a lot of what “life” involves. Is it really an intelligent choice to make yourself happy? I feel a bit like I need to reserve some sort of dignity and retain a healthy cynicism..even if I could make it so, my life cannot be all fluffy bunnies and rainbows.

      There are plenty of good things in life, and yes some people do seem to be able to “recover” and become high functioning, well respected members of society with no apparent mental weakness. So be it, but I don’t feel I can ever be somebody who finds it natural to be happy.

  115. I live in Canada where every winter it gets dark, cold and snowy. At first it seemed like a quick diagnosis of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Try light therapy and St Johns and all ok. Had a major meltdown recently and wound up in my Doctor’s office and he prescribed Cipralex which seems to help. Couple that with 25 years of being free from drugs and alcohol. I feel for those with depression….its one of those things you don’t even know you have it. All the fears, the worst thoughts simply won’t go away. I have a loving wife and 2 boys are seemed to have inherited this plague from Dad.My higher power has to help.

  116. Okay so I’m 18 and probably ever since I was 13, 14 years old I have experienced every single symptom of depression, and since nothing has ever got any better, I still have it. It’s a very hard thing to shake, but I am finally going to a therapist after all theses years, now I feel nothing at all, and to me ,feeling no emotion is worse than feeling sad. I would rather feel something than feel nothing. I could only wish that I would someday feel happiness. That I could bring true joy and laughter into my life. Being depressed is no way to live a happy life. It only brings you down and forces you to accept it. It throws away your dreams and hurts your future. I wish there was something that I could do to make it go away, please help me..

  117. My name is Stav Raz and I’m a filmmaker at UCLA Graduate program. I am writing to you because I was in love with a very depressed man. Through the relationship I realized that this depressed man was once a depressed child. It got me interested about childhood depression. While its taboo I believe it needs to be talked about and I really appreciate you guys writing about it.

    I am currently making a short film about childhood depression and any help would be greatly appreciated! Here is a link to my project so you can take a look at it yourself. I really hope to shed some light on the dangers of it and make people aware that depression in children does exist.

    Thank you for your time,

    http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1417594538/339020298?token=fa9ecff1

  118. I have a lot of these symptoms and I’m kind of glad that I am not alone. Is it normal if everyday of my life for the past few years that I wish I could go back in time to my younger years when life was perfect and I had no worries and none of these symptoms. I just wish I could go back……

  119. when i read these pages i see again i am not alone. but it only makes me feel worse. not better. i got a dog hoping it would help me with focus. but it has only done so on a minor scale. i still oversleep. watch tv or play video games. i had sitting with my brain thoughts. at nite i have to take something to stop memories from flooding in. wondering when am i going to just be able to sleep again. when can i feel that good wiped out feeling you get. i am so lonely. my closest friend left me because he couldnt deal with my emotions any more. couldn’t predict how i would react and so he became afraid and angry. i tried to reconcile, but found myself angry at him for not trying to understand. now i hate me even more than i have before. i hate having this illness it has robbed me of most of my lifetime. i wish i could just die and be finally free. Finally Free!!!

  120. Completely unfocused lately with no direction; no real desire. Just want to get away from my life and be alone, be free. I get very irritated easily. Life just isn’t fun anymore. I don’t want to even go home at the end of the day.
    Simple things can evoke a crying fit.
    Am I slipping into a depression? Would chnging my life help?

  121. Depression is making me loose my mind I am so unhappy the stress of everyday life has taken it toll on me. If it was not for my son I will not have a will to live. I don”t have anyone that I trust I wish I could be alone.I’ve been married for 15years and yet I am not married. This has only been one of my MANY mistakes that I have made in life.I am not really sure why the person I married married it was never about love and thats one of the most hurtful feelings. I am begging GOD to help me escape this life that I am living. to be so unhappy about everything has to mean that I am crazy it can’t be everyone around me HELP someone please HELP.

  122. since i had surgery in January my life has changed completely. i have not stayed in college for the full course because of being in the doctors or hospital all the time and since the surgery had not healed by November they suggested that i go back in for surgery. since the 7th of November I’ve become distant, angry, feel like my career aspirations have been taken away from me and i don’t want to spend no time with the family. all i want is to be healed and feel well ready for Christmas but in my state i have no hope.

  123. Im was suffering from this crazy pain 24/7. I can’t think, If i think it will be about Crazyness. My mind is so random, Full of random music. Im not Crazy thoe. I can actually see myself But can’t help myself. I never went to the doctor.

  124. Hi

    I was just diagnosed with depression last week and my doctor has prescribed medication.

    I reckon I’ve been struggling for about 8 years and thimnsg just got worse for me this year when my Mum died, not just cos she dies but the circumstances under which she fell ill in the first place..i blame myself for my part in this.

    I saw a counsellor and that helped and i’ve made sure that work colleagues and some friends and family know.

    All of you feeling this was need to relaise that you are a wonderful person being pushed down by all this and thzt person needs to be helped to fight thru it all to reveal the true wonderful you.

    I know it’s hard but speak to one person who is not directly involved with you..a teacher, an older friend, older relative…you are worth the help that you need.

