What does depression feel like? 2153

Image: Dolce Far Niente by John William Godward

Dolce Far Niente by John William Godward

“It was not really alarming at first, since the change was subtle, but I did notice that my surroundings took on a different tone at certain times: the shadows of nightfall seemed more somber, my mornings were less buoyant, walks in the woods became less zestful, and there was a moment during my working hours in the late afternoon when a kind of panic and anxiety overtook me…” – William Styron, Darkness Visible

Sometimes the Depression Self-Screening Tests are just too clinical, and the symptoms don’t really “click” with you. Some of the criteria are general, and if you’re suffering from depression, specifics are easier to understand.

I know that I might not have diagnosed myself with depression just on the basis of those symptoms. I had no change in appetite, and no sleep problems (getting out of bed was what was difficult). Below are some un-clinical symptoms.

    • Things just seem “off” or “wrong.”
    • You don’t feel hopeful or happy about anything in your life.
    • You’re crying a lot for no apparent reason, either at nothing, or something that normally would be insignificant.
    • You feel like you’re moving (and thinking) in slow motion.
    • Getting up in the morning requires a lot of effort.
    • Carrying on a normal conversation is a struggle. You can’t seem to express yourself.

  • You’re having trouble making simple decisions.
  • Your friends and family really irritate you.
  • You’re not sure if you still love your spouse/significant other.
  • Smiling feels stiff and awkward. It’s like your smiling muscles are frozen.
  • It seems like there’s a glass wall between you and the rest of the world.
  • You’re forgetful, and it’s very difficult to concentrate on anything.
  • You’re anxious and worried a lot.
  • Everything seems hopeless.
  • You feel like you can’t do anything right.
  • You have recurring thoughts of death and/or suicidal impulses. Suicide seems like a welcome relief.
  • You have a feeling of impending doom – you think something bad is going to happen, although you may not be sure what, and/or…
  • …You have a very specific fear that torments you constantly.
  • In your perception of the world around you, it’s always cloudy. Even on sunny days, it seems cloudy and gray.
  • You feel as though you’re drowning or suffocating.
  • You’re agitated, jumpy and and anxious much of the time.
  • Your senses seem dulled; food tastes bland and uninteresting, music doesn’t seem to affect you, you don’t bother smelling flowers anymore.
  • Incessantly and uncontrollably into your mind comes the memory of every failure, every bad or uncomfortable experience, interview or date, like a torrent of negativity.

You may also be interested in:

How Depression May Affect Your Life
What is Depression (and What is it Not)?
Reflections on Depression
You Can’t Fight Depression on Your Own
My Experience with Depression

Please feel free to post your comment about what depression feels like. Please do not post:

  • Questions about depression and how to handle it. Go here for that.
  • Comments on how you think it should be managed, including finding God.
  • Requests for other people to email you.

Also, please do not include “triggers” in your comment. In other words, do not include specifics of self-harm or suicidal plans, as this might trigger someone reading your comment.

Please note that comments are moderated – if you post a comment, it will not show up until it is approved, and this can take a few days. Also, please note that I reserve the right to edit comments, in terms of removing anything that I feel is inappropriate. Don’t bother to give me grief about freedom of speech – this is a privately funded and managed website.

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2,153 thoughts on “What does depression feel like?

  • Susan

    Wow read several of the statements on depression, and skipped down to comment 896 and realized, that I was in that state of I dont really care, and have a fear to make any decision at this point. I have an appointment to see doctor this week. I knew it was depression but never thought it was so controlling of a person’s life till now.. I cant even work due to fear that keeps me from being rational. It is like someone took over my body and it is not the me I know.. and I cant find the switch to turn it off and be me again. Thanks to all the people who have written, I dont feel so alone now…

  • Milo

    The thing that plagues me the most is that simple fact that I also have major social anxieties and border-line agoraphobia. I hate the premise behind all of the people “expressing” themselves and even the simple task of listening or remaining objectionable angers me. Every key-stroke is tearing me apart a little more. I detest the notion of me being week I have been forced to be mentally strong and physically combative for 30+ yrs now. My mental state does not coexist well with my phobias. If I feel that i need help, I can never bring myself to seek it. even my email provided is fake, this will most likely not even get posted. just another facet or phobia and a reality conflict. It’s the story of my horrid existence. I don’t mean to slam anyone directly I just get agitated that everyone is unique in their case. to generalize is ignorant, and i will snap if anyone mentions god, or anti-drug and alcohol advise. sometimes the personal motivations on a person are the only thing keeping them hanging on. god does just the opposite for me. i am anti-religion, and in being so my neighbor has told me that “god hates me” i replied “why not everyone else does. and i can say the feeling is mutual.” And of course people say that the light in life would be filled by the absence of christ….” blah , blah….what ever, I don’t need people to judge and tell me that I suck. It’s the not sucking that I need to locate. Good luck to all live free and hopefully I can find the person that I used to be.

