04-21-2008 22:03

Disoriented

I'm supposing, after reading several comments here, that my bout of depression is a bit more mild. However, I do aknowledge it as depression. 
Disorienting is the best word I can use to describe my gradual transformation of the last year and a half. 
I'm 42, and my entire life I'd been an optimist. My wonderlust was insatiable. Everything was enchanting and fascinating to me. In fact, I quit working full time when I was 30 so that I could pursue a culture blitz. I emersed myself in every artistic and cultural medium that New York had to offer. For a decade I lived with great enthusiasm, passion, compassion, and vitality. I have a great family, and icredible friends. I never felt lonely, or hopeless, or insipid. 
Now I feel completely disinterested in all the things that made me happy. I have zero desire. For the first time in my life I am pessimistic, and dull all the time. 
I can't even get it up. 
Seriously. 
It's even effecting my health. I was always pretty healthy, but now I am sluggish, achey in the joints, I have sinus, and dermatological problems, and a certain annoying sex problem. 
Ugh ! 
I'm trying to turn things around, but sometimes it feels like there is a point of no return. Maybe I will get better, but in my gut I know that something precious it lost forever. 
My orientation.

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