Let's face it - even in an un-depressed state, the holidays can be stressful and often disappointing. We run ourselves ragged buying gifts, cooking, decorating and entertaining. Tempers flare as we're thrown together with relatives whom we see infrequently, and don't necessarily enjoy spending time with. Expectations are high that this season will be magical and perfect as we try to recapture the wonderment we felt as children waiting for Santa, or wait for a rush of emotion as we ponder the religious significance of Christmas and Chanukah. When those feelings don't automatically well up, we're disappointed.
I broke down in tears twice while trying to juggle visits to my ex-husband's family and my own. I wasn't even depressed - both those times I was on antidepressants and doing great. The sheer stress of the holidays was just too much for me. One year I even said to my ex-husband, "Do we really have to decorate this year?". Of course the answer was yes, and I'm glad we did. But this illustrates to me how sometimes the ideals of the holidays and the reality can be far apart.
Being Depressed During the Holidays - I'm in Hell, Right?
So that's my view of how holidays can be when you're not depressed. When you are depressed, it's like Dante created your own private circle of hell. The idea of doing all this holiday stuff while you're depressed is beyond overwhelming. Shop for Christmas or Chanukah presents? You're having trouble getting out to shop for food! Decorate the house? You don't even know if you'll get laundry done so you'll have clean underwear tomorrow. Send out Christmas cards to 50 of your closest relatives and friends? What would you say in them - "Doing awful. My new pastime is staring at the ceiling. I hate myself. My clothes are falling off me because I don't eat anymore. I can't wait till the holidays are over. Don't bother to call. By the way, Happy Holidays!".
It's miserable to be depressed during the holidays. One reason is that you know that you really should be enjoying all the wonderful things that come along with them. As down as I sound on the season, I really do enjoy a lot of Christmas-sy things - decorating the tree and the house, giving and receiving presents, watching Rudolph and the Grinch and even sending out Christmas cards. But when I'm depressed, the fact that I can't enjoy these things makes me twice as miserable, and I berate myself for not partaking fully in the joys of the season.
The second thing that makes it so hard to be depressed during the holidays is that doing the holidays right requires planning and organization. If you're depressed, you're so far from having those capabilities that it's pathetic. You can't even plan past the next five minutes, let alone a whole holiday season. And organization? Please! You probably are about to have your electricity cut off because you haven't been able to organize yourself enough to pay your bills.
Have a Holly Jolly Christmas? I Don't Think So
Another horrendous aspect of being depressed during the holidays is spending time with people. Parties, dinners, get-togethers, etc. You're having so much trouble smiling that you're sure you have an absolutely ghastly expression pinned to your face. You feel like bursting into tears when someone asks you to join in singing a Christmas carol. Worst of all, you're overly sensitive in general - to noise, to anything sad, like the other reindeer teasing Rudolph, to really garish decorations that make you really depressed for some unknown reason. So you have to try to act normal while all this turmoil and pain is going on inside you, instead of being able to cry and scream or stare at the ceiling like you can do when you're alone.
I've saved the worst for last - the thing that makes the holidays least bearable in a depressed state. It's that everyone you know (and even strangers and TV commercials) is telling you how much you should be enjoying this time of year. Even if they're at the end of their rope trying to get everything done, they will be telling you what a downer you're being. You know you should be happy and having fun. No one has to tell you. But they do anyway, and you just want to slug them and burst out crying at the same time. Yes, they "mean well." But they're not making things any easier for you.
Ways to Get Through It
Well, that's the bad news. Here's the good news: it doesn't have to be that way. I have some suggestions for the depressive's holiday, drawn from my experience and what I did wrong during my miserable depressed holiday seasons. By the way, these are also good for the non-depressive who's totally stressed out and at the end of his/her rope.
The number one most important rule is: Give yourself permission. Permission to drastically cut back on holiday preparations, permission to feel emotions other than unqualified joy and happiness and permission to gently but firmly tell other people off. Remember that you are ill. Depression is an illness that is affecting your body, mind and personality. You are as fragile as any invalid. Keep this rule in mind during the season, and you should make it through okay. Remember - you are not a loser for scaling back. Other people would probably love to do it too, but there's major peer pressure to "enjoy" holidays to their fullest.
That's the rule; here are the suggestions:
- Instead of making yourself go through the ordeal of sending out paper Christmas cards, send electronic ones instead. Hallmark and Amazon have a good selection of free holiday e-cards.
- When it comes to giving gifts, think gift certificates. They're the perfect present. Most mail-order catalogues offer them now, and if you're like me, you receive enough catalogues to cover everyone on your list. This also keeps you out of the stores at a time when you're very vulnerable to excess buying. Yes, everyone will know what you spent - who cares? If you have the energy and the inclination, do an extra-special job of wrapping. If you don't, don't worry about it. Also, consider shopping online, which also keeps you out of the mall. Maybe I'm the only one, but malls at Christmas freak me out when I'm depressed, and I'm ultra-sensitive to the noise and crowds.
- Do not, under any circumstances, have Christmas or Chanukah at your house. No way. If it's your turn, switch with someone else and tell them you'll make it up to them. They'll just have to understand. If you're going to someone else's place and you're expected to bring food, buy it, don't make it. If they want home-made, too bad. Let them make it, then. Just say, "I'm sorry - I'm just not up to it." End of story.
- You'll need excuses. To people who know you're suffering from depression, tell them that you're just not up to doing all the Christmas stuff, or going all the Christmas places, or expressing all the Christmas cheer. To people who don't, perhaps co-workers, tell them, "I'm just so busy, I can't fit it in." Or, "It's just so hard to get into the holiday spirit sometimes, what with all the work that comes with it." If someone calls you a Grinch say, "Well, what would Christmas be without at least one?" and spit in their eggnog when they're not looking.