    I wish you all the very best

  125. Hey, about 2 months ago I started feeling really ill constantly it was always on my mind night and day the only time it wasn’t was when I was asleep, I’ve been to the doctors and they say it’s ‘anxiety disorder’ but gradually everything in my life seems pointless and I worry about everything, everything feels doll, I don’t want to go anywhere but stay in bed all day, I’m constantly tired and more recently have seriously considered suicide I don’t know what to do, I’ve told my parents everything they just say I’m mental, I look at other people that are happy and all I do is wish that was me.. I’ve lost my appetite, I go for walks to get away but that just makes me think about everything even more.. I’m genuinely sick of living I prefer being asleep to being awake, the only time I’m relatively happy is when I’m wasted drunk. Please someone help, am i depressed? I’m almost at an end now :'(

  126. I feel this during the summer and I did for the beginning of the year last year at school but… I learned why I live for my friends! Maybe my family can’t except I know more about feelings, and think that they have it worst but my friends are always there I think when I go to high school I probably will go crazy again but not for another year. Theres

  127. And school just sucks so bad… No matter how hard I try I still get bad grades because my school has a high percentile range.. I hate my school.. I’m very unhappy with my life.. I’m just a nobody.. I feel like im just some number and not important.. Sometimes I do wish that I don’t wake up in the morning so I won’t have to deal with life anymore.. I’d rather be in the hospital than here.. I am always unhappy and sad and anxious.. And my house is full of drama.. Whenever I do get happy for once in my life it’s always ruined by something.. I hate life.. I hate the economy, bills, taxes everything…

  128. I get so frustrated and angry at everything… I felt left out and I feel that my parents just don’t really care because they always are bringing up their past of how they had no help.. And that I should be the same.. I can’t stand my family., I don’t get a long with my siblings or parents half the time… I’m always tired it’s a struggle getting out if bed.. And when I do I get very irritated.. I don’t like school at all… No matter what I do I’m still a fail at everything., I’m just a screw up in life.. I have very low self esteem. I don’t like myself.. I was In the hospital once for depression and suicidal thoughts.. That didn’t help at all.,, it was the worse. I hate my life.. Life sucks…

  129. Atleast 2 days a week a get stuck in this horrible negative mindset, where i feel everything is pointless, nobody cares or appriciates me or anything i do. everyone is fake and nothing is real, and love doesnt exist. and the thoughts keep getting worse and worse, and there starting to happen more often. more then half of the time i go to sleep in hopes i dont wake up, because i cant see anything good happening in my future. everything is pointless and i feel like nobody around will understand, nobody takes me seriously. like my parents, they just tell me to grow up and get over myself. but i cant control it, if i could i would make these thoughts go away, i just cant. and im not making it up, they just dont understand.

  130. I feel as though my mind is a day behind the rest of the world.Simple things that are explained to me seem to be overwhelming and complicated. I can very easily distracted at any given moment and that frustrates me enormously.

  131. This is exactly what I’m going through but I keep telling myself everything is alright when I know its not. I don’t know what to do anymore I have two daughters and that’s the only reason why I’m still a live.

  132. I’m 16 years old and I’ve been depressed almost all my life.
    My real dad was an alcoholic and verbally abused me to no extent.
    9 years old I went through a horrible divorce where my dad committed adultery and my mom had a worse childhood and she compares my lonely effortless life to hers.
    I distrust men and Im triggered to cry at all points that are not even relevant in ones life.
    I try everything except drugs and alcohol to try and escape and it’s not enough bc I comes around and I have consequences. I’ve tried talking to my mom but she doesn’t believe that I need help. I’ve considered suicide but not meaning to the images just cycle through me and I don’t want them.
    I’ve grown to my boyfriend and he’s the real happiness I’ve got but my mom thinks that I’ve become to close and there’s no me left. And that I’m a selfish girl bc I won’t do chores that I didn’t make. I really want to move on from here and not come back but a year and a half let is making it hard to go on.

  133. I’ve had my fair share, when the sun went down, on my way home all i’m thinking is death,death,death. how I wished that the car would crash then all the pain would gone, how I wished that I’m brave enough to take enough pills. People were like miles miles away

  134. It seems like I wake up every day just hating my life but don’t get me wrong I do love my family with all my heart but it just don’t seem like it is enough to keep me going so I get up and take pills to get high off them because it seems that’s the only way I feel right it gives me a little happiness and it helps me make it through the day but I’m sick of taking pills all the time I just want to be my self again happy and out going but its hard when all’s you want to do is sleep all day or lay in bed and never get out and always feeling sorry for your self and its always the same stuff every day nothing changes so you tell your self what’s the point its just anger and pain there’s got to be something out there just one pill that will last. 24hrs so I can get back to my life happy and loving and just being awake and know my surrounding with out feeling paranoid is there any help before its to late

  135. For years , I thought I was alone until now. Depression is really is real. Depression, affects every aspect of your life. I am still struggling with depression and I am trying really hard to get out of it. Sometimes it feels like there is no way out nobody cares or understands. I wish everyone the best and God bless!

  136. Is it depression when you’re life legitimately sucks and everything seems to go wrong? I have ADHD and it’s practically destroyed my life. I’ve struggled so hard to concentrate and I’ve been able to fabricate a surface of success – but it means people just don’t see how far I’ve bottomed out.

    I’ve tried everything, but no matter what I do, I keep failing. It’s like I’m constantly pushing against that boulder and it’s rolling back on me. Every time I think I’m ahead, I promptly misstep. I just want to have some control over my life!

    My disposition used to be so sweet, but this constant failure has soured it. I just want to give up. I don’t have any more energy to struggle any more.

  137. I recently admitted to myself that I might have depression, so I looked for help with the counselor at my university. I’ve only had one meeting so far, but it’s helped tremendously. I don’t know if I want to take medications, because I’m afraid of the side-effects and the fact that medications aren’t natural, but I keep leaning towards taking them because I don’t want to feel this anymore. I don’t know if my friends understand, and I haven’t told my family, but… I’m doing this for me now and no one else. Seek help, for anyone who reads this and feels the same way. Please, seek help. Ignore that nasty voice in your head and the empty hole in your heart and just GO seek help. It will get better. 🙂

  138. My depression started years ago @ 27 with SLEEPING problems, then came anxiety, loss of appetite-panic attacks… until I committed myself. I was great for years on the right anti-depressants-sedatives & weight gaining, I might add but this past year until present is awful. I’m on so much sleeping medication and the only thing that helps along with my anti-depressants at high doses is klonopin. Is anyone else feeling so tired they can’t function? and absent minded. I literally lost my job due to tiredness, concentration and so forth. When I think things start to stabilize now that I’m unemployed I will all of a sudden get these episodes of extreme tired flu like tiredness-no coffee or caffeine brings you out of it. Sometimes it lasts for a couple days and sometimes 7 days, at least so far. What is wrong w/ me? I had all blood tests and everything is normal but I’m NOT normal. Does anyone else have the sleeping issues and episodes of extreme fatique Sickness like, they barely function, sensitive to light? Thanks for listening. Thank you, Dyan

