How Depression May Affect Your Life

Image: Flaming June by Frederic Lord Leighton

Flaming June by Frederic Lord Leighton

    • Your place is a mess; laundry and dishes are piled up, mail is unopened, etc. (Assuming you usually stay on top of these things).
    • You’ve been making excuses to friends why you can’t get together with them, or you’re telling them you’re “just too tired.”
    • You’ve really let yourself go – you’re wearing clothes that make you look dumpy, you’ve stopped exercising, you’re not shaving unless it’s absolutely necessary.

  • You’re wearing mostly dark colors.
  • You’re putting off things that need to be done: your car registration, taking that book back to the library, buying a birthday present for someone.
  • You can’t remember the last time you laughed a real laugh.
  • You don’t feel like you can handle your job anymore, even though nothing has changed so far as increased workload or responsibility.
  • You’re drinking or using drugs to escape the pain.
  • You’ve been to the doctor a lot recently, for things like headaches, stomach aches, fatigue, but the doctor can’t find anything wrong. Or you have convinced yourself you have a life-threatening illness – AIDS or cancer or a tumor.
  • You wake up in the middle of the night, and can’t go back to sleep. During the day you sleep a lot to escape from your life.
  • It takes you a whole weekend to do chores that used to only occupy a morning.
  • Since you’ve lost interest in things you used to enjoy doing, you try a lot of different activities in the hopes that you can find something to occupy your time.
  • You have no ability to imagine or conceive of your life even a few days ahead – no plans, no hopes. You can’t even be sure you’ll still be here.
  • You wear the same clothes a few days in a row – choosing new ones is too much effort.
  • You lose things, you lose track of things and can’t always remember what day it is.
  • You’ve pretty much stopped eating, or caring what you eat and whether it tastes good.
  • On the flip side, you may be eating all the time because you’re bored and hope that food will somehow satisfy the vacant feeling you have.
  • You’ve lost interest in sex or even physical affection. Hugging someone doesn’t feel any different from leaning against a wall.
  • You’re reading escapist books (fantasy, sci-fi, romance, mystery) with little effort, but anything more demanding mentally (the classics, reading for school) is too much effort.
  • You’re avoiding talking to anyone to whom you have an obligation (your boss, friends who you’re ignoring).
  • You’re watching TV constantly – lying on the couch or on/in your bed flicking the remote seems to be the most effort you can deal with.
  • You hope you don’t run into anyone you know while you’re out. Not only is maintaining a normal conversation difficult, but you are sure they’ll notice something is wrong with you.

I hope these examples help to clarify things. Also see Reflections on Depression.

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254 thoughts on “How Depression May Affect Your Life

  1. I know its a late comment but starting to feel like I don’t even want to live anymore and also I am nothing like how I used to be and I am constantly on anti depressants and anxiety tablets which are not doing a thing feel like I’m drowning in my own hell

  2. Depression is horrible. Everything is an effort, even taking a shower . Nothing seems to make me happy and I’ve lost interest in everything . I don’t feel like eating much or socialising . I’ve just started on a new medication and I’m hoping that eventually the zest for life comes back .

  3. It really sucks when your feeling these symptoms at a young age, it sickens me knowing I want to drink my grandpas hard liquor when I’m only 14. It hurts too knowing you can’t stop these things, and your parents won’t get you help..

    • I am also 14, just yesterday my aunt pointed out that for years she has been wondering if i was depressed. I feel pretty much the same way, but at least now i know why i have struggled with everything and have never felt happy. I still haven’t told my mom about it but i’m going to soon, I hope you do the same if you haven’t. I feel as though we both deserve to happy after being so miserable.

  4. Yep, this list is pretty accurate. I would say about 85% of it applies to myself. This is especially true for the parts in regards to keeping a conversation. It’s funny actually that I could easily write a whole book about anything and everything on the internet to complete strangers, but can barely hold an interesting conversation with an acquaintance and even with what few friends I’ve been able to keep. It’s really a huge fear of failure, or a worry that what you say is considered boring and you’re not really worth their time. You catch yourself thinking about how the person you’re talking to gets so easily engaged in a conversation with other people and yet it’s so hard for the two of you to even say more than a few sentences to each other.