- If you must send out cards, just sign them instead of racking your brain trying to come up with something cheerful.
- If the usual Christmas music is really grating on your nerves, try different music, like classical or choral renditions of carols.
- Scale back on your decorating. Don't wrap the house and bushes in lights. Put the wreath on the door, and you've taken care of the decorating for the outside of the house. Decorating a Christmas tree is a monumental task, especially if you get a live tree. Consider scrapping it for this year, or just having a mini tree.
- Don't beat yourself up over feeling empty instead of full of the joy of the season. You're feeling empty because that's a part of the illness. It's not your fault, and you're not a bad person or a loser because of it. Even people who are not depressed are often having trouble getting in touch with the real meaning of the season.
- Try to stay away from the alcohol that's flowing freely this time of year. Very simply, alcohol is a depressant. It's the last thing you need. It may relieve the pain for a little while, but you'll probably end up feeling sad and maudlin.
- If you can afford to, arrange to take a vacation during Christmas. Go somewhere tropical or where Christmas isn't celebrated, and just avoid the whole thing. You can use the excuse of getting ready for your vacation as a way to avoid social commitments.
Web Pages/Articles Online
Here are some links which focus less on the commercial aspects of Christmas, and more on the traditions and simple pleasures of the season.
Shopping Online
Reading
- Robinson, Jo and Staeheli, Jean Coppock, Unplug the Christmas Machine: A Complete Guide to Putting Love and Joy Back into the Season. William Morrow, 1991.
Music Guaranteed to be Non-Irritating (Yes, it's a short list)
- Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song) - Amy Grant, Home for Christmas
- Gabriel's Message - Sting, A Very Special Christmas
- Grown-Up Christmas List - Amy Grant, Home for Christmas
- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - Pretenders, A Very Special Christmas
Do not listen to:
- It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
- Winter Wonderland
Posted: Dec 16, 2009
tags: depression,
holidays,
living with depression
Part 4 of 5
===========
**Self-care** (cont.)
- How can I help myself get through depression on a day-to-day basis?
**Books**
- What are some books about depression?
Self-care (cont.)
-----------------
Q. How can I help myself get through depression on a day-to-day basis?
On a day-to-day basis, separate from, or concurrently with therapy or
medication, we all have our own methods for getting through the worst
times as best we can. The following comments and ideas on what to do
during depression were solicited from people in the
alt.support.depression newsgroup. Sometimes these things work,
sometimes they don't. Just keep trying them until you find some
techniques that work for you.
* Write. Keep a journal. Somehow writing everything down helps keep
the misery from running around in circles.
* Listen to your favorite "help" songs (a bunch of songs that have
strong positive meaning for you)
* Read (anything and everything) Go to the library and check out
fiction you've wanted to read for a long time; books about
depression, spirituality, morality; biographies about people who
suffered from depression but still did well with their lives
(Winston Churchill and Martin Luther, to name two;).
* Sleep for a while
* Even when busy, remember to sleep. Notice if what you do before
sleeping changes how you sleep.
* If you might be a danger to yourself, don't be alone. Find people.
If that is not practical, call them up on the phone. If there is no
one you feel you can call, suicide hotlines can be helpful, even if
you're not quite that badly off yet.
* Hug someone or have someone hug you.
* Remember to eat. Notice if eating certain things (e.g. sugar or
coffee) changes how you feel.
* Make yourself a fancy dinner, maybe invite someone over.
* Take a bath or a perfumed bubble bath.
* Mess around on the computer.
* Rent comedy videos.
* Go for a long walk
* Dancing. Alone in my house or out with a friend.
* Eat well. Try to alternate foods you like ( Maybe junk foods) with
the stuff you know you should be eating.
* Spend some time playing with a child
* Buy yourself a gift
* Phone a friend
* Read the newspaper comics page
* Do something unexpectedly nice for someone
* Do something unexpectedly nice for yourself.
* Go outside and look at the sky.
* Get some exercise while you're out, but don't take it too seriously.
* Pulling weeds is nice, and so is digging in the dirt.
* Sing. If you are worried about responses from critical neighbors,
go for a drive and sing as loud as you want in the car. There's
something about the physical act of singing old favorites that's
very soothing. Maybe the rhythmic breathing that singing enforces
does something for you too. Lullabies are especially good.
* Pick a small easy task, like sweeping the floor, and do it.
* If you can meditate, it's really helpful. But when you're really
down you may not be able to meditate. Your ability to meditate will
return when the depression lifts. If you are unable to meditate,
find some comforting reading and read it out loud.
* Feed yourself nourishing food.
* Bring in some flowers and look at them.
* Exercise, Sports. It is amazing how well some people can play
sports even when feeling very miserable.
* Pick some action that is so small and specific you know you can do
it in the present. This helps you feel better because you actually
accomplish something, instead of getting caught up in abstract
worries and huge ideas for change. For example say "hi" to someone
new if you are trying to be more sociable. Or, clean up one side of
a room if you are trying to regain control over your home.
* If you're anxious about something you're avoiding, try to get some
support to face it.
* Getting Up. Many depressions are characterized by guilt, and lots
of it. Many of the things that depressed people want to do because
of their depressions (staying in bed, not going out) wind up making
the depression worse because they end up causing depressed people
to feel like they are screwing things up more and more. So if
you've had six or seven hours of sleep, try to make yourself get
out of bed the moment you wake up...you may not always succeed,
but when you do, it's nice to have gotten a head start on the day.
* Cleaning the house. This worked for some people me in a big way.
When depressions are at their worst, you may find yourself unable
to do brain work, but you probably can do body things. One
depressed person wrote, "So I spent two weeks cleaning my house,
and I mean CLEANING: cupboards scrubbed, walls washed, stuff given
away... throughout the two weeks, I kept on thinking "I'm not
cleaning it right, this looks terrible, I don't even know how to
clean properly", but at the end, I had this sparkling beautiful
house!"
