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“It was not really alarming at
first, since the change was subtle, but I did notice that my
surroundings took on a different tone at certain times: the shadows of
nightfall seemed more somber, my mornings were less buoyant, walks in
the woods became less zestful, and there was a moment during my working
hours in the late afternoon when a kind of panic and anxiety overtook
me…” - William Styron, Darkness Visible
 Sometimes the Depression Self-Screening Test
is just too clinical, and the symptoms don’t really “click” with you.
Some of the criteria are general, and if you’re suffering from
depression, specifics are easier to understand. I know that I might not
have diagnosed myself with depression just on the basis of those
symptoms. I had no change in appetite, and no sleep problems (waking up
was what was difficult). Below are some un-clinical symptoms.
- Things just seem “off” or “wrong.”
- You don’t feel hopeful or happy about anything in your life.
- You’re crying a lot, either at nothing, or something that normally would be insignificant.
- You feel like you’re moving (and thinking) in slow motion.
- Getting up in the morning requires a lot of effort.
- Carrying on a normal conversation is a struggle. You can’t seem to express yourself.
- You’re having trouble making simple decisions.
- Your friends and family really irritate you.
- You’re not sure if you still love your spouse/significant other.
- Smiling feels stiff and awkward. It’s like your smiling muscles are frozen.
- It seems like there’s a glass wall between you and the rest of the world.
- You’re forgetful, and it’s very difficult to concentrate on anything.
- You’re anxious and worried a lot.
- Everything seems hopeless.
- You feel like you can’t do anything right.
- You have recurring thoughts of death and/or suicidal impulses. Suicide seems like a welcome relief.
- You have a feeling of impending doom - you think something bad is going to happen, although you may not be sure what.
- In your perception of the world around you, it’s always cloudy. Even on sunny days, it seems cloudy and gray.
- You feel as though you’re drowning or suffocating.
- You’re agitated, jumpy and and anxious much of the time.
- Your senses seem dulled; food tastes bland and uninteresting, music
doesn’t seem to affect you, you don’t bother smelling flowers anymore.
- Incessantly and uncontrollably into your mind comes the memory of
every failure, every bad or uncomfortable experience, interview or
date, like a torrent of negativity.
How depression may affect your life.
Note: I wrote this a few years ago, and it has made
its way around the Net uncredited. If you want to reproduce it in any
way, please look at the terms of the Creative Commons license at the
bottom of the page.
Please feel free to post your comment about what depression feels like. Don’t post:
- Questions about depression
- Comments on how you think it should be managed, including finding God
- Requests for other people to email you
- Your depression “biography”
Anything like this will not be posted. I’ve been a little lax about
what I let slip through in the past, but the comments are getting too
far off track. If you need to discuss any of these things, the message board is a good alternative.
Please note that comments are moderated - if you post a comment, it
will not show up until it is approved, and this can take a few days
sometimes, since I have to wade through hundreds of comments from
spammers as well as legitimate ones.
You can find the archives of the comments from the old site here .
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