    Meeting up with people, making plans with them, and getting nervous about having to keep the evening interesting is a whole lot of effort when you’re depressed. So you put off hanging out with them and before long weeks pass by or even months and it gets even harder to rebuild that connection. :/

    • It applies not completely but 75% on me…I don’t feel lyk doing anything…I read the messages and leave them unreplied…I feel sad all the time…I feel angry if anyone says anything to me even if it is normal…I don’t want to eat…I don’t have any plan or dreams for my future…I feel like nothing is left…I often cry without reason…I forget everything… I’m not happy…help me

  5. This has helped alot i thought i was diffrent from everyone else i felt like everyone was moving on with there life eccept me i was going nowhere i stayed in the house days on end didnt want to see anyone i still feel like this but im goung to make an effort to change i cant live like this amymore good luck people ❤️

  6. OMG i this article completely resonated with me… i mean literally everything yo said is happening with me… ive been going to conselling, not working so far, hopefully it dose soon… anyways this is the first time ive seen a good symptoms diagnostic

  7. jesus everyone one of these except for the over eatting applys to me. hate talking about it to anyone if when their trying to help i cant handle looking weak most people cant tell ive gotten that good at faking

  8. I jst lukd into dis site nd found dat m prety familiar wid ol da abov stated flngs . M nt able to speak mah hrt out ,i hav no1 whom I cn share mah evrythng wid .i dnt lyk being oudoors anymor ,no gatherings wid frnds ,i jst lyk being quite and realy dnt knw wat I fl lyk . I realy dnt knw wedr m actualy geting into it or nt bt yeah I do try escape frm evrythng . I dnt evn fl lyk doing suicide or anythng bt yeah I do fl lyk biting myself ,hurting myself .now its realy geting hard to deal

  9. For about 10 years now I have been struggling to live day to day life. There have been plenty of times depression didn’t even seem like a part of me, but often and consistently it’s all I feel in me. I am always confused and stressed. I am always tired, sometimes I feel like the whole day is just me passing time til I can get back in bed, and try to forget about all the painful things I know and feel. The worst is by far guilt. I am always sorry for the way I am. I feel sorry for everything. Mostly and most painfully for being a shitty partner for my wife. Depression is horrible when you’re alone, but at least before her I was only hurting myself. I am very sensitive to almost everything. I am very negative and pessimistic. I’m told I care too much, and that I don’t give a shit, by the same people, in the same day. I have no interest in pop culture, politics, things like that. I don’t see anyone as “above” me, or the other way around. I wish I was a healthy, energetic person because all I do is think, mostly about people living in much worse places and through horrible troubles. I am not suicidal, I’ve lived through that already when I was younger, it isn’t part of me to hurt my wife and family like that. But if nasa said a comet was gonna kill us all next week, I’d likely crack a smile. Nothing feels good, even the things I used to like. I can’t find a way to let myself go, to express myself. The worse I feel, the worse I make things for the people around me. Vicious cycle was always thrown around and I never personally understood the term until I saw it like this. If you are hopeless, suicidal, lonely, desperate, angry, tired, aggravated, stressed, maybe a little crazy, all day everyday, and still trying to get through the days, I know and feel for you too. It is the hardest thing I’ve come up against in my young life. No one I know is anything like me. The only thing I feel I can hold on to is the hope that someday I’ll find the strength and drive I’ve always been wanting. There is something deep in my mind and heart that I want to get out, I want to put some good into this world before my life is over. I have a strong faith in my religion, but I can’t stand people blindly shoving it down everyone’s throats. I don’t even go to church because how can I learn to be selfless and be as good as I can while the priest tells me how wrong certain things are, just because he says so, or because a book says so? that’s a little peek at the confusion I was talking about. Try to help others, anyone whenever you have a chance. Even scumbags, that’s that above or below me thing. Might help you feel a little better. If depression is lasting in some of our lives, I guess the only way to conquer it is to put up a lasting fight. I haven’t figured it out yet, but that’s the way my days go, a constant struggle inside myself. I hope you all find peace someday, it’s what I’m always looking for. I hope we all find fulfillment in some way. At the end of everyday all the shit I feel and think and fear might stick around, but one feeling that never leaves me is something I haven’t realized yet. I don’t know what it is, just something there always, something I want, or want to do. I just stare all day, waiting to understand it.

