01-15-2008 20:30

I read all the comments and can't help but bawl. I know how everyone feels and it scares me. I have a LOT to be thankful for, I have a loving and supportive spouse, family, good job, pet, new nephew. I can't enjoy any of it and all I do is ask myself over and over, why? Why can't I enjoy my life? Why am I like this? I don't have any reason to be. I take the medication then it goes away, but lately its been coming back once a year. I know I will get better and climb up out of this dark chasm, yet is it worth all the effort if it will just come back and drag me all the way back down to the bottom where I will dwell for weeks and fight? What did I do to deserve this? It would be easier to deal with if it weren't for the constant negative thoughts and scary scenarios I play over and over in my head. Am I going insane? What did I do in my past that caused this? Is it all in my head? If i never did this or that, this would have never happened and I would have had a perfect life, but now I just have this disease to look forward to ruining everything that should be happy and joyful in life, like getting married or having a baby. I just wish I was anybody else that didn't have depression, even if it meant I would be a burn victim, blind, and in a wheelchair. Is that normal?

Guest