  139. i thought my life was normal. it is when i’m not at home..i love being with my friends and my boyfriend, i love being at school, i’m 14 years old and everything is just getting too me, i am constantly tired no matter how much sleep ive had, i cant be bother to laugh, i just sit here and cry about everything, i cant stand my family, but they just dont understand the pain im going trough, im too scared to tell them, i know im deppresed! everyone at school always says to me ‘are you ok? you look sas/upsted/pissed off’. i would do anything to escape this pain. i feel like no one listens to me or wants me around, i cry when im home alone and do nothing else..my education is going down the drain because i can not be bother do pick up a pen, i live too far away from my boyfriend and friends i have to get lifts everywhere.i just want everything to be perfect but it seems it never will:/ i’d give anything. i just want my life back and not panick about EVERYTHING i have lost the energy to cry and i just lie on the floor for hours and don’t move, i have told no one about this, no body knows..eccept me. if you are going through the pain i am, keep smilling, every time you want to cry dont. just forget about it, go out and have a laugh with your mates, its horrible to be depressed i know. but dont give up, you are loved no matter how much your head is telling you your that your not, fight your depression, before it takes over you. :/

  140. What bugs me is when i tell my friend i was depressed at a certain time (and still am) she says “really, you seemed pretty happy to me”, i don’t understand how i seemed happy when i was just barely hanging on, i had lost my job, lost contact with friends, relationship was breaking down, i don’t go out anymore and suffering agoraphobia and bad anxiety, yes i have bouts where i am feeling more hopeful but then since the situation isn’t getting better i keep drifting in and out of it, it never goes and nothings changed much either but everyone seems to think after 5 year is must have, so i’m still depressed, home most of the time, i leave the house only ’cause i have to or when i have to. Can’t people realise that what they see is not the way it is, if i acted how i felt they would never speak to me again. No one thinks i’m depressed but my councellor has dianosed me with Panic Disorder, Depression, Agoraphobia and Generalised Anxiety Disorder, how could i not be depressed when dealing with this and living with parents that don’t mind if i don’t get better ’cause then i’m the live in cleaner, carer for when they get too old and will be doing everything for them since i am the only one living at home, i have siblings but they never offer to help me get through this, they’re having too much for to be bothered in anything other than their own lives. This really is the only reason i push myself to get better, though with lack of sleep i keep getting sick and can’t even do the stuff to get better, it’s an endless cycle, i’m getting all the help i need but feel everyone else wouldn’t care if i wasn’t ’cause they wouldn’t have to help me get there. No chance of getting a relationship either after breaking up with a guy because he didn’t want to admit the problems we had was what was causing this and had to change for things to get better. Sorry for the rant but that’s the reality for me i just hope it’s not many more years of this.

  141. Im 13, i honestly don’t know if im depressed. I have symptoms more than half of them. But all i really want to do is talk to someone about this situation. Im starting to find it hard to cope in school, and with all my work. My family really really annoy me sometimes and all i can ever do is just go up to my room and be on my own.. Im so grumpy and cheeky towards my little brother he always asks ”why are you up here on your own” i would always shout at him and say go away.

    I dont know whats wrong with me. but i feel worthless and hopeless its like no one appreciates me…… i feel like shit.. and i feel like i cant talk to anyone in confidence. i cant keep it to myself…,, I guess i have no choice

  142. Almost all of these are true for me also. I don’t have any friends, my family is small and we rarely ever get along (there is always drama!!). My mom and I dont really get along as much as we used to (we used to be each other’s shadow). Unfortunately, I was molested by my “step-dad” for 6-7 years when I was younger and kept quiet about it until about 3 years after he unexpectedly passed away (I only confessed that to 4 people though). I have guilt everyday in my mind about the biggest and even smallest things. I complain all the time. But yet, when my boyfriend of 1 1/2 wants to do something with me, I don’t ever want to. I don’t like hanging out anymore because I care way too much about what people think about me. I don’t have any changes with food, but I do have sleeping problems a lot. I don’t think about suicide, but I do think about my funeral often. (wondering who would even care to be there when I pass). I get daily headaches. I cry all the time, I cry myself to sleep. Sometimes I dont even have to have a reason why when I cry. It’s uncontrollable sometimes. I never think I’m good enough. I am very self concious about the way I look, even my personality as well. I think I’m a boring person, and I am no fun to be around. I get annoyed by people very, very easily. I would rather be around animals all day than to be in the company of people. I am afraid all the time of my boyfriend leaving for someone better than me, I know he has to hate the way I am sometimes. I never keep a job for long, somehow I come home even more depressed than before I got it, and when I am unemployed I am depressed about not having a job! I don’t know my purpose here.

  143. I just came back two days ago from an eagerly anticipated week long holiday that me and a female friend had been looking forward to for months. I hate my job, I hate the rat race of full time work, I live in a sharehouse with 2 couples. Being single this doesn’t bother me, I think.

    On my trip I would mostly think about how quickly it would end and having to come home to all this. Even on the second day there. By the end it seemed like my friend who was the most easy going, caring person appeared to be sick of me. We haven’t spoken to each other since we got back.

    On top of that I came home to find my bedroom had been used as a storage room, they were moving furniture and decided to put stuff in there and leave it there. I’d also said that if people were over they could stay in my room, but what I also found was underwear on my side draw, two half full glasses (one of which was broken) and a whole lot of other stuff just left there. I just felt it was a rotten thing to come home to. Before I left I was really happy here, now I’m thinking I should leave and get my own place or something where people won’t bother me like this.

    I don’t want to talk to friends. I was annoyed that some people didn’t care how my trip was going when I would get in contact with them from up there.