    • Why can’t life be so simply n fare I’ve got no one I want even got friends I feel weird compared to anyone else I tell my mum why give birth to a happy thing like me I never had a job I fell pregnant at 16. I was in a violent relationship where he constantly use me as a punch bag so when I had my daughter Lois I was a mess I looked after her for 4years n I wasn’t coping so my dad had her and then he put her into care how could ur owe father do that. N 3yrs later I had another little girl that was going really great but that’s gone tips up to cause he’s constantly jelous n my daughter is in his care so I had to leave n that’s broken my heart I just don’t know what to do anymore

    • I don’t understand why I was born.I have children and grandchildren. I do what I have to do but, that’s it. I believe life is a waste of time. Why are we here. What’s the big deal.

  10. I have wrote on here before, nearly a year ago now. But tbh I have been depressed/anxious for years. Even when I was little, I got extremely anxious over little things, if I had a stomach bug I would think I was gonna die litterly. Now, I’m 17 I have zero motivation to do anything, was bullied at school extremely bad which has left me an anxious/depressed mess. I mostly spend all day either watching TV or on Facebook where no one talks to me, my best friend deleted her account and said she might make another one, she hasn’t but I have her number but my phone broke.I can’t go outside, unless I feel like it, I have panic attacks where I feel like being sick and my heart races if I go further than the shops that are a 2-3 minute walk behind my house. I can’t be bothered to have a bath half the time, and will only just about clean my teeth because teeth are more important. I can’t eat atm either because if I force myself I feel sick. I went to the doctors like a year ago, but they thought I just had anxiety but I know its both. I haven’t had a good life to top it off, we cant even afford to go anywhere, also no one has a car, so we’d have to catch a bus, costs more. I was bullied since I was 8 years old until 2-3 months ago, in the street and around town by this boy (around my age) who apparently has ADHD and he got little kids on me as well as his cousin. Got bullied by his mates from school in town, or by the supermarket. Basically I’ve been picked on by people who already have some kind of mental condition or are on drugs. I was ganged up on at primary and secondary school loads and even pushed down steps and was threatened to be put in hospital by this girl, who used to be my friend all because she took sides with the rest of them. I have done nothing wrong, I only used to mess around at school but ii stopped and that’s when everything started. As you can see I still can’t get over it, even though my ex friend apologised , only because my sister got involved-otherwise she would have probably killed me. I have no life and can’t stop thinking of the past all the time, I can’t stop.

  11. I relate to all of this, or most of it – although I don’t dress poorly if I’m going out – I have a lot of issues with my self esteem and something of a dysmorphia about the way I look. I get very pre-occupied about not looking ugly, and feeling ugly. Slightly pathetic, but some people are lucky, they are naturally attractive. It just seems cruel that I’m depressed and yet I have to make an effort to look nice when I go out, otherwise I’d literally look like a troll.

    I get really overwhelmed with the outside world. Sometimes I start to just “zone out” when I’m in public and feel a huge urge to just leave and go home to bed. I have to mentally prepare before any social event, and it’s quite often anxiety provoking and therefore unenjoyable.

    I feel inadequate and ashamed most of the time. It just makes me hate myself, how weak I feel.

    I also feel like people simply don’t understand. When people ask me is there a reason for being depressed, I can’t think of one, because yeah, my life hasn’t been great, but it could have been worse. I was badly bullied, had/have a disjointed family, there’s been emotional abuse.. But it could have been worse. I am grateful for what I have, but I still feel depressed all the time. It’s like my base mood state is melancholia. I find it hard to feel genuinely happy about something for a long time. I don’t think there is really a reason, it’s a feeling. That makes it worse, because then I don’t know how to change it.