  • Sonja

    I am 66 and have been married for 45 years. My marriage has never been a happy one as my spouse was and is still controlling. My grown married children have no children nor want any, so I will never be a grandmother. I also have no friends any more. It is too late for me to change my life. if any of you out there are under 50 and think it is over for you, it isn’t! Make a plan and do something, or you will be depressed like me and the time isn’t there to make a choice and a change. I probably meet over 50% of the depression list’s requirements to being depressed.

  • BrokenGirl91

    O and also to answer what depression feels like,

    depression feels like you are in a state of a dream 24-7 like this isnt real, i didnt drag myself to this situation, u ask urself WHY ME , u see other ppl happy laughing no problems,
    u talk to somebody and they tell u how stressed they are because they have an upcoming test and u think to urself i wd do anything to take ur place!
    depression is when u cry and cry is when u feel hopeless , u feel dead on the inside, is when u make decisions STUPID DECISIONS bcz honestly u dont care anymore, u JUST DONT CARE ANYMORE you are numb or try to be numb, you wish to turn back time, or live in a paralel universe u become distant from ppl, u dont want noone to c u in the state u r, i could go on and on but being depressed, anxious, having nervous breakdowns etc, is horrible HORRIBLE i wish i was never born and aborted.

  • BrokenGirl91

    Hello everyone PLEASE READ MY COMMENT! i found this whilst googling (drugs doesnt make me happy anymore) and I found this site,
    anyways im going to make this brief, I am 21 I have been suffering from depression since being a kid and more serious since 18
    anyways i lived through a war in the middle east bombs blastin by my house shootings dead corpses the whole nine yards, in 2007 me and my family moved to canada there my depression worsened i was away from my friends, environment i had to cop , everything was so different , at 18 i lost my virginity to a guy i barely known he used meeeeeee stoped talkin to me after he went back home (i saw him couple weeks ago and he wanted to hang out with me i said NO) anyways after that i was so broken then i met the most lovely guy who made me forget all my depression and problems i slept with him i fell in love with him, he left me cold turkey and moved away! i had an abortion from him cz he didnt want me to have the baby and i cdnt keep the baby as unmarried girl, no support nothing anw that went through , just to try and forget him i slept with 2 diff guys after him, and now i feel like a hoe! i alwaus assume i have stds and i am nothing i get flashbacks of my life back home i wish i NEVER EVER NEVERRR EVER moved i have been on lexotanil 3-4 pills a day doesnt make me happy but numb the pain a lil, my life is over i will never be happy again

    ever be happy again, i am contemplating suicide but then wonder if i die would i be happier? i am 100% sure theres something wrong with me i sometimes think if i get married and have a kid this might make me happy but then think how can i be selfish i dont know all i know is im trying to make my days pass waiting for something! waiting for what tho? i dont know maybe for death?
    sometimes i wish i can sleep forever or turn back time.
    i dont know man
    im so fd up i wd cry but my pills r stopin me .

    whoever is reading this U ARE NOT ALONE everyone around u might seem perfect and happy but theres ppl like you out there and one of them is me!
    thankss im gona go take a pill now it wd be my third today .

  • CLO

    Occasionally it crosses my mind that I could have depression and i try to think it’s just hormones but it doesn’t seem like anyone else my age is going through the same thing. Every night, when ever I get the chance, i sit on my bed and make myself cry. Usually there’s no reason for me to cry. Crying is all i ever think about and i purposely avoid sleepovers and parties so i can sit at home and cry. I never look forward to anything and even if something good happens, i don’t feel happy about it. I’m constantly worrying about things, especially in the afternoon. I worry about things I shouldn’t worry about, such as where I’m going to sit at lunch or how I’m going to greet my friends. I always take hours to fall asleep once I’m lying in bed and I constantly wake up at night. I always lock myself in my room and when ever my mum tries to make me open my door, i stay silent and leave it locked. I don’t go out on weekends anymore. I used to always walk along the beach, but now I don’t. I can no longer start good conversations and I try to avoid talking to people. Whether this is depression or not, I don’t like what I’m going through and I prefer life before this started happening.