* Volunteer work. Doing volunteer work on a regular basis seems to
keep the demons at bay, somewhat... it can help take the focus off
of yourself and put it on people who may have larger problems (even
though it doesn't always feel that way).
* In general, It is extremely important to try to understand if
something you can't seem to accomplish is something you simply CAN'T
do because you're depressed (write a computer program, be charming
on a date), or whether its something you CAN do, but it's going to
be hell (cleaning the house, going for a walk with a friend, getting
out of bed). If it turns out to be something you can do, but don't
want to, try to do it anyway. You will not always succeed, but try.
And when you succeed, it will always amaze you to look back on it
afterwards and say "I felt like such shit, but look how well I
managed to...!" This last technique, by the way, usually works for
body stuff only (cleaning, cooking, etc.). The brain stuff often
winds up getting put off until after the depression lifts.
* Do not set yourself difficult goals or take on a great deal of
responsibility.
* Break large tasks into many smaller ones, set some priorities, and
do what you can, as you can.
* Do not expect too much from yourself. Unrealistic expectations will
only increase feelings of failure, as they are impossible to meet.
Perfectionism leads to increased depression.
* Try to be with other people, it is usually better than being alone.
* Participate in activities that may make you feel better. You might
try mild exercise, going to a movie, a ball game, or participating
in religious or social activities. Don't overdo it or get upset if
your mood does not greatly improve right away. Feeling better takes
time.
* Do not make any major life decisions, such as quitting your job or
getting married or separated while depressed. The negative thinking
that accompanies depression may lead to horribly wrong decisions.
If pressured to make such a decision, explain that you will make the
decision as soon as possible after the depression lifts. Remember
you are not seeing yourself, the world, or the future in an objective
way when you are depressed.
* While people may tell you to "snap out" of your depression, that is
not possible. The recovery from depression usually requires
antidepressant therapy and/or psychotherapy. You cannot simple make
yourself "snap out" of the depression. Asking you to "snap out" of a
depression makes as much sense as asking someone to "snap out" of
diabetes or an under-active thyroid gland.
* Remember: Depression makes you have negative thoughts about
yourself, about the world, the people in your life, and about the
future. Remember that your negative thoughts are not a rational way
to think of things. It is as if you are seeing yourself, the world,
and the future through a fog of negativity. Do not accept your
negative thinking as being true. It is part of the depression and
will disappear as your depression responds to treatment. If your
negative (hopeless) view of the future leads you to seriously
consider suicide, be sure to tell your doctor about this and ask for
help. Suicide would be an irreversible act based on your
unrealistically hopeless thoughts.
* Remember that the feeling that nothing can make depression better
is part of the illness of depression. Things are probably not
nearly as hopeless as you think they are.
* If you are on medication:
a. Take the medication as directed. Keep taking it as directed
for as long as directed.
b. Discuss with the doctor ahead of time what happens in case of
unacceptable side-effects.
c. Don't stop taking medication or change dosage without discussing
it with your doctor, unless you discussed it ahead of time.
d. Remember to check about mixing other things with medication. Ask
the prescribing doctor, and/or the pharmacist and/or look it up
in the Physician's Desk Reference. Redundancy is good.
e. Except in emergencies, it is a good idea to check what your
insurance covers before receiving treatment.
* Do not rely on your doctor or therapist to know everything. Do some
reading yourself. Some of what is available to read yourself may be
wrong, but much of it will shed light on your disorder.
* Talk to your doctor if you think your medication is giving
undesirable side-effects.
* Do ask them if you think an alternative treatment might be more
appropriate for you.
* Do tell them anything you think it is important to know.
* Do feel free to seek out a second opinion from a different
qualified medical professional if you feel that you cannot get what you
need from the one you have.
* Skipping appointments, because you are "too sick to go to the
doctor" is generally a bad idea..
* If you procrastinate, don't try to get everything done. Start by
getting one thing done. Then get the next thing done. Handle one
crisis at a time.
* If you are trying to remember too many things to do, it is okay to
write them down. If you make lists of tasks, work on only one task
at a time. Trying to do too many things can be too much. It can be
helpful to have a short list of things to do "now" and a longer
list of things you have decided not to worry about just yet. When you
finish writing the long list, try to forget about it for a while.
* If you have a list of things to do, also keep a list of what you
have accomplished too, and congratulate yourself each time you get
something done. Don't take completed tasks off your to-do list. If
you do, you will only have a list of uncompleted tasks. It's useful
to have the crossed-off items visible so you can see what you have
accomplished
* In general, drinking alcohol makes depression worse. Many cold
remedies contain alcohol. Read the label. Being on medication may
change how alcohol affects you.
* Books on the topic of "What to do during Depression": "A Reason to
Live," Melody Beattie, Tyndale House Publishers, Wheaton, IL. 167
pages. This book focuses on reasons to choose life over suicide,
but is still useful even if suicide isn't on your mind. In fact, it
reads a lot like this portion of the FAQ. An excerpt:
* Do two things each day. In times of severe crisis, when you don't
want to do anything, do two things each day. Depending on your physical
and emotional condition, the two things could be taking a shower and
making a phone call, or writing a letter and painting a room.
* Get a cat. Cats are clean and quiet, they are often permitted by
landlords who won't allow dogs, they are warm and furry.
Books
-----
Q. What are some books about depression?
This is an shorter version from a list of books compiled from the
personal recommendations of the members/readers/participants of the
Walkers-in-Darkness mailing list, the alt.support.depression
newsgroup, and the Mood Disorders Support Network on AOL.