    I feel like there is nothing to really convince me that any of my current friends will be friends for years to come. And that I’ll always be a wanderer.

    The up and down thing is getting to me so much. I was so happy the week before I left and now I feel so incredibly crappy.

    I don’t want a relationship, my last one screwed with my head too much and I just want to be selfish.

    I don’t want to take risks.

  144. Hi People ,

    Well have been despressed on and off for about 7 years now .

    I used to be on top of my game had a wife great looks good job and a couple of homes . We lived in England but now she lives in Canada with my little girl..:(

    Now I’m still in England homeless no job and in debt up to my eye bulls ££££££ ..

    I’m a manic and when on a high can just be out of control spending money like its paper ….

    I just fill like I’m burden on everyone ….My brain does not work anymore…In the morning I’m so low just want to stop living ….But don’t do it because I want to me daughter again …Just got my visa today and hoping to over and see them ….But no one knows how bad I have been in the last 1.5 years ….in the last two years I have moved 17 times and in total 37 times we had moved …..

    Just hope know one ends up like me I have know friends moved around to much …..

    Not that great at writing things down this has take me a 45 mins ….

    Have to get on flight soon next week … But hate flying as well now ……..

    I

  145. i feel so alone in life. I have the ability to help anyone with almost anything. have it be about friends, family, love, pain, or happiness..i don’t understand this. when i was 11 years old, a friend of mine-my best friend-died. His mother murdered both him, and his sister, along with commuting suicide. I still remember the next day at school. Everyone who knew this young boy was in the library. everyone was crying. i was in a group of 7 including myself. we were all like family, and actually we still kind of are. yes, we have grown apart significantly, but im sure we all have each others back’s if worse comes to worse. But anyway, all of my friends in this group were crying so hard; crying at the loss of their best friend. I did not cry..the thought didn’t even occur to me. i could think of one thing, and one thing only..help those whom i care about the most. so i did. i hugged them, and looked all of them straight in the eyes, and told them life is hard now, and this pain will never be forgotten, yet it will subside..it will get easier. And it has. I have rarely shed tears since that day. Although i am still young, i have knowledge beyond that of anyone else i know-be it older or younger. I guess the main point of telling this story, was to say: i do not understand why i can make anyone feel so much better yet, no one can make me happy..no one can make me feel better about this..THING, called life..i just need someone to hug, and and say to me the same thing i said so many years ago.. not crying is not something to praise or wish for; not crying is a curse..help me…please..

  146. why did god create me? a question that always come to my mind. i am angry all the time about stupid stuff, anger is divided upon the ones that i know & the ones that i don’t!. i runaway playing video games.. watching TV… i do not believe in love. i hate myself. . i ask myself why do some people still care about me i don’t think i deserve caring. and sometimes i feel its a lye no one really cares. materials do not satisfy me anymore. suicide comes to my mind even though i know i am not brave enough to do it. surely when i die the world will be a better place and every one will be better off especially the people closest to me. every one is fake including myself. i hate the society because its wrong. i hate my beard and i hate shaving it. when i see people smiling i always assume they are faking it. i rarely drink but when i do i cant stop.when i drink i always say hurting words. i hate waking up and i hate going to sleep.

  147. every thing on the list relates to me, i have no friends, the ones i do have i avoid meeting.. I rarely go out, i hate seeing positive old school friends who are in uni and driving and living in there own houses, just makes me feel much worse, i dont work have no motivation to find work, dont get up b4 1pm most days and cant sleep at night.. I have no motivation, nothing to look forward to, nothing no plans, how depressing! Hope we all feel better soon! Xx

  148. A few months ago I became what could be called enlightened where you basically unlock your mind at first I felt on top of the world it was amazing but the more and more I thought into things I couldnt think what actualy makes me happy not properly happy somethings are just slightly satisfying and eventually it just led to the thought that if nothing makes me happy what’s the point! I’ve been avoiding labeling myself as depressed even tho I clearly am I used to be way happier than most people and I still help other people and my friends love me which is probably what irritates me about them I wish I could be selfish but I’m just too nice. I’m trying to channel all this into creativity it’s just hard to focus on things but I want to ask this one thing to you all do you feel for more intelligent compared to everyone else and unapreashated because of it? X

  149. i feel i have been somewhat depressed for about a year now but now its really bad that my longtime “friends” started a horrible rumor about me and constantly talk about me behind my back the only thing that has kept me alive is my family. much love to everyone seek hope

  150. im 18 and A couple of months ago I found out that my aunt is my biological mom.i was living with her and then moved in with my dad cause it didn’t seem right at my aunts house. Ever since then I eat all the time even tho I’m full I just keep eating. I don’t want to do anything anymore. It’s a huge task just to get a shower. I cry all the time but when people are around I hold it back so they think nothing is wrong. I don’t go anywhere. I just Sit at home and watch tv or I’m on the computer. I can’t sleep at night. I’ll stay up until 4 or 5 in the morning fall asleep and don’t get up till around 3 in the afternoon. They want to help me but I just brush it off cause i don’t want to think something wrong. I just want my life the way it was…normal. I miss my friends and being happy. Does this mean I’m depressd?

  151. I feel inferior to everyone. I get weird perverted thoughts. I
    trust n.o one and think I am in the devils world. all my friends are
    dead and I want to be with them. I have no feelings, I observe my
    world but feel nothing. When my mother tells me that she loves me; i do
    not believe her. love for me is only a word; I can never feel it. My
    intellect can state all I should be thankful about and be thankful.. but
    I cannot feel glad or happy I know death will come but why wait??