    I also feel suicidal a lot but I never mention it anymore and try to push it out my mind. Doctors are no use, they just see what they want to see and it’s easy to fool them. The help on offer is rubbish.. Being forced to talk to a rushed and disinterested profesional just makes me feel even weaker and more pathetic.

    I just cope as best I can. I keep wishing that I will fall ill before I get too old and die so I don’t have to live with this forever.

  12. when I am feeling a slight bit of hope, I find it useful to write a short list and include things to do such as: call doctor and ask for new medication 2. go for short walk around block 3. look at recipe book- prepare food for myself and others 4. Pat a dog or cat 5.do 10 minutes of deep breathing 6. stretch 7.make a list of 1 or more things I am thankful for 8. Be kind to myself and others
    If I manage to do a few of these things – it has been a good day!

  13. I feel that no one understands how im feeling , but how do they when I dont understand myself , im so low & dont no which way to turn , ive been on meds for yrs & when ive up’d them in the past they just make me feel worse ……

    • Yes and my parents blame it on my age. My grades have dropped and when I try to get the grades up I get a worse grade. I get mad at myself and my friends. Someone died in my family. I spend most of my afternoon in my room crying . People say I have no friends. I’ve lost all hope in myself. And somehow according to my parents, I’m fine!!! And I’m not:(

  14. i am 15 and everything above was true and yesterday i had a fight with my parents about my grades and you know the typical things they say to make your existence feel worthless if i’m so worthless why bother takin care of me -oh wait if they don’t they’d probably go to jail two years ago i decided i’d keep my mouth shut to stay away from troubles away from emotional pain before 2 years ago you wouldn’t even expect me to be like this.i was one of those happy go lucky getting along with everyone and always having fun type person ..but iv’e always felt empty and one day i got tired of having that fake smile tired of arguing tired of trying to express how i really feel and so i came to the conclusion that i won’t talk or get involved with anyone and live alone,the less painful way .i knew this would cause me change and suprisingly all my friends reacted how i didn’t think they would with my little experiment,they were calm they only cared for a few months n they got used to it and act like i was never their closet forever best friend or that important friend they used to have so anyway the fight with my parents ..because of that i haven’t eaten for days .almost a week now i m so hungry and my tests are starting tomorrow ..everytime i think about all this i feel so frustrated so hopeless that it hurts my head i just don’t want to breathe i wan’t to runaway but i’m scared the streets are dangerous as it is and i won’t have a place to stay i just don’t know it’s hurting too much the only thing i can do is secretly cry and hit myself

    • Hi. I’ve lived with depression for probably 28 years, it doesn’t get easier but here’s a coping method: ignorance. Just start getting into computer games or watching lots of horror, sci-fi, fantasy movies. Get really into something so you can pretty much ignore everything else. Don’t watch/read the news or FB stuff.