  • David Poke

    Depression for me is like a giant mix of contradicting feelings, for example feeling as though everything is pointless and not caring about anything, and yet at the same time, worrying about everything from my career and family down to if I’m going to remember to buy bread an milk.

    The pain is like that of grief, like the feeling of having your heart broken, or losing a very close family member, only you don’t know why you feel like this.

    Personally, along with all this, I deal with feelings of self loathing, hating every decision I make, every word I speak to someone, everything about myself, but also, I hate so much of the world, I hate how people can have such differences in opinions, differences in preferences, and how people can be so ignorant, yet still have opinions of things they know little
    Or nothing about (not just about depression but any topic).

    Me, instead of having a little black dog, or a grey cloud over me, I have a guy standing in the corner of every room, twirling his cane, just staring at me with a cocky look on his face. And if he ever sees me smiling, or forgetting I’m depressed, he kind of tirs a me as is to say “hey, remember who you are, your not aloud to do that”. He looks a bit like that guy from a clock work orange.

    Also in my experience, when a depressed person start writing on these posts, they easily forget how much theuve gin on for, so on a final note, I wouldn’t wish depression on my worst enemy, it’s an awful
    Thing to live with

  • Sun

    I always feel the need to be forgotten. Like I want to go away from everyone I’ve ever known because it seems like theres no other choice as if I’m at the end of my rope. I come back for a while and it all seems fine but every few days or weeks or months I find myself at the edge again..

  • Anonny

    My depression stalks me like a ghost, and when I begin to worry, it strikes hard, swift, and relentlessly never releasing me, until today, I feel fine, which is why I found out I have severe depression. Life just didn’t matter. I wasn’t trying in what I should have been and that would make me more depressed, the only solution to the problem was xbox where I could have the time of my life and forget about my troubles… That went too far and I became addicted. I finally got over xbox and now I want to get my life back together, but I don’t really know how… slowly I’m learning, but its just so hard. I think I’m going to be needing some anti-depressants or something… when depression takes you its out of fucking control. I’m going to tell you how fucking bad it is just so if you feel the same way you know you’re not alone and you can get help. When I wake up in the morning, I don’t want to fucking get up at all, everything just pisses me off and I don’t want to do anything. I just wander around like a fucking dead zombie with no personality, but I want to have a personality so bad. Depression just takes you like a rip-tide and carries you away faster than you can say holy shit… You’re pretty much dead inside and it just fucks you up, it feels like the worst drug you’ve ever taken, and you feel regret for nothing. The worst part about depression is it hits you like a ton of bricks. But you don’t even know it hits you until you have another break through. If you somehow stumble upon this and you don’t have depression, I just want to let you know how fucking lucky you are, I don’t mean to look for pity, but depression is just that bad that I have to say that. I honestly could explain depression from my POV forever, but I’m finished now and I just want to get anti- depressants before it hits me again. It’s so scary I fear for anyone with depression. It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced and I’m glad its over, for now… I really want to make it stop, I just try and try, but I feel like I fuck everything up, even if I don’t. I’m done now, I’m glad to have gotten all of that out of my system.

  • Rachael

    Depression is just wanting everything to stop. I keep going through life not for myself but for the other people who would notice if I didn’t show up. For me, I don’t want to kill myself but I kind of want to die just to put an end to this feeling. I don’t want to die, not really. I just want the feeling to be over because the numbness that comes from the emptiness inside is worse than actual pain.

  • Rachael

    To me, it feels like I’m empty inside. Like there is no fight left in me. I find myself constantly picturing myself being grabbed by the hair and thrown headfirst against a wall again and again and again. I always just bounce off and get thrown back against it. But it feels like can’t react and I can’t breathe.

  • Robin Grosch

    So glad I don’t feel alone….I have had depression for fifteen years, have lost many in my family and had times of great successes….i am in my final year of college and 37 with four kids but the last two months have been horrid….i feel so lost, alone and like honestly no one gives a crap about me and that i am a burden to everyone. of course to them depression is something that can just be shrugged off but i don’t think i have ever felt this helpless and hopeless in my life…….

  • Cassidy

    It feels like your not wanted, like everything you do is such a disappointment. Everyone has different feelings. It’s like your trapped in a dark hole, trying to get out but getting nowhere. You don’t really talk to anyone. You feel disgusted and sometimes don’t eat. some listen to sad music. It feels hard to breathe and like time is going so slow. It feels like your everyones disappoitment.