  152. If you feel this way, get help..Don’t wait.
    I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Even when I got suicidal I didn’t
    really feel it was wrong..Well, I attempted suicide and it was wrong for
    me to do it..and no one who was home tried to get help when it was
    discovered..I have the liver failure now to show for it..and guess what,
    i would have been better off if I had read the above..I did everything
    there and more. Whatever you do, don’t expect anyone to help you at all
    or even realize that you need help..They won’t. My family didn’t do
    anything at all except complain..and this was not a routine or normal
    way for me to live—this hit in 8 months..I’m still depressed and unable
    to take medications due to the damage..Please get help for
    yourself—don’t let your life slip away…

  153. i am so utterly alone and empty, depressed isnt really the right
    word to describe me . i am 38 yrs old. i dont have a job and i havent
    had one in over 8 yrs. i have no friends and i live with my parents. i
    have never had a relationship with a woman, i have only had sex 3 times.
    and not at all in 17 yrs. i cant describe the emptiness and
    hopelessness i constantly feel. can somebody please help me? ive been
    like this for so long, so much pain, please help me.

    1. By reading all these postings it shows You Are Not Alone! First step, go to see your doctor and explain to them exactly how you feel. If you can’t talk to them about it, write them a note and hand it to them. You are equal to every human on the planet.

    2. Can you get yourself to your doctors, can you talk to your parents about things or ask one of them to make a doctors appointment for you. You might find it one of the hardest things to do at the moment, but try to summon every bit of your strength to do it, as it’s the first step to getting help and be honest with your doctor and tell them everything you have just said. You deserve a better life!

  154. The worst thing for me is reading this list of symptoms, finding
    that it corresponds with my life, and not knowing whether it is just my
    subconscious trying to convince me that I’m depressed when I’m not. I’m
    afraid that others won’t take me seriously and will only see me as an
    attention-seeker. I can’t tell anyone.

  155. I am comforted, to some degree, knowing others feel this way too. I
    also feel so low, so desparate. I am normally a very positive person
    and continue to put on this front around others. This seems to make it
    all the worse when I am alone because I feel like I am a fraud. I am
    also waking up to a deep “ache” in my gut that just wont go away. And I
    have no appetite. Have lost 35 pounds in four months. Ordinarily I
    would have been thrilled to loose this weight. I gained this weight from
    stress at work. But, for some reason I just don’t care.

  156. I dont know how to say this sametimes u cant explain how u feel its
    not a nice feeling just feeling down sad and want to cry how can u let
    go help me please cant take it

  157. I think I have depression. I’ve looked it up and I have more than
    half of the symptoms. I am a fourteen year old girl and I have no one to
    talk to about this. I can’t even ask my mom for a counselor. I think
    about suicide often. I drink anytime I get the chance because it’s my
    escape. I read books so I can escape reality and put myself in the
    characters position. I always go for walks and go as far from home as I
    can and don’t come back for hours… no one notices. I do this because I
    heard a quote once… “some times you have to run away just to see who
    cares enough to come after you.” …but no one ever does. I do think this
    world would be better without me. All I ever do is hurt other people in
    some way. I need help but I don’t know where to find it.

  158. i think i may have it but theres no way i could or would allow
    myself to let this win, my advice is to just stand up and fight back
    when it attacks and never give up………..ever

  159. I dont want to tell my parents I’m depressed but I need help. I know
    it will turn into a fight like everything else does. I just dont want
    to deal with that, but I want to go to therapy or get medication or
    something to make the numb go away.

  160. i think depression is the worst thing you can have..people dont
    understand what the pain is like they just say laugh and it goes
    away.when you have a depression you just want to be like before u dont
    evan remeber how it used to be when you were normal.

    1. I feel like I’ve constantly got some think wrong with me. I’m always tired can’t do anythink n I’ve been on citapram I was on them for 8months just recently come off them cause I thought they was giving me headaches I just don’t know what more to do

      1. Chantelle I have been taken off citalopram 40mg for one month now, I was on them 9 years. I was wondering if you can relate to any of this….. I can’t be away from my parents as I’m frightened, I can’t bath or shower it takes too much effort, I can’t tidy my room or make conversation, I am terrified of life. I’m in constant pain

  161. Why did my deepest depression hit while I was in college? The one
    chance I have been giving to succeed is being washed down the drain
    because I can’t make myself care about anything. On top of my failing
    grades and horrible outlook, I have no money, and consequently no dates,
    I wear the same 2 shirts and same pair of jeans every day…I just don’t
    care (having barely enough money to eat on helps). Even if someone did
    love me, I can’t provide a stable enough partnership. I am doomed to die
    alone, bitter and unsatisfied. No matter where my life leads me, I feel
    like I’ll never escape this mindset. The isolation is maddening.

    1. I’m the same I don’t know if I’m depressed because half of those things I haven’t done but half of them I have and I just feel different and I’m failing my coursework and I don’t even care yet I want to get into uni, and I’ve been trying to cry because I’m feeling so down but I just can’t and it gets really frustrating and I keep thinking about stabbing people and I feel like I could just snap and do it at any moment, the other day when I felt it I cut myself to feel satisfied and now I feel pathetic and I don’t even want to be here anymore :/

    2. I am so sorry. University and college can be so hard since there are so many expectations of everything being amazing suddenly and your real life starting. But please remember its not like that for so many people, maybe for most people. It does take a lot to go to college and get good grades while having friends and doing other things or even a job. And it can feel so overwhelming. With depression it can be so hard, and Im so so so sorry youre had to go through that. I know by now youre finished school probably, and I Hope that things got better you wrote this message and you sought help. If anyone is reading this, please please please don’t fight depression or any other mental health problem on your own, please take the help offered by so many kind-hearted people there who want to see you better. There are wellness centers in universities and colleges that you can take advantage of.

      There are so many other people who feel alone out there and you dont have to suffer silently. Please tell someone you trust, phone Kids help phone or the distress centre if youre in canada, or a similar help line if youre in the us or uk or Australia or any other part of the world.

      I really Hope all this pain only eases later on, and though it may be so so hard, please know that its okay and that things can be okay. It may not happen suddenly, but things can being to get better. please take things one day at a time, one moment at a time. I promise it will help. And I hope you all learn to love yourselves, because you are beautiful. Really.

