Halloween for Kids and Teens with Anxiety (video)

Halloween can be a wonderful time for kids and teens. Costume, candy, parties, trick or treating. For kids and teens with anxiety, the same things that make Halloween fun for other kids are what makes Halloween so anxiety-inducing for them. In this video we talk about the issues and give some advice on how the handle them.

Transcipt

Hi I’m Deborah.

And I’m Lawrence.

And we’re gonna talk in this video about Halloween for kids and teens with anxiety and what some of the problems that they might run into. And so this is another one of our videos that are for both kids / teens and their parents.

So one of the things that causes a lot of anxiety for kids and for teens is costumes. We didn’t have this when I was a kid and teen because, because pretty much –

You weren’t cool.

At like, eleven – no, at eleven hat was it. No one went out trick-or-treating after that and we didn’t wear costumes to school.

I don’t go trick or treating, but I wear a costume.

But we didn’t wear costumes to school. Only little kids wore costumes to school. So this wasn’t a thing.

So, especially for parents, they may not realize how much anxiety can be, you know, can, can come out of this. For one thing, if you’ve a kid or if you are a kid who’s being bullied or teased a lot, you know that probably no matter what you do you’re gonna get teased about your costume. So, so, you know, for you know, parents – if you know your kid is just having some problems, then you have to realize that that’s gonna be a point of anxiety for them.

So just in general, then also, there’s, um,there’s just the anxiety even in my kids that are being teased about their costume being cool. Um, and, and apparently a lot of also teen, teenage girls especially, will dress all alike and then there’s anxiety over that too

So this is, um, can be – especially for kids with anxiety – this can be a lot more complicated than, than you know, a lot of people would think.

So, just advice, first of all, for parents. I know it’s really frustrating if, if you spent a lot of time and money on, on the costume and your child had seemed really excited about it, and then all of a sudden, the day comes, and they don’t want to wear it to school and you might be confused.

But you know, the best thing to do is to, is to have your child bring their costume to school. If they change their mind, great. If not, that’s fine. You just have to remember, when you have a child who has anxiety, that you may not really understand, you know, why this is causing them anxiety but –

I think it’s just for children in general.

Huh?

They won’t understand them.

Well, yeah. I mean, you, you, yeah. You won’t understand everything that’s going on in your kid’s life, in your kids brain and everything, but it’s, it’s not worth the stress it’s going to cause your child to push them into wearing the costume.

Um, and you know that’s just – it’s up to them. It’s, it’s not a life-or-death decision. As I said, just let them bring it to school, and you know, if they change their mind, great, it’s there.

So, and for kids and teens, I know this is easy for me to say, but if I could go back and talk to my, um, myself when I was a kid or a teen, the main thing I’d say is, “Why do you care what anyone thinks?” Basically, um, if you like your costume and it makes you feel good when you’re wearing it, who – really, what difference does it make what anyone else thinks?

I know that takes a certain amount of bravery, really, to, you know, just say, “I don’t care what anyone else thinks,” you know, because obviously, we all know what peer pressure is like and being the odd person out and everything.

But you know, if it makes you happy and it makes you feel good – right?

Then wear it.

Then wear it. Yeah. And so, then, the other thing that can be a real, a real stressful situation for kids with anxiety and/or kids with social anxiety is trick-or-treating. And you know, as a parent you may not really understand this, especially if you don’t have social anxiety. You never had social anxiety.

Well…around elementary school is when I started getting socially anxious because of the kind of environment there. I wasn’t you know, I was always worried – I was worried because you know, as my mom always says, I went from this really open kid who wanted to be friends with everyone to this kid who was kind of just – it persists to this day. I still have trouble in social situations sometimes.

Yeah, from the bullying and teasing. It just really, really made –

It screws with you.

Yeah, it really made a – it made such a huge change.

Um, so, but before that no. You – no, you were not at all like that.

Uh…yeah, you’re right.

Yeah. Believe me, I remember. It was pretty painful when things changed for you. But, I mean, for me, I, I was always – I always had social anxiety. I mean, you know, my mom, for instance, never had social anxiety, was very outgoing. She never really understood – like, I couldn’t stand even going house-to-house selling Girl Scout cookies, and this was in the neighborhood.

Wait, you were a Girl Scout?

Yeah. Yeah. I was a Brownie and a Girl Scout. Yeah. I mean for me, that was horrible. Like, having to sell magazines, having to go door-to-door selling things, talk to people I didn’t know very well.

But anyway, so, so again, you know, from, from a parent’s point of view, you may not really understand. I mean, actually for me, I didn’t have a lot of social anxiety with Halloween, because we – everyone in the neighborhood, I knew them really well and I, and it was expected that you were going to ask for candy. I always felt weird asking for things. But, you know, and, and we knew all the families pretty well, so it wasn’t stressful.

