04-08-2008 17:39

like walking through 3 ft of sand everyw

i guess ive had depression since my sister died three years ago, but its worsened since then. everyday before school, i would lay on my bed with the light on and just think, "what the fuck am i doing here, i dont want to go to school ever, i just want to stay home all day and do nothing". it felt like my world was over since i didnt have my little sister. and going to an all girl school didnt help at all. everytime i walked into the doors, it felt like i was walking through 3 feet of sand everywhere i went. impossible. i had "friends" but no real friends. once i thought i had a friend, they said or did something that would make me loose respect for them. ive been going to therepy for a couple of years now and progress has been slow but there has been some. im on prozak and have been since the end of last year and felt that that has also been slow but helpful. ive thought about suicide many times, so i can see my baby sister, but then i think about how my mom would take it and my family. i cant bear seeing my mom after two of her children are gone. its hard enough having one gone. i wish i could turn to God and accept the help that He is willing to give but how can i when He took my sister????? still searching for answers.

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