The full list is available at the Walkers ftp site (see Internet
Resources) and at the MIT *.answers site, rtfm.mit.edu;
pub/usenet/alt-support-depression/books
If you have any additions, updates, corrections, etc. for this list,
please send email to "danash@aol.com" (Dan Ash).
~A Brilliant Madness: Living with Manic Depressive Illness.~ Patty
"Anna" Duke and Gloria Hochman. Bantam Books 1992 Comments: Patty
Duke's very personal account of her account of her struggle with
manic-depression.
~The Broken Brain: The Biological Revolution in Psychiatry.~ Nancy
Andreasen, MD, Ph.D.. Harper. Perennial. 1984
~Care of the Soul.~ Thomas Moore. Harper. Perennial. 1992
~The Consumers Guide to Psychotherapy.~ Jack Engler, Ph.D. and Daniel
Goleman, Ph.D. Fireside-Simon & Schuster. 1992
~Cognitive Therapy & The Emotional Disorders.~ Aaron T. Beck, MD
Penguin. Meridian. 1976
~Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness.~ William Styron. Vintage. 1990.
~The Depression Handbook.~ Workbook. Mary Ellen Copeland
~Depression and it's Treatment.~ John H. Greist, MD.. and James W.
Jefferson, MD.. Warner Books. 1992
~The Essential Guide to Psychiatric Drugs.~ Jack Gorman. St. Martin's
Press. 1992
~Everything You Wanted to Know About Prozac.~ Jeffrey M. Jonas, MD and
Ron Schaumburg. Bantam. 1991
~Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy.~ David Burns, MD. Signet. 1980
Self-help cognitive therapy techniques for depression, anxiety, etc.
~The Feeling Good Handbook.~ David D. Burns, MD. Plume. 1989
~Good Mood: The New Psychology of Overcoming Depression.~ Julian L.
Simon. Open Court Press. 1993.
~The Good News About Depression.~ Mark S. Gold. Bantam. 1986
~Listening To Prozac.~ Peter D. Kramer, M.D. Viking. 1993 A
psychiatrist explores some of the implications of anti- depressants,
and especially of Prozac's unusual effects on the personality. Kramer
also discusses the recent research on depression, as well as several
other issues which seem linked to depression.
~How to Heal Depression.~ Harold H. Bloomfield, MD and Peter
McWilliams. Prelude Press. 1994
~Manic-Depressive Illness.~ Fredrick K. Goodwin, MD, & Kay Redfield
Jamison, Ph.D.. Oxford. 1990
~Munchausen's Pigtail.~ Psychotherapy and 'Reality': Essays & Lectures.
Paul Walzlawick, Ph.D.. Norton
~On The Edge Of Darkness.~ Kathy Cronkite. Doubleday. 1994
~Overcoming Depression.~ Demitri F. and Janice Papolos. Harper.
Perennial. 1992. Good basic text on the various aspects of depression
and manic depression. Considered by some to be a "classic" in the
field.
~A Primer of Drug Action: A Concise, Non technical Guide to the"
"Actions,Uses and Side Effects of Psychoactive Drugs.~ Robert M.
Julien. W.H. Freeman. 1992. 6 ed.
~Prozac: Questions and Answers for Patients, Families and Physicians.~
Dr. Robert Fieve, MD... Avon. 1993
~Questions and Answers about Depression and its Treatment.~ Dr. Ivan
Goldberg. The Charles Press in Philadelphia. 1993. A 112-page FAQ on
depression that has appeared in book form. Dr. Goldberg has also
contributed to the FAQ for a.s.d. and frequently posts to
Walkers-in-darkness.
~A Reason to Live.~ Melody Beattie (General Editor).. Tyndale House
Publishers, Inc.. 1992. This is a book that explores reasons to live
and reasons not to commit suicide. It also contains suggestions for
life-affirming actions people can take to help themselves get through
those times when they're struggling to find a reason to live.
~From Sad to Glad.~ Nathan S. Kline, MD. Ballantine Books.. 1991 20th
printing. Out of date pharmacologically "but excellent otherwise."
Kline says: "Psychiatry has labored too long under the delusion that
every emotional malfunction requires an endless talking out of
everything the patient ever experienced."
~Season of the Mind.~ Norman Rosenthal, MD.. This book explores
Seasonal Affective Disorder.
~Talking Back to Prozac.~ Peter Breggin. St. Martins Press. 1994
~Touched with Fire: Manic-depressive Illness and the Artistic~
~Temperament.~ Kay Jamison. A look at a number of 19th century poets,
writers, and composers who were Bipolar. This book in quoted
liberally in this FAQ under "Who are some famous people with
depression?"
~Toxic Psychiatry: Why Therapy, Empathy, and Love Must Replace Drugs,~
~Electroshock, and the Biochemical Theories of the 'New Psychiatry'.~
Peter Breggin. St. Martin's Press. 1991
~We Heard the Angels of Madness: One Family's Struggle with Manic~
~Depression.~ Diane and Lisa Berger This book was written by a mother
who had a son stricken by manic-depression at 19 and documents the
rough road they walked to get him the help he needed. Very heartfelt
and well written.
~Understanding Depression.~ Donald Klein, MD, and Paul Wender, MD
(founders of the National Assn. for Depressive Illness). Oxford,
1993 Melvin Sabshin, MD, Medical Director, American Psychiatric Assn.
writes: "A very good source of information that will be
extraordinarily useful to patients and their families."
~The Way Up From Down.~ Priscilla Slagle, M.D. This book stresses a
nutritional approach heavy on the amino acid tyrosine, and a complete
vitamin supplement program.
~What You Need to Know About Psychiatric Drugs.~ Stuart C. Yudofsky,
MD; Robert E. Hales, MD; and Tom Ferguson, MD. Ballantine. 1991
~When am I Going to Be Happy?~ Penelope Russianoff, Ph.D.. Bantam.
