Version 1.2 (April 29, 1995) It is most tempting, when you find out someone is depressed, to attempt to immediately fix the problem. However, until the depressed person has given you permission to be their therapist (as a friend or professional), the following responses are more likely to help.
The things that didn't make me feel worse are words which 1) acknowledge my depression for what it is (No 'it's just a phase') 2) give me permission to feel depressed (No 'but why should you be sad?')
Here is the list from contributors to a.s.d.:
1. "I love you!"
2. "I Care"
3. "You're not alone in this"
4. "I'm not going to leave/abandon you"
5. "Do you want a hug?"
6. "I love you (if you mean it)."
7. "It will pass, we can ride it out together."
8. "When all this is over, I'll still be here (if you mean it) and so will you."
9. "Don't say anything, just hold my hand and listen while I cry."
10. "All I want to do know is give you a hug and a shoulder to cry on.."
11. "Hey, you're not crazy!"
12. "May the strength of the past reflect in your future."
13. "God does not play dice with the universe." - A. Einstein
14. "A miracle is simply a do-it-yourself project." - S. Leek
15. "We are not primarily on earth to see through one another, but to see one another through" - (from someone's sig)
16. "If the human brain were simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it." - a codeveloper of Prozac, quoted from "Listening to Prozac"
17. "You have so many extraordinary gifts--how can you expect to live an ordinary life?" - from the movie "Little Women" (Marmee to Jo)
18. "I understand your pain and I empathize"
19. "I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I am not going to leave you. I am going to take care of myself so you don't need to worry that your pain might hurt me."
20. "I listen to you talk about it, and I can't imagine what it's like for you. I just can't imagine how hard it must be."
21. "I can't really fully understand what you are feeling, but I can offer my compassion."
22. "You are important to me."
23. "If you need a friend..... (and mean it)"
Posted: Feb 14, 2009
well this would be great if i had anyone to actually say these things to me.
— anon
Hey qt, just sending you some happy thoughts to help you along. Hope you get them – a txt from my husband when he knew i was having a bad day
— Tracey
im depressed and telling myself “you were given this life because you are strong enough to live it” helps me
— cody
I think the person named Carey above has a dream husband. It’s sad how many people just jump right in with what they think is best. The best think anyone can do is ask “What can I do for you right now?”.
— Z
“I’m not going to abandon you or break up with you because you’re going through depression. When you love someone you don’t abandon them. You don’t abandon the ones that you love”.-boyfriend
— N
If I’m out in public and having a hard time containing myself, I call my mom and ask her to, “Tell me something nice.”
She goes straight into telling me something cool that happened recently to her or to me (“You took amazing photos this morning!” for example), or tells me what my pets are doing that exact moment.
That willingness to distract me, without questions, is very comforting.
Random affection is really nice as well. I want to be held whenever, not just because I’m crying.
— Hannah
here is something for you ! to helop me help you when you need my help. i am here for you i know i have told you this before but please believe me I am here ok love you janet
— rex dooley
“I know you are depressed right now. Lets go lay down and I’ll give you a hug.” – From my husband
My favorite phrase from my husband when he knows I’m depressed- “Do you want me to talk to you or should I shut up and hold your hand?” When I ask him to talk to me he goes on and on about a tv show he saw or a dream he had or something else just to distract me. When I tell him to shut up, he holds my hand and stays with me.
— Carey
what would help me would be if HE would just hug me..hold my hand and let me cry..and then tell me that I’m okay..that everything is going to be okay.. but that never happens
— lori
i hate it when people say that they understand…
cause they DONT.
— monica
We don’t need to talk at all, I’ll just sit here with you and you can close your eyes or sleep.
— audrey
Do you need to walk and talk? (If you’re in a crowd setting and a friend is down.)
— Andrea