  15. Hey guys this is Nick here!
    I can relate to almost everything here on this page!

    I have been depressed for the past 2-3 years and I love to play videos games and that’s part of the depression. but I usually were the same cloths. I have like at least 50 shirts but I only wear like 5-6 and I just wear every clothing day after day. I guys I just gave up one day. I don’t know how or why I became depressed! I am 16 just turned any ways so about 2013 I was just starting the stage of depression. I don’t know how I got depressed but I did and I stoped hanging out with friends as much. I would usally be at my friends every day now only on the weekends or sometimes not at all. like I said I love to play video game and I don’t know how I got into a depression stage but I did. I would play my videos games to escape reality and live a character i was not. to a point that’s what video games are for to live another life. I had thoughts of suicide and just thinking how to do it and all of that. I never really told any one and my parents or at least my mom knows that I am depressed. I want to go on meds to help me but I don’t know. it does not help that I hate school for a fact I love to learn get to learn something new like how computers work or how to draw but I hate school hate getting graded on and my mom knows I hate school but not as much as she thinks I need help! I want to try to do good in school but I just cant pick up for EX art I used to draw allot I wanted to work for a gaming company when I was like 11. now I cant even pick up a pencil and draw something easy for marks for school. I want to try to be able to graduate school but I just don’t do well in school. I feel like I just don’t care any more. it does not help that I am a teenager and my hormones are ALL over the place! but it depends on my mood some days I really really want to try in life and in school and try in school but I just cant get started. and there is some days where I am like don’t talk to me. just let me be. tonight I felt like I just have no intentions of living like I don’t do well in school. I know without grade 12 I cant get full time job and make a living. I want to do so much I always wanted to graduate highschool and save money and take a friend or a girlfriend if I have one at the time and backpack across Europe and have a cell phone and that’s about it for electronics. I mostly stay in my room all day listen to music or go on youtube or play video games. it does not help that I have not bipolar but when the seasons change I get really grumpy in the winter and the summer there is no school and ill be outside more but not as much as like when I was 12. i barly eat. i don’t each breakfast much on school days and on the weekends i don’t eat breakfast and lunch at the right time. i need help but i don’t want to like ask my mom to put me on meds just because i am depressed but i basically gave up hope along!! time ago i need help. if any one has any questions or any information for help with depression plz message me at Reventhus@gmail.com i need help i gave up hope i have had thoughs of suicide and i just don’t know i want to try in life but i just don’t think i can. i am sorry to any one who reads this and thinks that i am stupid and i should just go talk to my mom. i just well have lost hope in my self and for my future self i want to learn but i hate getting graded on for school.i want to ask people who have gone through maybe taking meds or getting help before i go talk to my mom.

  16. most of the things here are things am experiencing myself and it hurts.I barely know what i want for myself these days.I don’t know why am feeling this way but i think it started when i heard what my friends have been saying behind my back to other people but yet they come to me and pretend like they love and would bring up topics that they want me to deliberate on just so they will go around twist what i said. my heart beats so fast and hard when i remember those things. i hate going outside and i love watching tv all day even when i have lectures to attend at college. i don’t now what to do.i also think about death a lot, i feel like it’s the only solution to this. i need help