1989
~When the Blues Won't Go Away.~ Robert Hirschfeld, MD... 1991 Concerns
new approaches to Dysthymic Disorder and other forms of chronic
low-grade depression.
~Winter Blues: Seasonal Affective Disorder and How to Overcome It.~
Norman Rosenthal, MD... The Guilfold Press. 1993
~You Are Not Alone.~ Julia Thorne with Larry Rothstein. Harper Collins.
1993 Comments: The writings of depressives, for both depressives and
those who need to understand them. Shervert Frazier, MD, former
director of the National Institutes of Mental Health says: "A
ground breaking book that...reveals the impact of depression on the
lives of everyday people. This little book is must reading for
sufferers, those associated with depression, and mental health
professionals"
~You Mean I Don't Have To Feel This Way?~ Collette Dowling. Bantam.
1993 Comments: Jeffrey M. Jonas, MD writes: "An important book that
is filled with information helpful to sufferers of mood and eating
disorders and other illnesses. It should be read not only by lay
people but also by professionals who deal with these illnesses."
Posted: Mar 02, 2009
tags: coping with depression,
depression,
faq,
living with depression
So you have successfully come out of your depression, either because you have received treatment, or because the depression went away on its own. How can you stack the deck against it coming back? What's the best way to celebrate this renewal of life?
Keeping Depression Away
Your enemies are stress and illness - either of these can bring on depression, at least temporarily. Your tools for fighting both stress and illness are eating right, exercising, and stress reduction. There's a good chance that you weren't paying much attention to your diet or exercising properly when you were in your depression, so this is a good time to get back on track.
Eating Right
Eating right doesn't necessarily mean dieting, although eating the right foods can result in weight loss. Many people who are depressed tend to gravitate toward comfort foods that include a lot of sugar and carbohydrates. Changing your diet to cut down on or eliminating certain substances and replacing them with nutritious ones will improve the way you feel. Good nutrition provides fuel not only for your body, but also for your mind. Conversely, nutritional deficiencies can rob you of your recovery.
Definitely consider eliminating as much sugar as possible from your diet. The rush of energy you get from consuming sugar inevitably leads to a crash a short time later, leaving you feeling tired and possibly crabby and looking for your next sugar "fix." You also should cut down drastically on the amount of liquor you consume. Remember, alcohol is a depressant. Also, if you are taking antidepressants, alcohol may hinder its performance. Alcohol can also interfere with your sleep patterns, and lack of sleep can lead to depression-like symptoms, like fuzzy thinking and irritability.
Caffeine is another substance you should think about cutting back on or eliminating altogether. Caffeine is a drug which affects your central nervous system and can cause instabilities in your blood sugar. Try fruit juice instead, which will give you an energy boost without the crash when it wears off.
Exercise
If you aren't doing do already, start exercising. This is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Exercise not only makes you look better, but it also makes you feel better in many ways. Exercise gives you more control over your own body, and the strength you develop empowers you. In addition, exercise will lower your stress level. The 1996 U.S. Surgeon General's Report on Physical Activity and Health concluded that physical activity could protect against depression.
Unless you are completely disabled, you can do some form of exercise. Start off slow by walking a few times a week. If you are older or disabled to some extent, a possible exercise is tai chi. It's low-impact, although a vigorous workout. You need no special equipment, except probably a video tape or book to teach you the moves. Another possiblity, if you are not interested in aerobic exercise, is yoga. It increases strength, balance and flexibility.
Stress Reduction
Stress in some instances is a life-saver. It triggers the fight-or-flight response in us by producing adrenaline, which can literally save our lives. However, the modern being rarely really needs this response, and triggering this response too often is hazardous to our health.
Set aside some time every day to bring your body back on an even keel. Learn a relaxation technique such as progressive muscle relaxation or meditation. Again, tai-chi and yoga are good for relaxing you. They both focus part of your attention on your breathing, and this is very effective for relieving stress. Plus, both are enjoyable, and who can't use a little more enjoyment in their life to balance out the stress?
Celebrating Your Life
If there's one effect that depression seems to have on everyone who has it, it's that it drains the joy from life. Not only that, but it seems to drain the color from the world, sap the taste from food, and deaden the notes in music. When one is depressed, it's possible to notice that the sky is blue, but impossible to enjoy the brilliant color. Now that you've recovered from depression, you owe it to yourself to re-awaken your senses and your joy in living and to re-discover the world. This is a chance to experience what is almost a rebirth from the darkness into the bright light and sensations of the outside world.
One very important thing that you need to do is to go outside! I know that when you were depressed you probably retreated to the safety of your bedroom as much as possible. You have to be pretty sick of those four walls. No matter what season it is in your part of the globe, you should get outside and enjoy all the world has to offer. There's a school of thought that believes some modern ills are due to our dis-connection from nature. Whether that's true or not, spending time outside in a garden, on a beach or in a forest goes a long way toward healing and revitalizing your spirit.
Go for a walk after work every day, or every morning. Look at everything around you, listen to the sounds, and stop and smell your neighbor's flowers (if they won't mind). If you're so inclined, start your own garden. That will give you both time outside and something to enhance your enjoyment of the outside. Consider bringing your exercise outside, especially if you are doing tai-chi. If you have kids, go outside and play ball with them, even if you're not particularly athletic - they won't care.
Chances are that your appetite was also a depression casualty, and you didn't think too much about what you were eating or how it tasted. Take the time now to re-awaken your sense of taste. Enjoy sensual taste combinations like fresh strawberries and (real) whipped cream, ripe tomato slices with fresh mozzarella and balsamic vinaigrette, and fresh bread with unsalted butter. A very tasty (and nutritious) accompaniment to your exercise routine is a fruit smoothie - fresh or frozen fruit, yoghurt and juice blended for about a minute.