  • BB

    It feels like nothing is worth effort; nothing is worth the work of focusing, planning and executing action of any kind at all. And after 10 years I am used to doing nothing about anything important. My body has adjusted to fit the demands of my mind, and it’s not a flattering look. I see no possibility of change. Reading this list, I found myself frozen, staring at a word as my mind raced to carefully “carry” the meaning of the sentence into the delicate, ridiculous parts of my mind that understand (or refuse to understand, for fear of spontaneous combustion) such things. I had to compute it slowly; let it sink in. So maybe all this is called depression. So maybe I’m what could be called depressed. I even know, even this quickly, what I should do about it. I should exercise every day. I used to walk every day, before 10 years ago. I should cut out my addictions, fast food, junk food, sugar, and eat more vegetables than anything else. Just these three things would probably change my life. I would be smaller, I would attract a mate, I would be more “approachable” to people for possible friends, outings, and adventures. I would have fun. I would have things to look forward to. I would feel better and look better and be better because I wouldn’t be such a drag. I would get everything done that I had to get done or needed to get done, without the cloud of resentment and annoyance hanging over me. It would all feel effortless. Decisions would be easier because everything would have a clear reason and “place” in the flow of a day. And yet even as I type these last words, I am suddenly nauseous and I want to stop thinking about it. Effortless. Every excuse in the world is popping into my head, now. My addicted brain is sensing something new; a threat to it’s chemical comfort level. Effortless. Anything is worth that, right? Even if it doesn’t feel good at first? So why haven’t I started? Why am I shrinking away from it even now? “No, no, that’s not for me, it’s just not for me.”

    But it wouldn’t all be great, right? I wouldn’t suddenly know how to get along with people. Or keep my “intensity” in check when I talk. Or anger. (My mom used to lecture me on “The difference between assertive and aggressive”. It is to her credit that I even remember the title.) I read “This is How” and had a similar reaction. This is where I am and who I am and how I am. At this moment. Will I still be how I am skinny? I fear that I will and I fear that I will have nothing to hide in, then. There will be more people around to hide from, and create subterfuges for, and that will be hard to juggle. There will be more opportunities to screw it all up. To hurt people, to be hurt by people. I have hurt enough people. I have been hurt enough by people. If I get skinny I get rid of my cave. I will have be socially normal; have people over to my home, go out to public places to eat and drink, get physically close, and obviously if I (gag) get romantic with someone, well that’s just a minefield of fun. If I get skinny and un-depressed, then I won’t have to hide it from people. That’s the only way. Do they happen together?

    And to return to the previously skipped over statement, maybe I’m depressed. I feel resentful even of the label. Even if it is right. Does the cause matter? I don’t know the cause but even if I did, what can I possibly do about past actions and consequences? What can go back and change or fix? What can I do about it? Nothing. Not a damned thing. So this is who I am. Do I have a choice in who I am? In how I am? Or am I simply dragged around by the hair through chemical interactions in my brain? I’ll probably order a pizza tonight. Because when I think about making different choices, I think sure I can do that. But when the very next choice comes along, I don’t even consider not making the same choice I made last Sunday evening. I want pizza. I want it. I crave it as soon as I think about it. And so my mind skips ahead to tomorrow; I’ll change my choices tomorrow. Same about trying to cut back on coffee. Same with many other things that don’t exactly enhance my life force. I am avoiding and denying. Resisting. Except that what I am resisting is my life force. I am squashing it and twisting it and killing it.

    I hate realizing that I hate myself enough to destroy myself and my life experience.