But, you know, things aren’t really like that anymore. The – you don’t have those neighborhoods where everyone knows everyone. Some, some places you do. But a lot of times, people, what they’ll do is, they’ll take their kids for trick-or-treating – like, they may be in a real quiet neighborhood like we are. So they may take their kids to an area that has a lot of houses close together and everything.

So you can get candy.

Yeah, but so, then the problem is, for the kid who has social anxiety, then it can be very –

That’s going to be an uncomfortable situation for them.

Yeah, it is going to be an uncomfortable situation for them.

I think actually once I went trick-or-treating in this really populated neighborhood with a friend and it was like, away from here, from our house, so I was kind of like stressing, because I was like, “I don’t know this area, I don’t know these people.” I know like, one or two people and I’m walking with them and then once they kind of just walked away and left me, and I was just freaking out for a minute, because I was like, “I have no idea where I am. I have no idea who these people are.” But I think that’s kind of a normal thing. Sorry to…

Yeah, and this is actually, well, this is actually also an, an illustration of what a difference bullying and teasing can make. Because, before, when you were younger, before this whole thing at elementary school, we went to that area of, of – where my sister lived, that – and they had Harry Potter. The whole neighborhood did a Harry Potter thing, where each house was like a Harry Potter location.

They had a theme every year.

And he had no – he had no problem with social anxiety at all. And this was – but this was before elementary school.

Didn’t I go dressed as Boba Fett?

I don’t remember. We went –

Yes, I did.

We went a few years in a row. Or Jango.

Yeah, yeah yeah one of the years you were. One year you were a little devil. One year you were Darth Vader.

I think that persisted.I think that I’ve always been that. But whatever. What?

If you’re a parent, and your child is very anxious about the idea of trick-or-treating, then if they have a therapist, you might want to talk to their therapist and see if, you know, the therapist can do something to help.

But if not – either if they don’t have a therapist or it doesn’t help – I understand that, in your mind, if you had a great time when your kid trick-or-treating, you don’t want your child to miss out on this experience. But the problem is, if your child has anxiety, then it’s not going to be a fun experience. It’s going to be really, really, really stressful.

So, you know, you can make a bargain with them. You know, “Why don’t we go out and try – just try doing it and see what happens.” You know, maybe things will change. You know, maybe, maybe they’ve built this up into their mind and when it actually comes down to it, they’re not as anxious.

But if, if, if either they, they absolutely say, no, they’re, they’re not going out or they go out and they just can’t do it, just, you know, don’t make a big deal out of it. Say, “Okay, fine.Why don’t we go back. We’ll hand out candy or we’ll watch, you know, we’ll watch a movie.”

Although handing out candy is pretty boring. I remember the year I got a concussion and y’all, y’all wouldn’t let me leave –

He had the concussion. He didn’t get the concussion from Halloween.

They wouldn’t let me leave the house.

You weren’t supposed to be doing anything.

You were afraid of me falling and cracking my head on a curb.

Okay.

I would have been fine.

Well, anyway. I can’t see in the dark, for one thing. You do remember, right?

I could have gone by myself.

No, you had a concussion. You couldn’t go out.

Be quiet. Be quiet. I had to sit there handing out candy because neither of you wanted to do it.

I know. Your life has just been –

It’s been horrible. It’s been tragic.

Um, he had a lot of good Halloweens, let’s just put it that way. This was one Halloween.

Again, you may, you may just be like, “I don’t want my child to miss out on that.” It’s not gonna be fun for them if you’re pushing them into it.

You can’t force them to go out.

Not with anxiety, you know? Um, if you want to, then the next year – have their therapist, you know, work, work on this ahead of time, um, and –

And, and I mean, you can obviously be like, “Hey, this is gonna be a fun experience, from what I know. But if you’re not comfortable, if you’re really not comfortable then it’s fine.” But I mean, like, you can like, gently, be like, “Hey, this is something you should do, because it’s cool.” But if they are like, “Hey, no, I really don’t want to,” that’s the time where you are like, “Oh, okay.”

Yeah. I mean, you should be able to judge for your child, you know, and past experience. And try this every year. I mean, every year, talk to your child. And again, if your child has a therapist then, then work on this, you know? It may be something that they’ll be able to get past.

But you know, you can also do things – like, focus on other aspects of the holiday. You know, make decorations with them, to decorate the house. You know, make, make Halloween cookies. There’s a – there are a lot of things you can do – make crafts and stuff. A lot of things you can do to make it an enjoyable holiday, you know, celebrating, you know, the holiday of Hallow’s Eve.

Demons, something like that.

Samhain. I mean, yeah and you know the –

The ghosts and ghouls.

But, you know, there are other ways they can participate in this, in – you know, besides trick-or-treating and besides wearing a costume. They can still enjoy a lot of things that, that go along with Halloween.

Like giving yourself diabetes by eating about 12 pou – 12 metric tons of candy.

Yeah.

That’s a fun part.

Sure. Yeah.

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We, we like helping people and, and putting the information out there. I’ve been, I’ve been doing that for people with depression since 95.

True.

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