Reflections on Depression (Cont'd)
What it Does to You
I become virtually inarticulate; I can barely speak, which is the complete opposite of how I am normally. When I'm not depressed, most people would tell you it's hard to shut me up. But when I'm depressed, putting words together into a simple sentence is like carrying water with a sieve.
" I had pains in my arms and a kind of weakness in my legs. I would be asking questions in an interview, and suddenly I wouldn't be able to hear the answer, or think of the next question. My mind was on a completely different plane. I had no memory, no powers of concentration. If you asked me questions about a newspaper column I'd read two minutes before, I wouldn't have been able to answer." - Mike Wallace, On the Edge of Darkness
"It's difficult for the public to realize how powerful the mind is, and how much pain the mind can give you. When you're depressed, it's as though this committee has taken over your mind, leaving you one depressing thought after the other. You don't shave, you don't shower, you don't brush your teeth. You don't care. The one thing I did do, I still ate a little bit. But I didn't have much of an appetite. I know a lot of people who say they didn't eat at all." - Rod Steiger, On the Edge of Darkness
Coping
"I went to my church and found a free counseling group. The people there have stories similar to mine. We help each other. We talk about how we feel. I'm amazed that so many people feel like me. I thought I was alone." - Jodie, You Are Not Alone
"The first thing I try to remind myself is not to look at the big picture. When I'm depressed I tend to worry about the big picture, the issues I can't control. I work myself into a tizzy about my financial future, my health, whether my grown children and grandchildren are in danger, whether my house is going to be broken into, all the chores I haven't done in the house, whether my wife is going to have an accident. I self-abuse with anxiety about things that haven't happened. To counteract this bad habit I say to myself, "Earl, small tasks, small steps, one at a time. You can only manage the immediate. If you waste your energy worrying about the future you'll ignore the immediate, and it's only the present you have any control over."
Then I find small tasks that I can accomplish and - most important - that I like doing. I'll prune my lemon trees. I'll putter around in the garage, maybe even wash the car. I'll carve an animal for my grandson. Once I've accomplished them, I stop and congratulate myself for a job well done." - Earl, You Are Not Alone
"You just have to watch yourself, you have to take your medicines, and you have to be more intelligent about yourself. You have to keep moving when you begin to feel like you don't want to move. You have to occupy yourself, get out of the house. You have to learn all those things, go for a swim when you don't want to swim, go for a walk when you don't want to walk...I know all the intellectual things. Have the courage to keep moving. KEEP MOVING, that's what my license plate on one car says. The other plate says COURAGE. Don't stay in bed. Get out. Now that I'm better, if I feel a little unhappy or uneasy or I feel what I call the cold water begin to fill up and my legs turn to icy concrete, I head for the swimming pool, exercise and get the endorphins up, get them going. I exercise for a half hour, twenty minutes, and I feel better." - Rod Steiger, On the Edge of Darkness
