11-03-2007 18:29

Lost

I've been depressed for about two years, trying to find the answer by fixing all the physical aches and pains. It runs in my family, on both my mother's and father's sides - schizophrenia, depression, bi-polar and if I stop denying I am depressed will it get worse? When I have the good days, it seems that I can handle anything and that the bad days won't be back, I've finally found the answer, donchaknow. And then a few days later, the slide begins. Set off by nothing much it seems like, perhaps a comment from my husband, bless his heart for putting up with me. And then the days of blackness, crying all day long, picking fights to release my anger and frustration, longing for sleep, longing for this to all go away and why me? Bad genes? How am I supposed to deal with this? I've tried the drugs, and they only made it worse, I've tried alternative medicines and it doesn't last. And I don't have insurance, I'm not able to work anymore because of it. I've begun to lose hope now that I can crawl up out of this morass. I think the good days only torture me with bits of hope that I can have a normal life again. I'm so tired of grey.

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