  • Rose

    Goddess forgive me. I have lived in the stupor of depression for most of my life, probably from the age of 5 years old, when abruptly in a car ride I realized how virulently my mother hated my existence. In retrospect, it was not her fault, it was the way of her mother, and the mother before her. An endless cycle of neglect and tepid feelings. Not to mention the tempestuous relationship my father and she had back then, and still do at times to this day. Truly I don’t think she warmed up to me until I was of drinking age. Youth and puberty were no peach, either. Obviously as a result of early rejection from a mother figure, sexual abuse from an older sister, and a mild math disability added up to a complete lack of ability to interact with other children within normal parameters. Tons of fun. I still struggle to grasp and understand social cues to this day. Those friends I did make in youth were not the ones someone as vulnerable as I should have, manipulative, needy, controlling. It was not until I met my husband and his friends that I understood how I should be treated by others, with respect and kindness rather than derision and humiliation. Which was clearly “all in fun.” Even now I still have difficulty hanging on to people. They drift because I cannot express myself properly. Unless I’m drunk, albeit rarely. It would be too easy for me to become one. For years I’ve attempted the “Fake it till you make it” approach, pretending to be happy, or responding properly, when all else lacks. A mirthful face is easier to behold then a melancholy one, I suppose. It’s what I’ve done my entire life. I don’t let people in, and surely as I breathe I bottle everything inside me. I vacillate between anxiety, rage, and despair. I cannot stop myself from remembering every awful thing I’ve ever done or experienced in the quiet moments of life. Life is meaningless, as it has always been. We are born to propagate, and eventually die. No more, no less. Everything else is up to us. Which in turn makes the whole depression aspect of my life silly, do I truly choose to do this to myself? Then again, it is impossible to choose one’s emotions, with few exceptions. I’m terrified of death, though I would welcome it’s release. I sometimes dream of suicide, but know myself too cowardly to follow through. I’ve only tried twice, and pitiful attempts at that. Slitting my wrists the wrong way in a bathtub, thankfully no-one was home and my boss called me in to work that day. Secondly, using a yardstick to press down on the trigger of my father’s shotgun. Had it not been for the sight of my father, who is quite the size of a Kodiak bear, riding a tiny tiny lawnmower in the yard that day to make me laugh, I feel that particular attempt would have been much more successful. I haven’t tried since, though times I may still wish for it. The world is hollow and empty, I’m forgetful as F**K, and increasingly I find every day a little more difficult to wake up for. I have no purpose, no direction, like a small rudderless skiff in the quay of life, simply buffeted on by the stream rather than choosing movement myself. Everything is a pantomime, with the exception of the love that I have for my husband, though I fear that one day that too will be sucked into the emptiness of my core. I thought as I grew older these things would eventually grow less, but if anything they have become larger, squeezing what little enjoyment I have left. I increasingly see the world for what it is: a soul-sucking waste of time, with no rhyme or reason behind it. Jobs that fritter away our waking hours, giving us tokens to be squirreled away in fear the next big thing is coming. Even if one is without work, without money one cannot truly enjoy themselves. Free time is not free. We waste hours worrying over whether or not we will be able to keep our jobs, if we’ve done enough, while others do little and survive, is puzzling at best, and maddening at worst. Existence is reason, but there is no reason for it, so to speak. I fear most if this disease would be communicated to any future progeny. My husband would love to have children, but I hesitate because of my inadequacies as a human being. I know not to follow the example of my mother, but I also know I am easily defeated and lazy. I hate conflict. I sound smart, but truly I know nothing. I cannot even stand the thought of becoming closer with my mother in law, though she desperately wants it. I do not know how to communicate with her. She is everything I am not, church-going, child loving, and prude. We have similarities in our kindness and self deprecation, but I am brassy and loud where she is meek and mild-mannered. I love to drink with friends and family, and she hates it. Honestly, I don’t know how to deal with a mother figure without a few drinks in me. I don’t trust her, though I know I should. She’s too darn nosy and fussy and it irritates the f**k out of me. She keeps her distance, but I know that those needs lurk in the back of her mind, just as my husband’s need to be a father lurks in the back of his. I know I should trust more in people, but I’ve been burned in the past and the retarded stump of my emotions can’t quite seem to get over it. Sometimes I believe it’s a mixture of PTSD and depression, but it doesn’t really matter anyway. Nothing does. I know routine matters, and having checklists, and excersize and all of that happy crappy bullshit is supposed to make you feel better, but it’s really a distraction. Just like books, television, and drinking is. Nothing escapes the Void. And I’m just tired. I keep thinking I want to go “home,” but clearly I am in that selfsame place. I think its an idealized place, really, where all of this bullshit just fades away, and I am finally at peace with myself and the world. To breathe a peaceful moment without need for distraction. To not feel the anxiety about what looms ahead. And the feckall of it is I could never say all of this to a therapist. I clam up, like I always do. I forget what I really want or need to say, instead I just mumble answers to their sad probing questions like a goddamn robot. I am not nearly as eloquent in speech as I am on paper and it’s bleeding frustrating. I’ll never be better. I’ll never wake up. I’ll never be home. FML

  • Sam

    It’s being in denial about everything, not even telling yourself you have “depression” and you feel guilt ridden for it. It’s like everything is in slow motion but going so rapidly and you don’t know what to do. When you close your eyes you see black, but you keep praying to see a darker black that will never come. It’s infinite sadness.

  • q

    The angst gnaws at me, devours. It tears, scratches and claws me inside out.
    I feel like my brain is boiling.
    My brain never turns off, never switches off.
    I am burning from the inside, but my face shows no emotion.