  17. I just turned 18 last December. I don’t know what to do anymore with my life. Honestly I didn’t expect to see me alive on my 18th birthday because I was already planning my suicide. Luckily I still have a little sanity left in me not to leave my first boyfriend ever. He is the only new thing in my life. It was October 23rd when I said yes. It made me feel like I could start fresh.. It turns out I can’t handle any kind of relationships. I don’t even know how I talked to him in the first place because I don’t have any friends at ALL. I’m in my room, locked away in my room all the time. So far I survived 3 months already after m 18th birthday.. I don’t wanna go on any longer. My Grandmother who basically raised me is in the US for 4 years now and doesn’t listen to anybody but herself and her own pain, she who brought me to the school that ruined my life. The school that accused me horrible things about the wife of the owner of the school who by the way I couldn’t give a shit about because I didn’t like the school anyway and I just don’t give a fuck about anyone and I’m only going to school for the sake that it’ll be over already (I DON”T EVEN HAVE FRIENDS). My uncle, also in US, who supports us 2 siblings financially and clear as day told me his favorite was my older sister. My older sister who brought home his boyfriend here at home without my grandmother knowing, she spends a lot of money and she doesn’t even have a job. Her boyfriend doesn’t have a job. They basically do whatever the want as they please and don’t give a fuck about anyone but themselves. My Older sister that goes out at night every fucking night till 4 or 5 am me alone in the house all night scared shitless not only because I’m alone and a girl but scared of my MOM, GRANDMOTHER and UNCLE calling me anytime to check up on her. What would I fucking say? They left the obligation/responsibility of eldest child to the youngest one?! From house budgeting, house maintenance, my FUCKING SISTER who wouldn’t grow up and take care of me like a fucking sister would especially she knows I have a history of depression because of being left by my family and being falsely accused of things that I would never o and everybody knows it but they just wanted someone to get it pinned on. I went through psychiatry, the school got personal with me and fucked up my records so I won’t graduate (the teacher got on it too and even the students because of bribe), I went through court trials (I defended myself and went to the police to charge them with harassment because I was only 15 at the time) I won the case but it is still painful. My MOM who is in Dubai now looking for work. Its basically me and my older sister here left all alone. My MOM who I recently found out that she tried to abort me twice because of my drug addict, wife-beating father who I never met until 14 years old asking for help. I’m already 18 and still haven’t graduated high school. In my country you’re supposed to graduate high school at 15. I am an EMBARRASSMENT in my country. The saddest part about it is I am one of those brightest and top of my class type of student. I’m even the class president for godsakes. I’m always in Church because I’m the pianist. I am the one who teenagers like me come to for advise and comfort, but everyone failed me even our pastors. THEY ALL TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME. I LOST ALL HOPE. I NEED HELP.
    Going back to my boyfriend, I thought everything will be fine from now on since he’s there. Him being there hugging me or kissing me all the time will make my insecure, sad me feel all better. But whenever I get cranky because he turns me away from me kissing him or hugging him in front of my sister’s boyfriend inside my room, he gets angry at me and explains how he doesn’t have the courage to show that much of affection in front of them. That he wants to show that he loves me in the right way in front of them. I get that he’s a gentleman and all and I appreciate that, but he’s gotta understand that he is the reason why I didn’t commit suicide because it made me felt bad because he threw a surprise birthday party for me which no one has ever done in my life. On my birthdays its always me sleeping the day away or my family showcasing me/ showing off to other people because of what they so call “BRAINS” and “TALENT’ for their own glory. I actually was beaten up when I was a child all the time to just study or play the piano and then after I’m done I get to be locked up in my room. The only upside was they gave me a PC,a Gameboy, a PSP, and some books at that time. Physical appearance? I don’t have any and I know that already. My sister on the other hand she really is beautiful and no doubt about that that’s why everyone loves her. Other than that, she has nothing but bad mouth.
    My boyfriend has to understand that he is the one I look up to now. That I NEED, not WANT, constant hugs and kisses because it will help me feel safe and assured. It HELPS me. It saves me from all the nagging all they give me from making it work with the house budget, the money, the people and the relatives of ours that wanna take money from our uncle by saying bad things about us, from our relatives that wants to take over the house because it’s just us two here, from my sister, from my uncle, from my mom, from my grandmother. All the nagging. All the things that will be my fault if I didn’t listen or make it work. I don’t know anymore. My boyfriend calls it drama, me being quiet/bad mood because he didn’t kiss me or hug me. That drama? Well it’s not drama for me..

    • Dear Rica,

      Reading each word of what you mentioned made me feel deeply. In the above list I too relate to the checklist but after reading your post, it is sadly intense .
      Though I’m an overseas trained health professional, gaining validity is the loop hole to pass through. My husband left me two days after I bought home a lovely baby home. He is gorgeous and I’m living for him.
      Like yourself to hold onto your boyfriend as you feel indebted to his commitment and presence in your life I understand.
      You’re a young adult but you are smart and what they call me applies to you: a determinalist: someone who has sufficient but probably over critical knowledge of each word, thought and action of theirs : in short you know yourself inside out.

      I’m like this we know it all but others just want to be discrete and value their pride above a true emotional connection.
      I always thought that was antagonistic to the point of a relationship.
      I can see your dilemma is just as I view personal relationships .

      Yes you’re intelligent I can say and very forthright.
      You would make a great counsellor/ psychiatrist or author of such intensity.

      It’s like your sense of order and for the most part everyone here too have their values and beliefs about family , relationships and work etiquette questioned by the way the world plays by different standards.
      I would collectively say all of you are passionate blazing souls who can make this impediment work miracles for respectively you and everyone here.