The idea of holistic health, that we need to consider the condition of the whole body if there is an illness, is becoming more popular in the West. Depression, as a whole-body illness, needs to be treated with more than just medicine or therapy. By keeping your body and soul in the best shape you can, especially by lowering your stress and staying healthy, you reduce the chances that you'll fall back into the pit of depression.
Posted: Feb 13, 2009
tags: living with depression,
recovery
Chances are you're not having quite so many devastatingly low days now. You're functioning a little better overall, but you're still not ready to run any marathons yet or run for public office. Don't worry about it - this recovery takes time, and it happens so subtly you may not notice it till someone else points it out. You're probably still not eager to spend too much time outside your home, but the cyberworld provides many diversions (you can wander around it in your pajamas, and no one will know). I've found that things of beauty are both soothing and refreshing at this point, so that's where we'll start first.
Art/History
Fitness(Mental and Physical)
- Paradoxically, it's during this time when most depressed people are beginning to feel better that some attempt suicide. This is due to the fact that while someone is profoundly depressed, they don't have the energy or clear mental processes necessary to plan and carry out a suicide. Please remember, if you begin to have suicidal thoughts, that there are people available to help you deal with your feelings. SA\VE - Suicide Awareness\Voices of Education is a web page which provides suicide education and support. See the Suicide Links section for more resources.
- The philosophy behind holistic medicine, that we should treat the body as a whole entity instead of just addressing the sick "part", is appropriate both for treating depression and for this stage in your recovery. De-stressing is important, since it will relieve the depression to some extent. To this end, think about exercising. I know it's hard to even keep up with normal stuff, but even a half hour walking a few times a week should help. I hate to exercise, but I've been forcing myself to do it for the last couple of years since it makes such a difference in whether I slide back into depression during stressful times.
- If you're not ready for aerobic exercise yet, get your body ready by doing some stretches. Yoga Class and Yoga.com have a lot of good info.
- You might be ready to stretch spiritually or re-discover your faith. About.com's Religion section is a good place to start. The ORCT (Ontario Consultants on Religious Tolerance) page covers many aspects and issues of many different religions. Interlude: An Internet Retreat is a site with inspirational meditations, prayers and poetry. My favorite is the Native American prayers.
The World Outside
Music
- In keeping with this page's theme of bringing the outside world in to soothe and stimulate you, I highly recommend listening to sounds of nature, either alone or mixed with new-age music. I myself love listening to either the sounds of the ocean, to rain or a mountain stream (hard to believe I wasn't born under a water sign!).
Reading
- The Power of Myth is a life-altering book that sprang from a series of conversations between Bill Moyers and mythologist/storyteller Joseph Campbell, and is said to have inspired George Lucas to create Star Wars.
Socializing
- How about just "pretend" socializing? The Sims 2 is a game that lets you create a family or a single person. You can either make them into an anti-social loner or the life of the party. It's very addictive.
- You're probably not ready to meet people in real life, so how about getting to know some people online?
- Join an online community that revolves around a passion or hobby. I spend a lot of time at Ravelry, a knitting and crochet community.
- Online games are a good way to socialize without going outside. I play a Gnome Warlock, among other characters, on World of Warcraft. If you're more of a fantasy purist, there's Lord of the Rings Online.
- The WELL is the original online community, where the talk is intelligent.
- Cafe Utne is another online community with intelligent discussion.
- bianca: the alternative online community
First Two Weeks
Last Two Weeks
Posted: Feb 08, 2009
tags: antidepressants,
living with depression,
recovery
If it can be said that there is anything good about depression, this is when you'll see it. Assuming that you are feeling much better than you did a month ago (and if you're not, please check the info on my Treatment section), you may feel almost as if you've been reborn. After having been deprived of the ability to enjoy everything your life has to offer, you'll notice that colors are brighter, sounds are sweeter, smells and tastes have more depth. Having had a lack of interest in things you normally enjoyed before being depressed, you may find, as I did, that you are all of a sudden interested in everything, even things you never thought about before.
Fitness (Mental and Physical)
Keeping physically fit is one of the best ways to supplement what your medication is doing. The more fit and less tense you are, the less work your medicine has to do.
- Sex? What's that? Seriously, if your sex drive has returned, check out the Good Vibes web page for supplies and inspiration (21 and over only, please).
- I always know that I'm getting better when I start singing along with music. Then I usually put on some good music with a beat and dance around my room. Try it - it really gets the blood flowing, and makes you feel alive.
Beauty and Fashion
- Check out the web pages from these cosmetic companies:
- I use skin care from Paula Begoun, because I have very sensitive skin, and her skin care works and is cheap.
- BeautyNet and Cosmetic Connection are online beauty magazines.
- alt.fashion is the fashion/beauty newsgroup, which is extremely active, although somewhat clique-ish. You may feel like you're in high school listening to the cool girl's table, but you can't sit down.
- If you're feeling adventurous, take a look at Tattoos.Com or BME/Tattoo and consider getting a tattoo. It's a very bad idea to get one while you're depressed (kind of like making a decision when you're drunk), but perfectly fine when you're feeling good about yourself. I got my first tattoo the year I came out of my depression - now I have three.
- Feel like fashion is fun again (as opposed to only noticing or caring that you were wearing something)? Get back in the swing of things at FashionUK, Fashion Net or Lumiere.
Useful Stuff for Getting Your Life Back Together
I know that when I "awakened" from depression, I realized that I had let the weirdest things go, like renewing my car registration. Other depressives, especially bipolars, may find that they need to get out of a financial hole, either due to overspending or just letting the finances go down the tubes. I hope you find something useful here to help you get things back together.
