02-04-2008 05:08

It Never Ends

It's like living in hell. I've literally considered the fact that I was in hell. Everyday is gray, sleep used to be great, 12 hours outside of it, but sometimes there are nightmares and then theres nothing. Every victory or happiness turns to dust instantaneously. I think about suicide a lot, and keep coming up with reasons to put it off. Sometimes though I think about all the bad shit that has happened to me, in these uncontrollable flashes that don't stop. On those nights I've found myself on rooftops next to the railing just trying to work up enough nerve to jump. The only thing that gets me through the days is knowing that this is my cross to bear. Not in a religious way. I am depressed, I've been depressed, and I only get glimpses of what it must be like to not be depressed in movies. Yeah, if you have an 8 at a time netflix account you might be a little fucked up. I know its not going to end and I take pride in being able to keep going. Until I cant.

Guest