      They say you have to be consumed by a burning intensity whether it be love, envy, pain/ anguish or hatred of hypocrisy TO BE ABLE TO MAKE YOURSELF STANDOUT. It can be negative or positive.

      It can make or it can break someone.

      I too wish to keep a journal and I think you could too.
      Each diary entry becomes an idea for a fiction based upon a true story that can help both yourself or others.
      Might be worthy of a blockbuster or booker prize.

      Authors and psychologists are the ideal professions to vocalize emotions and concepts or philosophies

    • Rica@
      I read your post and i feel each and every word of yours. Life is a play and we will have to play our parts in it and fight with all challenges. I am also suffering from depression from past 1 year now , so i understand.

    • Wow reading it right now, it sounds like I’m only bitching. I can’t explain how. I don’t know how you can understand what I’m trying to say, I don’t how can I send the message that I’m in deep deep pain. I sound like I’m only bitching about things. I’m not. Believe me. If I could just put my memories in your mind you would understand… probably.
      Still I wanna say thank you for reading me bitching about life.

  18. please read and help me ..how depressed can someone be?? relli !!…i am so depressed that dont feel anyhting now.i feel numb..i avoid talking to my friends..i have lost my diet completely..i dont go out..i get mood swings..i think that nobody likes me anymore.. i feel guilty about everything..i get irritated very easily..more importantly i have lost my self confidence totally ..i cannot even talk properly to someone without fummbling..n this is a reason i have started speding more time alone..and i love to sleep now cos i dont want to wake up..and the most depressing part is when i look up to my past..i mean was very good in evrything…i mean i was a great athlete..good in studies.friendly nature.everything.i think i am losing it.. i am getting slow and old..i behave wierd with my friends..i also failed in my exams last year.and yes i dont stay with my family and friends as i am doing engineering from another place…please help me..i still have hope that things will get better..

    • Hi u r just having symptoms like me .i m a housewife now but five years ago I was a brilliant student position holder who gave up and failed medical exam I tried to commit suicide twice but was saved now I m married to a 45 years old man becoz my parents thought who wil accept me now I m on many anti depressants depression ruined my life

  19. See I don’t know if I have depression or not.
    However I always find myself out of no where getting sad and feeling like nothing in my life will go right. The other day I knocked over a glass and started crying because in my head all I could think about was how I can’t even put a glass down right. I often find myself just sitting on the couch, not doing anything and finding it hard to think of a reason to move.
    I’m always thinking about things in my life I’ve done wrong and how much I always seem to screw things up.
    but the thing is I don’t always feel like this. Some days it’s almost like k don’t even remember ever being sad.
    I don’t understand?

  20. I honestly feel like this is me just reading through it and though the comments makes me realise i am not alone, there are other people out there feeling the same. I haven’t told my family Appart from my cousin because she is the only one i can talk to about this kind of thing. Suffering from depression can be really hard but you need to stick with it. Suicide is not the answer. *they say suicide is a permanent fixture to a temperary problem* Now you may say i dont know anything about depression but I have been suffering from it since I was 10 and I am now 16 i have never had medication for it and refuse to do so because they CAN (not necessarily) make you more suicidal. I have attempted i dont know how many times and if it wasn’t for my girlfriend i probably wouldn’t be here.
    I have been bullied since I started school. I have always been overweight and really ugly. I have never been good at sport (except for lacrosse) and the sporting teachers tend to pick on me too. I have been picked on for being bisexual since I was 12. Most people say I’m confused but I’m really not. I am a girl and yes, i do have a girlfriend.
    I also suffer from bi-polar, anxiety, i starve myself everyday but at night i sometimes binge.
    I hate myself because I’m fat, I’m fat because i eat, i eat because I’m depressed and I’m depressed because I hate myself. It’s just a never ending circle of hate.
    Not too recently my boyfriend committed suicide. And there was no way i could stop that.
    One of my cousins has depression but I cant talk to her due to family arguments and all that. I could really do with someone just to talk to about this but my old therapist was rubbish and never really helped a waste of £1’000 in my opinion…