Exploration/Learning
As your thoughts begin to turn more outward than inward, you may have some interest in discovery and learning.
Nature/Ecology
I realized when I came out of my depression that I had by virtue of the illness been very self-absorbed. Un-depressed, I looked at survival on a more global scale. If you do too, here are some earthwise sites to inspire you.
- Environmental News Network has environmental news, features and a calendar of meetings and conferences.
- The Rainforest Action Network page is beautifully done, with extensive information about getting involved in non-violent action to save the rainforests and their occupants.
- Sierra Club Home Page provides information about its programs, mission and chapters.
- I was surprised at how fascinating the bios of the individual wolves were on the Wolf Haven International page. It also contains photos of such wolves as Angel, Little John and Morning Star, who you can adopt.
- GardenWeb has gardening tips and links to botanical gardens around the world. Virtual Garden is a huge site with a database of plants, the Garden Guru and even a section that lets you check your weather.
Food/Entertaining
Now that you're back to your old self (or better, as in my case) you might feel that you want to renew friendships that might have gone south during your depression by entertaining. Or maybe you want to just renew your acquaintance with good food and drink. Either way, the links below will help to get your tastebuds ready. Note: although I have links to alcohol-related sites, bear in mind that drinking alcohol can affect your medication's effectiveness. Drink lightly, or not at all, and only make drinks for your guests.
Travel
Tired of being an armchair traveler? If you're getting the urge to get out and see the world for real instead of virtually, the sites below should be a great help.
- I love the Civilized Explorer. It's got great photos and good writing.
- Conde Nast Traveler has a polished and comprehensive site.
- To get information about my most favorite travel destination, Disney World, go to the Disney home page.
- Lonely Planet delves a little deeper into the culture of different destinations than other travel guides.
- Salon|Wanderlust
- I've found some wonderful guidebooks called Eyewitness Travel Guides. They have tons of color photos, floor plans of landmarks, aerial views of cities, and facts about the area that are actually interesting.
First Two Weeks
Middle Two Weeks
Posted: Feb 06, 2009
tags: antidepressants,
antidepressant treatment,
living with depression,
recovery
The key words here are indulge yourself. Listen, you're having enough trouble getting out of bed every day and going to work or school. You don'tneed to push yourself. Think of yourself as an invalid recuperating from a very debilitating illness. You have to pamper yourself, body and spirit. This page is therefore all about "cocooning", that is, wrapping yourself up in layers of comfort to protect yourself.
By the way, don't let anyone convince you that you should be thinking happy thoughts or "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps". That will come later. Right now you could get happy about slugging anyone who tells you to be happy, right? (Or, possibly, someone who even has a sunny disposition.) Maybe you can point them here and here.
Okay, gather up whatever energy you have, and see what interests you below:
Music
I find that classical music is good for what you're feeling right now. These selections are some of my favorites for expressing the depths of depression:
- Bach - Concerto in D Minor for 2 violins and orchestra, Second Movement
- Albioni - Adagio in G
- Barber - Adagio for strings, op. 11
- Henryk Gorecki - Third Symphony (Symphony of Sorrows)
I think you'll also find music by Enigma soothing and hypnotic.
- Sadeness - from MCMXC a.D.
- Return to Innocence - from The Cross of Changes
Your Body
Here's where some of the real pampering comes in. These suggestions all are good for men as wellas women; men, don't be afraid to try some things that you may havethought were just for women. Pampering is not gender-specific.
- If you can afford it, a visit to a day spa is in order. Spas and salons are soothing places set up for the sole purpose of pampering you. My favorite is a day with a massage, facial, manicure, pedicure and maybe an aromatherapy scalp massage.
- Get a professional massage. Really! Non-sexual touching is just what the doctor ordered. Make an appointment for a full-body massage. If you're feeling uncomfortable about anyone seeing you nude (you will be covered by a sheet or towel), start off by having a neck and shoulder massage or foot reflexology. Check out the Yellow Pages or search Yahoo's Massage section for a masseuse or spa near you.
- If you can't afford a visit to a spa, re-create some of the elements of a spa at home. Play some soothing New Age music, light scented candles or get a potpourri burner. Treat yourself to a bath scented with fragrant oils. Kneipp bath oils are one of my favorites. You can find them in upscale pharmacies. You might want to read Water Magic: Healing Bath Recipes for the Body, Spirit and Soul, which has recipes for baths. Here are two recipes from The Scented Bath, a previous book written by Maribeth Riggs which is now out of print. The Royal Treatment is a great book that tells you how to create spa treatments at home. Lush is one of my favorite sources for bath products. Go here for tips on How to Create a Spa Experience.
- Look into aromatherapy, an alternative way to treat the mind and body with essential oils. Clary sage is good for depression, fatigue, lavender is calming and soothing, neroli is a sedative and anti-depressant. Most essential oils can be found at your local health-food store or online. Note: None of the essential oil anti-depressants should be used as a replacement for your prescribed medication.
- Comfort food is what's on the menu now. Calorie counting will come when you have a little more motivation and a little less depression. Two of my favorite comfort food dishes are welsh rarebit and red beans and rice. Tea is a wonderful emotional panacea. I don't have any medical findings on this, but it's a fact as far as I'm concerned, so while you brew up a pot, look at The Tea Home Page, David Rio or Tealuxe. Peet's Tea is my favorite. It's on the West Coast, for the most part, but you can buy it online. If you've been missing candy from the past such as Bit 'O Honey, Skybars (one of my favorites) or Nik-L-Nip wax bottles, you can find them at HomeTown Favorites. Another panacea for your sweet tooth might be Tastykake.
Services
- Don't feel like leaving the house to do your grocery shopping? Shop online (for non-perishables) at NetGrocer or PeaPod and have your food delivered.