  162. I’m only 13 and I am depressed as hell, I can no longer taste food,
    everything tastes bland. My friends and family are annoying, when they
    didn’t know anything to make me mad. I’m very lazy, I don’t do any
    activities on the weekend. It hurts to see other people smile, and mine
    just seems so fake. It feels like I’m going under, underneath the thick
    black cold waters were there is no light. I am careless on what I have
    to lose. Everything seems off and it feels like the world is going too
    slowly also I lose track of the days. Its hard for me to get out of bed
    in the mornings.

  163. People who haven’t suffered from depression don’t understand it. It
    isn’t just about feeling sad; it changes how you handle everything in
    your life. It affects everybody , and the above shows how depression can
    affect you without even noticing.

  164. These criteria in general suits me. I don’t know that I am already
    in this situation. I am running to grasp sth that is impossible…

  165. I’m only fourteen, and I have a few of these symptoms. This has been
    going on for quite some time now, and I hope it’s just from anxiety. I
    know I don’t have the guts to commit suicide. But i’d do almost anything
    to feel normal again, and for this pain to go away.

  166. Im on week 3 of meds and no feeling of change so far, all the signs
    are there. No one should ever have to feel this pain that we suffer
    from. The ones that you care about the most get it just as bad having to
    deal with it.

  167. Some of these things matched to the point and others did not. I am
    horribly depressed but I don’t know if it’s “depression” but it will
    probably still kill me just the same. The hopelessness and the pain for
    months has become so unbearable and more and more keeps adding to it.
    Unfortunately, I am not avoiding friends, they are avoiding me. They are
    uncomfortable. I have tried over and over to say, I just need company
    sometimes or someone to vent to.

    What do I have if it’s not depression? D:

    1. Its OK people if u feel this way. I m a doctor just after my graduation I started preparing for Pg and during this period I fell into depression.. Everything was going my way but somehow I fell into depression… People don’t lose heart.. At the end of tunnel there is surely a light.. A beautiful one.. Every1 goes through tough times maybe in 1 way or other.. Some1 loses his legs
      . some1 his parentssome1 his children.. Every1 has their own share of happiness and sadness.. So let’s all be grateful to God even in these hardest times.. Surely they will pass too and 1 day you will be glad again.. Depression is like any other illness if cripples you but its not permanent.. Just stay safe keep safe..

  168. All of these are so true for me. I feel trapped in my life and
    guilty for seeking help. I have a son with special needs and others have
    to fulfill my responsibilities when I’m hospitalized. I get on meds,do
    okay for awhile and go downhill again. One day I’m cleaning my house
    from top to bottom, two days later I’m crying out a suicidal depression.
    I feel like it’s too inconvenient for others if I’m sick so I trudge
    on. But I can’t help thinking about suicide constantly.I don’t know what
    will happen to me.I’m on the outside looking in now.

  169. I WENT THROUGH DEPRESSION 30YEARS AGO FOR THREE YEARS.VERY TOUGH LIFE TRYING TO RAISE YOUR KIDS AND PUTTING UP WITH AN ALCOHOLIC SPOUSE.I HAD ALL THE
    SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION.I
    DONT KNOW IF IT IS HEREDITARY,MY MOTHER ALSO GOES THROUGH DEPRESSIONS.I MADE A MOVE TO ANOTHER STATE,LEFT SOME OF MY SIBLINGS BEHIND AND WAS STRUCK WITH DEPRESSION AGAIN.RITE NOW IM OK ,BUT I
    STILL GET WAVES OF DEPRESSION.

  170. I’m constantly on the computer every time I get the chance. It’s on
    the minute I wake up and I’m on it until 1am the following morning.
    Sleep loss isn’t a great issue but I don’t bother trying to sleep until
    then. Reading this list I can see how I’ve let things slip over the
    past few months. Getting up showered in dressed in the morning is a
    reall effort In every room in the flat there’s something that needs
    doing. My appetite’s been effected – I can’t be bothered with breakfast
    and it may be 2pm before I realise I haven’t eaten properly. There are
    various other things too, like the procrastination, lack of
    concentration watching the telly. It took four years to get this
    diagnosed but now I can see a dim light at the end of the tunnel.

  171. Hi my names Chrystal i’m 18 years old, i have been living my life
    mostly with ‘mild depression’.
    for a while i was finding the depression a really hard thing to deal
    with in my life seeing as my mom had just died, and cocaine was
    introduced to me by some people at a party and every since i tried it i
    feel like i’ve been ‘off’ and not normal and feeling EXTEREMELY
    depressed and suicidal and even sometimes crazy.
    i’ve even gotten to the point in my life where music isn’t even helping
    to make me feel better, and my entire life feels like its falling down
    before my eyes.
    lately i’ve been talking to my close friends about it and hoping for
    some kind of magical anser about whats wrong with me that i know isn’t
    going to come, but i really need some serious advice on this..and if not
    maybe even someone who can relate to what i’ve said , and who has any
    ideas on how to improve this problem in my life because recently i’ve
    even started sleeping all day as well just because i constantly feel
    tired.
    Anyone have any helpful ideas??

    1. Hi , I completely am o. The same spot as you, I can’t believe as I read your words it was describing myself I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety and tried to end my life ucountless times I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar and borderline personality disorder. my ex boyfriend introduced me to crack cocaine 7 months ago that I’ve become addicted too and niw am in a full fledged addiction.it makes me feel great tge first 10 seconds then I get anxiety and depressed.I’m ready to seek help. I live alone with no family except my dad who lives on long island. I wanted to know how you are doing now? I shared all thus so you not feel so alone in your struggle. Please message me back.