  21. I’ve read through most of these comments and like many others, my experiences are similar. Or were. A lot of those feelings I’ve felt before when I realized exactly how sure I was that I am depressed. That was in November. It’s now June. Back then, I felt all of that. The best way to describe it is being a pitcher in a baseball game and everything you throw is smacked over the fence… And your manager won’t take you out. You just have to sit there, keep throwing knowing failure is eminent and constant. I’ve been very politically active in my life and have pulled back from that considerably. Partly due to avoid talking to people and part due to no interest. I’ve drugged my feet professionally. Fears of inadequacy and worthlessness which has taken its toll. Slowly and increasingly many aspects of life are becoming a burden to do. I’m afraid to tell anyone because, I am COMPLETELY ashamed. I know I’m disappointed in myself. my family must be disappointed as well. Even if i felt they understood or could have any sort of compassion for what my life has been like for the last 10 months and i dont think they do. Maybe they do but that runs the risk of being monitored and hovered over when i dont want anyone to pay attemtion to me now. I hate living. The worse part is, I remember what life was like before I felt this way. It was a struggle, but at least I didn’t have this madness sapping every single bit of energy I have to do anything about it. At this point, living day in, day out feels like I’m in prison. And what’s the one thing anyone in prison wants to do?

    Escape.

    I’m just not sure how much longer I can do this.

  22. Feel pretty much like the walking dead , everyday is a struggle I hate myself , hate my family , hate my llife , and just wanna die , I don’t bath or even brush my hair or teeth , one of these days I’m going to do something about my sorry life , and its not going to be positive , my mental state has worsen and no one deserves to feel like this every single God damn day!!!!

    • I feel the same way. There are days where i wear the same clothes (pjs) and/lr sont shower i meab its pointless its just me and my hubby we cant afford to do stuff like we used to. Cant have kids so its just me and him and our furkids. So its like whats thr point of showering, cleaning ( piles of dishes, laundry etc) if noone comes over, its just going to get dirty again. So i agree w ya

      • I get all the above.I’m 32 with four kids.I have one sister four brothers they all r smart out going ready for anything.me I have been living with this all my life.I was picked on cause I can’t read so well and as u can read I’m am only using small words to post on here cause all of y’all big words I can’t read r spell right.math well another problem you can pretty much say school wasn’t good at all.I had to get get tired of being picked on and more before I fought back in middle school by high school noone would mess with me and I hated that because in order to keep myself safe I had to be someone I’m not.I have fought with my sight also.and as a kid not wanted by her family they sure had no problem showing it.I though I found my someone tho.thought he understood me ,I lost my dad in August right before my birthday.he wasn’t around when I was a kid but he was one of the few who would talk to me like I was normal and on the same level. When everyone told me I could never be a mom I can’t do it that I will never make it because I can’t learn like other but by looking at me and talking to me u wouldn’t know.I hate the way I feel.when I was younger I tried to lling myself a few times.I wanted all the pain all the tears and all the thoughts,dreams, hate,cold and shaking to stop and go away.couldn’t Waite to be grown to show them they r wrong I’m stronger I’m not weak I can do.but even tho I repeat that to my self and fix my makeup cause I make my self r dress up raise four alsome kids clean cook,pay bill,work,I still feel the pain and everything that comes with it.tho I tell them I can inside I can’t and I hate my self because no I can’t help my kids with homework.I can’t teach them to read I can’t practice that play for school with them.and what hurts the most is when they get old enough to know that mom can’t help them nomore it really hurts nomatter what I try r I do.it doesn’t get better I wish I could say it does .the answer isn’t what mess do I need what doctors say but am I strong enough to push the day to the end every time I wake up r u strong enough and I say it I’m still here then u r also.

  23. I hope caretakers are reading here too. There are so much cries for help and they need to be answered!

    Hang in there people, please do.

    May beautiful days meet you all soon!!!

    (from the bottom of my heart, I love you ALL, yes)

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