- You can get all your health and beauty stuff at Drugstore.com. Yes, I know it's tempting to let those things go, but you'll feel better.
Socializing
- My suggestion is: stay away from large groups. I look back with horror on a wedding reception that I attended while in the throes of depression. Only because the bride was a dear friend did I manage to stay half an hour before fleeing. Limit your socializing to small groups of friends who at least will try to understand what you're dealing with. To help them, have them read Best Things to Say to Someone Who is Depressed and Worst Things to Say to Someone Who is Depressed.
Escapism
Your own life is just too painful right now, so you need some entertaining diversions. However, they can't be too demanding intellectually or too depressing. This is not the time to be watching Ingmar Bergman movies or playing computer games like Sanitarium, as worthy as both of those entertainments are. What you need right now is escapism. Sure, watch Star Trek and old Bette Davis movies on TV. But also take the suggestions below into account.
- If you're into computer games, don't try to play any strategy or complex CRPGs (Computer Role-Playing Games). You'll only end up getting frustrated instead of amusing yourself. An online game that's light on statistics and is great escapism is World of Warcraft. Lord of the Rings Online has a bit more depth (and mature players).
- Text adventure games, or Interactive Fiction, are not as dead as you may think, despite the emphasis on flash and graphics in games today. The Lurking Horror and the Zork games are among the text adventures I would recommend. You can download them here or play them online here. You probably want to read my article about interactive fiction first. Here's a list of recommended games.
- A fantastic computer adventure game that is a few years old is The Longest Journey. The storyline and characters are superior to what you normally find in games. If you get stuck, try using the Universal Hint System. Instead of outright answers, you are given hints, although if you persist, you can get the explicit answers. The hints can give your brain a nudge without spoiling the game.
- Big Fish Games has lots of casual games for a reasonable fee.
- The Company Therapist is a cyber-soap based on a fictitious therapist's files.
- If you want to lose yourself in a movie, first check out the Internet Movie Database. Not only is it huge, but it's updated more often than ones you'll find on CD ROM.
Reading
- Read romance novels. Regency novels are my favorites; they transport you back to the time when the only thing a person had to worry about was finding an eligible person to marry, and being a success in society. Don't miss the web page for the grande dame of Regencies, Jane Austen. Georgette Heyer is the best contemporary author of regency romances. Try The Romance Reader, All About Romance and Romantic Times for ideas on what to read. Two good Regency videos are Emma with Gwyneth Paltrow and Sense and Sensibility with Emma Thompson. My all-time favorite Regency video is A&E's six-hour version of Pride and Prejudice.
- Retreat to another world in a good fantasy book. Urban Fantasy is a genre that's exploded in the past few years. One excellent series is Jim Butcher's Dresden Files. Another is Kim Harrison's The Hollows Series, with titles inspired by Clint Eastwood movies, like Dead Witch Walking. Simon Green's Nightside Series is original and creepy. Tad Williams, David Eddings, Robin Hobb and Carol Berg write more traditional fantasy. The Feminist Science Fiction, Fantasy and Utopia page is a reference guide to works of such authors as Marion Zimmer Bradley, Ursula K. Le Guin and Suzy McKee Charnas.
- If you're into mysteries, MysteryNet.com should be right up your alley.
- The proliferation of ezines and electronic versions of print magazines on the Web is one of its strengths. Best of all, you don't have to actually go to a newsstand to get one!
Warm and Fuzzy
Middle Two Weeks
Last Two Weeks
Posted: Feb 06, 2009
tags: antidepressant medication,
antidepressants,
antidepressant treatment,
living with depression,
recovery
I've been there; I've done that. I've suffered from depression nearly my whole life, although I've only been treated the last few years. I know all the stages you go through when you're waiting those six interminable weeks for your antidepressant meds to start working. So, as my gift to you, since I know your mind might be kind of cloudy if you're depressed right now, I've compiled this list of suggestions. I hope they give you some moments of relief. Just so I'm not accused of discriminating against non-depressives, you all who don't suffer from depression can feel free to check out my suggestions too. Someone pointed out to me that it takes some people more than six weeks to feel much better. That's definitely true. Everyone's different, and some people could even take fewer than six weeks to feel normal again. And the newer antidepressants can take considerably less time than six weeks to be effective. This page is divided the way it is as just a general guideline.
A note about antidepressants:
Finding the effective antidepressant for the depressive is at this point far from an exact science, although the outlook is improving as we discover more about depression. Doctors for the most part take their best guess based on their experience and the prevailing wisdom. They consider the type of depression the patient suffers from, other medications he or she is taking, the patient's age, how well he or she will deal with the side effects, and other factors. Some patients have to try three, four or more medications before one "clicks" with their chemistry. Some, like me, are successful with the first medication they try. Remember that the chances are very good that your doctor will be able to find an effective medicine for you. As hard as it is, be patient and hopeful and keep trying different medications.
I hear again and again of doctors who start a patient out at a low dosage, and keep the patient at that dosage even when the medication is not working. Before switching you to another medication, your doctor should try raising the dosage. I had to have the level of both the antidepressants I was on raised not once, but several times. Buy a medication "bible" like The Pill Book, and find out what the normal range of dosage is for your medication.
Your best bet, as with other aspects of this illness, is to educate yourself about the medications available. You are then, in essence, your own "second opinion." I have known of doctors who forget to tell patients of possible side effects of medication, or what other medication or foods should be avoided while taking their antidepressants. Make sure you know what questions to ask the doctor to attain the maximum effect from your medication.
Most of the paintings on these pages are from all over the Web, although manyof them are from Carol Jackson Presents Fine Art and Brian Yoder's GoodArt Gallery.
Posted: Feb 06, 2009
tags: antidepressant medication,
antidepressants,
antidepressant treatment,
living with depression,
recovery