    This is one of my childhood memories; I stare at myself in the mirror, for many hours. I do not recognise myself. I know I’m lost somewhere, there, very deep inside this person in the mirror. The face in the mirror is like a mask. No one knows me, not truly.

    I feel like an empty, lost vessel. There’s a void inside me and nothing or no one will never fill it up. It’s not pleasant zen-like emptiness. This vessel is not touched by anything, it just floates through time and space.

    I’ve always felt like missing for someone or some place or time which doesn’t exist. I know, no matter where I would go, I’ll never get rid off myself. How I long to lose myself and the constant thinking!
    I feel I have no home.

    I would much rather have cancer or something deadly disease to eat me up and finish me off. In an instant I would trade places with someone who is sick and give this body of mine to them to live in.
    I’ve always felt old, used and tired. So don’t tell me that ‘I’m still young’. I don’t know what being ‘young’ is about. I look as sick as I feel. I’m pale and blue under eye circles.

    Year after year my feelings, emotional and physical, become more bland and watered down. I have a high pain threshold. I have difficulties receiving orgasms with partner. Usually just brutal sex does it for me. I have head aches and migraine. I have eczema on my hands when stressed which I am very easily. Taking care of myself is difficult, since after all, I know I will die.

    I can’t see a future, it’s just a blank shapeless thing I have no control over. No matter what I do, I can’t chance anything.

    Food is something I try to fill this void of mine with. I gain weight, I am an obnoxious, shapeless thing, I feel horrible and guilty. Nothing ever looks good on me, all clothes are like wearing potato sacks. I never understand why someone complements my appearances. After all, it’s just surface. I’ve always been clumsy and akward. I wish I could tear myself out of my skin and body, fly like a bird away.

    I get easily fixated at things for hours, but lose interest very quickly. I’ve had many hobbies, studied many things. I have no degree or profession yet, since I’ve dropped out of school. I’m in school right now but it seems pointless to try too hard.

    All my night time dreams are about running and hiding, in warzone fields or empty towns. Or being trapped in a moving vehicle, which I have no control over. Being shot at with a gun, bleeding to death. Drowning in a deep, blue cool sea, this is not unpleasant thou. Turning into an amphibian animal and swimming away. Many times I wake up crying. I sleep a lot.

    I hope there would be a place, not in life or not in death but somewhere in between.
    I do not wish for death, but I’m not good at this living-thing either.
    I understand people who commit suicide to get away, or abuse alcohol, drugs etc. to fill this void in them.

    I see a psychologist once a week. But all it seems to be talk talk and talk. What ever exercises I do with her won’t fill this void. She is nice and means good for me, I know that. Sometimes I just would like to scream at her that this is just wasting time. But after all, time is all I got. I’m not going no where fast. It took so much energy and daring to reach out for someone but I’m not happy with this either.

    I need to be on medication, I know this for sure since I’ve once been on medication once, for a year, but seems like a long time ago now. Like a completely different life, on a different planet. When I had to quit this medication, I knew all this empty black shit would come back and it has. It just proves all this is just chemical inbalance of the brain as long as I remember I’ve been like this.

  • Bernice

    After 40 years of depression and mood swings, I recently realized a VERY important thing…

    There is a difference between Depression and a PANIC ATTACK!

    In the throes of a Panic, I feel completely overwhelmed…

    I cannot focus myself, calm down my mind OR body, become “motivated” by cajoling, pep-talking, promising myself rewards, etc. or FUNCTION at all!

    I am literally at the mercy of being stuck in mental glue and free-falling emotionally and physically.

    For 40 years, I suffered DEPRESSION because I beat myself up over my inability to accomplish even the smallest goal while under the weight of a Panic Attack…

    FINALLY, I found that Panic Attacks are, for the most part, BRIEF “Flare-Ups”- (Comparatively so, as in contrast to “Chronic” Depression which can last days, weeks, months and Years-) and that if I can “Weather” these Storms, I can pick myself up and continue LIVING!

    When I am suffering with a Panic Attack now, I’ve learned to just CUT MYSELF SOME SLACK-

    If all I can do is sleep… then that is what I do.

    If I feel like I need to scream… I do. (privately-)

    If nothing “productive” gets done during this time… So be it!

    After 40 years, I now know that the Panic will come and go, but remind myself of the fact that they Do GO… and that I Can and DO accomplish some pretty amazing things when my mind and body feel more “Up”!

    The Depression is less frequent and less severe when I realize that-

    Hope this helps you as well!!!