11-26-2007 17:37

Side effects of my depression

I feel like I live in a fishbowl. Conversations with other people always feel akward and I am extremely self concious about my social behavior around others. When something goes wrong in my life I tend to dwell on it and obsess about it. I can never seem to get motivated for anything anymore, even things that I used to enjoy to do. Alcohol abuse has increased dramatically in the past year and during certain times feels like my only form of happiness. Suicidal thoughts come sometimes but because I view suicide as a self centered form of death (i.e.-not thinking of how your loved ones feel when you are gone) I don't really take it seriously. Critisism really bothers me and rejection makes me feel like I am worthless. During the times that I am happy I feel like I can tackle any problem and that I have the perfect response to any sort of question or comment. These times however are usually very random and brief. I hate depression. I just want to be happy.

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