      Thanks, loren

  172. i feel so lost in my life i have a wonderful beautiful wife a
    wonderful daughter but thats really the only thing i have if i lose them
    im done i have nothing else in my life there the only things keeping me
    from killing myself as long as i can remember ive been lost with
    nothing to really hold on too ive tried everything to stablize my life i
    even joined the army which so far has been fuel for the fire im so
    stressed out i cant do anything right some of the most simplest tasks i
    cant get right its so stupid i have no freinds at least no one i can
    talk to and you i cant simply talk about this with my wife i have to put
    on an ilusion show that i can be strong for her and my daughter she
    cant find a job right now im all they have i cant fail them but i dont
    no how much longer i can hold out

  173. I relate to almost everything here, minus the dressing poorly. Even
    then, it takes an effort to try to convince myself not to put on the
    baggy pants and jacket. I’ve tried to talk to my family about how i
    feel, but they are convinced i’m simply trying to make excuses for being
    “lazy.” It’s painful knowing that when they say, “we will always be
    there for you”, they really don’t mean it. So far, the only person i’ve
    been able to talk to is my best friend, and even then, she cannot help
    me feel less numb. I’ve decided that if things don’t change, I’ll be
    ending my life in January. I’m only fearful that the people who say they
    care will twist my act into something focused on them, when all i
    really wanted was someone to pay attention to how i feel.

      1. I really need help. Ive been suffering from this deppression for two years now and all i can think about is sucide. I really dont want my life to go on like this someone should please help me with an idea of how i can get out of this. My life is a mess and i need my life back

  174. I relate to everything listed here. I try telling my boyfriend or my
    family or friends but no one ever seems to listen. I feel like most of
    this year I have been talking to a bunch of brick walls and im the only
    one who can see this problem. I seriously need help because i’m starting
    to slowly loose all the people I love. I just feel like dying would
    feel better sometimes and my boyfriend gets extreamly mad when i tell
    him these things. I just have no other choice but keep this all in.

  175. I didnt know that I was depressed. I thought depression was just
    feeling sad. I didn’t know all of the other symptoms that come along
    with it. I’m on meds now and I’m thinking alittle clearer but when I was
    in the deep depression I was so hopeless and I felt such a strong sense
    of guilt. I couldn’t stop thinking about suicide. I hated the whole
    world. I still feel this way but the medication makes me feel numb,
    enough so I don’t kill myself. I remember not even having enough energy
    to take a shower. I cried for days on end. I feelt like such a loser. I
    haven’t lived up to any of my expectations. I feel like no one
    understands. This disease has such a negative stigma. Other people just
    tell u to snap out of it. I hate that.

    1. I’m fourteen, and I just feel absolutely drained of everything. I just lay in bed and look at my wall and my minds just all over the place. I’m just so numb, and I’m used to the pain now.
      I have so many suicidal thoughts and it’s awful. I sit in my room on my own, none of my family hardly speak to me so I just sit in my room every night on my own. I used to be close to my parents, but now they both have different people in there life like there boyfriend/girlfriend, so I’m out the picture.
      I have good friends, and they always look out for me, but no one really bothers with me anymore no one really cares.
      I never thought in a million years I would be feeling like this.
      I told my mum how I was feeling and she took me to the doctors and my first councelling meeting is next week. But apparently they don’t even help. I just want to be happy again. I don’t exactly know why I’m depressed, everything’s fine in my life well I wouldn’t say everything but most things are, I just seem to sleep all the time to get the pain away.
      I used to be such a happy genuine girl and now im not, my grades have gotten really bad so I don’t see the point of trying anymore I honestly don’t.
      I just lay in bed everyday, some days Al go out with my friends but not a lot.
      I feel like there’s a monster inside of me and when I’m on my own it wakes up, when im with friends it goes and I forget about it because I’m not thinking about it . I can’t really explain how I feel it’s really hard to explain how you feel when you have depression it’s not something you can really explain I just feel like it’s a feeling of numbness and drained all the time.
      I don’t even want to be here anymore, but I’m trying to stay strong but no one will ever understand how hard it is to keep yourself alive for just more than one more day.. It’s so hard :'(

      1. I feel really scary about your condition.how is your treatment going on ? Are u taking medicine and psychotherapy or not ?don’t worry everything will be OK .trust on god and specially on your self.you have many reason to love your self ,focus on them. I m greatly syphethise for depressed people because recently I have breakup because my lifepartener has depression .he decided to breakup because he thinks that he is not able to set life.but actually it is not like that , you have to live differently .hope you not take any decision like him .get well soon.and remember everything will be OK in the end,if it is not OK it is not the end…

      2. Damn I thought I was the only one that felt alright around friends but almost suicidal alone. Honestly I probably don’t know how you feel because we all feel different things but I feel like I have a pretty darn good guess. If you ever decide to kill yourself CALL 911 immediately! The hospital can help you. Trust me, its better than nothing. Also, don’t trust the ‘it will get better’ bullshit. It doesn’t unless you get help or help yourself. Also, does anyone else break down crying when a little thing happens like say, spilling a drink? Is it just me?

        1. No, it is definitely not just you. Aside from the condition of depression and all of the many facets that go along with the condition itself, life every day adds its own pressures. You have your period, you stopped your period, your sister is just diagnosed with breast cancer, you lost your closest friend of 28 years in an accidental fire, you can’t get a job because you can’t be reliable in your energy levels each day, your meds stop working, the generics are not the same, you have weeks of guinea pig experiences until you can get back on track, you have to go back to the name brand only now it is 55x more expensive, you just start to raise your head up and hit the donut hole at Christmas time and meds are 1000x more costly, you wait till the first of the year and nearly go suicidal with the withdrawal while waiting.

          Your SSD is based on income earned 30 years ago before your career ever took off. Now it is too late to have a career. You spend all your money on meds and therapy and psychiatrist visits. You were in shape all your life, but now cannot get back there because you are fighting evolution, which dictates that you get weight gain from both a slowed metabolism post menopause in addition to side effects of the medications. You have dependent children/parents/retired husband. You are the only one who cleans. It is all you do, but you cannot catch up because YOU have depression and have no help.

          You cannot keep up with technology and worry about predators stalking your kid on the social media. You worry your kid will have this. You worry that you are not grateful for the things that you should be grateful for but you cannot stop hating yourself long enough because everything you have tried has failed. You sneak chocolate at night for sweet comfort but you wake up 10lbs heaver every six weeks. You give it up and want to jump off a bridge.

