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04-13-2008 13:24
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i'm young and hopeless.
i've been on an axiety pill since i was thirteen years old.
i always cry, and most of the time it's over stupid stuff. i found out on my own my parents were getting a divorce over a year ago, and they just told me seven of eight months ago. so i stress out about that. i used to go to a counsiler reguarly, but she told me since i'm an all a/ a b student that it was okay to get c's. and it honestly isnt. i've considered since around the first few days i turned thirteen. that i wasn't going to get married, never have kids, never date anyone anymore, and never have friends. but i ended up not following that. i have dated people, and i do have a best friend. but a few weeks ago one of my old friends told me that they love me, and they they were addicted to cutting, and that they are on an anti-depression pill. not even a month ago my other friend talked crap about my best friend and drew all over my pictures on my wall with sharpie. her and i aren't friends anymore. and a few days ago my boyfriend basically started to ignore me and delete all proof of my existance. i feel i'm losing everything, and i feel as if i'm living in hell. i use to never be able to get to sleep until the an hour or two before i had to wake up to get ready for school. only because i use to lay my head down on my pillow, and tears would come streaming out like crazy. i'd think of irrational thoughts, and toss and turn as if i couldn't get comfortable. since i did that for a long while, i had to listen to like ocean sounds on a cd. that made me go insane. it wasn't relaxing at all. it'd make me think of being on a beach, with my divorced parents, and all kind of preppy people around me, saying i smoke weed and crap. but i don't smoke anything. they only say that becuase i have glochoma.(i don't remember how to spell it.) i write poems and things summarizing my feeling and thoughts. i use to hang them up on my wall until my dad read them and kept on asking me about them. i always think about cutting myself, running away, or suicide. but i know i could never do that. i think negitavly twards everything. but i don't know if i suffer from any type of depression or not. Guest
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