          Yeah, if something spills, I sure as heck cry. For me it is usually it is cat pee outside the box because no one scooped in a week, and I’m up to my necktie in fur after vacuuming with 2 hepa filters and cleaning 4 air purifiers and their filters. I hang and array of lint rollers off a belt holder just to try and stop the fur from getting everywhere like between the keys on my computer and inside my clean bras. *sigh* Why DO I go on when I feel like I am being punished for making all the wrong decisions in life.

          Cuz you know there are those who have it worse. Therefore, you isolate yourself to avoid disappointing people and to make fewer mistakes but it is hard when you do not live alone. So yeah, crying is normal, whatever normal is. If anyone is unsure that they might have depression and think that they are experiencing some of these symptoms, track down a reliable doctor/therapist and find out. Many times talk therapy is all you will need. If you do have depression and you wait, chances are that the disease will recur and worsen. Early treatment can stave off, limit, and/or shorten depression. Furthermore, the likelihood of recurrence is lower to non-existent. Do not wait.

      3. Hi Mia,
        I’m very sorry for this bad period of life you are going through. I am 31 and have had depression as long as I can remember. I’m also going through a very hard time right now, I’m off work because of my depression, but it has been extra hard for me this time because I was being Harassed at work. I finally had gotten the strength to report the people that were Harassing me, but now that the investigation is on it has only made things harder for me. But I am writing this in hopes of helping you in anyway, my heart breaks hearing your story, as you are so young and it’s not right that you are experiencing this. I want you to know you are not by any means alone in your battle, I know it’s hard to believe right now. I really hope you’re Doctor helps you more than it sounds like he currently is. I am actually laying in bed right now to, I have no desire or strength to get out of bed, one thing I find helps for me is reading other people’s stories. Everyone is different, something that helps me may not help you. Please try and stay strong and not harm yourself!! You will find the right way to help your self, it will always be there but you will find ways to cope with it. Please feel free to talk to me anytime.
        I truly hope you will be okay. Take care. Tommy

      4. Hey I know exactly how you feel trust me I understand I used to be a very energetic girl and now I don’t get out bed unless I have to, I’m not sure who you are but know your not alone you have someone who loves you. I wish I could get to know you we could help each other through it stay strong. Things get better eventually.

      5. I kind of understand how your feeling. I feel like suicide all the time. I feel like non one would care if I lived or died. I had a bad childhood… And ever since I cry a lot. Whether it would be something small or big. Everyone thinks I’m a sook… Even my family and my Aunty. Which I think I am but it really hurts. When I cry at a friends place and my sister is thereshe always says; “Your SERIOUSLY crying?!” And it makes me feel depressed…. I don’t know if I am. In the middle of depression. My dad would usually abuse me if I didn’t do what he wanted. I’m only 10. If anyone is reading this. Am I despressed? I’ve been like this for years. Ever since I was little. Crying comes too easily for me. Sometimes I think it’s just because I’m just a kid. But I cry too much. Someone help

        1. That is horrible. No child should be abused but it is common unfortunately. Being sensitive is not a weakness. Crying yes there may be bad things happening to you. Maybe you can talk to a teacher about what’s going on. When you grow up you will see how strong you are and all that you leaned from surviving abuse. If you feel suicidal at all please talk to someone you trust a teacher or a friends parent please. Xoxo

      6. Nothing is worth suicide Mia. Nothing. Believe it or not life is precious. Though I am depressed I am glad that I am alive. But depression is only a temporary problem, suicide is a permanent solution. It isn’t worth it. I’ll be praying for you! We can make it!

      7. Mia, I really feel for you, it’s sounds lonely and terrifying. It sounds like you should spend as much time as possible with other people. Are you involved with your local church? I’m serious when I say there is hope if you come to faith in jesus. He came to save and to heal. I’m a 34 yr old with 3 kids and I’ve been a christian since age 9 and honestly life is much better with God around and he gives you so much hope and peace. I have been very down at times so I understand to some extent, especially after my last baby there (he’s 6 months). Knowing God cares and I can talk to him helps. He knows you and loves you. Don’t feel alone. I hope the counselling help too.

      8. Hello I’m sad and not interested in nothing. Cry everyday. Lost my job of one I been on 13 years. Dog was euthanized on my carelessness. Not interested in going to work. Have no social interested. Always hungry. Dislike myself right about now. I don’t know. I pray and talk to God every day. What’s going on

  176. There is comfort in nothing and nothing is found in comfort. My life
    has left me behind. Stranded in deep, unrelenting, black water. Taunted
    by would haves, could haves, and should haves. Leaving nothing but a
    trail of tattered and torn lives that joined me in calm waters, only to
    watch me be sucked out by the raging undertow of darkness. There are no
    answers for those who knock at my door or peer in my windows. They are
    better off not knowing because I have no capability of telling. The calm
    waters are deceptive…all trust lost. The search for innocence
    abandoned… Nothing left but to allow the currents to take me.

    1. Mariana, get help NOW! Call a Dr. tmrw! Pick one online from your area. Whoever can see u the soonest. Tell them u are desperate!! There is help out there. Please do it.

  177. im not sure anymore about anything i can relate to some of them but i
    seem to have lost intrest in life it’s self

      1. How can you tell some one who thinks high of you that you think of your self as garbage and don’t find interest j. he things you use to love

        1. You say “I think of myself as garbage and I don’t find interest in the things I used to love.” They think highly of you, so who better could possibly support you.

    1. Leah, please tell your parents. If you see a Dr., they can prescribe anti-depressants. They can help you feel better; It may take a few a diff. meds. to find the right 1 for you or you may get help from the 1st Rx. PLEASE get help. I wish I had told my parents. God bless you.

  178. I read this above about how depression affects you. I feel this way
    about it all i can relate to each one.

      1. Future? We lose our loved ones. Our loved ones lose us. We get sick. We die. It’s all a very sick joke.

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